Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 792512

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I hate being in this spot

Posted by Maria01 on October 31, 2007, at 10:48:11

Hi All-
I haven't posted much; schoolwork has reached critical mass and that is taking most of my energy and time.

As some of you know, this year has been a living hell for me: Job loss, car theft, and a horrible termination by a T I had been working with for almost two years. This whole year has represented a personal low point for me.

I've been working with my "new" T since last May, right after getting terminated by my old T. Things have been going well..she's wonderful! She has really had her work cut out for her: I've lost nearly everything, and stand to lose more if I don't find work(I was able to find a new job shortly after losing my old one, but I was laid off from that job last month when the vet I was working for decided to reduce her hours and staff. Since I was the newest staff memeber, it made business sense to toss me first). My unemployment benefits expire next week. I have no job, no money, and soon, will have no place to live if things don't turn around for me. Needless to say, I'm depressed as hell. My credit rating is detroyed, my health is in the cr*pp*r, and mentally I'm just "done". My T has been more than supportive and has been wonderful about the whole thing.

So why do I feel like she is just Going Through the Motions and Doing Her Job? Monday's hour was no treat...I had no problem admitting I'm suicidal, and meds are not an option. (I don't have health care coverage, and I seriously doubt that some over-worked, underpaid county pdoc will be of any help). My T looked at me and said that she likes working with me because she can see the person beneath the hardships and defenses. She meant well, but it sounded like a cliche to me: After all, she wouldn't be in the industry if she couldn't see past her clients hardships and pain, right? So I looked at her and said " have seen much worse. You work with DV survivors, so you see women who have been beaten by their spuouses or partners. Give me a break. My situation is nothing compared to that." I wasn't hostile, but I made myself clear.

I left my session feeeling like she is now resorting to stock phrases and cliches, which is sad, but that's how I feel. I don't want to deal with yet another T who just goes through the motions. I'm pretty fortunate in some ways: No CSA, no personality disorders, no DID, none of that. Just pervasive depression. Feeling suicidal is such a part of daily life for me that I don't even take it seriously anymore. She knows this as well.

Does anyone else ever feel like their T just goes through the motions despite evidence to the contrary?


Re: I hate being in this spot

Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 21:36:13

In reply to I hate being in this spot, posted by Maria01 on October 31, 2007, at 10:48:11

I sometimes feel that way, and I usually tell him if I think he's doing that.

But there are only a certain number of ways to say some things. It doesn't mean they aren't meant from the heart. And sometimes it's at the extremes of feelings that we rely most on cliches.

I think I'd have been interested in why she said that at this time. And what defenses she was looking through. And what she saw when she did look through.

I'm sorry things are going so badly for you. Does your county unemployment center offer longer term solutions? Job training or anything like that?

Also, most drug companies have programs for people with no health insurance. So if you do find a medication that helps, it might well be possible to get it even without health insurance.

I'm sure I'm not saying anything you don't know, and I do apologize for that.


Re: I hate being in this spot

Posted by Maria01 on October 31, 2007, at 21:56:11

In reply to Re: I hate being in this spot, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 21:36:13

No need to apologize at all...I'm glad you responded.
The EDD will only grant extentsion/provide job training if the unemployment rate reaches a certain state is close, but no cigar. Odd thing is, there is a huge needs for vet techs..I just haven't been able to find work. I did find out yesterday that my former employer has been giving poor references, which are completely unjustified. That has negatively impacted my job search in a huge way. She was put on notice to stop doing that, so hopefully I have seen the last of it.

As for my T, well, I honestly think she was out of things to say and was crasping at straws. I had shut down in session on Monday, because I am so tired of feeling this way, and given my intolerance to meds, I feel like I can't dig myself out. At one point she said she would have to step back a bit in order to help me out. That was about the last thing I needed to hear, and is the main reason why I haven't called her as she wanted me to. If she is feeling the need to step back, then, well, let me give her some space. I'm not about to have another T relationship go awry.

T's just don't know how to react in the face of really triggers their own stuff in a major way, I think. It panics them, but that's not my problem. I need to dig myself out on my own, I guess.


Re: I hate being in this spot Maria01

Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 22:13:16

In reply to Re: I hate being in this spot, posted by Maria01 on October 31, 2007, at 21:56:11

Did she say what she means by stepping back? I've actually told my therapist sometimes that he needs to step back, because he gets too invested in trying to fix me or fix things for me. And when he is, he really isn't helpful. Maybe that's what she meant.

I do think therapists sometimes get discouraged when they don't feel like they're being helpful. My therapist admits to feeling frustrated because I get to points where I don't take in anything he says. I'm always a bit incredulous, because I really do appreciate him at those times and feel our frequent sessions are what keep me going.

The whole therapy relationship can be so hard. But if she's asked you to call, she must want you to call. And if it's helpful, you should go ahead and do it I think. She wouldn't offer if you weren't supposed to take her up on it.

I hope your job search improves now. Are there many vets in your area?


Re: I hate being in this spot

Posted by Maria01 on October 31, 2007, at 22:59:41

In reply to Re: I hate being in this spot Maria01, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 22:13:16

Oh, yes! Plenty of vets in this area, and some specialized vets the next town over. The key is whether or not they know my former employer...the good 'ol boy/girl network is alive and well =(

As for my T, up until Monday, she had been most generous with her phone time, but then she said she was gonna limit phone calls to x amount of minutes now. I was upset, because I felt like "OK, I must really be getting to her if she feels she now has to tap the brakes a bit. Wasn't much of a problem before." I had such a horrendous expericen with my prior T, I know some of that has to be factored into my reactions, but still....

My T is wonderful, she really is, but she was trotting out every cliche, and it was making me nuts. At one point I told her "Rembering my good qualities is not going to pay my bills, keep a roof over my head, or food in my stomach, or stop me from feeling suicidal. With all due respect, it's not going to help" I can tell she is grasping at straws, and I don't want it to get to the point where she feels she can't help me. she is my lifeline is so many ways right now.

I think that's why I'm not wanting to call her; it's my way of not wearing out about the only lifeline I have left.

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