![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
Hello. New here.
I had been working with an intern for almost two years. Over the past three months, I had experienced a series of losses that shifted the focus of our work from historical stuff to more of the "here and now" There were times I was so depressed about these losses that I'm sure I was hard to work with. I felt this therapist and I had a really good rapport, despite the usual ups and downs of this type of work. I had told her on many occasisions that I am still on this planet because of her and her support. We worked from the psychodynamic/object relations framework and thought that our rapport could withstand difficulties like this. Was I ever wrong!
T
hings got ugly two months ago, and she had made a comment that struck me as cruel and inappropriate toward the end of our second-to-last session. I called her supervisor(the paperwork for this particular agency said we had that option) and ran the comment by her. She suggested that I talk with the therapist. I voicemailed my therpist.She returned the call the next day: I tried to explain to her that I wanted to stick things out, and she said we would discuss it in session before nearly hanging up on me. She sounded so angry!I came in for my usual hour; we chatted lightly for about 20 minutes. She then told me she was terminating the relationship, effective that day. No prior warning or discussion at all. I guess she and her supervisor had spoken at length, and decided that was "best" for me.
I had no chance to "process" it, very little chance to tell her how I felt. I left with a formal letter of termination. I asked if she knew anything about the agencies she referred me to, and she said,"that's your job". I had gotten laid off, so cost was an issue, but she still should have had come background on the agencies she was referring me to....there are a lot of agencies here in Northern CA(Bay Area region)!
Is this normal to terminate someone so suddenly like that with no prior warning or discussion? I did or said nothing to threaten the therapist, in fact, I have had upmost respect for her and would never have said or done anything to insult her or to make her feel unsafe. I feel like I was tossed out, something to be gotten rid of. All I did was call her supevisor once and ask if the therapist's comment to me was appropriate( the therapist had said to me, "Sometimes I can't stand working with you! There are days when I dread seeing you"). Mind you, I worked at a much slower pace due to trust issues in general. I did the best I could each week with what I had. I can only work at my own pace. I really feel like her comment and subsequent sudden termination were just....shady.
I'm devastated. Is sudden termination normal? I feel defective somehow for being terminated so suddenly and without warning. The supervisor had signed the letter as well, so she agreed to it. I'm not a crazy person. I don't know what to think. Has anyone else gone thru this? How do you cope with it? There is so much I want to say to her and never got the chance to. After two years of working with someone, all I am left with is what boils down to a form letter, and tons of unspoken words for this therapist. I barely had the chance to let her know how much she meant to me. I feel like a freak for having gotten "fired" from therapy so suddenly. I live in Northern Ca, if that makes any difference. I don't know if termination differs from state-to-state or what.
For the record, the therapist's demeanor had changed so much over the past two months. She went from being very kind and patient to being very abrasive and snappy. Even if there were something in her life that affected her ability to continue working with me, one would think she would have respected my dignity and our time together enough to allow for a more dignified termination instead of tossing me aside like an old shirt.
Opinions? thoughts? Any other "sudden termination" survivors out there?
Thanks
Posted by Racer on July 4, 2007, at 19:24:08
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
Hi, Maria. Welcome to Psycho Babble.
Your story sounds awful. I'm very sorry that happened to you. While I've heard of similar situations, and there are some on this board who've experienced them, I have yet to hear of one that seemed like an appropriate action. There really should be some effort to be made to process the termination -- with another T, if not the one who's terminating you.
I'm also in Northern California, and may know of some local agencies that might help you. If you click on my name in this post, where it's underlined, it will take you to a form used to send "Babble Mails" to other posters. Babblemail is used to communicate privately, without disclosing your email address to others here. If you want to turn yours on, you would go back to the registration page and update your registration. You can send, though, whether or not you choose to receive.
Good luck.
Posted by OzLand on July 4, 2007, at 19:45:08
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
Maria01
It is not in my experience for a therapist to speak that way to a patient/client or to terminate abruptly without processing what might be wrong. My previous therapist wanted me to find someone else, and we processed it and decided to continue to work together. In hindsight, I probably should have moved on. The therapist I have now is qualified to work with me on my issues. The other therapist was not, and so I ended up terminating with him. But for a therapist to end so abruptly is not in my experience.
