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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
I need ideas about how to get grounded. I've opened up this whole mess of memories - the angry 9-year-old is talking. I'm hugely dissociated and having a hard time focusing on really important things -- like driving. Last weekend I ran a red light. The Friday before I almost put my car in the ditch. When I was away on a work thingy, I sliced open my thumb with a knife and fell on my face going up a set of stairs. Tonight I set the house on fire. Near as I can figure, I dropped a match, still lit, into the bathroom trash can after lighting a candle. The smoke alarm went off and I smothered it out with a towel. Not a huge deal - but I've NEVER done that before. Or anything like it. I mean, I'm clumsy, but this is ridiculous.
My therapist is anxious and tells me I have to be more careful. ('cause, you know, I didn't think of that!) He keeps wondering if it is somehow intentional - flirting with serious injury or death. But I don't think so. I'm just super spaced out. Last night I was so confused that I went to group and sat in the hall for a half-hour, thinking it wasn't time for it to start yet. Actually it started before I got there. Someone found me when they went to the bathroom and invited me in. I wanted to run away and hide under my bed, I was so embarrassed.
I have class all weekend - which means driving an hour back and forth for three days on windy backroads. My therapist told me to stay home, but I really can't. He then suggested I call my pdoc, even though I haven't changed my medication since July, so nothing is new there. I don't want to hurt anyone else though - so how do I stay present? To make matters worse, I have another business (driving back and forth) trip next week, so I miss therapy in the middle of the week again. I haven't had a full week of therapy in probably a month.
Things sound messed up, don't they? I feel so stupid.
Posted by SatinDoll on October 20, 2006, at 3:20:07
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
Hi Daisy,
I don't think you are losing it, you are just distracted at the moment. I don't have any advice to give because for some reason I am experiencing a lot of what you are too.
I did get in a car accident a month or so ago and I have to keep trying to remind myself everyday to be more careful. I am forgeting everything and leaving my purse at school, blanking out on tests, etc.
I guess I just sort of figured out that I was burning the candle at both ends, so I am trying to do "less". Could that be the case with you? I am doing a little better, but still have to be careful, I feel like such an airhead lately. (((((Daisy)))) Take care of yourself, okay.
Posted by Gee on October 20, 2006, at 7:16:28
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think, posted by SatinDoll on October 20, 2006, at 3:20:07
Things that I've found that help:
Write EVERYTHING down. Exactly what you have to do and when. Before you go anywhere mentally check that you have everything you need
Wear a rubber band around your wriste and snap it sometimes to bring yourself back to the present. And ask yourself where you're suppose to be and what you're suppose to be doing. And actually respond to yourself.
I have huge problems with being space out, but I've kind of always been that way... I think :S
Posted by antigua on October 20, 2006, at 8:00:00
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
Daisy, once when things were really heavy, found myself running a red light and almost having an accident. I went to the Pdoc to adjust the meds, because I didn't want to hurt anyone else. That would be all that I needed on top of my own problems.
It's hard to stay in the present. I don't know how to always do it, but when I start losing things, like my keys or purse, than I know I have to slow down to a very intentional slow pace. If I can't, I hide in bed.
Good luck this weekend,
antigua
Posted by madeline on October 20, 2006, at 8:13:24
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
Daisy,
I'm sorry you are having a tough time with things right now. However, I don't think you are losing it and I don't think that you've dissociated - I just think you are distracted. I do the same thing. The mind will preoccupy itself whether we like it or not.
I agree with Gee that writing, talking to yourself and using the rubber band will help.
For me though, I usually have to ride this out, it's not permanent.
Take care.
maddie
Posted by pegasus on October 20, 2006, at 8:47:22
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
You're not stupid, but you do sound very overwhelmed. I am worried for you. Some of these lapses sound very dangerous. Please take as much care of yourself as you can. Is there any way that someone else could drive you to your class? Or have someone at least go with you? I'm especially worried about you driving in such a distracted state.
I wish I had some advice about how to get more grounded. Unfortunately, I'm more likely to be in the other boat, myself. I'm still searching for the same thing myself.
I'll send you all of my positive energy, if that makes sense. It's all I can think of to do. And please stay in touch. I'm worried about you.
(((Daisy)))
p
Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2006, at 9:19:17
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed.
I think you should listen to your therapist to the extent possible. It's important to keep yourself (and others) safe. The pdoc might have a suggestion.
Writing lists does help, although I often forget to write stuff down on it, check things off of it, or bring my list with me. :(
You remember your grounding techniques, I'm sure. Orient yourself to your physical world. This is extra easy when you're driving, because that's part of good driving anyway. Feel the steering wheel in your hand, feel the road conditions through your rear end, scan the road ahead of you and remember to check your rear view mirror as well. If you find yourself drifting off in your thoughts, bring yourself back to the present by focusing on your route, noticing the vehicles around you, (or better yet in front of you) etc.
But do call your pdoc. He might want to prescribe something short term. Provigil helps me focus.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 20, 2006, at 10:16:33
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
I have nothing to add as far as suggestions. The other Babblers all have good ones and I encourage you to try them and figure out what might work for you.
