Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 792499

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

HappyFlower?

Posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 8:47:00

Hope you are ok... baby? daughter? you?

((((((HF)))))

 

HappyFlower?

Posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 12:25:40

In reply to HappyFlower?, posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 8:47:00

Thanks Dory for thinking of me. I have been trying to get caught up on my school work because next week is my concert. I just got a card from the Philharmonic today, that was sweet of them to think of me.

Baby Lia is still doing well under the circumstances, and I think that is what is making it so hard now. We don't know when the end will be so it is hard on everyone because everything is up in the air. She isn't in any pain since she is on some morphine, but she is more alert than ever before because she is older. This has got to be one of the sadest things to endure.

I am still so sad about my brother, my grief seems to catch me at the strangest times. I wish I knew more about the situation, but since my mom is next to kin, she is the one notified of the results of the autopsy. So I probably won't know unless a relative lets me know. I am certainly not going to call her up. I do know he is being cremated, but no services, no nothing. My mom was wiped her hands clean of my brother. Well I refuse to allow her to win with me. The best revenge it so live the best life possible. I am thinking I need to do my own memorial service for him. Any ideas? I do have all his old pictures, maybe putting the ones that remind me the most of him into a frame..

Today I had T and he kept dosing off! I was talking how tired I was, but he was falling asleep. I finally said, "are you tired too?"
He said, yeah, he just got back from the airport from an very early flight this morning. But he also told me he suffers from narcolepsy too and how hard it is to be a T with that because T's without it sometimes have trouble staying awake. It was a good bonding session, talked about surface stuff mostly. I told him I appreciate his honesty he has with me. I told how he allowed himself to deal some of his discomfort with me talking about my old T has allowed me to move on now because old T would never discuss this with me. But today I finally made it to the gym and it is so sad knowing I will never see him walk through those doors again or see him jog around the track. I didn't get much exercising done today because everyone stopped me and asked where I have been. Oh well, I will get some exercise with trick or treating tonight with the kids.

I think I need a nap. I hate to do it, because it is like catch 22, because then I can't sleep tonight. But tonight rehearsal is till 10pm , so I need some sleep.

 

Re: HappyFlower? happyflower

Posted by B2chica on October 31, 2007, at 12:53:40

In reply to HappyFlower?, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 12:25:40

((HF)))))))
you are doing well under such circumstances.
i wanted to suggest something, but sometimes it can be hard, and some don't want anything like this but its just a suggestion..
sometimes making a powerpoint slideshow, with pictures and such can be nice.
but it will be hard cuz of all the memories and picking just the right music... if wanted. But others this helps them grieve.
just a suggestion.

and you can honor him best by just enjoying your memories of him. of telling stories about him to anyone and everyone! (including us) you can babble mail me if you would want.


**************
and OMG! having a T with narcolepsy...i don't mean to laugh but LOL!! that is like my WORST nightmare!
but seriously, that must be tough for him...


and you go take a nap sweetie. get geared for that rehearsal!

 

Re: HappyFlower?

Posted by rskontos on October 31, 2007, at 17:17:49

In reply to Re: HappyFlower? happyflower, posted by B2chica on October 31, 2007, at 12:53:40

Happyflower, You pretty good under the circumstances. I think a memorial is perfect. Maybe the slide show, in a small chapel if you want, a home with your own family if you want, whatever and however you want to celebrate your brother's life to you is what you should do. Read a favorite poem you might have shared aloud with his photos around in a nice spot with a nice candle. Have a nice meal in his honor your favorite foods or any you remember he liked. Again, whatever makes it special for you is the best why you can remember him!

When you first posted he feel asleep I was horrified but then ok because he has a medical reason whew that was a relief and thank God you ask. I would have crepted out thinking the worse and may have never known.

Good luck with the rehearsal and get some well-deserved rest! Take care of you too. My heartful wishes to Baby Lia! What a miracle baby! rk

 

Re: HappyFlower? happyflower

Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 17:45:55

In reply to HappyFlower?, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 12:25:40

When I lose someone I love, I seem to drift into gathering photos of them on some pretext or another. I never really thought of it until recently, but I see that it's my way of grieving. I think it would be a great idea to put your favorite photos of him in a frame.

 

Re: HappyFlower?

Posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 19:54:23

In reply to HappyFlower?, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 12:25:40

i think it's a lovely idea to have your own service. i don't know how much you want to involve friends in the situation.. that would depend on how comfortable you are with explaining why you are doing this quite this way... maybe say you couldn't attend so you wanted to do it yourself? i don't know. Or you could have something just for you and your brother.. i really believe in the power of rituals.. in our society we have distanced ourselves from that aspect of being human... it's nice to make your own. Our closest thing are things like christmas trees and stuff.

do what your heart tell you to do.. what would you want him to do if things were switched around?

i am so sorry about baby.. so sad. Are they giving her some sort of nutrient solution or something?

poor thing.

i've often wondered how T's can sit in comfy chairs, often in reduced light and listen to people prattle on and on...

