Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 693545

Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Saw new T today

Posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

Well, I saw my new T this morning for the first time. Her name is Ginny. I think it went fairly well. I didnt get the instant connection feeling I was hoping for, but she seemed very nice and seemed to get what I was saying. She's pretty young (mid-30s maybe) and energetic. I told her about how bad I've been feeling and she seemed to really get it and seemed genuinely concerned, very much unlike Anne. I had a chance to tell her how important it is to me that I feel heard, that Ts do what they promise theyll do (return calls, etc) and all those things. At the end of the session, we discussed whether or not I needed to be in the hospital and decided not, but she said she was anxious to let me leave when I'm feeling so badly. I dont want to make her stressed, but at the same time, at least I know she heard what I was saying. She is going to call me on Thursday (her only other day in the office) to make sure I'm okay and said she'll try to fit me in that day for another session. The "wait, am I making too big a deal out of this?" feeling in me is kicking in big time. But I know she heard me.

We also talked about whether I should be seeing someone who can promise me twice a week instead of her. She said she can only promise once (which is what I've been doing anyway) but there may be some weeks she can do twice (she only works 2 days a week). For now, we're going to go with that and see what happens.

As I went to leave, she touched my back briefly. That is a good sign in my mind. I have a hard time with the Ts who are very removed and detached, and I really felt like her and I were having a person-to-person conversation, not some "im the therapist, youre the client" discussion. She even said I could call her if I needed to.

I really didnt feel connected to her though. That sounds silly, given how good everything else I wrote sounds. But of course, that comes in time... I was just hoping to feel it some today. I just didnt leave with the feeling of "ahh, this is it". Her office is not particularly warm or inviting and she was such a real person (as opposed to most Ts who dont seem like real people!) that it makes it a little more scary for me. I think the connection can develop. I'm hoping so anyway.

Anyway, thats about it. Thank you so much everyone for your support. She is going to talk to both Anne and Laurie, and I advised her to not take what Anne says terribly seriously.. she said that Randy didnt think highly of Anne either, so she wouldnt. I'm glad because I was afraid Anne would make me sound totally crazy and give the new T the wrong impression.. but she sounds smart. Shes the director of the counseling center actually... you must be EXTRA crazy to see the director of the entire place huh? Oh well.

Thanks everyone. I dont know where I would be without you.

 

Re: Saw new T today » wishingstar

Posted by TherapyGirl on October 10, 2006, at 10:58:06

In reply to Saw new T today, posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

I'm so happy for you. Despite the lack of immediate connection, I see a lot in what you've written that is VERY promising. And remember that after what you've been through with Anne (and Laurie, to a much, much lesser extent), the lack of an immediate connection may just mean that you've put up your walls to avoid getting hurt.

I'm headed out of town for a couple of days (brother is having scary brain surgery tomorrow), but I'll check in as often as I can.

I'm very encouraged by your report of this session (and the fact that Ginny and Randy agree that Anne is an idiot LOL).

Take care of yourself, okay?

 

Re: Saw new T today » wishingstar

Posted by Poet on October 10, 2006, at 14:12:21

In reply to Saw new T today, posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

Hi wishingstar,

Even if you didn't feel completely connected to Ginny (that takes time, at least it did for me) she seems to understand your issues with Anne. My T is a *real* person to and I really like that.

I think that Ginny will quickly get that Anne is, I'll be polite, unprofessional.

I only go to therapy once a week, so I can't say the merits of more sessions per week. Maybe see how once a week goes and then if you need to take advantage of any extra sessions Ginny can offer the two of you can talk about it then.

I'm sending Anne a hard cyber slap just because she deserves it for having treated you so badly. Take that Anne! Ouch!

Poet

 

Re: Saw new T today » wishingstar

Posted by annierose on October 10, 2006, at 20:20:15

In reply to Saw new T today, posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

I glad you went and it went well. Relationships do take time to blossom. Think of it as planting a seed.

At least you know up front that she only works twice a week. And it sounds as if she will work you into her schedule if she is able for twice weekly sessions. I hope she calls you on Thursday as she promised.

You did good.

