Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 672077

Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

This is a cruel way to do DID therapy

Posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 18:03:26

Everything is so painful it's so hard to live.
i started going to a T who is a nice person but isn't familiar with doing t for persons with DID.
He asked questions and questions. over and over. When you have DID it's so so hard not to be led into doing anything- the other person leads- we're never in control . Parts can come out- we can switch.

Parts came out and answered questions that i never wanted to know the answers to. Now i can't live with myself because it's so horrible, i am so horrible. Parts protected me from knowing what i couldn't live with but T circumvented it some how- he fired questions over and over and parts answered :(

T even called out the "Part that hated me". and there's so much hatred now- i hate myself- can't see myself in the mirror. i hate my life, things that were done are coming as flashbacks and it's so painful.

How can i forget this- i want to erase my memory and thoughts about myself- i can't live with it.

i can't function.
i tried to go on a trip (planned for months) but parts couldn't come to drive- we had a rental car all packed up and couldn't go.

since therapy there's a mess- parts can't function- go to work any regular hours. now we know horrific information we can't live with.
It's terrible scary things that no one can live with. tears. i'm devastated.

Tears. my life is ruined. How can i ever get better?

My family hates me, is so critical also - everyone hates who i am.
we're devastated- my T doesn't know - thinks i'm 'unsettled'.
tears, kerria

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy

Posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 19:31:27

In reply to This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 18:03:26

tears
All anyone could say is sorry, etc. We're in crisis - everything is unrepairably wrong. i can't think of anything that can help.
tears.
i can't live with myself anymore and no one can help:( There's so much pain and nothing can help:(
kerria

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy

Posted by sunnydays on July 30, 2006, at 19:31:45

In reply to This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 18:03:26

(((kerria))) I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting so much. Knowing about hurtful things that have happened in the past is soooo hard, but I have faith that you CAN live with it. It will be tremendously painful, but I truly do believe that you can learn to live with the knowledge. It will be very painful, though, no doubt about it. Try to take care of all your parts while you are working towards being able to survive with what you now know. (((kerria)))

sunnydays

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy

Posted by sunnydays on July 30, 2006, at 19:33:54

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 19:31:27

(((kerria))) We posted at the same time. Can your T help?? Will your T let you call him if you are in a crisis? It might be a good idea to call him and tell him what a very hard time that you are having. You sound like you are having such a hard time. Please try to be gentle with yourself and your parts. You deserve kindness and gentleness when you are having such a hard time. (((kerria)))

sunnydays

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy

Posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 21:40:31

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by sunnydays on July 30, 2006, at 19:33:54

Thank you Sunnydays,

i did talk to T yesterday- it made things so worse because he keeps asking questions and then asking how i feel about it and it makes everything so much worse:(

Parts answer and say things that i can't live with. we're distraught.

i called - no call returned and sent an email then to the T that i used to go to that specializes in trauma therapy because i was so desperate and he said to have my T call. He couldn't help since i was this T's pt.

It hurts so much that this T didn't think- just put me carelessly in a terrible place. He didn't understand about parts- he was unavailable to talk to me when i fist called. After i talked to him i realized why talking to him made me so much worse- he directly badgers me about the past-his talking directly to parts about trauma made me so much worse. Then he says'Talk to you more on MOn.

i'll never talk to him again.

tears, we're a wreck- he says "i think you we're 'unsettled'. he has no clue how he ruined my life. It's so difficult now. i have triggering physical pain that makes everything so worse.

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy kerria

Posted by ElaineM on July 30, 2006, at 22:49:42

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 21:40:31

((((((kerria))))))

I'm so sorry your T pushed so much. I can't believe that he would try and initiate such intense questions knowing full well that he was ignorant about DID! I can't imagine how you must have felt -- but your words are so full of desperation and self-loathing.

Please don't give up. I know that means nothing coming from someone you don't know, but I care about another person hurting so much, whether I know them well or not. You said that oldT wouldn't help you without talking to your current one -- could you leave a message, or email, your T explaining that oldT needs to hear from him first? You wouldn't even have to speak to him personally then.

You deserve someone capable and understanding to help you deal with the effects of this now.

thinking of you,
safe hugs, Elaine

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy kerria

Posted by Jost on July 31, 2006, at 3:16:04

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 21:40:31

Kerria, if possible, can you find a T who knows how to work with DID?

That's a very special, and demanding (of the T's skill and tact and timing) kind of work, and you do need someone with both experience and the right temperament to feel his or her way with you. not push, force.

Is there any way you can find someone to help you forget and put away for the future, these parts that have been too quickly brought into the dialogue?