 

T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL

Posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 21:43:16

In reply to Re: HappyFlower?, posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 19:54:23

I am thinking of planting some spring flowers in his memory or something like that. I am not sure what to do, I am still thinking of it. I remember as a kid he used to sneak into the garden and eat all the green onions tops, everyone knew he did it too because his breath. So maybe I could plant some Alliums, which are related to onions and maybe something special for little Lia too. Something delicate , hmmmmm, maybe pink lilly of the valleys.

I also talked to my T about our 2nd type relationship, the first one is personal therapy and the 2nd one is more of him being a mentor to me on how to be a good T (this role comes in second). He feels honored to teach me what he knows (eventually) because he has over 40 years experience. But he says he is still learning. But he is giving me the good stuff.
I sure have learned about counter-transference.

I told him that I am beginning to really trust him to go deep with him into the nasty stuff. But I said it is also scary for me because I don't want to become attached to him. He said something, that he has to watch that too with clients. He said his job is to get us to be self reliant and to eventually fire him. I said most people try hard to keep from getting fired, he said well a lot of things in this profession is *ss backwards! lol His honesty is helping me so much.

But he does this other weird thing, and I think of Dinah's T when I see him doing this. Well sometimes he leans back in his chair and puts a foot up on this desk. Well at least he holds the folder over his crotch though that contains our therapy notes. But I learned today he does that to force himself to stay awake when he is especially tired. lol But now that I think of it, do I REALLY want him to hold his notes about me on his crotch? lol Then sometimes he slouches way down in his chair almost like he is lying down (with the folder of notes on his crotch) and he is tall so his legs almost reach my chair. Geeze are T's weird, I guess I will fit right in. LOL But at least my T tries to cover his crotch! lol

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL happyflower

Posted by Phillipa on October 31, 2007, at 22:37:09

In reply to T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 21:43:16

Happyflower planting something a flowering tree in rememberence of both one for each would be a lovely way to remember. And Lia is a strong little girl. My best to you. Phillipa

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL happyflower

Posted by Dinah on November 1, 2007, at 9:36:13

In reply to T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 21:43:16

Oh, my poor therapist. :) What a thing to be remembered for, when there are so many charming things to remember.

He's just very tall is all, and finds chairs uncomfortable.

And, as you know, it doesn't matter because he doesn't have sex, so doesn't need anything there anyway. My therapist is the perfect parent, and perfect parents do not have sex, or anything remotely connected to sex on their bodies.

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL Dinah

Posted by happyflower on November 1, 2007, at 10:37:07

In reply to Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL happyflower, posted by Dinah on November 1, 2007, at 9:36:13

LOL DInah,

I remember the charming teddy bear qualities too! I promise! ;-) I think it is funny that during therapy we are reminded of someone here and their T!

Okay, T have no sex stuff, but at least he covers in case they are there! He could be my grandfather you know, and they don't have sex after 60 anyways! lol

 

Re: HappyFlower?

Posted by Raindancer on November 1, 2007, at 16:35:29

In reply to HappyFlower?, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 12:25:40

I too think flowers or flowering trees would be wonderful - the alliums are a lovely idea. It sometimes helps to start a memory box - a lovely box with special letters, cards, photos etc. inside that would be full of memories of your beloved brother. Love and thoughts to little Lia, the bravest and strongest of babies and love and hugs to you.
(((((Happyflower))))

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL happyflower

Posted by Phillipa on November 1, 2007, at 20:35:23

In reply to Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL Dinah, posted by happyflower on November 1, 2007, at 10:37:07

Ummm happy a lot of older men wouldn't be happy to hear you say this. A couple here in their 80's newlyweds he's on Viagra and very sexually active from what I hear. It's not age of the person age of the mind. Phillipa

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL

Posted by I need a hug on November 1, 2007, at 22:52:05

In reply to Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL happyflower, posted by Phillipa on November 1, 2007, at 20:35:23

SO Ts, parents and grandparents don't have sex?Here's my story. I am the youngest of 4 kids. My siblings were born in '42, '44 and '46. I was born on 10/1/60. My parents went out to celebrate New Year's Eve and I guess you could say they brought the new year in with a real "bang." LOL

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL I need a hug

Posted by Dinah on November 1, 2007, at 23:04:01

In reply to Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL, posted by I need a hug on November 1, 2007, at 22:52:05

Well, my therapist doesn't have sex or primary sex organs. I'm quite clear on that, and it's non-negotiable.

:-)

 

Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL Phillipa

Posted by happyflower on November 2, 2007, at 5:33:30

In reply to Re: T's crotches, spring bulbs, and misc, LOL happyflower, posted by Phillipa on November 1, 2007, at 20:35:23

SOrry Phillipa,

I was only joking, I didn't mean any offense. My DH is in the age I am talking about and it seems to work for him as he has had time to find another partner other than me.

 

Re: HappyFlower? Dory

Posted by Phillipa on November 2, 2007, at 20:13:27

In reply to HappyFlower?, posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 8:47:00

Definitely not!!!!! Just slow to get it. Phillipa


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