 

Re: Saw new T today » Poet

Posted by Jost on October 10, 2006, at 20:29:29

In reply to Re: Saw new T today » wishingstar, posted by Poet on October 10, 2006, at 14:12:21

It sounds promising, wishingstar. Maybe it's better that you didn't have that aha! moment. Sometimes that can be a sign of too much--overpromising and then not delivering. But Ginny sounds caring, and real-- not overpromising, but kind, thoughtful, honest. Only time will tell how deep a connection.

Two times a week, if you can swing it, would make a huge difference, in my experience. The sense of connection, of momentum, of things carrying on, of presence-- all are made more available-- more immediate-- you don't have to work as hard to bridge the gaps, which, at this point, is really important. And hard, after what you've been through.

I'm trying to remain civil when I refer to Anne, but my thoughts about her aren't at all. So, I'm not going to say much about her. Seeing the head of the counseling service doesn't mean you're crazy-- you shouldn't even say that! --it means you're getting a better trained, more capable, and well-respected T--

Maybe she'll see you enough, or an opening in her schedule will occur. But if not, you should explore the two-times-a-week option, because, at least for me, it offers much more safety to be trusting, and know the person is there.

I think you're doing great things for yourself. This is an abrupt and shaking transition-- but ultimately can lead to more.

I hope you don't mind my being a little optimistic for you-- I know it's terribly hard and frightening, now, too-- and you're unsure if something really bad might happen-- I don't want to obliterate or deny how real that fear is, and how hard to manage.

Jost

 

Re: Saw new T today » Jost

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 10, 2006, at 22:59:21

In reply to Re: Saw new T today » Poet, posted by Jost on October 10, 2006, at 20:29:29

Ginny sounds really good.
she wants to be there, even when she has limited availability. AND you were able to feel comfortable enough to tell her how bad you were doing. AND she was able to give you som comfort.

That's a great start.

Keep watering your new plant. I want to know what kind of flower blossoms.

-Li

 

Re: Saw new T today » wishingstar

Posted by muffled on October 11, 2006, at 21:49:24

In reply to Saw new T today, posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

WS, she sounds wonderful.
I think it could be a good T.
She proly appreciates your straightforwardness.
My T is great, but it took time for both of us to get to a place where she understands me more and I trust her enough to talk some(if not look at her!!!!).
So I hope it goes well for you guys(you and T).
Take care,
Muffled

 

nevermind all that.....

Posted by wishingstar on October 12, 2006, at 11:09:30

In reply to Saw new T today, posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

Thank you everyone for your supportive, encouraging responses. I too am excited about the new T... even without the immediate connection, she seems very attentive and smart.

I should say I WAS excited. But then, my luck kicked back in.

She promised on Tues to call me today to see how I'm doing. She did, about an hour ago. But I didnt like what I heard.

She said she isnt sure she is the best person for me. Now, her reason is good and she really is looking out for my best interests... but still. Basically she just said she cant promise me twice a week right now, and she thinks I need it.. and shes afraid I wont be getting the help I need once a week. She said she wanted to talk about it now before we got into things and it became harder. Obviously, I really respect and appreciate her being honest with me now and looking out for my best interests.

For some reason, it hurts. I'm not even attached to this woman yet, but I'm almost in tears writing this. Not again. Why can nothing EVER work out? She had a cancellation today so I'm going in to see her at 3 to talk about this. She said she has some names she can give me. Great. F-ing great.

You guys, I cant keep doing this. I put my hope in things way too easily. Hope is only a way to get hurt.. I truly believe that. I know this is the best for me, but it doesnt matter. I'm tired of being rejected.

 

It's gonna be all right. ((((Wishingstar)))) » wishingstar

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 12, 2006, at 11:25:22

In reply to nevermind all that....., posted by wishingstar on October 12, 2006, at 11:09:30

wishingstar- this is actually good news- first of all, she is able to recognize that you need 2x a week, and she values you as a person enough to be looking out for your best interests. If all she wanted was your business, she would have taken you on, regardless of whether the scheduling was ideal.

Secondly, I think that she is in a very good position to give you a referral to another T. She knows enough about your situation, and she is not biased by her own problems, or by her own attachment to you to mess this up.

And, you get to see her this afternoon, get some supportive counselling, and I think she'll give you a pep talk to take the next step and call up some new T's.

