Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 779884

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Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 8:47:07

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

I forgot to mention that so often when I read your posts, I could swear that we see the same T.

I guess that probably means that they have a lot in common. Especially their counseling style, their consistency and their ablility to practice their profession in a way that produces the ultimate desired results.

Dont know if that makes sense. I really struggle to communicate -in writing as well as verbally.

take care and thanks again for posting :-)

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long

Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:22:05

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

Daisy, I doubt anything I (a client who openly wants forever therapy) would say could influence your friend. But I think he's missing a salient point. It's those moments that are actual catalysts to see things differently, to do things differently. Change doesn't come with understanding something intellectually and doesn't even come all the time with struggling to think of things differently or to do things differently.

A lot of times change comes with small or large moments of grace. With things that touch us. At unexpected times even.

My therapist is fond of saying that Siddhartha might have found enlightenment when he quit looking for it and sat under the Bodhi tree, but that he might not have found it without the years of preparation he put in.

I think of therapy as being the same way. The hard work prepares us, but the special moments, large and small, change us.

My biggest changes have come from 1) a wince, 2) an unscripted glance, and 3) saying something to someone in chat that my therapist had likely said to me a million times but with the sudden bone deep realization that it applied to *me*.

What you described was one of those special moments of attunement. I've experienced them, although my therapist is not as likely to acknowledge them (or remember them). And of course I'd like to have them again. I might even seek to have them again. But that doesn't mean they can't effect deep change. They can.

I'm not sure what you described was a matter of gratification. But why is gratification necessarily bad? Even soothing and feeling good, which admittedly we could potentially begin to look for from our therapist, can if used wisely be a way of teaching us to self soothe. And this wasn't even that.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:23:06

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

And also...

Thank you for sharing that. It was very special to read.

I'm glad you're taking steps to write. You really have a gift.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by annierose on August 31, 2007, at 16:16:15

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

I loved your post and am so happy that you shared your special moment(s). I'm sorry your friend's comment doubted the moment you experienced.

I loved what the other posters wrote, espeically Dinah's. These are the moments that change your reality. She is so right when she wrote about knowing about something intellectually doesn't necessarily change the feelings you have around a subject area. But experiencing the change at the same time of understanding a truth ... now there is a moment to hold onto for a lifetime.

And yes, please write, write and write. You have a wonderful way with words expressing exactly what you are thinking. I love that about you.

 

Re: Magic Moment » Dinah

Posted by annierose on August 31, 2007, at 16:18:56

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:23:06

Dinah -

You are a gifted writer as well. I always am inspired by you and Daisy with your choice of words - it's a wonderful gift - and the ability to put them in a full sentence!!

I thought of you on Tuesday. Did you remember that it was my son's birthday on that dreaded day?

Annie

 

Re: Magic Moment » annierose

Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 17:33:37

In reply to Re: Magic Moment » Dinah, posted by annierose on August 31, 2007, at 16:18:56

Thank you!

I think your son's birthday is a far better reason to remember that date than that Katrina.

I think I avoided TV that day. It's all just too discouraging. So I avoid.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by fallsfall on August 31, 2007, at 18:10:34

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

I'm so glad that you have new understanding. I hope that it can give you some peace. You and your therapist both do a great job in your therapy.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by honore on August 31, 2007, at 18:27:44

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

I have a longer response, but my first reaction, on reading your description, was Yay!!!! that's so fantastic.

and I'm so so glad you weren't derailed by your friend! You can know what you want and need and value-- and you can hold onto it, even if someone else doesn't approve. That's so great-- and even greater that you and your T have reached such a place, where you can acknowledge together the deep, so magical, and so true importance of those moments-- how much they carry, for the future, and how much they do heal.

That you can feel something different in the room is just so wonderful-- I know it will last, even if it becomes more "ordinary"-- the ordinary wonderfulness of such a deep sharing that deepens over time.

Honore

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by RealMe on August 31, 2007, at 21:23:05

In reply to Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 2:19:15

I am really happy for you Daisy. My T talks about this too, the intimacy being part of this, and I wish I could say I feel it with him. Not yet. Upsetting theray session today, got into stuff and had a hard time really getting into the emotional part; I started to, and then I think I dissociated and then got into my head. Nevertheless, he was nice to say I took two big steps today by sitting closer to him on the couch and starting to talk about the painful stuff in more detail so as to get to the emotions.

I am happy for you, and I would say more; I just can't right now; hurting too much.

