Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 792805

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Re: *Triggers* about suicide?

Posted by JoniS on November 2, 2007, at 7:05:38

In reply to *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by cactus on November 1, 2007, at 19:17:48

Cactus

I'm so sorry you constantly struggle with this. I figt the feelsings a lot too, but don't think they are as frequent as yours. Dont mean to be cliche, but what seems to help me most is keeping my mind occupied on work, or reading, or something.

Sorry there isn't something I could offer to help.

Thinking of you.

(((((cactus)))))

Joni

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? cactus

Posted by B2chica on November 2, 2007, at 8:45:50

In reply to *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by cactus on November 1, 2007, at 19:17:48

(((((cactus)))))
wow, can i relate.
it scares me especially now that i have a littleone. i thought that just seeing her pic or being with her would help but last weekend i found out it doesnt'.
somedays like last weekend its because of depression and feeling worthless, stupid...that i'm better off dead...etc.; sometimes i just want to stop existing.
and other days like the last few days (even though i'm not feeling overly depressed)
its like i have this little voice in my mind telling me (angrily and with full assuradness these things...
"it's not IF but WHEN".
" when you DO die it WILL be of your own hand.
"it is your destiny to die this way"
"face it, you WILL give in eventually"
"dont' fight it"

these are SO hard to fight off after a while...it's tiring. and sometimes i don't have the strength.
i very much feel someday i will give in to these pounding words...

but i will fight like h@ll not too.
i hope you will too.
hang on tight.
if i ever gain insight to end this rumination...i'll share it with you all.

b2c.

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? B2chica

Posted by Squiggles on November 2, 2007, at 8:49:50

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? cactus, posted by B2chica on November 2, 2007, at 8:45:50

Well, if you care to, take a look
at Nom dePlume's site, and his new book;
i just found it -- it might help.


http://www.mentalmeds.org/

Squiggles

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide?

Posted by Phillipa on November 2, 2007, at 12:27:40

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? B2chica, posted by Squiggles on November 2, 2007, at 8:49:50

Cactus hope you're okay or better today. Such a battle. Phillipa

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide?

Posted by happyflower on November 2, 2007, at 13:41:08

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by Phillipa on November 2, 2007, at 12:27:40

Hi Catus,

I hope you are okay today. It must be very frightening to feel this way, but everyone is right, you gotta fight. Don't let it win .

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? B2chica

Posted by DAisym on November 2, 2007, at 13:55:18

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? cactus, posted by B2chica on November 2, 2007, at 8:45:50

There have been times when I came to believe that my children would be better off without me. I wrote about it here and a Babbler, who lost her mother to suicide, gave me the view from the "other side." I've never forgotten how she was still grieving all these years later and still asking the question, "why did you leave me? Wasn't I *enough* to keep you here?"

As hard as it is, do not underestimate the meaning your daughter would make of it. And as unfair and cruel as it feels to have someone lay this on you, it is the truth.

I hate this truth. It makes me angry and fills me with despair sometimes. I dismiss it, push it aside, rationalize it. But when you get down to it, I can't escape the fact that I'd be abandoning my children - I'm not done yet. And isn't that a huge part of what makes me feel this way? If my parents didn't/couldn't love me, who could/can?

Do we really want to keep this cycle going?

Believe me, even knowing all of this, the fight is super hard. Facing another day, getting through another week - I'm exhausted. So I can't say with certainty, "I'll never take my own life." But still, I know why I shouldn't.

I hope you know that too.

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide?

Posted by Sigismund on November 2, 2007, at 14:47:18

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? cactus, posted by B2chica on November 2, 2007, at 8:45:50

Typically as people age their perspective shifts from nurture to nature.
Sometimes now it seems that (allowing for obvious mismatches) I have become my mother, especially when I feel agitated, depressed and doomed.
At such times too I find myself repeating to myself (why? nervous tic? so I can be someone else?) 'Declan just shot himself'.
The older I get the less I feel sure about why one feels the way one does.
One thing you can do is be kind to yourself without being too indulgent.
I dunno.

 

Re: The fantasy that I have a way out. llurpsienoodle

Posted by cactus on November 2, 2007, at 19:17:44

In reply to Re: The fantasy that I have a way out. cactus, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 2, 2007, at 5:18:27

thanks Li, it means a lot. I called my all loving pdoc yesterday and for the first time he was very harsh with me saying this isn't a med problem anymore it's got to be worked through with a T. I really hate taking meds but at the moment I'll take anything that will make this go away. I'm going down to my sisters for the weekend, she lives about an hour away by the beach. Maybe I'll just sit on the sand and contemplate where I'm at!!!!! I took extra Zoloft yesterday and more again today to give myself a boost which is stupid but maybe it will snap this relentless onslaught, peace out hon!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for your kind words. MWAH!!!!

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? B2chica

Posted by cactus on November 2, 2007, at 19:23:29

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? cactus, posted by B2chica on November 2, 2007, at 8:45:50

B2chica you couldn't have put it more succinctly!!!!

"it's not IF but WHEN".
" when you DO die it WILL be of your own hand.
"it is your destiny to die this way"
"face it, you WILL give in eventually"
"dont' fight it"

That is exactly how I feel, I'm so sorry you feel this way too. Well there isn't much else to say except that I'm going away for a couple of days to chill on the beach with my sis, still too cold to go swimming yet in my part of the down under world, but thanks again for your kind words and thought's. Peace hon

 

Re: Thankyou all guys, wonderful support xoxo

Posted by cactus on November 2, 2007, at 19:32:46

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by Sigismund on November 2, 2007, at 14:47:18

thanks to all of you who replied, I don't want to break the 3 posts in a row rule now, or I might get blocked, oohhh scary. Anyway I like to thank dasiym, sigs and all the others who wrote kind words of wisdom and were there for me. Luv ya's all. Get sigsimund to translate that one for you, although it's not too hard really. Peace peoples

 

Triggers Suicide cactus

Posted by Poet on November 3, 2007, at 15:40:43

In reply to *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by cactus on November 1, 2007, at 19:17:48

Hi Cactus,

I think about suicide often. My therapist says that it comforts me that I have an escape plan if things get so bad I can't take it anymore.