I'm glad that it's happening now, not 3 or 4 weeks when you've already started to bond with her.

You deserve a long-term therapy solution. I'm so sorry that you've been bouncing around so much lately. I hope that you can find the stability that you need so much now.

yours,
-Li

 

Re: nevermind all that..... » wishingstar

Posted by Jost on October 12, 2006, at 11:46:31

In reply to nevermind all that....., posted by wishingstar on October 12, 2006, at 11:09:30

Sorry wishingstar.

It's not her fault--- she's doing the right thing for you-- but you don't deserve this now.

You deserve having everything work out-- a good T who can see you and calls and remembers what you say, and helps you to express things that are hard.

Hope is a double-edged sword, for sure. It leads to disappointment-- but it also, if you don't let the flame die out-- leads to the things you hope for--

Even if the flame is low, try to protect it, don't put it into the wind, but don't put it out. Just let it be a low flame in a protected space.

You'll get through this, even though it's still so hard. There is a T out there for you-- and maybe this T, even though it's discouraging and hard to say goodby, will help you find her.

{{{Wishingstar}}}

Jost

 

((((((((WS))))))

Posted by muffled on October 12, 2006, at 13:06:03

In reply to Re: nevermind all that..... » wishingstar, posted by Jost on October 12, 2006, at 11:46:31

I think she sounds very on the ball. I think she HEARD you. I think she gonna help you to find a T who will be what you need. You do have a connection w/her now, so if need be you can get her to help with searching if it gets hard.
You got people in your corner, its gonna be ok.
JUST F*CKING SUCKS.
But it will be ok.
Muffled

 

Re: nevermind all that..... » wishingstar

Posted by Poet on October 12, 2006, at 20:50:58

In reply to nevermind all that....., posted by wishingstar on October 12, 2006, at 11:09:30

Hi wishingstar,

I get my hopes up about things, too, and then when I get kicked in the teeth I kick myself in the head for being hopeful in the first place.

I hope Ginny was able to give you some names of therapists who will be able to see you as often as you need them to. This is a total bummer. You don't deserve it. Absolutely not.

(((((wishingstar))))))

Poet

 

saw Ginny again

Posted by wishingstar on October 12, 2006, at 21:58:57

In reply to Saw new T today, posted by wishingstar on October 10, 2006, at 10:46:18

Thank you everyone for the supportive messages.. I was really worked up when I wrote that post. I know what you all said it correct... she is doing the absolute best thing for me. But it still hurt a lot at the time, and still does some. I just want someone to stay put.

I did go see her this afternoon. It went well. I felt like I did connect with her today.. even though it may be pointless now anyway. She was very easy to talk to and really seemed to get things before I even said them. She gave me the option of staying with her or not. If I stay, she said she can only see me once a week.. but she made it very clear that she isnt trying to get me to leave, she just doesnt want to disappoint me later by not being able to give what I need. The other option is see someone else. There is a woman at her center who she said is wonderful and who could see me twice a week. She tried to introduce us today, but she was in a session.. so I'm going to probably schedule a session with this woman next week just to test it out. But I have 2 concens. One is that this woman only works 2 days a week, so I'd be seeing her 2 days in a row, rather than spread through the week. I think sessions a few days apart might be more helpful, but I dont know. There's also benefits (continuity) to appointments in a row like that. The second concern is greater for me. She's not licensed. In fact, no one at this center, except for Ginny, has their license. Theyre all working towards it currently, and Ginny is doing supervision for them. I'm concerned that a brand new therapist who doesnt have a lot of experience wouldnt be the best for me. But Ginny said that if her family needed therapy, she'd send them to this woman. So I dont know. I guess it's worth meeting her once.

But Ginny is obviously very good. I like her a lot. All I've ever done is once a week previously, so maybe I could keep seeing her once a week... but is that the best? I dont know.

I'm seeing Laurie tomorrow so I'm sure I'll talk to her about it. Also seeing Ginny next Tues so hopefully things will be figured out then. It just stinks that this keeps happening.

Thank you everyone. You all are the best.

