Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 699020

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Should a therapist keep a personal blog?

Posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 11:17:57

First of all, hi :) I am new to psycho-babble. I just discovered this forum a couple of weeks ago and am so impressed w/ it so far! I am having an issue w/ my therapist and would love to hear what you wise men & women think, or if you've experienced something similar. Basically, I googled my therapist a few months ago and found a link to a blog she uses to keep in touch w/ her family. I read it, and continued to read it, and I didn't tell her. In the past few months I have felt sooooo guilty about this, but I was scared to tell her b/c I thought she might fire me. I finally told her recently. She basically said that my behavior was really aggressive, and that I was essentially stalking her online. But she isn't going to fire me b/c she thinks it has brought up some good issues for us to work though together. I really don't think it's that strange that I googled her, and to be honest I was pretty angry that she had a personal blog up in the first place. I know that the things I read affected our relationship. However, she is refusing to take any responsibility for the blog and she also is not allowing me to talk about the contents of it. I am starting to think this situation may not be salvageable and that I may have to stop working w/ her. I would be really sad if that happened, though :(

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog? long » indigogal

Posted by Racer on October 30, 2006, at 12:27:25

In reply to Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 11:17:57

I don't know quite how I want to respond to this. I guess I'm going to be careful about it, because my initial reaction to this probably can't be expressed without violating the civility guidelines of this site...

First, let me say welcome to Babble! If you've been reading for a couple of weeks, you'll already know that this is a great place to get support and advice. I hope you find it as helpful as I have over the years.

As for googling your T, I think that's not terribly uncommon. {rolls eyes} In fact, after I pick myself up off the floor where I've been rolling around laughing -- let me wipe my eyes -- I think *most* of us have googled our Ts. I've looked mine up on licensing boards, and court records, and yes, I've googled my T. I've explored her website, and explored all the links from it. We've never talked about it, but I don't think it would be an issue if I did bring it up.

Of course, my T has been at this a while, and her website is very professional and strictly about her practice. That probably makes a difference. We don't necessarily talk a lot about her life, but there have been times it's come up. (I taught her how to make buttonholes by hand, for instance, when she mentioned something she needed to make buttonholes on.) And she's been doing this a long time now. She's good at it. I figure she knows whether there are parts of her life I would benefit from knowing, and she'll tell me if there are.

When I read your post, my first thought was, "why does the T have a blog that's public for keeping in touch with her family?" All she'd have to do is put password protection on her blog, and there's no potential issue. My second thought was, "If she hasn't made any effort to keep her blog private, why does she consider your having read it to be aggressive or stalking behavior?" If I try to put myself into her place on this, I think I might be feeling a little defensive. I might say that I wasn't the one who made a mistake, even though I really thought maybe I had. That's just my idea of what I might be going through in her position.

I don't think it's necessary for the two of you to discuss the content of her blog -- unless you find that she's writing about you or other clients, which is a whole 'nother story -- but I do think it's worth talking to her some more about why she thinks it's aggressive behavior for you to have read it? Or if she thinks simply googling her was an act of online stalking?

But if I were to let my T know that I'd read something about her online, and she told me that that was stalking behavior on my part, I know that I would have a hard time continuing to work with her. I have enough trouble with trust, and that would cause some substantial damage to the therapeutic alliance between us.

I hope my thoughts help.

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog? » indigogal

Posted by Dinah on October 30, 2006, at 12:57:56

In reply to Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 11:17:57

I'm surprised that anyone internet savvy enough to keep a blog would be shocked or surprised that she was being googled.

I google my therapist on occasion. He knows it, and on occasion I mention something, if it has a bearing on what we've talked about.

I've also googled my psychiatrist and a few doctors. It's a good place to find out about lawsuits filed against them, etc.

It occurs to me that perhaps she is more naive of the internet than she realized. That perhaps she didn't realize the consequences of having a public blog under her own name to make private information available. And perhaps upon becoming aware of the fact that not only you, but likely every other internet age client she has has had access to her blog, she grew distressed.

However, that is her issue and not yours. A therapist must recognize that her private life is somewhat limited by her profession. My therapist and I were talking about it recently, in connection with someone here running across her therapist on a dating site. He was a bit rueful, but quite accepting. And I have reason to believe he keeps an eye on google himself to make sure that he knows what's out there on himself.

If she was unaware of the fact that clients googled their therapists on occasion, then by all rights she should thank you for enlightening her. And then take responsibility for making private what she wishes to remain private.

Has she made her blog private since she found out that it was open to all her clients and potential clients?

Someone here has posted that putting something on the internet is like putting it on a supermarket bulletin board, only indexed and searchable. There is a great deal of truth to that.