RealMe
(OzLand)

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » sunnydays

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 22:03:43

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on August 31, 2007, at 7:29:53

I'm sorry you are having a tough time of it. It seems to go like this doesn't it? Up and down, always with the background fear of loss.

I hope your teeter-totter is up soon.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 22:11:45

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 8:47:07

"I forgot to mention that so often when I read your posts, I could swear that we see the same T."

OK - come clean.:) We need to compare notes geographically or perhaps at least physical descriptions? I'll go first - I'm in Ca and my therapist is probably 5'8", medium build, dark hair and eyes, nice looking and has been in private practice for nearly 25 years.


And thank you for your other response. I think spiritual is a wonderful way to describe the relationship, on so many levels. I can tell you've had these moments by what you wrote.

As far as writing a book, I think that would be really fun. But I'm afraid the one I want to write might be called, "Here is what your clients/patients wish you knew." And those that needed to read it never would. *sigh*

 

Magic Moment - 2 'Near Perfect Ts' in this world

Posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 22:35:30

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 22:11:45

Yours sounds adorable!

I'm in TN. Mine is 5'8", medium build, light (thinning) hair, blue eyes. Nice looking, has been in practice about 12-15 years.

So, now we know there are at least 2 nearly perfect therapists in US. I thank God I see one of them!

Dont completely dismiss writing the book. We'll keep after ya!

Joni

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » Dinah

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 22:39:39

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2007, at 11:23:06

"I think of therapy as being the same way. The hard work prepares us, but the special moments, large and small, change us."

This is very wise and is true for most things. I've read that once change, or progress, in therapy starts to happen, it can happen seemingly very rapidly. But it happens on a foundation that took a long time to lay down. So quick is relative.

"I'm not sure what you described was a matter of gratification. But why is gratification necessarily bad? Even soothing and feeling good, which admittedly we could potentially begin to look for from our therapist, can if used wisely be a way of teaching us to self soothe. And this wasn't even that."

Hey - yeah! Who said gratification was bad? It is just that word - gratification, instead of meeting a need. It sounds like a giving in, instead of something beneficial. One of the things I really have come to know from this whole process is the feeling inside when I feel secure and how important that must be to young children. It has changed how I work with families.

I think that I just learned again that sharing my therapy experience needs to be done very judiciously. It is hard to understand some times, particularly for people who are CBT oriented. When I told my friend I go 4x a week he actually gasp.

And thanks for the writing encouragement too. Annie's right - you write beautifully and thoughtfully. You should write the book.

 

Re: Magic Moment - 2 'Near Perfect Ts' in this world » JoniS

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 23:00:14

In reply to Magic Moment - 2 'Near Perfect Ts' in this world, posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 22:35:30

I lived in TN (memphis) for awhile as a kid. We walked by Elvis' house everyday coming home from school. Of course, he was alive then.

I'm glad you have one of the near perfect T's too. Do you know his orientation?

 

Re: Magic Moment » annierose

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 23:04:16

In reply to Re: Magic Moment » Dinah, posted by annierose on August 31, 2007, at 16:18:56

I knew you'd understand what I was trying to write. I think it is just hard when you have no frame of reference to understand the connection and not dismiss it as pathological dependency.

I've been studying the idea that mother's and babies "co-create" their relationship - there is mutual regulation going on. I think it is the same for therapy. When you hit that plane of syncronicity, you are co-creating something very cool.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » fallsfall

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 23:07:01

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by fallsfall on August 31, 2007, at 18:10:34

Peace is fleeting. I'm trying to hang on to it. I hate three day weekends. :(

Therapy is a dance isn't it? And sometimes, when we get it right, I feel like those 80year-old couples at weddings who glide around the floor together effortlessly. They just know each other so well that they bob and weave, completely together. It makes you ache to watch them

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » honore

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 23:10:19

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by honore on August 31, 2007, at 18:27:44

"the ordinary wonderfulness"

I love this term, I want to steal it. Because I think that is what feels so right about these moments. It isn't the content but rather the knowing of the emotions which is shared between both people.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » RealMe

Posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 23:40:18

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by RealMe on August 31, 2007, at 21:23:05

I'm sorry you ar hurting. Opening up the old stuff can be very hard sometimes. I think you are really working hard at healing. Just keep taking those baby steps.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by Dinah on September 1, 2007, at 9:54:47

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » Dinah, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 22:39:39

lol. That was my childhood dream.