 

Re: saw Ginny again » wishingstar

Posted by Lindenblüte on October 13, 2006, at 11:17:52

In reply to saw Ginny again, posted by wishingstar on October 12, 2006, at 21:58:57

Hi Wishingstar,
If you use any kind of insurance or healthcare plan to pay for your psychotherapy, make sure that they do not require that you are treated by a licensed professional. I know that my insurance is very specific - has to be LCSW, PsyD, PhD [clin psychology] or MD in psychiatry.

Better to know about this sooner than later!

I'm glad Ginny is working out for you. At least you have options. That's a wonderful thing, isn't it?

-Li

can you ask Ginny if she would do a phone session as a 2nd session during the week sometime? maybe this might be a compromise to her availability issues?

 

Re: saw Ginny again » Lindenblüte

Posted by wishingstar on October 13, 2006, at 14:57:05

In reply to Re: saw Ginny again » wishingstar, posted by Lindenblüte on October 13, 2006, at 11:17:52

Unfortunately I dont have any mental health insurance. Thats one reason Im very hesitant to go anywhere else.. I pay completely out of pocket, and I make less than $10,000 a year. I only pay Ginny $10 an hour since I am in their lowest income bracket.

I'm not sure a phone session would be any more doable to her than in person... since it's really just a time issue. I think she just doesnt have that extra hour every week to spend on a client. I saw Laurie today (it was less than great.. oh well) and she suggested I talk to Ginny about maybe doing individual once a week with her, and finding a group once a week. That's a possibility. I hate to leave a T who seems like she might be good for me.

 

Re: saw Ginny again » wishingstar

Posted by TherapyGirl on October 13, 2006, at 16:09:07

In reply to Re: saw Ginny again » Lindenblüte, posted by wishingstar on October 13, 2006, at 14:57:05

I'm sorry -- I just got back home from being out of town. I am impressed with Ginny's wish to do right by you. If it were me, I think I'd try the once/week first and then maybe add a group if it feels like you need it.

Whatever you decide, we'll support you on Babble. Sooner or later (and I really, really hope it's sooner), you'll find just what you need.

 

Re: saw Ginny again » wishingstar

Posted by Racer on October 13, 2006, at 20:50:02

In reply to Re: saw Ginny again » Lindenblüte, posted by wishingstar on October 13, 2006, at 14:57:05

> I saw Laurie today (it was less than great.. oh well) and she suggested I talk to Ginny about maybe doing individual once a week with her, and finding a group once a week. That's a possibility. I hate to leave a T who seems like she might be good for me.

But WishingStar? You haven't met this other T yet, have you? Maybe you'll walk into that session next week, and find The One?

I just wanted to remind you that you don't have to make a Permanent Decision about Ts today. You can wait, see the other T, maybe even see her twice in order to get a better idea of whether it feels like a good fit, maybe see her three or four times to see if it's gonna work -- and if it doesn't, Ginny's there, right?

Group might be really good, too. I think that's a great idea. Then again, I really like group. Even when I hate group, I like group, you know? :-D (Yes, I am nuts...)

When I was uninsured and my husband had been laid off (he had insurance), we saw a marriage counselor at an agency for low income folk. She was great, just darling sweet woman, very caring, and so on. At the time, I was supposed to be getting therapy at another agency, but that turned into a nightmare. (It's in the archives here, to make me shudder.) When she was talking to us in our marriage session about getting me into therapy at her agency, she pointed out that she was both our marriage counselor AND the director of counseling, so she supervised the interns. If I saw an intern there, I could be sure that MC was looking over her shoulder, making sure I got what I needed. It worked out for me, although I have to admit that I did need more than the intern could handle in the end. Then again, I needed more help than ANYONE there could handle, because my anorexia was so much worse by the time I got away from that other agency. I was also unmedicated -- again, longish story in the archives -- so my depression was far more than could respond much to therapy at that time.

Anyway, the whole point of all this is to say a couple of things:

1. You don't have to make up your mind today. See what the other T is like. (Monty Hall isn't here: you don't have to give up your prize in order to see what's behind door number 1.)

2. The intern will be supervised, and I'll bet Ginny will also be willing to say that if the intern isn't a good fit, she'll take you back. Maybe ask for a week or two with the new one, if you decide to try it with her, before you make a final decision?

3. I guess there really isn't a real 3, it's just my OCD -- everything has to come in groups of three... (Or maybe I thought there was a three, decided there wasn't, and thought that might make you smile?)


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