I did want to say, though, that I've been where you are and I'm sorry. For me, it usually happens when I am dealing with overwhelming emotional pain (either from the past or present) and it literally takes ALL of my brain cells to deal with it. You know what I mean? It's like the emotional stuff bleeds through to all other aspects of your brain.
Someone (and it may have been you) recently posted to a depressed Babbler about the energy required to deal with the depression and the fact that that steals energy that would normally go to other things. I think this is similar. So slow down, relax whatever standards you safely can and try to slog through it.
((((Daisy)))
Posted by Phillipa on October 20, 2006, at 10:43:45
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think, posted by TherapyGirl on October 20, 2006, at 10:16:33
Same problem I have so many physical things and money things going on that I space on driving and then am afraid to leave the house. And when I leave I rush back home as I don't feel safe to others. Me I could car less about as meds don't work so if I can't do it on my own what's the sense? Love Phillipa
Posted by wacky on October 20, 2006, at 16:50:24
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think, posted by Phillipa on October 20, 2006, at 10:43:45
I have had severe episodes of dissociating and I totally get it. Like peering out of your own body and perception is distorted. My hearing seems to change so things sound like echos. It used to scare me when I was young and I didn't know what it was. It was like I was a little person standing behind my eyeballs peering out at the world - but it wasn't really my body. Weird sensation.
What I found to be the most useful when I get like that is to go outside and be near nature, trees, birds chirping, flowers, etc. (and where you can be alone). I've even sat down in my back yard and run my fingers in the dirt and grass. There something about the smells of earth that I find soothing and help get me grounded again.
Hope you find it useful. Good luck.
n
Posted by Pfinstegg on October 20, 2006, at 17:33:58
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think, posted by wacky on October 20, 2006, at 16:50:24
Sorry it's so rough right now, Daisy. I second Wacky's suggestion of grounding yourself by using every sense- sight, hearing, touch, smell- to ground yourself in the safe here-and-now. I think this can help so much when you are working on past traumas. It helps your body know that that was THEN, and this is now, and you are safe.
Another thought I have: I never had good luck at all with any SSRI's. AP's or tricyclics, but my analyst, who usually doesn't prescribe anything, finally (in frustration) wrote me a prescription for Lithium, just 450 mg. a day. That and Cytomel are all I take now. It just happens to really suit me; I do feel grounded, and able to deal better with all the stuff that's coming up endlessly in therapy. I don't know what medications you have taken, or what has worked best so far. I had the idea you might be taking Lamictal, but I'm not sure.
Posted by Raindance on October 20, 2006, at 17:54:19
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think, posted by Phillipa on October 20, 2006, at 10:43:45
Hi Daisy, I'm back again and haven't forgotten your kindness and support in the past. I've been looking out for your posts and sad to know you're having a difficult time. Take care of yourself and perhaps take things a little more slowly until things improve, as they will. I'm thinking about you. Hugs.
Raindance
Posted by Vinalee on October 20, 2006, at 18:50:15
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think » Phillipa, posted by Raindance on October 20, 2006, at 17:54:19
Daisy-
I have to use grounding techniques quite often- I find I start dropping things or becoming clumsy when I'm too 'in my head'... thinking too much and worrying about things.One thing I've found helpful is to actually touch the ground... just simply bend over and put both hands solidly on the floor- feel it's support, and even lean on it a bit.
Stand up, look around you and really look at your surroundings.... take several deep calming breaths.
Then, (and this is something I learned at a lecture about a month ago) visualise a jar full of water with mud in it- all shaken up. Picture the mud slowly starting to settle while you continue taking slow quiet breaths- while the water in the jar gradually becomes clear.
The man giving the lecture called it the 'Letting Your Mud Settle' meditation... it really does help!
I know it sounds a bit New-Age-ish, but to be honest I find some of these techniques work well for me.Vin
Posted by gardenergirl on October 20, 2006, at 22:36:07
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
Hi sweetie,
Maybe someone has already mentioned this, but yoga helps me, particularly child pose, down dog, relaxation pose (corpse pose), and rag doll.Clearskies also posted a visualization grounding thing awhile back. I don't have a link, but it's something like this (probably mushing together hers and another I've read recently).
Stand quietly, and imagine a green cord or root growing out of your feet and another growing out of the base of your spine. Imagine these strong, flexible, healthy green roots growing down into the earth, seeking the earth's core. Feel the slight downward pull of them as they reach deeper and deeper towards the earth's center. As they reach the center, which is a core of lovely white energy and light, the roots start to take on this light and energy. Imagine the energy travelling back up the roots, up towards you. Feel the earth's pure, strong light move into your feet and the base of your spine. Feel this energy spread and flow through you, filling you with light as the roots connect you to the earth's center. Feel the balance and calm. When you have had your fill of this light, imagine the roots disengaging from the earth's center and pulling back into you, where they will stay strong and ready for the next time you seek grounding. Carry this balanced, grounded feeling with you throughout the day.
