Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 777977

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My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 6:41:47

I have my 2nd session this morning with my new T. All I can think of is what my old T said to me. If you die, I won't attend your funeral. That has to be one of the meanest things anyone has said to me as an adult.

Okay, maybe it is true, but to tell your client that to their face is so heartless and there is NO excuse for that. Telling me he doesn't really care about me, why is he lying? I have to think he is lying because if he isn't that would make him such a total jerk. But to tell me that, why? Why did he have to be so mean to me? After 2 1/2 years, I mean NOTHING?

I thought when my DH ran off with his girfriend, that was really cruel. But what my T did to me, that seems even worse. He went over the line. But why? Is he scared of my feelings or maybe his? Do I really mean more than he wants and he has to totally hurt me to make me hate him? Why , why, why??? Why would a therapist be so cruel? Is he really trying to fool himself that he doesn't care about me? What was wrong with him?

It was like he wasn't even himself that day, or was he really being himself? Am I deluding myself that he is a nice guy? Maybe he really is a cold hearted bastard? But I just can't belive that, I would have seen that a long time ago, wouldn't I ?

There is no way I can work with him after he said this, those comments shredded my heart. Was he trying to do that? Is he THAT mean? I want answers and I can't figure them out.

Did I do something wrong? Was I not suppose to care about him? Am I not suppose to mean anything to him, is that why he did what he did?

Or is it that he realized even after 2 1/2 years I still needed some major help and he couldn't hide what he really felt? Or did he just get sick of me and couldn't imagine working with me that much longer because he doesn't like me?

All the possible answers make me feel like a low life, unworthy of love or caring, because I am such a damaged soul

Maybe he feels the way my mother did about me? Mabye that is why he was so mean, because I nothing but a useless piece of sh*t and he wants nothing to do with me.

Why was he so mean to mean, what did I do wrong?

Was it being born, was that my mistake?

 

Re: My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by B2chica on August 23, 2007, at 8:31:53

In reply to My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 6:41:47

(((((((HF)))))))))
i'm so sorry you are feeling this badly.
NO it was NOTHING you did...this is ALL on him! Got it HF?!
you did nothing wrong, being born was a gift for everyone you touch, i'm very very glad you are here. and if he is ANYTHING like your 'mother' you should have run for the hills a LONG time ago!

and i can't even imagine what was in his head that he said such a thing. though i think after 2 1/2 years you would have known earlier if he was just naturally calous...maybe something changed?
and to say after that amount of time that he wouldn't even care for you i would think would be a total lie. how can you know and talk to someone for that long and NOT care. there are people i work with that we never discuss more than general topics...but if something were to happen to her i'd care...
so maybe others were right in that maybe he was trying TOO hard to deny he had stronger feelings than he should have, maybe he was having a really horrible day and was just being mean...who knows.

but all i know is that therapy is about you, and that if you needed to dump him to continue productive therapy than i'm glad you did.
but i dont want you to blame this on you...you did or said NOTHING wrong. and i don't see how Anyone can be in a theraputic relationship and not care about their T. i mean this is the person that you create a safe attachment to, someone that will care about your pain and fears and help give you answers to your deepest questions...and we can't care about them?? are ya kidding?
we are HUMAN...NOT robots!
we form bonds with people around us...that's what we do.

and if he couldn't handle the relationship with you well, there were many other BETTER ways of dealing with that.
so i'd chalk it up to him being a total @$$ and just move on.
it won't be easy,, but you are really strong HF.

b2c


 

Re: My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings

Posted by JoniS on August 23, 2007, at 9:52:41

In reply to My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 6:41:47

Happyflower,

B2 is right, it is ALL on him. He messed up, and not just a little. Hold on to that REALITY and don't let yourself go into all the blaming, negative thoughts about yourself.

You never know how he will respond on Friday, so realize that you may never know all the reasons that he acted the way he did. He may even in his own mind have painted a nicer picture of how he was that day. The possibilities are endless on how he might react. So, bottom line is that you have to hold on to yourself, say to him what you need to say, but don't have any expectations from him. He was so wrong it makes me mad again to read about it again and how it has affected you.

I have hope for your new T to help you move on beyond the pain that old T caused.

Hang in there, be good to yourself! You are worth it and you are a wonderful person.

((((((HF)))))

 

Re: My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings JoniS

Posted by muffled on August 23, 2007, at 11:32:53

In reply to Re: My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings, posted by JoniS on August 23, 2007, at 9:52:41

((((((((((((((((((((((((HF))))))))))))))))
I agree with the others. Its SO NOT you. You were honest, it was him struggling to maintain the boundaries. To cut him a little break, he is only human, and you do have a srong(in a GOOD wondrful exiting way!) personality. So it was proly hard on him.
So I have no idea what prompmted him to say what he did, but i suspect self defense was in his mind. Meaning no fault against you HF, but his own human weaknessess. And not meaning he is bad either, just human like the rest of us.
I agree w/Joni in that I wouldn't hold my hopes up for this last session, but at least you can just say YOUR stuff.
God, HF, this has got to be SO hard for you. I'm sorry.
Take special care, and know that babble is rooting for you.
M

 

My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 13:10:06

In reply to My thoughts today, maybe trigger warnings, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 6:41:47

I can't beleive I made myself laugh at that, I meant tissue, but when I wrote T-ISSUE, that was funny and I wasn't trying to be. Well anyways I used my first tissue in therapy today. Wow. I know. He even had tissues on a table next to me that I didn't notice before.