Funny, yesterday my therapist laughed that we should write a book together. Therapy from a therapist's point of view/ therapy from a client's point of view. He said/she said.

He loves my stories of babble because really he knew surprisingly little about what was going on on the other side of the therapy space.

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by Dinah on September 1, 2007, at 9:56:07

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long, posted by DAisym on August 31, 2007, at 22:11:45

Funny, my mental picture has always been of a sandy haired therapist. :)

 

Re: Magic Moment 3 'Near Perfect Ts' in this world

Posted by sunnydays on September 1, 2007, at 10:39:28

In reply to Magic Moment - 2 'Near Perfect Ts' in this world, posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 22:35:30

I would like to also nominate my T! I had called him on Wednesday evening hoping he would be able to call me. I knew he'd be out of town on Thursday. He called me back yesterday and said if I needed to talk to call him. So I did. I had pretty much given up that he would get the message, but he called me back at 11pm! And we talked and there wasn't anything specific that was wonderful, but it was nice to know for sure he wasn't mad at me and to just talk to him for a few minutes.

sunnydays

 

Make that 4! (nm)

Posted by antigua3 on September 1, 2007, at 11:34:07

In reply to Re: Magic Moment 3 'Near Perfect Ts' in this world, posted by sunnydays on September 1, 2007, at 10:39:28

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » Dinah

Posted by DAisym on September 1, 2007, at 13:13:34

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym, posted by Dinah on September 1, 2007, at 9:54:47

So I think we should organize a summit and write chapters in groups - we just have to go back in the archives and it is almost done! Remember the "rules" thread? Or what not to wear? LOL. Think we could get an advance for the book and use it to rent a beach house for writing? (wishing, wishing)

Do you think things have changed in the therapy world about what therapists are being taught and what they want to know -- not just what the financial constraints dictate? I know in the medical field a lot of GPs are discouraged because they can't practice human relations anymore. Half the time they don't even get to look at their patients, they look at the computer screen.

And very early this morning I ran across an article saying something to the effect that more people are, or have been, in therapy in the USA than ever before. Isn't that interesting that we have more and more ways to stay connected and communicate (cell phones, blackberrys, computers)and yet people are seeking out a "live" person to talk to.

In the old days it was bar-tenders...

 

Perfectly Matched

Posted by DAisym on September 1, 2007, at 13:20:00

In reply to Make that 4! (nm), posted by antigua3 on September 1, 2007, at 11:34:07

I think my therapist would cringe at being described "near perfect" -- he says it is a long way down when you are put up on a pedestal. But I think we can stop and be thankful for finding a therapist who is a near perfect fit for us - individually. I suspect that there are people here who would be driven crazy by my therapist's approach. So we all need something different. I know we know this. But aren't we lucky that there are so many different styles and orientations?

And I'd like to also point out to Joni, and Sunny and Antigua and others -- a great deal of why therapy is working has to do with you all, and your courage to talk about the relationship and all the other hard things. So your therapist is probably really glad to have you as a client - you make them look good!

 

Re: Magic Moment - very long » DAisym

Posted by RealMe on September 1, 2007, at 22:58:17

In reply to Re: Magic Moment - very long » Dinah, posted by DAisym on September 1, 2007, at 13:13:34

I think it depends on the type of therapy one does. I was trained in psychoanalytically informed psychotherapy in the early to mid 90's, and so not that long ago, but long enough. All the workshop information I get for CEU's has to do with technique stuff that is suited to brief therapy (6 sessions). This is all a lot of people want. Do I think it works? Well for some people I suppose it does if they have a very specific problem to address. It wouldn't work for me, and this is why I knew I needed to go see an analyst who does long-term indepth therapy/analsis. There are actually quite a few people still being trained this way, and some people who at middle age are going back for this type of training, mostly in the bigger cities. If there is a city nearby with a psychoanalytic training institute, then this is a good resourse for a therapist who knows his or her stuff.

I think it is also interesting how some people prefer a female vs. a male therapist for csa work. I chose a male because it was males, and I have some warped ideas about males; ask my husband. LOL. So, my thing is to work on this with a male because it is harder to do with a male than a female.

Anyway, I am glad to be better matched with my current therapist even though we have only met for four months now. I am feeling he is the one, though. He is honest and tells me how it will be, and how he will help, and he is so gentle and kind and accepting. It is so scary at times. Sat on the couch, though, on Friday. Closer but not too close yet. I was imagining how it would be to sit closer, and I got too anxious.

RealMe
(OzLand)


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