Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 791021

Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by I need a hug on October 23, 2007, at 23:11:53

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist (nm), posted by I need a hug on October 23, 2007, at 22:40:45

I"m just new at this and I'm really not sure what I'm doing yet. My dilemma is posted on the relationship board. If anyone reads it and can offer any insight, it would mean a lot. Thanks to the kind person who suggested I post here.

 

I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by I need a hug on October 24, 2007, at 9:20:03

About a year ago, I received a letter informing me that my doctor(female) had left the agency where I(female) had been seeing her. I was devastated. She had been my doctor for about 8 years. I found out where she was about 7 months later. She said she would have told me but things happenned somewhat abruptly. I believe her because she told me ahead of time before when she changed positions. The seven months that I didn't see her were awful! The first month I couldn't get out of bed I was so depressed. Then, there were 4 deaths in my family within a 5 week period. After that, my brother almost died. Three more relatives and a friend of 25 years died of a brain tumor at the age of 49 before things finally calmed down. In the midst of all of this, I started hemorrhaging one night and nearly bled to death. When I did finally find Dr. S., I gave her 2 cards I had found. I had written notes in both of them telling her just how much she meant to me as a person and as a doctor. I regretted not telling her how I felt much sooner. I had always thanked her but I really poured my heart out in these cards. I told her I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't gotten the chance to tell how I really felt. She seemed genuinely touched. I gave her those cards 6 months ago and she still has them on a shelf in her office. Now, the hard part. Since all of this happenned, I can't get her out of my mind. I know she was going through a divorce at the time she changed jobs but I've never questioned her about her private life. I think about her and fantasize about being with her. I know this is not possible. Our doctor-patient relationship has become much closer since we have reunited this time because she has a much lighter caseload now and has more time to spend with her patients. She is a beautiful person and a wonderful doctor but this obsession is driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about her. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions anyone might have. THANK YOU!!!

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2007, at 9:28:29

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 23, 2007, at 23:11:53

I've moved over the original post. I hope that helps. I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to put them in order.

Have you read the book highlighted at the top of this board? "In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists" by Deborah Lott? I can't believe it's out of print. A lot of people here, including myself, have been greatly helped by it.

I'm not in love with my therapist but I have strong loving feelings of a maternal sort toward him. It *can* hurt. You certainly aren't alone. Not that that makes in any easier or less painful.

I'm sorry to hear about the tragedies that happened when you weren't seeing her. I told my therapist the other day that certainly bad things don't happen every time he's gone, but when bad things happen he's generally gone. I think I find that increases the feelings I have for him. Do you find that?

If you haven't read the book you might want to. Your public library might have it, or be able to do an interlibrary loan on it.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist Dinah

Posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 5:49:55

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2007, at 9:28:29

I will follow your advice and read the book you reccommended. I think I can get it on Amazon.com. I hope it helps. I'm so confused. Maybe I'm not actually "in love" with her. I've lost the people I confided in and depended on. She's all I have left. When I thought I had lost her too, that's when I started thinking I felt more for her than I should. Maybe I've just become so dependent on her, I can't bear the thought of losing her, too. You see, this is the second time I've lost touch with her. The first time it happenned was after I had been seeing her for about a year. I showed up for an appointment one day and was told she was no longer there. She had left for a position closer to where she lived{about an hour away.} When I asked where she went, no one would tell me. All I got was the run-around. After 11/2 years of phone calls and ranting and raving, someone finally told me where she was. I scheduled an appointment with her and told her I had been trying to find her since she had left. She was furious and said they knew where she was all along and should have told me the first time I asked. After all of this , the thought of going through it a second time was more than I could bear. I was much more attached to her after eight years. I think that's how I ended up such an emotional wreck. She had left her position. She needed some time off. She was weighing several job offers. She was going through some personal things. She knew I would want to continue seeing her. I continued to see a therapist where she had been. At first, he couldn't tell me anything but as soon as she got settled she notified them as to where she was and they passed that info on to me. I've been seeing her since March. Thank God I found her when I did because 4 of my relatives died within the 5 week period between 1/31 and 3/7. What are the odds of that happenning? I've been showing her the obituaries just so she can see the names are either the same as mine or my mother's maiden name. I know she doesn't doubt me but it is almost unbelievable. With all of the other losses, I've had enough. Hopefully, next year will be better. I do agree with you. Things do seem to happen when I don't see her. When I saw her in March I handed her a summary of everything that had happenned since the last time I had seen her. She read it and just shook her head. I wrote about how many tears I had shed but the most recent tears had been tears of joy. Joy that I had found her and would be seeing her again! Then I gave her the cards telling her how much I appreciated her and everything she had done for me over the years and how much I regretted not telling her that sooner. If I hadn't found her, I would have lived the rest of my life beating myself up for not saying what I felt when I had the chance. I guess I learned an important lesson from all of this. Tell someone how you feel today because you might not get the chance tomorrow. I think I've come to the conclusion that I love my doctor but I'm not in love with her. I've seen 7 or 8 other psychiatrists but I've never felt comfortable with them like I do with her. I guess that's what makes her so special and why at a very vulnerable time I thought I felt more for her than I did. Does any of this make sense to anyone?

