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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on October 24, 2007, at 10:46:19
I am sad, but I am also feeling some outright rage torwards the person who gave birth to me. My husband is worried about the poem I am writing, but I am not a violent person, never have been. But I can write violent stuff to get out my emotions but I would never hurt anyone. They are just words, feelings, but not actions.
I remember fighting with my brother when I was very young 8 or 9 and I "couldn't hurt " him back, even though I felt like I wanted to.
But my poems are filled with disturbing images and annalogies this morning. I wouldn't actually do these things ever. But sometimes you want someone who has abused you to feel some of the pain you have felt emotionally. Sometimes those thoughts are dark and violent because that is what pain feels like sometimes. And if they had no emotions like my mother, then you want them to physically feel it. But it isn't something I would actually do to a person. Does that make scense? I am taking my poem to my T today. I guess it is easier for me to take out my anger in writing, not verbal words. I write better than I speak. But the image is very dark and twisted.
Posted by frida on October 24, 2007, at 12:00:35
In reply to Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers****, posted by happyflower on October 24, 2007, at 10:46:19
>Dear Happyflower,
i'm glad that you are going to see your T this afternoon. I hope it brings you relief and comfort.I cried reading your posts..it is all so unfair that you are going through this. It's heartbreaking.
I am so sorry.
I understand the anger that you feel. You have every right to feel that anger.
I'm so sorry for your losses...
I hope today's session brings you some peace.
love,
Frida
Posted by happyflower on October 24, 2007, at 12:35:31
In reply to Re: Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers**** » happyflower, posted by frida on October 24, 2007, at 12:00:35
For my brother, DLW
Light Bulb MomentShove that wattage up your *ss, mother.
Let us screw you into the most beautiful lamp.
Turn on that light that shines into the dark empty pit of your soul.
However, the light burns out as the evil encompasses and rejects all possible light in you.
What can’t you see the tunnel of white light?
Because vileness souls like yours belong to the devil.
Do you feel the burning pain of the light bulb radiating through you?
That is how a child feels when being tortured by their mother.
However, you can only feel yourself.
Well I feel and see the bright light of the truth.
My words will never hide your darkness.
You will pay your electric bill when the time comes
There will be no extensions; your power will be turned off,
As you fall into your deserving dark depths of hell
Posted by B2chica on October 24, 2007, at 12:37:49
In reply to Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers****, posted by happyflower on October 24, 2007, at 10:46:19
its ok to have those angry/violent dreams.
i have them...and sometimes quite often.
i TRULY think it helps me to have these dreams. cuz when my anger builds too high, i don't know how to let it out safely yet. so dreams/writing are PERFECT.
and it's ok if they are dark and twisted.i am really glad you are seeing T today.
please take care of yourself HF, i worry about you with all this going on.
remember to eat good, take a bubble bath PRN, and invite my fav friends over (ben&jerry) as often as needed!
Posted by rskontos on October 24, 2007, at 12:46:02
In reply to Re: Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers**** » happyflower, posted by B2chica on October 24, 2007, at 12:37:49
Happyflower, I think expressing your anger in a poem is appropriate. My T tells me to do this. So that you get it out in the open and out of your head. I think you did the right thing.
I am sorry so your heart is hurting so much. Your poem made me cry for you and your brother and the children you were when she hurt you so much!!! I hope now that he is out of the hurting zone you will be too. He is in peace now even though he left you too early. Letting your grief out in a poem to him is beautiful.
I am feeling your pain too. Take it one day at a time. I am thinking about you. So sorry ....rk
Posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2007, at 13:00:45
In reply to Re: Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers****, posted by rskontos on October 24, 2007, at 12:46:02
Happyflower it's healthy to write the poem as I'm sure you know anger is one of the stages of grieving. I grieve for you but wish you better times to come. Yes seeing your therapist will be a great thing. Phillipa
Posted by happyflower on October 24, 2007, at 18:58:58
In reply to Re: Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers****, posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2007, at 13:00:45
Had a good appointment. Processed some sh*t with EMDR. He said near the end, I am glad I could squeeze you in this afternoon. I said , yeah, you sure squeezed the sh*t out of me today. I said you are like a sphincter muscle! I said I bet you never have been called that before. He said no, but I sure like your orginality.
I said I feel another poem inside of my head,called Dr. Sphincter, I told him of Dr. Freudinsein that I called my old T. We laughed until my cheeks hurt.
But we talked about serious stuff too, he lost his brother 1 1/2 years ago. We processed all my loses this year, there has been many. I felt better but during the process my stomach felt tight. Then we processed that feeling, then it went to my throat. But laughing took care of that. I said now my cheeks hurt, I must be a hyperchondriac now. lol
I feel better, almost charged with emotion but in a creative way. I am going to try to work on my papers tonight for class.
Thank you everyone for all your support, I am beginning to sound like a broken record I know, but I really am grateful.
Posted by Dory on October 24, 2007, at 19:06:13
In reply to Going to see my T this afternoon Triggers****, posted by happyflower on October 24, 2007, at 10:46:19
HF, i don't know how much help i can be.. i can't read through everything, for you and several other babblers right now... it's all so triggering for me. With the things going on around me, and then the early trauma work just started myself... i don't have any skills yet to help me be able to withstand my own nightmares.
i am so very sorry i can't do more, that i can't be strong enough to help more.
i am so sorry for your loss.. losses really. You've lost a lot.
This is the end of the thread.
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