One thing that I noticed this time was this office didn't seem so big as last time. He asked me how I felt about our last session. I said I felt a warmth from him that I am not used to feeling in therapy. Wow, did I just tell him that? But it was the truth. I said I feel I will be able to work with you because of that but I had one question that could change that. And that was the question that do you believe in the 4th commandment, honor thy parents, and that the only way to be mentally healthy was to reunite with my mom. Haha, what a big question that was. Nobody ever said I asked easy questions.

He sort of talked around the issue some, trying to I think "feel" me out. He said in normal child-parent relationships that is a very good thing, it can be benificial, etc.. But then he said but you didn't have normal relastionship, and if that parent has a personality disorder or where it would be impossible to have a healthy relastionship or would endanger me emotionally or physically, then no, he doesn't believe in reuniniting.

I said good, because if you believed that and tried to convince me that was what I needed to do then, then I would walk out the door right now. He said, yah, that would be what you should do. ;-) But he did say that I need to deal with the hurt from my parents, and be alright with it from within. :-)

Well then he asked about what I wanted from therapy, I said help dealing with the past, probably with EMDR, and then I said working with someone who would know how hard that is for me, and be sensitive to it , and have patience with me because athough I have progressed quickly, some issues are harder for me, and not to expect such high expections from, Then I just started to well up when I said that at the end. He said to just let myself feel that hurt (he figured out it was my therapist) and he said stuff where I couldn't hold back the tears.

My old T didn't do that , he would use distraction instead. But my new T said to feel those words my T said to me as it pierces my heart. Damn, I just cried and cried. Then he had me think of those emotions while we did the eye movements, and I had problems at first and couldn't look at his fingers because I was just crying so hard. He said he knew I didn't want to feel it, but do it, it is right there. I followed his fingers for a long set of EMDR. I did feel some relief.

While were were doing the EMDR, he said some stuff like , remember it was about him, not you, he was only human, but you didn't do anything wrong. It was intense. But I did feel better. We talked some more about that relationship and did another set. He told me about what he thinks was going on, but he was going to be much more reserved about it because he knows my T and that fact that I am seeing him tomorrow. I said, what ? that he was a big jerk? He laughted and shook his head yes. lol

But this is where he surprised me. He told me about how it has happened before with him. Where he allowed the client to push his buttons, and reacted in a way he shouldn't have. This helped me so much to hear this because my old T disclosed about himself, but never about him being a T (probably because he was having trouble with his feelings about me). But it helped hearing on how his ego was hurt, and how it did effect him. He was wrong in what he did, and he said he learned something about that. Even after 40 years of being a T. Well we talked a bunch about T's and sensitivity and boundries and how hard it really is sometimes because they are human too. He said he has learned to keep the boundries but at the same time keep his sensitivity with his clients too. Because he belives in order to do a good job you need to be able to do both. I told him I was surprised by his honesty on this. I said I am glad to know this because it seems like the T's let the boundries get in the way where they are almost too cold like.

He told me how there are some clients you are happy to see and some you don't look forward to, because of various reasons and clients that fall in between both of those. My one professor, who was a T said this in class too, so it must be true.

He talked about how he used to do other therapy, before EMDR where the clients would be so emotional on the floor curled up in a ball and he was having them face and feel what happened to them. He said after it was all over, he wasn't sure who was hurting worse, because he felt his gut in knots over seeing the pain his client was going through, but yet he knew he was helping them, but it would hurt to see this, and having to push the client sometimes he felt like such a cruel guy. Wow. I told him I am glad to hear this because it seems like the experiences of some T's I know, that T are heartless jerks. He said he was glad then, because I as seeing T's unrealistically.
We talked more about my T ,and did a final EMDR movement where I end with a positive affirmation about myself. Mine was "I will be okay" At the end of the movement, I just said "I am okay now.". I think I am. He said we have more to work on this, but he thinks I will be in much better shape to see my old T tomorrow, he said it will probably still be hard, but he believes the work we did today will help. He was glad I was able to see him today. He also said he was glad to work with me because he knows he can really help me with my past, and he said it is even extra wonderful because he said he can help me become a very good T too. He told me I have the intelligence and the people skills and he thinks I will be a good one. That was so nice to hear. I mean it "warmed me" . Is that a feeling?
On the way out he patted me on back and said I did a good job today.

Wow, I am still trying to take in the whole session. But I believe I have a good T, maybe even better than the one before, and I thought he was good too. Well I need to get my house cleaned, my stepgrandson's 2nd b-day is today. I came home and my kids cleaned up the living room and dining room plus did all the decorating for the party. What great kids they are. ;-)
Oh, I almost forgot, thank you for all your words today. You are right, it was HIM, not me. I think I will be okay.

 

T-issue - Yea! Warms my heart too! Go Girl! (nm) Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by JoniS on August 23, 2007, at 14:13:28

In reply to My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 13:10:06

 

Re: My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long

Posted by arora on August 23, 2007, at 15:54:34

In reply to My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 13:10:06

What a good session it sounds like you had! I'm so pleased for you- you deserved it, after all the struggles you've had going on. He sounds like a really great T... well done, you!

arora

 

Re: My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long arora

Posted by Raindancer on August 23, 2007, at 18:01:34

In reply to Re: My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long, posted by arora on August 23, 2007, at 15:54:34

I feel so relieved for you Happyflower and I hope all goes well with your old T tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

 

New T sounds OK! (nm)

Posted by muffled on August 23, 2007, at 21:55:29

In reply to My first T-issue (as in Kleneex) very long, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 13:10:06


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