You mentioned that this person was leaving anyway, and so was that part of the termination as well?? Still, in my opinion someone should have followed up with you until you could find a new therapist.
Posted by canadagirl on July 4, 2007, at 20:03:23
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
Ouch!!! What a comment! That is so hurtful. I hope you find someone good to continue on with. How awful and sad for you.
Posted by sunnydays on July 4, 2007, at 21:11:49
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
I think that talking with her supervisor without even warning your T that you were going to probably had a lot to do with that. It's important to be assertive and protect your rights, but perhaps your T felt attacked and like you were going behind her back without talking to her. I personally think that things might have gone better had you talked to her about the comment before going to her supervisor. I'm not sure why you felt you couldn't speak to her about it and had to go to a supervisor? People don't like to feel like they're getting in trouble, so my guess is that was part of her reaction.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Do some research and find a new T you think you can work with. But be aware that people are human. They make mistakes and sometimes we have to address those with the person and not go to someone else without trying to work things out first. It's like if I made a mistake at my job - I wouldn't want a coworker going to my boss without talking to me first to see my take on the situation.
There are other people this has happened to. It doesn't mean you're crazy. Good luck in looking for a new T.
sunnydays
Posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 21:17:09
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by sunnydays on July 4, 2007, at 21:11:49
Unfortunately, addressing the comment with her in session did no good. I told her I was stunned to hear it, and her attitude was "Well, it's true." No remorse, no regard for how I was feeling. Total brick wall. That's when I decided it would be best to talk with her supervisor; I hated to do it, but after I was spoken to like that, I felt like I had no choice...the intake paperwork stated clearly that clients are freee to contact the supervisors at any time they felt it was warranted, with or without notifying the intern in question.
Posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 21:19:44
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by sunnydays on July 4, 2007, at 21:11:49
> I think that talking with her supervisor without even warning your T that you were going to probably had a lot to do with that. It's important to be assertive and protect your rights, but perhaps your T felt attacked and like you were going behind her back without talking to her. I personally think that things might have gone better had you talked to her about the comment before going to her supervisor. I'm not sure why you felt you couldn't speak to her about it and had to go to a supervisor? People don't like to feel like they're getting in trouble, so my guess is that was part of her reaction.
>
> I'm sorry you're hurting. Do some research and find a new T you think you can work with. But be aware that people are human. They make mistakes and sometimes we have to address those with the person and not go to someone else without trying to work things out first. It's like if I made a mistake at my job - I wouldn't want a coworker going to my boss without talking to me first to see my take on the situation.
>
> There are other people this has happened to. It doesn't mean you're crazy. Good luck in looking for a new T.
>
> sunnydays
HI Sunnydays...
I forgot to mention that I had tried to address it with her first, previously...I would love the chance to sit down with her again, but that door is closed...
Posted by sunnydays on July 4, 2007, at 22:36:40
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 21:19:44
Sorry, couldn't tell that from your earlier post. It sounds like she really did not handle this at all well. Hopefully it's the mistakes of someone new to the field. But I would hope she could learn from it and not terminate you. Sorry that happened, and good luck.
sunnydays
Posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 22:57:40
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by sunnydays on July 4, 2007, at 22:36:40
I hope she does, too.
Here is what made the whole thing so heartbreaking.....she had always told me that she would not leave, that I would never be too "troublesome" or "high maintenace(sp?)" for her, nor would I ever be a burden, and that I could open up on my own time. I did my fair share of questioning and testing, but no more than anyone else would. I feel like we were able to form an excellent bond.
In the three months before termination, I was laid off from my job as a vet. technician. I had loved that job and figured I would stay there for the rest of my working life. I loved my co-workers, my boss, and the animals I worked with. Shortly after losing my job, my car was stolen and never recovered. These were both huge losses for me, and I also had to deal with the financial ramifications.Needless to say, I got horribly depressed, and even suicidal at one point. I was terrified of being homeless due to the job loss(my salary didn't allow for savings) and all kinds of things. My T and I had some bumpy moments, but I feel like it was par for the course. It definitely shifted our work from historical stuff to more "here-and-now" survival mode.
