Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 779947

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please help

Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 11:01:32

i know a lot of you read from the bottom up.. i know i am not here much and so i have not been supporting others except in chat. i know i have been a mess and very needy and sensitive.

but i am asking that if you can, that you respond to my thread that is further up... i need as much help as i can get to get through the weekend.

thanks

much love and peace

 

Re: please help » Dory

Posted by fallsfall on August 31, 2007, at 18:08:45

In reply to please help, posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 11:01:32

Hi Dory,

I wish I could respond to your post, but I'm afraid to say that when I read your post that I related too closely to what you were saying, so it was a little triggering for me. So I think that it would be wise for me to stay away from that thread.

But I do want to give you support and encouragement. My experience says that talking about things like this both with your therapist and with other people (like people here) will help. I'm sorry that you are in this pain, and I hope that you can find a way out of it soon.

Falls.

 

Re: please help » Dory

Posted by honore on August 31, 2007, at 18:20:03

In reply to please help, posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 11:01:32

Hi, Dory. Sorry I haven't responded earlier, but I've been away from the computer pretty much while on vacation.

It's terribly hard that your T feels that he needs not to have as many phone calls-- or not to respond to them--I wasn't exactly sure which-- between sessions.

Even though I agree with what Dinah's saying, and know there's a lot of truth and importance in it-- I myself feel that it's important to have a fit between the kind of boundaries that a T can be comfortable with and some fundamental needs for connection that a patient has. It can be difficult to do without the kind of contact that sustains you through the difficult, frightening, and lonely times between appointments, and helps you keep touch with the hope and even trust in the possibility of a better future. So I feel really badly, worse than that for you, Dory, if your T feels that he needs more breathing space, or less porous boundaries around the sessions.

I've had Ts like that-- and have found it difficult. But that doesn't mean that you won't adapt. If you believe, as you do, that he really cares, and can accept truly that he needs certain things in order to do the work he does-- that it makes him a better T for you in the time you have together-- and that he is doing it, as Dinah says, for the relationship-- and in that way for you, too-- perhaps you can hold that connection so that it continues unbroken between times.

It's really that that matters. I have trouble sustaining the connection-- I need that contact-- and I know that you often feel in crisis and in desperate need for some immediate contact or response. Yet it can be done. I hope that you can, because he seems to be a good T for you-- and you looked so hard and had such trouble finding him.

I'll try to be around more this weekend; please keep in touch and let us know how you are, even if it violates your self-ban-- if you feel at all that you need to.

(((Dory)))

Honore

 

Re: please help

Posted by RealMe on August 31, 2007, at 20:46:08

In reply to Re: please help » Dory, posted by honore on August 31, 2007, at 18:20:03

Dory, or others as well, do you have a picture of your therapist? Sometimes that helps. It used to help me when my therapist at Menninger's would go on vacation for a month. At least I had a picture of him, and I used to talk to his picture.

RealMe
(OzLand)

 

Re: please help » honore

Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 20:58:55

In reply to Re: please help » Dory, posted by honore on August 31, 2007, at 18:20:03

what a thoughtful response honore.. thank you. Dinah's post did have a lot of wisdom in it and i am trying hard to put my own situation into that context.

he didn't say he wanted less calls, or even respond less exactly.... or both if it confuses things more. *sigh.. i suck.

he decided, without talking with me about it first, that if i didn't specifically ask him to call, then he wouldn't generally... and more to the point, he wanted to discourage me re-checking. He felt that i needed to be able to look around me for concrete evidence for or against what i was feeling. Had he acted in an angry manner for example...

i was ok that he hadn't called... sort of.. i would make my natural assumption i shouldn't have called though..

i was so upset because he changed a rule without telling me or preparing me first. He could have given me a new voicemail meant for this, or he could have gone over ways to reassure myself... anything. It left me feeling that he was unpredictable.

i don't think he feels i call too often, more that he thinks that i need to try to find things within myself sometimes... and even then he will call if i ask specifically for him to do so.

Talking with him today helped a lot as i know i can at least still get relief if i feel it's more than i can take... he said that was absolutely ok. i think Tuesday is going to be a big session. But i don't know.. i don't know what he will think of how i feel about calling to check the connection... it was close to the end of session and i got flooded and confused. i can't imediately make sense of such feelings and couldn't explain what i felt or why or what i really wanted from him about it.

i am hoping that when i explain better just what it is i am needing from him, then maybe we can reach some sort of middle ground which moves towards what he wants from me, but maybe in a way i can deal with.

i am clinging to you guys for this weekend for sure... and i am likely to re-examine my self-ban... i don't know... staying on babble presents some big ethical problems for me, i just love you guys though.

 

Re: please help » RealMe

Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 22:07:20

In reply to Re: please help, posted by RealMe on August 31, 2007, at 20:46:08

no i don't :o(

i can't ask. i thought about asking once and i can't :o( Just can't. It would be strange.. and it did something when i asked for a voicemail vs just listening to the ones i had. When it was deliberate it didn't work, i think i'd feel the same about my T's picture. i found a pic of my old T online and it was very comforting, but there isn't one of my new T anywhere that i can find.

i wish i had something that i could hold... nightime is the worst. i am tired. i stayed up until after 3am... fretting, worrying, tearing my soul apart... then i spent another hour on chat. i was unable to sleep. Then i was just a mess from that alone. i was afraid to move away from the phone in case he called. i feel so tired now.

thank you for continuing to stick with me in this too..

 

Re: please help » fallsfall

Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 22:10:42

In reply to Re: please help » Dory, posted by fallsfall on August 31, 2007, at 18:08:45

i am sorry it was too much for you, but i understand. i appreciate your well-wishes. you have had many kind and comforting words in chat.. you have a good heart.

 

Re: please help, wish I could » Dory

Posted by muffled on August 31, 2007, at 23:19:32

In reply to Re: please help » fallsfall, posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 22:10:42

But know I thinking of you.
Just don't got it in me right now.
No words.
Just tormented ambivalent confused lostness.
But I OK.
Hope you do OK too.
((Dory))
M


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