Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 779419

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Sat closer to my therapist today

Posted by RealMe on August 28, 2007, at 21:48:31

It seems by the time I can post after work and dinner, hardly anyone is posting any more, so I guess I sort of lag a day behind. Sorry.

Today I wanted to sit closer to my therapist but just could not bring myself to do so. I sat in the damn chair so far away, it seems I can't really make out his face. Well I have cataracts from my damn asthma med's but still it is far away to sit. So he was having trouble with his leg, it seemed, and I asked if he was okay, and he said he twisted his knee over the weekend. So, when I wanted to show him some pictures of different things related to what we have talked about, everything from me as a small child, Bambi bigger now, and a picture of what the tornado looked like as it was coming toward me in Kansas one time when I was driving home from Osawatomie, Kansas to Topeka (a 90 mile one way trip).

So that he would not have to get up, I moved over to the couch to sit, and when he was done looking at the pictures, I just sat there but put my briefcase in front of me on my lap. What a dope am I. I said, well I am sitting here now. He said yes and just smiled. Then he kind of mimiced one of my faces, and I asked him to please not do that because I feel like he is making fun of me. It was after that that I pursued my "why can't you say if you like me?" With my saying I think you do finally, he smiled and shook his head yes. But before that he would not say as he wanted to know why it was so important to me to know if he liked me or did not like me, etc. For crying out loud; who wants to work with someone who does not like him or her?" Not me. When I could finally get out of my head and into my heart and gut, then I could get in touch with the fact that he does like me.

I guess I also realized today that this is where I have to go, to my gut and heart to deal with other stuff too. Out of the head that can always talk me into or out of anthing, the head that misinterprets and misunderstands. Who ever said this therapy is hard is surely right. I could keep it light, but I am afraid I would only be allowed to do this for a time, and then there would be the pressure to get on with it and lets talk about why you came to see me. URRRGH! Lets not. Lets just keep things nice and pleasant.

RealMe (Oz)

 

Re: Sat closer to my therapist today

Posted by Maria01 on August 28, 2007, at 22:07:30

In reply to Sat closer to my therapist today, posted by RealMe on August 28, 2007, at 21:48:31

I always enjoy your posts. I like how you are very direct with your T, and let him know that his mimicking your facial expression was hurtful. I've always felt that a little "directness" goes a long way.
Sorry to hear about the cataracts...a friend of mine has glaucoma/cataracts from her treatment for systemic lupus.

 

Re: Sat closer to my therapist today Maria01

Posted by RealMe on August 28, 2007, at 23:40:05

In reply to Re: Sat closer to my therapist today, posted by Maria01 on August 28, 2007, at 22:07:30

Thanks Maria

I wish I could say I am always direct, but of course I am not. I was trying to answer a question about sex last week on Friday, and I got all embarassed, and my T said, "oh come on, we're all adults here." He said this even though it was not about childhood stuff or csa, but as a young woman. I felt so stupid as I evaluate sex offenders all the time and have no trouble asking them to be specific and if they are not to then ask if they did this or that. I guess mostly I try to be direct or at least tell my T if I can't be more direct. Guess that is being direct.

I was going to say, what have I got to lose. It is a funny thing, but I don't think my T will ever say to me that I need to leave or he doesn't want to see me anymore. He is so gentle mostly and kind. I tried to be direct with my previous therapist, and it got me on a table with my brains being zapped. So much for being direct. Guess it depends on who you can feel safe with being direct. I am still learning. Now I guess I better go to bed. Thanks for your comments. It is nice to hear something complimentary. We all need it don't we.

RealMe
(Ozland)

 

Re: Sat closer to my therapist today RealMe

Posted by Quintal on August 28, 2007, at 23:45:15

In reply to Sat closer to my therapist today, posted by RealMe on August 28, 2007, at 21:48:31

My counselor once asked if I wanted to give her a hug at the end of our session, because that's what she did with her supervisor after every session. I'm squirming as I type. I accepted because I didn't want to offend her, or make her feel unacceptable or anything. It made me wonder if she saw how little intimacy and affection I got as a child and wanted to, I don't know, show me how to do it or something? I feel pretty sure she doesn't do this with all her clients. Anyway, it was excruciating because I just couldn't reciprocate, you know? I was so stiff and wooden and embarrassed, which is awful because I really liked her and I'm really grateful for everything she did for me. I hope I didn't hurt her.

I think it has something to do with this nakedness/exposure thing like she once said; it's really, really hard to do this [making gesture of opening her cardigan and exposing breasts] and sit there and naked and defenseless, but we can do that if you want to. This really blew me away, but I never got to the bottom of what she meant by it, but I think I can guess. I just skimmed over all this because I preferred to stay safe and secure in my comfort zone, which I suppose is what she meant.

Q

 

Re: Sat closer to my therapist today Quintal

Posted by RealMe on August 29, 2007, at 20:49:29

In reply to Re: Sat closer to my therapist today RealMe, posted by Quintal on August 28, 2007, at 23:45:15

Sounds to me like your therapist was not atuned to your sensitivities to give you hugs, etc. I would be very uncomfortable with that myself. I also don't believe it is appropriate. As much as I might want it with someone, I don't think it is a good idea. Patients are so inclined to misinterpret and distort meanings as part of the therapy process, that what might seem innocent to the therapist might be really loaded for the patient. And, geseturing like to show her breasts??? That is just plain weird. Why do you think she was being so provacative with you?? It would creep me out if my therapist would do something like that. He is quite kind and gentle but does not do anything sexually suggestive.

RealMe
(Oz)

 

Re: Sat closer to my therapist today *triggers?* RealMe

Posted by Quintal on August 30, 2007, at 11:17:55

In reply to Re: Sat closer to my therapist today Quintal, posted by RealMe on August 29, 2007, at 20:49:29

I think I may have placed her comments/actions out of context. She wasn't sexually provocative at all, and definitely not aggressive. She's a very small, frail and kind and gentle woman. I have a photo of the effigy-burning ritual somewhere. If I can find it I think you'll see what I mean.

The breast-gesturing thing was part of a longer conversation. At one point she said: "because I guess [making slashing gestures against her arm] can be a bit like [sticking her fingers down her throat, as one would to make one's self vomit]. We were discussing the relationship between self-harm and self-control or something like that. With the opening cardigan gesture I think she meant that it's hard to peel away your defenses and show yourself as you really are, and risk rejection. There were no sexual overtones at the time. The other nakedness thing might have been me testing boundaries or something like that, and she was just showing that she was completely open, and she was comfortable to do a session naked, if that's what I needed. We weren't seriously contemplating doing such a thing.

I was uncomfortable with the hugging because I'm uncomfortable with intimacy in general. I don't think she meant any sexual by it, it was just something that she did with her supervisor and wondered if I would like to do it with her. She never suggested it again after that time.

Here is the photo:
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p46/Serepham/QuintCounsellor.jpg

Q

 

Re: Sat closer to my therapist today *triggers?* Quintal

Posted by RealMe on August 30, 2007, at 22:28:20

In reply to Re: Sat closer to my therapist today *triggers?* RealMe, posted by Quintal on August 30, 2007, at 11:17:55

Okay; makes sense now what you say, but I still don't think my T would ever try to hug me or let me hug him. I would be too uncomfortable anyway.

RealMe
(OzLand)


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