Should she keep a personal blog and then ask her clients not to read it? Well... I've asked my therapist not to read here, and I trust him to honor his word that he won't. I'd like to think that if he specifically asked me not to look at something, I wouldn't. But I'd probably be angry with him for dangling something so enticingly just out of reach. After all, there is a power and information imbalance in the relationship that sometimes creates a desire in us to find out something about the "real person" behind the therapist.

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 30, 2006, at 13:09:48

In reply to Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog? » indigogal, posted by Dinah on October 30, 2006, at 12:57:56

Hey- welcome to babble :)

Anyone internet savvy enough to start and continue a diary-style blog needs to be smart enough to understand the consequences of putting their private life out on public display.

If she wanted to keep in touch with her family, she'd do better to send out group e-mails, or create a pass-word protected site.

If she wanted to write about her personal life and have it out in public, she should have picked a screen name that is covert. Especially given her line of work. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect potential clients as well as current clients to google their therapists. I've done it for every pdoc and T I've seen or considered seeing.

I think she reacted too hastily and should have found a better way to let that lead to a discussion of boundary issues. Such a conversation could really make the therapy relationship stronger, rather than inspire mistrust and unease.

see you around, I hope!
-Li

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?

Posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 14:57:53

In reply to Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by Lindenblüte on October 30, 2006, at 13:09:48

Thank you so much for everyone's thoughts so far. They are soooo appreciated. I really have been quite distressed about this, more than I care to admit! First, I am relieved to hear that others have googled their T. My T made me feel crazy for doing it, and when I told her that I spoke to several of my friends about it & they admitted that they have (or would) do the exact same thing, she "doubted that was true". Ugh. My T is in her early to mid 30's (just a few years older than me), so I really don't understand why she seems so naive/out of touch w/ the internet era! I feel so misunderstood & even vilified (by her bringing up words such as "aggressive" and "stalking") for something that I really don't think is so uncommon or odd. In fact, I think it was brave of me to tell her... I would guess that I'm not her only client who has read the blog, although clearly I am the only one who's brought it to her attention. I certainly recognize why she is distressed, but agree with those of you who have said that this is her problem to deal with. I honestly feel so bad to have made her feel so vulnerable and uncomfortable. Oh, and btw, yes... since I told her this information, her family has switched to a password protected blog! While I agree that it's not necessary or appropriate for us to discuss the contents of her blog, I have had reactions that I feel may need to be processed. For example, I now have an impression of her family as "perfect" and it makes me feel inhibited disclosing things about my own family that are "less than perfect". Stuff like that.

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog? » indigogal

Posted by Phillipa on October 30, 2006, at 20:11:05

In reply to Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 14:57:53

I agree with the others. And always google any therapist or doctor I'm going to see. And they should expect that. To me it shows you want the best of care and a lot of sites rate them also. And a family blog in her name makes no sense. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?

Posted by Anneke06 on October 30, 2006, at 20:39:34

In reply to Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 11:17:57

Just wanted to add my voice to the others...googling your therapist is NOT aggressive or stalking. In my mind it's normal and she should know better than to post personal stuff.

I hope you're able to work through it because it sounds like she's been helpful to you in the past...

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog? » indigogal

Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2006, at 14:24:07

In reply to Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by indigogal on October 30, 2006, at 14:57:53

Stuff like that seems like perfectly legitimate therapy discussion. In fact, you sound like a well balanced therapy consumer with normal expectations.

If you wish to stay with her, but she shies away from anything that probably makes her feel like she was foolish for putting up a public private blog, can you bring up those topics without mentioning the blog? Many clients picture their therapists as having perfect family lives. Can you discuss it without specifics?

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?

Posted by indigogal on November 14, 2006, at 15:21:34

In reply to Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog? » indigogal, posted by Dinah on October 30, 2006, at 12:57:56

Update: So... As I mentioned, my T now has a new password-protected blog (since our conversation). The reason it is a new blog is that the blog site she previously used does not have a password-protect option. Anyway, she still has the OLD blog up there (not password protected). I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from her in terms of the responsibility she's taking, or not taking re: the situation. It also makes me feel like she only wants to keep ME from reading her blog, as opposed to any of her other clients (since she knows I already read the old one, which is still up there). I want to bring it up, but she has already told me that she's not taking any responsibility for what happened and that she only wants to discuss the reasons for MY behavior. I feel like it's affecting my trust and our alliance though, b/c I feel like she's being inconsistent. Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

 

Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?

Posted by cecilia on November 16, 2006, at 3:38:18

In reply to Re: Should a therapist keep a personal blog?, posted by Anneke06 on October 30, 2006, at 20:39:34

I agree, any T who doesn't expect 99% of her clients to google her is an idiot. Cecilia


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