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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
I read some.
A bit.
But I just trying to survive right now is all.
Too much.
I dunno whats going on.
I am SO confused.
I am all over.
I am scared.
I am sometimes real.
I am sometimes not.
I doubt my T.
I think my T is OK.
I fear I am crazier than i realized.
I think I am not crazy at all.
I think its all delusion, fantasy.
I think there's goto be grains of truth.
The body don't lie.
The body can be VERY unclear.
My T can't read my mind.
She CAN'T understand.
I mail TOO much.
I want her to understand.
I dunno what to do.
I dunno if SHE knows what to do.
She says i need strong support, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Can I go live under her porch?????
Sigh.
I confused SO much.
And I must continue to function.
M
Posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:05:24
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 25, 2007, at 6:39:33
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
I' m so sorry, Muffly. I wish I could help. I think you and your T are doing amazing work, although I understand it just all feels yucky right now.
Try to hang in there and come back when you can, okay?
(((((Muffled))))))
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2007, at 7:49:15
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
Oh, Muffled, I am so sorry that you're scared - that has got to be the worst. Trusting or not trusting our T's, well, that's something we can always "work on" (cripes, I hate that term, but it fits here), but being scared? It kind of wipes everything else off the map.
Back up into your cave, Muffled. Keep yourself safe. Know that we care and send the safest possible hugs ))))) Muffled ((((( to you. And that we'll be here when you're ready to come back.
ClearSkies
Posted by arora on October 25, 2007, at 8:08:19
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
That's ok, Muffled
I go through times when I can't post, either.
It's ok to be scared, too- even though it's not a nice feeling.
That's how Mother Nature taught us how to survive.
Brave fearless Bambies end up venison... not good!Sometimes when something makes you afraid, then you've got to get some distance between you and it- so that then you can look back and see if it's a real danger or not.
I laughed at the idea of you under your T's porch- peering out like a little guinea pig... lol!
(Not saying you are like a guinea pig- I just like them... I think they're cool)http://www.flickr.com/photos/tetleyboy/29080865/
Hope you can feel better soon-
I miss your posts.arora
Posted by sunnydays on October 25, 2007, at 8:18:05
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
(((((muffled))))
That was so beautiful and heart-achingly written. I'm so sorry it's so hard right now. I have felt that a lot lately, so I know what it's like. But I think that your T will be ok. She will be your strong support while you go through this. Babble can be too. You're ok.
sunnydays
Posted by B2chica on October 25, 2007, at 8:26:23
In reply to I be OK, always am. (nm), posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:05:24
Muffled. ok, i KNOW you said "you'll be ok, you always are". but that bothers me.
i guess i'm finally on the OTHER side of the fence, cuz i KNOW i say that ALL the time...to my DH, to my family , friends, T and pdoc....
but it concerns me when i hear YOU say it.
because what i hear is "i'm miserable but i don't deserve comfort, i'll get over it in time cuz i have to, don't bother with me i'm not worth it."now...keep in mind i could be projecting here. but i just REALLY want you to know that ya, ok, so you will survive this, but that doesn't mean to you to suffer while your on this journey.
you will be ok, but you are suffering Now! and DESERVE help and comfort!what you wrote about IS scary, and isolating....so i REALLY want you to know that though you may be scared, you are NOT alone!
We ALL are here. if you want we can go hide in a closet and huddle together and wait till the bad passes for a while i will be RIGHT there with you.
what you are going through IS confusing. Whenever i start getting really confused over "issues", it just begins to snowball and before i know it i can't even remember how to write out a check. so when i feel this confusion starting i try to remember a quote that i read. its by carl jung and says:
"The pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong."
and for some reason....i GET it. and it helps.
i think because i argue that what was done was wrong, and then another 'part' of me speaks up and says no it was not..."I" was wrong...and self-deprication begins.
but when i remember that quote it stops that blame game. and all i need to do is decipher sense and nonsense feelings.ok...i'm ranting. it probably won't make sense cuz i'm kinda messed up in the head. but it really helps me at these times...and...i can only hope that it may give even a little comfort to you right now.
(((((((((((MUFFLED))))))))))))
-thinking of you.b2c.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2007, at 8:56:25
In reply to Re: I be OK, always am. » muffled, posted by B2chica on October 25, 2007, at 8:26:23
>
so when i feel this confusion starting i try to remember a quote that i read. its by carl jung and says:
> "The pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong."