This past week someone that I don't know made it to the local papers for commiting suicide in the exact way I have planned it. How horrible for her family and for her, I know I would just want to quietly go into that gentle night without someone reporting it.

I am not suicidal right now, I can't say about the future, but right now I am doing okay despite the trigger of this past week.

Poet

 

Re: Triggers Suicide Poet

Posted by Squiggles on November 3, 2007, at 15:49:27

In reply to Triggers Suicide cactus, posted by Poet on November 3, 2007, at 15:40:43

Being cornerned in your life choices can
make you feel suicidal -- no way out, and
too depressed or tired to find a way out.
Those times are good times to actually
get out of the situation and do something
different for a while. There are two things
that keep me from doing it, besides the thought
of what grief it would bring to my parents--
that you may screw up the method and end up so broken physically or mentally that you wouldn't
have a chance to try it again, and lithium. I don't think i would be alive today without lithium.

Squiggles

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? DAisym

Posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 10:20:19

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? B2chica, posted by DAisym on November 2, 2007, at 13:55:18

thank you daisy....yes. i DO need to remember it from the other side.
i still think of my friend that died that way...i still think...if only...and why...
she had three children.
i guess i keep thinking...she did. her kids survived...
but i'm not in their lives, so i dont know.

...but after this weekend. i know that if i left, my daughter would not be cared for as she needs. my DH just would never give her all i want for her. NOBODY can.
as MUCH as i feel i want to give in...i know i can't...sometimes (im not sure if this makes sense) but sometimes when i think that...that i KNOW i can't. it makes me worse. :(

but i want you to know i DO appreciate you saying what you said.
b2c.

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Sigismund

Posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 10:22:10

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by Sigismund on November 2, 2007, at 14:47:18

>> At such times too I find myself repeating to myself (why? nervous tic? so I can be someone else?) 'Declan just shot himself'.

what??
Declan's dead?
when...
sh@t

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? B2chica

Posted by Squiggles on November 5, 2007, at 11:08:44

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Sigismund, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 10:22:10

> >> At such times too I find myself repeating to myself (why? nervous tic? so I can be someone else?) 'Declan just shot himself'.
>
> what??
> Declan's dead?
> when...
> sh@t

Is there going to be any information about
this person, and his life? From the posts,
i think he was struggling with his medication
and having little success.

It's kind of hard living on the net.

Squiggles

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? 2 declan

Posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 12:03:16

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by Sigismund on November 2, 2007, at 14:47:18

if its true...if Declan is no longer with us.

Dearest Declan, it hurts me that you've gone. you had great taste in music, and were a wonderful father...someone to aspire too. to took so much joy in the little things with your kids. thank you for sharing your joys of them with me/babble

-here's knowing you are in that double rainbow you once saw.

saddened.
b2

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? 2 declan B2chica

Posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 12:28:00

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? 2 declan, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 12:03:16

I'm sure Declan is fine I will e-mail him now. Hopefully he's up and will answer. I sure hope your're not right. Phillipa

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide?

Posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 12:31:05

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Sigismund, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 10:22:10

Wrote him I'm hoping it's his funny little way of joking with a serious subject. Have to read the whole thread. Phillipa

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Phillipa

Posted by Squiggles on November 5, 2007, at 12:35:21

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 12:31:05

That's nasty - and how do you know Phillipa?
If he's alive i hope Dr. Bob blocks him for
a very long time.

Squiggles

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Squiggles

Posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 12:40:57

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Phillipa, posted by Squiggles on November 5, 2007, at 12:35:21

Squiggles I don't know I'm trying to help and see if he responds to an e-mail. Are you angry at me or him? Phillipa

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Phillipa

Posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 12:48:13

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 12:31:05

phillipa
i just can't deal with this right now. i'm already on the edge.
so i'm gonna skip babble for a few days.
can you just babble mail me what you find out...please.
ty
b2c.

 

Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Phillipa

Posted by Squiggles on November 5, 2007, at 13:40:22

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Squiggles, posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 12:40:57

> Squiggles I don't know I'm trying to help and see if he responds to an e-mail. Are you angry at me or him? Phillipa

LOL, i don't even know you in RL. Why should
i be mad at you? I am training myself to
separate Virtual Reality from RL-- it's tricky
i admit. When someone dies on the net, and you
don't know who they are... it's tricky.


Squiggles

 

Not quite dead yet B2chica

Posted by Sigismund on November 5, 2007, at 14:30:03

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? 2 declan, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 12:03:16

Isn't it lovely when people remember things?

That rainbow was a while back now.

 

Re: Not quite dead yet Sigismund

Posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2007, at 15:53:24

In reply to Not quite dead yet B2chica, posted by Sigismund on November 5, 2007, at 14:30:03

Thanks for posting that you are indeed fine. Love PJ

 

Re: *Triggers* about Declan

Posted by Dr. Bob on November 5, 2007, at 20:57:21

In reply to Re: *Triggers* about suicide? Sigismund, posted by B2chica on November 5, 2007, at 10:22:10

> > At such times too I find myself repeating to myself (why? nervous tic? so I can be someone else?) 'Declan just shot himself'.
>
> what??
> Declan's dead?

Just to clarify, no, he's not. Or at least, the person who posted as Declan isn't. But it was something Sigismund repeated to himself.

Bob


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