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2007, at 9:23:53

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist Dinah, posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 5:49:55

It makes perfect sense to me. And it makes perfect sense why the feelings are so intense as well. Insecure attachment has an edge to it that secure attachment doesn't, and losing her two times in the way you have is bound to create some insecure attachment. Your other losses would just reinforce that, I think.

It's good that you're thinking about these things. Does she help you with it? My psychiatrist mainly does medication management, and it's my therapist who explores this kind of thing with me. Is she willing to talk about this with you?

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by zazenducke on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:53

In reply to I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 22, 2007, at 4:41:14

You might try posting on the Psychology board

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/

There are others who have had that experience and they might offer you some comfort or advice.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:54

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by zazenducke on October 23, 2007, at 19:09:13

Zazenducke, thanks for your suggestions. I'm new at this and appreciate all of the help I can get.Thanks again.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by Squiggles on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:54

In reply to I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 22, 2007, at 4:41:14

You don't need a hug. You both need
a swift kick in the *ss, hers hard enough
to kick her out of her profession.

Squiggles

 

Blocked for a week Squiggles

Posted by Deputy Racer on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:54

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by Squiggles on October 24, 2007, at 9:35:16

> You don't need a hug. You both need
> a swift kick in the *ss, hers hard enough
> to kick her out of her profession.
>
> Squiggles

Please don't post anything which could lead others to feel accused or put down. You've been warned twice in the past day, so I'm going to block you from posting for a week.

If you have any questions regarding the posting policies on this site, please read the FAQ, located at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil Follow ups to this action should be directed to the Administration board and should themselves be civil.

Dr Bob has ultimate authority over all administrative issues on this site, and may choose at any time to revise or reverse any action taken by a deputy.

Deputy Racer

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist Squiggles

Posted by Sigismund on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:55

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by Squiggles on October 24, 2007, at 9:35:16

>You both need a swift kick in the *ss, hers hard enough to kick her out of her profession.

Why?

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:55

In reply to I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 22, 2007, at 4:41:14

Squiggles,
Although I don't feel I need to dignify your rude comment with a response, I'm going to do it anyway. That was the first time I have ever posted anything, anywhere. I have been struggling with my feelings for months and it took a lot of courage for me to write what I did. Your response wasn't exactly the support I had hoped for. I do want to set you straight on something. I AM NOT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DOCTOR!!! If you had taken the time to actually read what I had written, I said, "I fantasized about being with her" and, "I know it will never be." She only knows I have a great deal of respect for her as a doctor and a person. That's it. End of story. That's what was written in the cards I gave her. I could never tell her how I really feel about her. I've been keeping those feelings buried deep inside of me for months. THAT'S MY PROBLEM! I hope this clears things up. Hope to hear from you again.

 

Please follow civility guidelines I need a hug

Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:55

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 1:27:27

>....your rude comment

I recognize that you may be upset about what's been written in another post, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.

In order to post on this site, and with a goal of maintaining as much of a harmonious and supportive environment as possible, Dr. Bob asks that we follow the civility guidelines he's put forth, which do include remaining civil when we may be feeling provoked. ("two wrongs don't make a right"). You can a read a detailed description in the FAQs:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil

In this case, describing another poster's comments as "rude" is considered uncivil, thus my warning. Following Babble's civility rules can be a little tricky, but with some practice it does become more natural. When you do choose to reply, it seems to work best in these situations to stick to "I" statements, about how you personally feel, rather than characterizing the behavior or words of others. [Ex: "I feel that your comments were rude," would not be civil, as it says essentially the same thing, but, "I felt hurt when I read your response," would be fine.]

I regret that your first experience posting here was a bit bumpy. You're right - it did take courage! I hope you'll stay - there are wonderful people here and your issue is one many posters in therapy can empathize with, believe me.

If you wish to discuss this administrative action, the proper place is the Administration Board. Just change the board at the top of the "Enter Your Post" screen. Any responses to this post should, of course, themselves be civil.

Deputy decisions are subject to review and reversal by Dr. Bob. If you wish to contact him directly, his email is at the bottom of each screen.