About a month before my termination, when I was dealing with all these losses, her attitude toward me changed considerably. She became short and impatient, and sometimes rude. She became increasingly confrontational at a time when I could least afford the discomfort that went with that...I was just concentrating on finding new work, making ends meet, and finding another car, all while still paying the note on the car that was stolen.
Our second-to-last session was horrible. I finally said to her "I don't feel safe right now. first, I get laid off, then my car is stolen, and now I feel like I'm losing my only safety net. What is happening? I sometimes cannot not stand it when it's like this because it feels so unsafe."
that's when she dropped her little "Sometimes I can't stand working with you!" bombshell. I was so shocked that I couldn't do or say anything, and then I regained my footing and tried to talk to her about it. She seemed really angry; her cheeks were flushed, even.The following week, the one person who said she would never leave, and that I was never "too much" for her, handed me a termination letter and I was out the door. I tried everything I could in the days preceeding the appointment to keep the lines of communication open, beacause I really felt the t-relationship could withstand and eventually prevail.
I was so wrong and I'm devastated. Whoever said losing a therapist is worse than losing a loved one is spot-on! I had become all that I feared I would be to her: burdensome, too much, too high-maint. The fact that I will never see this person again devastates me. Whichever new T I work with will need to understand that I'm grieving and will need some room to do so. I spoke with one on the phone; she was horrified at how the termination was handled, so yeah.
I'm so glad this board is here...I wish I had known about it earlier. I feel like the term is somehow my fault, and I feel so guilty...haunted by a lot of "what if" and "if only" type stuff. I'm sure it will pass, but for now, it really hurts. Despite the horrific ending, I really miss my T..
Posted by Phillipa on July 4, 2007, at 23:13:20
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 22:57:40
Sounds like she has the problems. If all is correct I think you handled it appropriately. I'm so sorry for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by OzLand on July 5, 2007, at 0:08:24
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 22:57:40
It does not sound like it was in any way your fault. I cannot imagine a therapist talking the way you say she did, new or otherwise. Because I am in the same profession, I will never few such behavior as excusable. In my opinion it is easy for patients to accept blame. Don't. It is not your fault that she terminated you. In my opinion it is HER issue. When therapists behave this way, I get irate. My last therapist I had for the past two years tried to do this to me too, and I ended up doing ECT to please him so he would not get rid of me. I am so glad I got rid of him and now have someone really good. Some psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, etc. are very good; some are average; and some like all other professions are just not that good. It is most unfortunate in my opinion, however, when one is vulnerable and encounters a therapist who acts like a complete jerk. Sounds like you have already talked to someone who is horrified as well. That might be someone good to see. I missed my old therapist for a time as well even though he was getting angry with me about my complaints of memory problems after ECT. I decided I had to get rid of him for my own sanity, and so maybe if you could look at it that way, that for your own sanity you are better off not seeing this person anymore. I still miss my old therapist from time to time, but I have someone now for the past two months who is more qualified to deal with the issues that have come up than was my previous therapist.
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2007, at 9:39:28
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
This is my worst nightmare, so I can certainly understand.
I hope it's at least some consolation that you are clearly better off without this person (as she turned out to be) as your therapist. Hopefully this will alert her supervisor that her internship needs to be extended, and she needs to get a lot more guidance before she is allowed to practice without supervision.
What I really can't quite understand though, is why the agency that allowed this very harmful thing to happen through their intern program didn't step up and offer you someone to help process this. That seems truly unthinkable. If an agency is training therapists and allows harm to come to a client through it, is it any different than a trainee doctor at a training hospital making an error? You don't send the patient out the door with a handful of other hospital names. Someone in charge tries to mitigate the damage.
I'd call the supervisor again, or the agency head.
Posted by Honore on July 5, 2007, at 10:01:27
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 22:57:40
Maria, that sounds really devastating, and very unprofessional, very much as though she got caught up in a countertransference (the feelings a T has about a P), which weren't properly recognized and worked through from her side.
One would hope that this was something the supervisor (or her training supervisor) would be aware of and work intensively with her on, on your behalf. But it sounds like the supervisor may have let you down too.