Someone who knows how to keep you safe, and only do things after long preparation, and your readiness?

You need and deserve someone who isn't going to cause further damage, and trauma, or cause you to remember things, unless it's crucial to recovery-- and only in manageable way.

If this T isn't trained, and has gone in too far, maybe someone else can help you rebalance, and regain your footing.

Don't let this terrible experience push away all the possiblities for your life, that you aren't able to feel now.

You can find a better life, and get back to a place where these memories are in their place, and you're not in danger from them.

Does any kind of meditation or mindfulness help even a little, when the thoughts and feelings get too painful? This may sound really silly, but I was reading that various smells can be used to reduce pain, in people with chronic pain. I tried one, and afterward I really couldn't feel the pain. It was just a sensory way of focusing my mind somewhere else. Is there any way you can do that?

It's hard to fight for yourself, with so much turmoil and badness, but try to, if you possibly can. That you're writing here is a good sign, it shows that you're not without any resources, and can be for yourself.

I've been looking for you.

Jost

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria

Posted by Estella on August 2, 2006, at 7:02:55

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy, posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 21:40:31

Hey. I have been wondering for a while now... Whether you might benefit from DBT if you would be able to get into a program.

The reason I say this...

Some DID theorists (e.g., Colin Ross) think that BPD is a trauma disorder like dissociative disorders in general and DID in particular. Some BPD theorists (e.g., Linehan - if my sources are right on this) think that DID (and dissociative disorders in general) are emotion dysregulation disorder like BPD. The point is that theorists seem to agree that there are pronounced similarities between those clusters of disorders and hence... One might expect that similar treatments would be of benefit. (Also worth noting that around 80% of people with DID also meet dx criteria for BPD according to Colin Ross).

So...

I would think that you might well be able to get into a program.

The point of the program is to work (for at least one year) on becoming stabilised. So one can function better in ones daily life. Sounds like that is one of your priorities.

Then once stabilisation has occured... Well... Then would be the time to work on communication / trauma work / etc etc.

You might be able to find a DBT therapist who has some experience with treating DID too.

The focus on stabilisation sounds about perfect for what you are wanting...

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy Jost

Posted by kerria on August 2, 2006, at 21:26:10

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy kerria, posted by Jost on July 31, 2006, at 3:16:04

> Kerria, if possible, can you find a T who knows how to work with DID?
>
> That's a very special, and demanding (of the T's skill and tact and timing) kind of work, and you do need someone with both experience and the right temperament to feel his or her way with you. not push, force.
>
> Is there any way you can find someone to help you forget and put away for the future, these parts that have been too quickly brought into the dialogue?
>
> Someone who knows how to keep you safe, and only do things after long preparation, and your readiness?
>
> You need and deserve someone who isn't going to cause further damage, and trauma, or cause you to remember things, unless it's crucial to recovery-- and only in manageable way.
>
> If this T isn't trained, and has gone in too far, maybe someone else can help you rebalance, and regain your footing.
>
> Don't let this terrible experience push away all the possiblities for your life, that you aren't able to feel now.
>
> You can find a better life, and get back to a place where these memories are in their place, and you're not in danger from them.
>
> Does any kind of meditation or mindfulness help even a little, when the thoughts and feelings get too painful? This may sound really silly, but I was reading that various smells can be used to reduce pain, in people with chronic pain. I tried one, and afterward I really couldn't feel the pain. It was just a sensory way of focusing my mind somewhere else. Is there any way you can do that?
>
> It's hard to fight for yourself, with so much turmoil and badness, but try to, if you possibly can. That you're writing here is a good sign, it shows that you're not without any resources, and can be for yourself.
>
> I've been looking for you.
>
> Jost

Thanks Jost, so much for writing. your thoughts help feel less hopeless.

i left a T who does therapy for DID. He agreed to see me again and do containment - put away the terrible thoughts and memories that came out.

i went - we were 35 min. late and he seemed upset- even angry with me. i told him that i never wanted to see the other T (who upset me so much with asking so many questions) again. He said "You said that about me too."
It felt so bad that he said that. We never did get to doing containment of the memories. i'm still a mess. Instead he kept asking if i was his patient- that was the thing discussed. i felt in too bad shape- it feels like i can't make it to the next session. When i'm feeling bad it always seems like this. i left him because it feels like he doesn't care about me.

It's hard for me to find DID specialists who will take me, especially when i'm having so hard a time.
i'm seeing him again on Friday. i don't know if he will ever help me.

