Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 779217

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I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure)

Posted by sunnydays on August 27, 2007, at 21:50:45

I left my little girl in my T's office. I just wish she'd stay there. But I had drawn a picture of myself when I was sad, and it also had me when I was little in the picture. And it was a rough session, he started out by telling me he had to leave five minutes early even though we were starting a little late. And I just got so sad and feeling like I wasn't important. And I think he kind of knew that was what I was reacting to, because after he said that I was just silent for a really long time.

After much cajoling and asking questions on his part, I finally told him that was how I felt. He said he understood that I would feel that way and he asked if I really believed I wasn't important to him. I said no, and he said that it was probably an old part of me talking then. But that he understood why it would bring back that feeling and that it had nothing to do with me, it was just how circumstances worked out.

And so it was hard to talk, I told him about a memory. And I was really really sad, feeling very young, and I think he could tell that. At one point he changed the subject and was asking me about work and stuff to try to bring me back into a more adult self. But then he said something about how it seemed I did better if I could stay in the adult place and not the little girl place, and I started crying instantly. He asked what I was reacting to. I said I didn't know (classic I don't want to answer you answer). He guessed though that I felt like I was in trouble because of what he had said or that I was bad or did something wrong. And he said something that was really good, it really struck me, "It sounds like the little girl was still there really strongly and felt like she was being sent away and was being rejected. I think we need to work on getting the little girl to feel more welcome, but the whole little girl, not just the sad part."

Then he asked me if I could bring in a happier part of the little girl even if that wasn't where I was then. And I could only think of times when I had gotten in trouble. So he asked me this really random question, "Did you ever go sledding?" And I said yes, and he said, "That would be a fun memory, right?" and we talked about that for a while.

And I got sad again because I didn't want to leave. And he asked if I could leave a piece of myself in the room. He asked if I could leave the picture I had drawn, the sad part of me, if I wanted to leave it on the couch. And I said I would if it could stay there. And he said it could, we'd just have to put it under the blanket that he uses to cover his couch with (his couch is this ugly blue one and he has this really interesting cloth that he has over it).

He asked if it would feel like we were hiding her, and if I could think of it like putting a blanket over her, like it was a cold night and we were keeping her warm and safe and protected. And he let me put the drawing exactly where I wanted it on the couch and cover her up.

And surprisingly it is helping. I can really sort of feel like the sad part of me doesn't have to make me quite so sad, I can be comforted a little because the sad part of me got to stay in a safe place.

Anyway, I know this post is really long. It's a little weird for me to think about this little girl as an actual part of me, but it really does help sometimes.

sunnydays

 

Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure) » sunnydays

Posted by muffled on August 27, 2007, at 22:26:09

In reply to I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure), posted by sunnydays on August 27, 2007, at 21:50:45

Not strange AT ALL SD.
I left my ikids with Damos one time(another babbler) and he took REALLY good care of them.
It felt good to know they were safe, but I could have a break from their intensity of emotions...
They're back now. Damos said he'd take them anytime, but I am doing OK w/them I guess.
Dunno how/why it worked so well that time?
No clue.
But it DID work, and gave me a much needed break.
Go figger.
Take good care SD.
M

 

Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not su

Posted by arora on August 28, 2007, at 7:09:03

In reply to I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure), posted by sunnydays on August 27, 2007, at 21:50:45

Your T sounds very kind... and wise, too.

arora

 

Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not su » sunnydays

Posted by B2chica on August 28, 2007, at 11:09:53

In reply to I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure), posted by sunnydays on August 27, 2007, at 21:50:45

of course it helps ((((((((((SD))))))))))
she IS a part of you. one that needs to be expressed and feel loved.
i really like what your T suggested. he sounds really nice.
i'm glad you were able to leave her is such a safe place.
((((((((((SD))))))) and ((((((((((little SD)))))))))))

b2c.

 

Sad, upset, etc (feeling like a failure trigger?)

Posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2007, at 21:56:44

In reply to Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not su » sunnydays, posted by B2chica on August 28, 2007, at 11:09:53

This sadness has just sunk over me today. I almost cried as soon as I got up this morning and it hasn't gotten any better. I keep thinking that I should just tell my T every single bad thing I've ever done tomorrow so he can hate me as much as I hate myself and be disgusted with me. I don't know where these feelings are coming from, I feel like they're related to yesterday, but I don't know why. I hate this. I absolutely hate this. And challenging my thoughts in my head is not working for me because I twist the challenging around to make it out so I'm even more of a bad person. Because I'm a failure like that.

sunnydays

 

help me please :( (nm)

Posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2007, at 22:30:19

In reply to Sad, upset, etc (feeling like a failure trigger?), posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2007, at 21:56:44

 

Re: Sad, upset, etc (feeling like a failure trigger?) » sunnydays

Posted by RealMe on August 28, 2007, at 23:47:12

In reply to Sad, upset, etc (feeling like a failure trigger?), posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2007, at 21:56:44

Sunnydays

It might be good to talk to your T about how come you feel the need to make yourself such a bad person. What is it a bad person gets to have vs. a good person. Maybe too much talk here about how therapists have basically tossed people out of therapy or threatened to. Are you afraid of that happening? So if you are really bad and it happens, then you can understand why?? Problem is you are not a bad person. We are all of us persons who have done good and bad things in our lives, not perfect. Perfect is boring anyway. And smart *sses are boring too (people who act superior). I hope your therapist sees through your efforts to push away as it is just the opposite that you want in my opinion. If not, tell me to take a flying leap. I can't jump too far though--I wrenched my back yesterday!!

RealMe
(OzLand)

 

Re: Sad, upset, etc (feeling like a failure trigger?)

Posted by muffled on August 29, 2007, at 9:08:54

In reply to Sad, upset, etc (feeling like a failure trigger?), posted by sunnydays on August 28, 2007, at 21:56:44

Mebbe some good old CBT stuff might be useful for you right now SD, before more digging? So you can stabilize yourself more.
Therapy brings up 'stuff', old emotional responses and stuff. Its IS hard :-(
Try and remember feelings are just emotions, and they DO pass. Its sounds like you got a good T, so thats good.
Just the T relationship, which is neccessary for healing, hurts too. But I guess its all a part of the package, and a good T will stick with you thru the hard stuff.
Sorry you feeling crappy SD, hope it improves as the day goes on. Oftentimes that seems the case for me.
(((SD)))
M

 

Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure) » sunnydays

Posted by Poet on September 3, 2007, at 14:36:25

In reply to I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure), posted by sunnydays on August 27, 2007, at 21:50:45

Hi Sunnydays,

I left all of my inner children with my therapist. Though the ten year old very recently escaped. I hope your T takes good care of your little girl until you're ready to have her back with you again.

I told my T that I think it sounds crazy to talk about a part of like she's real. My T said it's not crazy because what she feels is real. Guess I need to drag ten year old me with me on Thursday because she really has some strong feelings lately.

Take care.

Poet

 

Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure) » Poet

Posted by muffled on September 3, 2007, at 15:27:05

In reply to Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure) » sunnydays, posted by Poet on September 3, 2007, at 14:36:25

> I told my T that I think it sounds crazy to talk about a part of like she's real. My T said it's not crazy because what she feels is real.

*Wow, thanks for that Poet.
M

 

Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure) » Poet

Posted by sunnydays on September 3, 2007, at 17:26:57

In reply to Re: I left my little girl...(maybe trigger? not sure) » sunnydays, posted by Poet on September 3, 2007, at 14:36:25

Thanks Poet. It feels crazy. I was too scared to ask last time, so I don't even know for sure if the drawing is still there, although I'm sure it is. I've been doing not great lately, and it's a lot of old feelings mixed up with depression and poor self esteem. A wonderful way to start off a new school year (sarcasm). Thanks for responding.

sunnydays


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