I really hope not, but I'm concerned that the supervisor was sympathetic to whatever your T's version of things was-- presumably something that made you seem at fault (yes-- they do do this, unfortunately)-- and perhaps even impossible to work with. It's not that hard for a T to do that-- and often people will be prone to believe a co-worker, rather than a patient. It's terribly unfair, but it does happen.
I would very much hope you could find another T at a much better agency, someone who could help you sort out your feelings, which could be terribly confused and upset. But I too think there's nothing that justifies your T and her supervisor's actions.. Even if you were going through a difficult time nothing justifies the comment made--and the abrupt dismissal without any decent referrals. That's just awful, IMO. Nor her attitude over the months when you were struggling.
A better-- possibly more experienced T-- might help, now. I wouldn't look for too much help at the agency your T works for. What you need is support and caring, not having to explain and justify yourself to a skeptical (possibly) audience. Plus they probably won't do much. Certainly your ex-T needs much more supervision in her work--but they should know that already.
Again-- this has been known to happen-- it happened to me with a much more experienced T-- they just lose it sometimes, when the stakes get too high for them-- It was a really difficult time for me. It was more my next T who was able to help, though. He was able to resassure me and communicate a more stable and calm sense that I wasn't to blame, and that my T had mishandled things badly. Which was really what I needed.
Maybe you should concentrate on getting that, even though I know you must feel you need better closure with the old situation. I hope Racer has some good leads for you.
Honore
Posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 10:05:40
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2007, at 9:39:28
that's one of the reasons why I was so floored by how it was handled. The supervisor had signed the letter as well, so he agreed to the sudden term. via his signature. It was as though I was this trouble-makeeer that needed to be shown the door, and quickly! Here's the kicker; the intern did say I would be better off with a licensed person, and yet gives me the names of agencies that utilitize interns. I'm still in shock; I worked with this intern for two years, bared my soul to her, and in the end I get tossed out the door like this. Believe me, any new T I work with is a)going to have their own act together and b)be licensed and have some experience under their belt. I have a lot of work to do to "process" thru this.....=(
Posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 10:14:04
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by Honore on July 5, 2007, at 10:01:27
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really feel you are on the mark with respect to how the intern may have presented things to the supervisor..i.e., I was the one at fault, etc. I also really feel the intern did get caught up in some countertransference she couldn't handle; she has remarked earlier that she was in my spot a few years ago: out of work(her company had closed and relocated), no transportation, etc. and she felt truly desperate..maybe my pain was too much for her? At any rate, she has been with her own T for 10 years, so I figured she had done some really good work.
At any rate, thank you again for your empathy and kind words. Everyone who has replied has been wonderful. I do know one thing for sure: no more interns. Ever. Let them practice on someone else.
Posted by pegasus on July 5, 2007, at 12:52:51
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
In reading your accounts of what happened, I find myself wondering whether perhaps your intern was canned because of her inability to deal with this situation. I mean, they wouldn't necessarily tell you that, if it were true, right?
I'm imagining a scenario where your intern for some reason has some very negative reaction to the things you are going through and the way you are handling them. Could be, say, that it reminds her of something her dad went through right before he left her family when she was a kid. So, she's having a lot of problems working with you, because of her own issues. Then you have the terrible session you describe, where she tells you she dreads talking to you sometimes. You try to talk to her about it but don't get an appropriate response. You talk to her supervisor, who is, let's say, appalled that she would say what she did to you. And yet, perhaps their policy is to encourage the intern to try to repair the relationship in your therapy (and hopefully work on her issues in hers) So, then, maybe the supervisor goes to the intern to discuss what she's said to you, and explains what she needs to do to make amends. For example, maybe the supervisor says she needs to work this out in her own therapy, and apologize to you. And perhaps your intern refuses for whatever reason, at which point the supervisor fails her from her internship. So, then she can't continue with you, because she no longer has a position there. But they decide it's not appropriate to explain all of that to you.
This is all just my fantasy about it, but it would explain a few things. Thought I'd throw it out there as a possibility.
