Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 674565

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Termination talk today :(

Posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 14:23:29

Last session I told him I wanted to try to be done by the end of the year.
Well today he said he thinks has helped me all that he thinks he can and that he agrees that I am ready for termination but that we needed to plan for it. Either this fall, spring or at the end of the year whenever I want to do it.

Well I was fine until he said we needed to plan it. He asked if I wanted to do the plan today. I just looked at him and froze up. I guess I realized the finality of it all , and it made me so sad. He saw my reaction, and said we can plan it another session if that was better. I said yes.

I know I am ready, so why am I acting like such a big baby? I don't want to say goodbye forever. I don't know if I can do it now. Plus he told me he wasn't sure if he was going to renew his gym membership. This was the thing that was going to make leaving easier, if I could still see him once in a while. Now it might be forever, forever. :( I think I will miss him too much.

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower

Posted by LadyBug on August 7, 2006, at 15:33:41

In reply to Termination talk today :(, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 14:23:29

I imagine that no matter when you talk about leaving it will be hard. I'm sure if you leave and need to see him down the road he would leave that option open. My T has reassured me that if I terminate with her and I have a need to see her or call her after that, I can. She told me even when she retires if I ever needed to call her, it would be ok. She is invested in our work too and not just me. I suspect your T is invested in your work with him. My T has told me with how extensive our work has been that the termination phase may take up to a year. She said, it depends, you might set a time and decide to make it sooner. But I'm a whimp, I don't want to terminate yet. But I'm thinking that a year from Sept. might work? I'm afraid to lose her. She's been soooooo good to me and I don't want to give that up. Especially with a failed marriage I face everyday of my life.
You will make the right choice for you. I admire your strength, you've grown so much and I hope you give yourself credit for it.
Take the time you need, it's your therapy.
Hugs
LadyBug

 

Re: Termination talk today :(

Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2006, at 15:48:43

In reply to Termination talk today :(, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 14:23:29

Well, I know for me, it feels much better to make the affirmative step of leaving than it does for them to agree. I mean how dare they!

Maybe we should forward the textbook writers some suitable words for termination.

I think I'd like "I'm so glad you're feeling so much better. I'll miss seeing you, but I have every confidence in you. And I want you to know that if you ever feel you need a little tuneup, I'll be available to you."

And refrain from mentioning dropping their gym membership.

 

Re: Termination talk today :(

Posted by fairywings on August 7, 2006, at 16:06:41

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :(, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2006, at 15:48:43

((((HF))))
I know this has to be a very sad topic to face, I'm sorry. Maybe a gradual phasing out, instead of planning for a final meeting? Would going longer in between appts. make it easier? I don't know if there's anyway of doing it that's painless.

I was thinking of the gym before I read all of your post. You're right that would've made it so much easier because you could spread your wings w/o the finality of not seeing him anymore.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know I can't.
(((hugs)))
fw

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » LadyBug

Posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 18:15:05

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on August 7, 2006, at 15:33:41

Thanks Ladybug,

I know I can termainate when I am ready whenever that is, I deceide. I just thought I as ready, really I probably am, but it was just the thought of planning it, just seems so final to me. I know I can go back to him after termination, he has told me several other client have come back over the years.

I guess planning the end feels kinda like planning your death or like being told you have only 6 months to live, and then you have to plan the end of your life. I just hate goodbyes. Too many people in my life that has meant something to me has left me by dying and this sort of feels the same. I want to be okay, but yet it is so hard to give up seeing him.

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » Dinah

Posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 18:21:18

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :(, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2006, at 15:48:43

Hi Dinah,

I think my T thinks those things you have said, he has said some of those things throughout therapy. But the gym thing is new. He has been a member for over 3 years, he didn't say for sure he wasn't renewing it. So I can still hope. But I think I want to know what he is planning to do because I think it will effect the amount of time I take for termination. Should I tell him this or will I seem to needy or something? I wish I could see him forever ya know whether it was therapy or just at the gym..

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » fairywings

Posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 18:27:19

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :(, posted by fairywings on August 7, 2006, at 16:06:41

Hey Fairywings,
Your words always make me feel a bit better, maybe it can't take away the sadness I feel, but your words do make me feel good.
I know part of the planning on termination will be gradually spacing out the appointments. We sort of tried this several months ago, without the talk of termination.
I hope he continues with the gym membership for my own selfish reasongs. He told me he got the renewal in the mail, but hasn't opened the envelope yet. He told me that his membership expires in Sept, so I will hopefully know soon.
I will write more to you tonight about it.
Thanks always FW.