> and for some reason....i GET it. and it helps.
> i think because i argue that what was done was wrong, and then another 'part' of me speaks up and says no it was not..."I" was wrong...and self-deprication begins.
> but when i remember that quote it stops that blame game. and all i need to do is decipher sense and nonsense feelings.
>
>That's a great quote, and very comforting. It's the way of our minds to slip back into the self-blame game, to repeat our old, familiar patterns of beating ourselves up for what was inflicted upon us. We were children. It was not our fault. In my case, it was chronic stress that created the trauma, not a particular or multiple event. But the trauma is very real. The blame, however, is pure fabrication on my part.
CS
Posted by happyflower on October 25, 2007, at 10:03:57
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
Muffy,
I am so sorry you having such a rough time. I say get a sleeping bag and stay under her porch for awhile. I know under T's porches, there are no scary things like spiders and slugs. Actually it is like a secret room with the most comforting things. Take care dear Muffy
Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2007, at 10:07:51
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
Posted by JoniS on October 25, 2007, at 14:23:24
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
Muffled,
So sorry you are having a difficult time. I'm thinking of you.
WOW - a person has to get in line to get to you!
I've had a bad week myself. Went to T under emergency yesterday. He made me promise not to hurt myself and to go to my Dr. My kids are what keep me alive.
Take good care of yourself.
Miss yaJoni
Posted by 10derHeart on October 25, 2007, at 15:48:49
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post, posted by JoniS on October 25, 2007, at 14:23:24
Posted by 10derHeart on October 25, 2007, at 15:49:54
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2007, at 19:22:53
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post, posted by JoniS on October 25, 2007, at 14:23:24
> I've had a bad week myself. Went to T under emergency yesterday. He made me promise not to hurt myself and to go to my Dr. My kids are what keep me alive.
>
>
> JoniJoni, sorry to read that you're having a tough time too. Take care.
CS
Posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 21:38:17
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post, posted by JoniS on October 25, 2007, at 14:23:24
Posted by RealMe on October 25, 2007, at 22:10:33
In reply to Sorry can't post, posted by muffled on October 25, 2007, at 1:04:16
muffy; you are okay, and everyone is right; it gets better. We have our ups and downs and just hate the downs as they can feel like the end of the world. This is just how it is, and you T understands this. Take care of yourself.
RealMe
Posted by llurpsienoodle on October 26, 2007, at 8:42:19
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post » muffled, posted by RealMe on October 25, 2007, at 22:10:33
muffled,
I know that things can be terrifying. What to do when the self feels unreal. when we cease to exist-- what is life?You'll have plenty of time to ponder these inponderables when you feel more muffly.
For now, keep your body safe. It is your temple, and you should take the absolute best care of it that you can.
One of the things my T told me that helps me a lot. well two things.
1) newT told me "you've been here before, and you may be here again... but you survived back then, and you're going to survive this one too"
2) quieT told me "sometimes moods just are; trying to hold onto them doesn't work. Surf through the moods" of course, I wanted to say "easy for YOU to say- surf? WTF?" but I was a new client. Sometimes we don't realize the truth of something until afterwards
you are a very special muffled. let us know if there is anything that we can do to be your "strong support"
yours,
-Ll
Posted by rskontos on October 26, 2007, at 9:12:52
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post » RealMe, posted by llurpsienoodle on October 26, 2007, at 8:42:19
Llurpsie, My T even gave me permission as she said right now she thought I needed it to help me get through it and surprisingly it helped me not feel so guilty about me lack of ability to do alot. I force myself through each day and she said that is ok for now. She said you have been through alot and now are dealing with it. You are reliving it and it is tough so go easy on yourself right now. It is ok to not feel like doing much. Try to do a few things each day and praise yourself for what you do do and over time it will get better.
She also told me I would go through this again but each time hopefully it would lessen and lessen. That is the goal.
You are a fighter if you weren't you would not have gotten this far. Remember that muffy!!
((((((((((((((((((muffled))))))))))))))))
rk
Posted by llurpsieNOODLE on October 26, 2007, at 10:02:19
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post » RealMe, posted by llurpsienoodle on October 26, 2007, at 8:42:19
Posted by muffled on October 26, 2007, at 10:17:30
In reply to Re: Sorry can't post, posted by rskontos on October 26, 2007, at 9:12:52
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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