Regardless, I would say that the agency owes you more than they gave you. If you think you might be up to it, it might be helpful to their program for you to give them the feedback you've given us about how this affected you. Although, that is no longer really your problem to solve, and I would understand if you didn't want to have anything more to do with them.
Good luck with your next steps. This sounds truly devastating, and I wish you a long string of good to make it easier to get back on your feet.
peg
Posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 13:40:33
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by pegasus on July 5, 2007, at 12:52:51
Hi Peg-
My hardships could have definitely triggered my ex-T's own "stuff", as it were. When I spoke with her supevisor, I got the vague impression the supervisor was just placating me..he used that melodic, sing-song tone of voice that people use when addressing scared kids, frightened animals, or people they don't want to be bothered with. ;)
Either way, I want nothing to do with that group. Anyone who would endorse the sudden termination of the client who had already gone thru so much most likely got their license from a CrackerJack box. I gave so much of myself in my work, and to have been treated like that makes me not only angry, but incredibly sad as well. There was no opportunity to work thru it with the intern, and no opportunity to have a decent, humane termination.
My best guess is that she will continue working there without a hitch; she and her supervisor have a lot of respect for one another...the supervisor has even offered her a staff position there once her internship is complete.
Given that, I don't think they would be interested in my feedback...if anything, I'd be seen as the trouble-maker who had to be tossed out ASAP....
Posted by sunnydays on July 5, 2007, at 14:55:16
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 13:40:33
Sometimes T's and clients' personalities don't click for whatever reason, and think that maybe that was part of what was going on here. My T has told me once when I was afraid of him telling me to go away that he's never gotten sick of anyone, except for one person who their personalities just weren't right together and that person treated him really badly. He said he would have terminated that client if it had been his private practice, but he was working for an agency and had to see the person. The person eventually left, and he thinks it's because he could sense they weren't clicking.
I hope she deals with whatever she needs to. But I have dealt with some amazing interns at the university that I go to. My T isn't an intern, but some group leaders have been. And they were absolutely wonderful, and while they tend to give a 'textbook' T response more than my T does, they really helped me. So I hope you don't hold it against all interns because one person screwed up. I do understand why you wouldn't want to work with one again, though, and I agree that you need to find someone more experienced to process this with.
Good luck,
sunnydays
Posted by LadyBug on July 5, 2007, at 15:57:02
In reply to Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 4, 2007, at 19:00:50
I can't even imagine how devasted you feel. And not to be able to talk it through with her has to even be more painful. I would contact her supervisior and try to get more information. You have nothing to lose by it at this point.
I *almost* terminated a few years ago. I was so mad and hurt I never wanted to go back. But I told myself if I didn't at least go tell her goodbye that it would affect me the rest of my life. I did call her and through many tears and much hard work we worked through it. Not many people could have done that but I think we had a strong enough connection that we did it. It took a few years actually. It was kinda like the elephant in the room thing. We didn't address it totally for a long time, but when we did, we turned it around. It was so hard, but I'm glad I made the attempt to go back even though I was so hurt.
I know you don't have this option but I hope you can find a new T that will help you figure out what happened. The intern was cruel to you. I know how much this hurts. I'm glad you found your way to babble to help you sort through what you can. We are a group of very understanding people!
Keep us posted.
LadyBug
Posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 16:25:50
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by LadyBug on July 5, 2007, at 15:57:02
Hi LadyBug-
This is what really gets to me. When I was worried that I would be terminated, I voicemailed her in the days prior to what would be my last appointment(I didn't know that at the time). I let her know that losing her would be like losing my right arm and a part of my heart all at once. She terminated, anyway. Blows my mind.
I am grateful I found babble, and I'm in the process of finding a new T...I've already spoken with one that sounds very promising, as it were. I always thought my ex-T and I could get past that recent obstacle, and I resolved to dig in and see it through. She(and her supervisor) didn't feel the same way.
I may write my ex-T a letter thanking her for all the good things, but I need some time to pass before I can do that.
Posted by LadyBug on July 5, 2007, at 17:06:50
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 16:25:50
I think writting a letter is a great idea, and I agree to let some time go by before you send it. Start writing it now and edit it as you see fit.