When I've taken a few minutes to do this, I've felt more relaxed, more centered, and less scattered.
Chammomile tea, too.
Thinking of you,
gg
Posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 23:05:57
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think » Daisym, posted by gardenergirl on October 20, 2006, at 22:36:07
Day #1 is done.
This morning I left 1/2 hour late, have no idea where the time went and then I got lost. Now this is a place I've been to at least 10 times in the last two months but I couldn't remember how to get there. I finally found it after a frustrating 25 minutes. I started to wonder if I have something really wrong with me. So I was over an hour late to class. *sigh*
There was a dinner meeting after class tonight and I started to have a glass of wine. I heard my therapist in my head, "be super careful" so I switch to soda. There were only a few bad moments on the way home in the dark, where the inky blackness off the edge of the hill sort of called out to me - weird how magnetic that can be. I pushed back those thoughts, used several of things you guys suggested here (thank you very much!) and made it home safely. I'm off to bed as I have a 6am start time but wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate the support.
(((Babblers)))
Posted by All Done on October 21, 2006, at 4:12:41
In reply to Thank sall, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 23:05:57
(((((Daisy))))),
I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. Stay safe...even if it means staying in. I know you feel as though you have to go to class, but I'd rather have you miss a day and have to catch up than some of the other possible alternatives, if you're not doing well.
And maybe don't discount a med change so quickly. I think (but I could be wrong) that your circumstances are constantly changing and when that happens, your brain might react differently than before. If you ask me, that's at least reason enough for a check-in with your pdoc.
Stay safe. It would only take *one* of those "few bad moments" to change your life and your sons' lives forever.
(((((Daisy)))))
Lots of gentle hugs,
Laurie
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 21, 2006, at 11:29:55
In reply to Re: Please stay safe » Daisym, posted by All Done on October 21, 2006, at 4:12:41
Hi Daisy,
Sounds like you're experiencing "cognitive symptoms" of (depression/anxiety disorder) whatever you have at the moment.I found that the cognitive symptoms went away after a medication change. For me, the cognitive symptoms are much more responsive to meds than my mood is. These symptoms responded well to cymbalta and provigil, in my case.
Remember that you only have limited brain-power. This is true for EVERYONE, not just for you.
Learn how to use it most effectively-- do the hardest thinking when you are at your peak (morning? night?)
In the meanwhile, try to notice when you especially spacey and do what you can to avoid dangerous situations.
For me, this meant no more bike riding to work (I had to cross a couple of busy intersections, and ride on one street that was a little unpredictable)
Public transportation, or get stuff delivered, or have kid's friends drive and do pick-up for activities.
No more candles! (I only recently graduated to trusting myself with open flames again).
Cooking- use the microwave whenever possible. I also have an electric kettle that shuts off when the water boils. I hope you can take advantage of these modern conveniences too.
buy a timer- a small one that you can stick in your pocket and take around with you. if you've got something in the oven for 45 minutes, you need the timer WITH you, because you may have decided it is a good time to be raking leaves... poof! your roast is charred!
Your limited brainpower suggests to me that something else is sharing your cognitive real-estate. is it depressive rumination? OCD repetitive obsessive thoughts? Worries? Stress? Sub-conscious/barely conscious memories, feelings, voices? Now that I think about it- seroquel (even small doses) was effective in helping me "shut down" those voices- especially the ones that wake me up at night.
When you can learn what is sapping your brainpower - you suggested your inner 9-y-o? then you can start working on reclaiming your mind!
until then- SIMPLIFY.
(((((((Daisy))))))
Take good care of yourself-
-Li
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2006, at 0:53:35
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think » Phillipa, posted by Raindance on October 20, 2006, at 17:54:19
> I'm back again
Welcome back! Did your old name not work? If you're willing to switch back, I'd be glad to try to help...
Bob
Posted by nutsandmore on October 24, 2006, at 9:18:46
In reply to I'm losing it, I think, posted by Daisym on October 20, 2006, at 0:05:42
Dont feel bad i lost it a long time ago, i used to do silly things like that, sometimes, now its all the time. I have lost my mind now, i really need someone to talk to. I cant stop crying, its been 4 days now, i cant even do my homework and i am trying to avoid my babies because it upsets them to see me cry. I just feel so sad and hurt and i dont know why, have you ever cried for days and not know why? Please respond.
Posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2006, at 19:21:39
In reply to Re: I'm losing it, I think, posted by nutsandmore on October 24, 2006, at 9:18:46
I don't think we have met. Here I am Phillipa. Do you see a pdoc? Are you on meds?Also please forgive me if you frequently post on this board as I just recently started to. You call babblemail me if you would like to talk. Love Phillipa
Posted by Raindance on October 25, 2006, at 17:14:48
In reply to Re: back again » Raindance, posted by Dr. Bob on October 24, 2006, at 0:53:35
Dr.Bob, I would be grateful. I tried everything but couldn't get it to work. That extra "r" on the end makes all the difference. It's good to be back. Thanks. Raindancer
This is the end of the thread.
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