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower

Posted by fairywings on August 7, 2006, at 19:15:47

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :( » fairywings, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 18:27:19


> I hope he continues with the gym membership for my own selfish reasongs. He told me he got the renewal in the mail, but hasn't opened the envelope yet. He told me that his membership expires in Sept, so I will hopefully know soon.
> I will write more to you tonight about it.

Hi HF,

Maybe he thinks it's a conflict of interest being there, and knowing a client is there too - if so you could tell him you cancelled your membership, and then avoid seeing him till he's already renewed......By the time the next renewal rolls around you'll be over him! ; )

Feel better hf! ; )
fw

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » fairywings

Posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 20:40:24

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower, posted by fairywings on August 7, 2006, at 19:15:47

Hey FW,

I am not the only client there at the center, he also has a lot of formal colleges there too. He is thinking of quiting because it is getting expensive for the amount of time he is there.

But I have a feeling he will renew, exercise is important to him especially when it's winter and he can't exercise outside. Plus it is just a block away from his office and it is the same parking garage too.
I will never get over him, he will always be special to me in so many ways and will always remain in my heart and be a part of me. That won't change whether or not I see him.

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower

Posted by muffled on August 8, 2006, at 0:20:05

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :( » fairywings, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 20:40:24

(((((((((((((((((((((Sadflower)))))))))))))))
Sorry.
Dunno what to say :-(
I know you will make it.
But it must be like grieving process.
Wish I could say something good.
But all I can think of is trite platitudes....
Thinkingf of you.
Muffy

 

Re: Termination talk today :(

Posted by vwoolf on August 8, 2006, at 10:18:27

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :( » fairywings, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 18:27:19

It must be awful to have to think about something so final as termination, and I really feel for you. But at the same time, I have to admit, I feel a sneaking sense of envy that you are strong enough to go out free, grown-up, into the world. I wish I could.

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower

Posted by susan47 on August 8, 2006, at 20:19:44

In reply to Re: Termination talk today :( » LadyBug, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 18:15:05

>
> I know I can termainate when I am ready whenever that is, I deceide. I just thought I as ready, really I probably am, but it was just the thought of planning it, just seems so final to me.

Happyflower, listen for a sec, what bothers me most of all, reading your previous post where you felt good about terminating because it was YOUR decision .. and then the session where HE brought it up and not only did you bring it up, he made a huge deal out of it. Happyflower, I know this sounds unethical, but reading carefully what you wrote in this thread, and previously, it honestly, honest-to-God sounds like he is trying to wrestle power back away from you.
I'm suspicious a bit, as to why.
There's a couple of reasons I could think of, why someone would do this. None of them are professional. His behaviour looks especially suspicious when taken in conjunction with his comment about the gym membership. What?

I suspect that if he had been tactful, and a true Therapist, he would have left the power with you, not tried to take it away. By initiating a conversation about the one thing that he Knows would make you anxious more than anything about quitting.

HF, he sounds manipulative to me. Be careful. Be careful who you give your feelings to, I'm serious. Don't let this character manipulate you out of feeling good about yourself and taking the power to terminate when you want to. But don't get angry with him either. You could terminate you and you'd have no choice about it.
Man, do I ever feel for you. I hope and pray this is going to be okay.

((((Happyflower))))

 

Re: Termination talk today :( » happyflower

Posted by Tamar on August 10, 2006, at 17:29:57

In reply to Termination talk today :(, posted by happyflower on August 7, 2006, at 14:23:29

(((((Happyflower)))))

I agree, it can feel like a death. I remember so clearly how I felt when I terminated with my therapist, before I went back to him. And that’s the thing: I needed him again and he was there for me. But after the termination it felt really awful for a while. It really felt like a bereavement. But it did get better, and because I was no longer depressed I didn’t miss him every minute of every day.

Mind you, I still wonder if part of the reason it felt bad for me was my intense attachment to him, which I still haven’t talked about with him. And so the only advice I have for you (and of course you don’t have to take it) is: make sure you’ve told him everything you want to tell him. Make sure there are no loose ends.

And I can totally understand the thing about the gym membership. Having the idea of a remnant of security is really important.

> I know I am ready, so why am I acting like such a big baby? I don't want to say goodbye forever. I don't know if I can do it now. Plus he told me he wasn't sure if he was going to renew his gym membership. This was the thing that was going to make leaving easier, if I could still see him once in a while. Now it might be forever, forever. :( I think I will miss him too much.

I don’t think you’re acting like a baby. No one likes to say goodbye. But I think he’s right about planning it. Getting used to the idea of saying goodbye will prepare you for going out into the world on your own. It’s great that you’ve made so much progress! You have every reason to be proud of yourself.

Tamar


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