Posted by OzLand on July 5, 2007, at 22:10:01
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by pegasus on July 5, 2007, at 12:52:51
Interesting thought, peg. And maybe she treated other people poorly too.
Posted by JoniS on July 6, 2007, at 9:09:14
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 5, 2007, at 13:40:33
Maria
I feel so sad for you for how you were treated. I'm glad you are able to talk about it here and hopefully see that it is absolutely not your fault and you were treated terribly by the intern and the supervisor. I'm sitting here shaking my head in disgust. (Sorry) If that happened to me I know it would take a very long time to heal from the hurt, and a long time to feel like I could trust another T. I hope you get a really good one and I certainly don't blame you for not wanting to give another intern a chance. I know there are good ones, but it wouldn't be worth the risk of pain and heartbreak again by aonther inexperienced intern.
Good Luck with finding the right T and know in your heart this wasn't your fault, you didn't deserve it, you have a right to be hurt, angry, .... whatever!
((((Maria))))
Posted by Maria01 on July 6, 2007, at 10:47:58
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist » Maria01, posted by JoniS on July 6, 2007, at 9:09:14
Hi Joni-
Thank you for the kind words. The support I have gotten from babblers has helped so much. As for interns, I am done. Here is what gets me: She's going to go about her day like nothing happened, and I'm left with all the grief-related feelings. I trust I work thru them in due time, and I won't let this experience deter me from working with another T..there have to be good ones out there to counteract all the idiots, right? ;)
Posted by Maria01 on July 6, 2007, at 18:10:39
In reply to Re: Sudden termination initiated by therapist, posted by Maria01 on July 6, 2007, at 10:47:58
First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who responded. It is such a comfort to hear from other people, including those with professional training. It's always good to hear others weigh in. this is long, so I hope you bear with me. Just some random stuff:
I'm meeting with a new T on Monday...I spoke with her at length over the phone and she seems to have a good read on the situation, and what I'm up against. She seems very kind, calm, and grounded. She's been in practice for over 10 years, so I'm hoping she's good and seasoned.
*I was a decent client. Always on time, cancelled only 4 times in the past two years. Twice for contagious illness, and twice after really rough sessions in which I felt it was best for me to get a little space.
*I busted my *ss getting to her office at times. My old car died(the one I had prior to the stolen one)on my app't day. I grabbed a rental so I wouldn't miss my app't. I couldn't really afford the rental, but I also couldn't afford to miss my app't.
* I took it in stride when she would cancel or go out of town. T's are people, too, I figure. The only time I got out of joint was the week I lost my job. Her mom had died that same week, so I asked to bridge with another counselor in the practice. she wasn't happy, but I had to take care of myself while in crisis mode. It's an acceptable practice, so I was not out of line in any way. I knew it would take her a week or so to wrap up her mom's affairs, funeral, etc. and I had just lost my job and was in shock.
*Sure, I would test and challenge her quite a bit, but not any more so than anyone else with trust issues would. I was never rude, never cursed at her, etc. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't full of sh*t; talk can be really cheap. I was also very candid with her at times about how I felt being in that setting, and also about my despair after losing my job, and especially after my car got stolen. Suicidal at the time? you bet. I didn't beat around the bush about that at all. when you are staring homelessness in the face, yeah.She dumped my *ss anyway, even after I told her that losing her would be like losing my heart.
Here are some questions for the new T(besides the usual regarding training, orientation, qualifications, etc.):What age group do you like working with and why?What are the predominant issues that you see in your practice?Describe a really difficult period with a client, and how it was resolved? What are your thoughts on the client/T relationship?What are your thoughts on attachment?Are you familiar with neurobiology?Do you have access to peer consult for when things get rough for you?
That's a partial list. I want to make sure this will be a "match". If not, I will keep looking. I will not let being cast away by one therapist deter me in finding another. If I do that, I will be letting that once experience run things for me, and that's giving it WAY too much power.
Getting tossed away by my old T was the worst thing...I had always worried about it when working with her, and part of me still can't believe that she's not part of my life anymore. she made the choice, though. For whatever reason.
Thanks for listening to me ramble....
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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