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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua3 on July 5, 2007, at 18:41:11
Had to change my name again, but that's not what I'm upset about.
I don't know who's giving me more grief--my T or my Pdoc. I am so upset with both of them right now I could.... what? I don't know.
I've been away visiting family (including my mother). this is the most difficult visit I make every year and both are aware of this.
so I get an email from my T who PROMISES to call me last Saturday or Sunday. This is on top of her failing me just a few weeks ago when it comes to calling me. I didn't ask her to call--she said she was going to, and didn't. So great, back to the not trusting part.
And my pdoc? the day before I left last week, I decided to be "honest" and fill him in on how badly I was really feelings (my post way up there). It was a terrible session; he couldn't follow me and it was very stressful. His approach has always been cold (I called him on that and yes, he admits it, it's his style) but he just really didn't get it at all.
By the end of it he asked if I shouldn’t be in the hospital, and I said no. He threatened to call my husband if I couldn't promise him I would be safe while I was gone. That sure says a lot about trust to me. I know safety comes first, but here I finally reached out and said some really tough things, and he turns on me.
So, now I'm home. I canceled my Pdoc appt for tomorrow (that was another promise I had to make). Besides all the trouble we're having, I simply can't afford it--he's very expensive.
And what do I do about my T? I just cannot believe she didn't call me, knowing what a terrible time this visit is for me (and it was absolutely awful, but I made it through )
So maybe it's just to h*ll with them.
antigua
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 5, 2007, at 19:09:30
In reply to I'm Very Upset!!, posted by antigua3 on July 5, 2007, at 18:41:11
I'm so sorry. Believe me when I tell you I *know* how it feels when your T lets you down.
I hope she is able to beg your forgiveness and explain to your satisfaction. When do you see her again?
Posted by antigua3 on July 5, 2007, at 19:40:54
In reply to Re: I'm Very Upset!! » antigua3, posted by TherapyGirl on July 5, 2007, at 19:09:30
Maybe never!
Posted by scratchpad on July 5, 2007, at 20:51:59
In reply to I'm Very Upset!!, posted by antigua3 on July 5, 2007, at 18:41:11
If my T forgot to call me for a second time, and if I was feeling well enough, I would call her and leave a message saying so. "I was expecting your call and didn't hear from you."
Without talking about how outraged or hurt I was. (Just the facts, you know?)
That would give the T the opportunity to explain what happened this time.Then the conversation about expectations and trust can happen. But let the dialogue happen first.
((((Antigua))))
I'm at a loss as to your pdoc's reaction, except to say that I'm sorry that being honest and vulnerable didn't pay off with him.
Scratchpad
Posted by 10derheart on July 5, 2007, at 22:17:22
In reply to Re: I'm Very Upset!! » antigua3, posted by scratchpad on July 5, 2007, at 20:51:59
I like scratchpad's idea a lot, although I'm not sure I'd be able to keep the feelings out of it. But she has a good point, to just open the door...
I'm really sorry, antigua. That must make you feel so abandoned and unimportant, even if she ends up having some pretty good reason, it's still rotten. Especially around this scary family visit stuff :-( And for your pdoc to be utterly dense at the same time....well,...*(&&^^%%&!!!
Whatever you decide, maybe do it soon with your T? I tend to think using the anger while it's fresh can be very real and productive, even if uncomfortable. If you really don't ever go back, will you be able to tolerate that sort of ending?
Hope you can find some distractions and comfort.
Posted by muffled on July 5, 2007, at 23:18:14
In reply to Re: I'm Very Upset!!, posted by 10derheart on July 5, 2007, at 22:17:22
My EX T would do that.
Say she would call, and not.
I think mebbe in 2 yrs she said it mebbe 3-4x only, and remembered only once, and that was 2 days late that she remembered, but she DID call.
Sometimes she'll call and say she got my fax, sometimes not...
Sometimes answer messages quickly, sometimes not...
At least she was consistantly inconsistant when it came to the phone...
I don't think she meant no harm.
She just weren't thinking of me.
Some times I think T's got NO CLUE.
Hopefully if your T is OK in other ways you guys can work this out.
Sucks, no doubt about it.
:-(
M
Posted by sunnydays on July 5, 2007, at 23:25:51
In reply to sigh, posted by muffled on July 5, 2007, at 23:18:14
Is your ex-T the one you were working with only a month or so ago, muffly? Just wondering what's going on with that, as I know you were thinking about leaving, but I never heard what you decided. I really think that trying to stick it out might be good. Or reduce the frequency first to every two weeks or every month and see how you do those time periods.
Can't write more. Too much feelings. Sorry,
sunnydays(It was dumb to pick a posting name that starts with the same few letters as my first name... I keep wanting to type my real name).
Posted by muffled on July 5, 2007, at 23:36:48
In reply to Re: sigh » muffled, posted by sunnydays on July 5, 2007, at 23:25:51
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2007, at 15:10:29
In reply to I'm Very Upset!!, posted by antigua3 on July 5, 2007, at 18:41:11
My pdoc is like that too. Makes me long for my last pdoc, who I thought at the time was cold but appears hot as blazes in comparison.
And my therapist is as like as not to forget me. I take comfort in the fact that he forgets everything, and I overheard his wife complaining to his receptionist about that. Not that I was surprised that he forgot his wife either.
I think maybe people don't go into therapy because of their wonderful organizational skills.
It's ok to be as angry as you want with your therapist. You have every right. But if you have a good relationship outside her d*mnable memory, perhaps you ought to tell her how much she hurt you.
Posted by antigua3 on July 6, 2007, at 20:00:56
In reply to Re: I'm Very Upset!! » antigua3, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2007, at 15:10:29
Thanks Dinah; you are right about so many things.
Well, I chickened out, sort of, and called my T to tell her I was worried about her since she hadn't calle me back as promised. She called and we discussed how SHE was, and how crazy things had been with a serious illness of a friend of hers, and she never really apologized. It's o.k., though, we've been through a lot together.
We spent the next half hour trying to figure out my Pdoc's behavior and she kept reminding me it's about him, and not me. See, it's all about me, of course, and I do tend to think that i've provoked behavior in certain people when in fact, I probably have nothing to do with it. So she made me feel much better.
My Pdoc called and wanted to know why I missed my appt. Told him I didn't, I cancelled it yesterday. He asked if I wanted to reschedule and I told him I have to think about it and call him next week. He just doesn't seem to get me, and Ihave to decide if my need to work these types of things through with a man is as important as I think it is. Otherwise, maybe I should cut bait and run. I don't know. He has a lot go good things going for him, but I don't want to be hurt anymore. But maybe that's me hiding and not facing the truth. I'd really like to work these issues out with a male Pdoc, but maybe it's not him.
Thanks for taking the time to reply,
antigua
This is the end of the thread.
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