Respectfully,
-- 10derHeart, acting as deputy for Dr. Bob


 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by widget on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:56

In reply to I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 22, 2007, at 4:41:14

I understand completely. I love my psychiatrist! I have loved him for over a year. I have been working on these feelings (which are strong and real) since I told him my feelings over a year ago. He is kind and patient and believes it is much healthier to discuss these feeling than deny them. He has, also, shared his strict boundary rules that do not allow him to be romantically involved with a patient. He calls it a "slippery slope." I still love him! He's the best. He can accept me "as is." Imagine that. So, hopefully, you can discuss your feelings for your psychiatrist with her. She will probably welcome the opportunity for the discussion. Yes, I have felt "obsessed" with thoughts of him. You see he simply continues to be himself, which is so unlike any other relationship I have ever had, that I keep strenghening my tie to him. You're ok. There are others like us. You are just being human and honest. Don't give up. Widget

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist widget

Posted by RealMe on October 25, 2007, at 22:33:27

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by widget on October 25, 2007, at 21:35:56

I agree with widget; it is okay to feel that way, and it is something to talk about with your T. I am going to try tomorrow myself.

RealMe

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 23:07:34

In reply to I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 24, 2007, at 9:20:03

Please let me know how everything goes for you. You are a much braver person than I am. For some reason, I have this fear of rejection that I can't overcome. I'm trying to be sensitive to how she is feeling. She has just gone through a divorce. If I hit her with how I'm feeling about her, it may be too much for her to handle all at once. What if I tell her how I feel and she thinks I'm too dependent on her? What if she tells me she thinks I should find another doctor? I can't take that risk right now. I've been through so much this past year. She's the only person in my life that I can always count on. I can't lose her.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by RealMe on October 27, 2007, at 1:03:28

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 23:07:34

If you look at my post under the thread Re: therapy; will take the risk head on, you will see what happened; it went well, and I know there is more to say.

RealMe

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by JoniS on October 27, 2007, at 6:48:15

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by I need a hug on October 25, 2007, at 23:07:34

I need a hug,

So many of us develop strong feelings for our T. That book helped me tremendously, and so does Babble, and also some books I've been reading by Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom. It seems to me that good Ts are well prepared for their clients to develop these feelings and they are trained to respect us and treat us with tender care when the subject comes up. I'll bet your T would be fine with you disclosing your feelings when you are ready.

I've been there. It's hard, but its a growth opportunity.

Best to you!

Joni

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by I need a hug on October 27, 2007, at 21:19:53

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by JoniS on October 27, 2007, at 6:48:15

Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words and support. I've ordered a copy of, "In Session." I think I will try reading it before I make an attempt to tell my T how I feel. Gotta go for now. I'm so stressed out I feel a migraine coming on.

P.S>Dinah,
I think you said it is out of print. There were 8 or 9 copies available on Amazon when I ordered mine if anyone is looking for a copy.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug

Posted by Dinah on October 28, 2007, at 12:02:49

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by I need a hug on October 27, 2007, at 21:19:53

Maybe just the version I was looking at had only used ones available. That would be reassuring. It's such a helpful book.

I wish they'd make it required reading for therapists in training.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist

Posted by moonlightsonata on October 28, 2007, at 19:48:02

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist I need a hug, posted by Dinah on October 28, 2007, at 12:02:49

Hi inah,
Thanks for your posts on my thread about wanting to hug my T...I wrote some more on there today, and I hope you read it.

How you said that you sometimes fantasize about being with your T...I feel that too. And I've been trying to figure out if you're M or F, but I guess it doesn't matter. I'm female, and so is my T, so sometimes I get worried about those fantasies because I don't know what they mean. But some of the feelings are so intense, and the desire for closeness is so much more intense.....I think it's more about closeness than sexual feeling, but maybe that sexual feeling is a metaphor because I'm not good at expressing closeness and need in other ways. Still really scary and confusing. Why can't I be like a normal person and get a man and love him instead of displacing all this on my T, with whom it's impossible to have a relationship, and will only make me more and more isolated??

Sorry, I ddint' mean to take over your thread and make it all about me....just that your comments really rang true in ways that others haven't in the past.

 

Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist moonlightsonata

Posted by RealMe on October 28, 2007, at 20:44:58

In reply to Re: I've fallen in love with my psychiatrist, posted by moonlightsonata on October 28, 2007, at 19:48:02

I think the need for closeness, sexual or otherwise, has to do with the desire and need to have the closeness and protection that wasn't there as a child. Sexual stuff gets mixed into it for a variety of reasons, probably different for each person.

If I had seen a female some years ago, I suspect I would have wanted the "good mother" who wasn't there to protect and in fact was rather paranoid and crazy herself. I sort of came to terms with what my mother was like before she died. She had her good qualities too and had her own problems. So in therapy I don't really like to focus on her contribution to my state of affairs, but it is there. I always want to counter it with the good about her too.

RealMe


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