Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 780577

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Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment

Posted by Racer on September 3, 2007, at 14:50:34

OK, so my T messed up right before her vacation, and "lost" my appointment. So, I had a rough time of it, mostly feeling as though I was the one at fault, and that it was terrible of me to be upset, that I should have been OK with it, etc. And it brought home to me that {ulp} I needed her.

We talked about it in my last session, and somehow it's worse now.

The best I can describe it is feeling kinda creeping and submissive, as though I have to win back her approval, her liking for me. And I feel very clingy, which is very frightening for me. There's a small part that says, "Better take a vacation from therapy until you get over it -- otherwise, she'll fire you." (Gee, I wonder where all this crapage comes from?) There's another part that says, "Oh, for heaven's sake -- get a grip!" But there's also the biggest part, just a maelstrom of emotions, screaming, "I need you! Where are you?" I certainly wasn't aware of that before, so I don't know how it was triggered, quite. That is, I don't know the mechanism...

Has anyone else had anything like this come up? Been this discombobulated by something that happened?

And can someone please email me the bug-fix patch for this? As far as I know, I'm running Adult Female version American Baby Boomer 2.0.

Thanks.

 

Re: Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment Racer

Posted by muffled on September 3, 2007, at 15:38:12

In reply to Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment, posted by Racer on September 3, 2007, at 14:50:34

> OK, so my T messed up right before her vacation, and "lost" my appointment. So, I had a rough time of it, mostly feeling as though I was the one at fault, and that it was terrible of me to be upset, that I should have been OK with it, etc. And it brought home to me that {ulp} I needed her.

**Ugh, remember 'need' IS a 4 letter word...
Man, if its any consolation, if my T had 'lost' my appt, ESP right B4 vacation....well, I'da been MEGA pissed, and have emotions following like yours, so you are SO NOT alone in this....so no need to knock yours and my butt for having these feelings...Its funny, cuz my T tried to show me the disparity on how eg, its OK for Racer to have these feelings, but if its ME having the same response, then its NOT OK for me, soooooooo, guess if I can give you a break and understand, I should extend the same courtesy to myself....hmmmmm.

>
> We talked about it in my last session, and somehow it's worse now.

Ewwww, need, clingy, that'd feel real bad to me too.

> The best I can describe it is feeling kinda creeping and submissive, as though I have to win back her approval, her liking for me. And I feel very clingy, which is very frightening for me. There's a small part that says, "Better take a vacation from therapy until you get over it -- otherwise, she'll fire you." (Gee, I wonder where all this crapage comes from?) There's another part that says, "Oh, for heaven's sake -- get a grip!" But there's also the biggest part, just a maelstrom of emotions, screaming, "I need you! Where are you?" I certainly wasn't aware of that before, so I don't know how it was triggered, quite. That is, I don't know the mechanism...
>
> Has anyone else had anything like this come up? Been this discombobulated by something that happened?

*I get discombobulated by T LOTS cuz I've never ever let anyone near as close as I have let her, and it SCARES THE CRAP OUTTA ME. So I guess it makes things rather intense at times...
>
> And can someone please email me the bug-fix patch for this? As far as I know, I'm running Adult Female version American Baby Boomer 2.0.

ROFL, thank YOU for the laugh!!! I am apparently running the same program, and it sure does seem to have alot of bugs....and I dunno if the patches help...my program just keeps getting slower and slower....
Hmmmmmm.
:-)
M
> Thanks.

 

Re: Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment

Posted by fallsfall on September 3, 2007, at 19:23:50

In reply to Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment, posted by Racer on September 3, 2007, at 14:50:34

The patch is to keep talking about it - all of it.

Don't you just love "therapeutic opportunities"?

 

Re: Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment Racer

Posted by RealMe on September 3, 2007, at 20:31:41

In reply to Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment, posted by Racer on September 3, 2007, at 14:50:34


> The best I can describe it is feeling kinda creeping and submissive, as though I have to win back her approval, her liking for me. And I feel very clingy, which is very frightening for me. There's a small part that says, "Better take a vacation from therapy until you get over it -- otherwise, she'll fire you." (Gee, I wonder where all this crapage comes from?) There's another part that says, "Oh, for heaven's sake -- get a grip!" But there's also the biggest part, just a maelstrom of emotions, screaming, "I need you! Where are you?" I certainly wasn't aware of that before, so I don't know how it was triggered, quite. That is, I don't know the mechanism...
>
I am sorry, but I had to laugh at the part of the post above. I am not laughing at you but at what you wrote as it is so familiar. I do the same thing. I feel like I need my therapist, and then I get pissed at myself and say get a grip. I would be royally pissed if my therapist forgot my appointment before going on vacation and might insist he make a special arrangement appointment before he left. That is not cool at all to miss an appointment. Talk about conjuring up rejection issues or feeling like your therapist really does not want to see you; that would be right out there on the table for me.

I still feel like there is something about me that my therapist did not want to see me for the entire session by being 4 or 5 minutes late. He doesn't do it now I don't think, but I haven't really checked either. If he starts doing it again, I will be devastated because he never did figure out what it was about for him other than maybe my stuff might be too much. But then he later said it would not be as he has worked with lots of csa abuse patients in the past. IDK. Wha

What reactions we have for therapists are rooted in the past and have to do with someone or someones who were intimately involved with us.

Take care

RealMe
Oz

 

Re: Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment

Posted by DAisym on September 4, 2007, at 0:54:12

In reply to Weird -- transference and approval and abandonment, posted by Racer on September 3, 2007, at 14:50:34

I've described "need" as something out of the "Feed Me!" book - I keep stomping around like that monster "I'm hungry!" but nothing satisfies me. I'm guessing your therapist met your need with an open mind and heart and accepted and embraced it. And that is terrifying. And feels so good - of course you want more.

And since you were never allowed to be needy, you now wait for your therapist to come to her senses and take back her acceptance and insist you stand on your own two feet. So part of you wants to beat her to the punch. Of course it is scary.

Of course - this could all just be my stuff. I find needing my therapist awful and wonderful. I'm mad as hell at him this weekend for "leaving" me for 4 days. I just wish he knew I was.

It gets easier - and Falls is right. Talk about it.


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