Thank you for writing. my h is always so angry when i go to support groups but i can't help it- without hearing words of hope here from you and others i never hear any anywhere else.

it feels like my life is too hard for me. My h would say "You're not thankful- people have it worse than you." He gets angry with me - like now - when he sees me write here in this support group. tears. It hurts me so much. i know that a lot of people have things worse but it doesn't make me feel any better , Everything is still so difficult and still a confusing mess.

Thanks for being there,
kerria

 

Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy ElaineM

Posted by kerria on August 2, 2006, at 21:35:48

In reply to Re: This is a cruel way to do DID therapy kerria, posted by ElaineM on July 30, 2006, at 22:49:42

Thank you so much Elaine.
i did see the T i went to before but he didn't work on containment. It was a hard session- short, and i was upset afterwards, At least he will see me again. i think that i probably need to go inpatient in a safe place- not a place that will re-traumatize. At home i don't feel safe. H is critical of me for things i can't help doing:(

Thank you for being there,
kerria

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT

Posted by kerria on August 2, 2006, at 21:44:51

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria, posted by Estella on August 2, 2006, at 7:02:55

Thanks so much Estella for writing.
Others have sid that DBT is good also.
Now it's hard to find anything, hard to live one day at a time. i'm trying my best- h isn't happy with me- it hurts so much to have negativity now- when he adds to the hatred by his criticsm of me it's so hard to live with everything else.

H doesn't believe in therapy and thinks DID is demonic. i wish he showed kindness now- it's so hard to go on already.

Thanks for being there,
kerria

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria

Posted by Estella on August 3, 2006, at 0:15:46

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT, posted by kerria on August 2, 2006, at 21:44:51


> Now it's hard to find anything, hard to live one day at a time. i'm trying my best- h isn't happy with me- it hurts so much to have negativity now- when he adds to the hatred by his criticsm of me it's so hard to live with everything else.

Yeah, sweetie I understand.
DBT helps teach you skills so that you can move beyond living life one day at a time struggling to get through each day.
Trouble can be... That sometimes people need good DBT skills in order to take the steps to get to do DBT.

Do you know if DBT could be an option for you?

I'm asking because sounds like you have been having a pretty hard time of it with t's. And in a sense... They have been making you feel worse. Bringing up stuff for you and that kind of thing. DBT is great because it teaches you skills so that you are better able to contain some of those horrible feelings and so that you feel better about your ability to cope with life and hard times and those kinds of things.

I really think it would be worthwhile to do if you could find the courage to find out about it.

I've seen many many different therapists... Many years of therapy... And the thing that helped me the most was learning DBT skills and having a therapist that was focused on helping me implement those DBT skills in my daily life.

I really really really really think that you could benefit from learning the skills and having a good DBT therapist.

But it can be hard sometimes... I hope you feel better soon.

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT Estella

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2006, at 10:52:34

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria, posted by Estella on August 3, 2006, at 0:15:46

(((((Estella)))))

The T would have to probabaly be found by my psychDr or T- and would have to understand switching because we're a mess- everything changes- we find ourselves places and are different ages and names- trying to concentrate on any subject is hard- it's all chopped up- i remember parts of sentences and topics. Even the practical thing of getting there- to the office and finding the office is a struggle for us - we're switching so much that everything is so hard now. Also we're upset and having flashbacks- everything is too hard now.

i will ask pDr when i see him.
Thanks so much,
kerria

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT

Posted by Estella on August 3, 2006, at 12:24:14

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT Estella, posted by kerria on August 3, 2006, at 10:52:34

> The T would have to probabaly be found by my psychDr or T-

okay. but then you are leaving your recovery in their hands rather than taking it into your own hands...

> and would have to understand switching because we're a mess- everything changes- we find ourselves places and are different ages and names- trying to concentrate on any subject is hard- it's all chopped up- i remember parts of sentences and topics. Even the practical thing of getting there- to the office and finding the office is a struggle for us - we're switching so much that everything is so hard now. Also we're upset and having flashbacks- everything is too hard now.

yeah. you have to contract with DBT. basically... you can't get better in therapy if fyou don't go to therapy. so if you turn up late to therapy then you have less therapy / no therapy. that is a consequence of turning up late / not turning up. I think that a great thing about DBT is that it works on reinforcement contingencies so that alters come into line... It is true that sometimes people don't do what is required... But if you and your parts are committed to getting better (as I'm sure you guys are - I mean I'm sure that things aren't much fun for any of you at the moment)... Then... DBT is great. I have parts too. DBT really helped me. I learned how to be... Kind to myself. Hard for me. 'Cause I hated myself so very much. But I learned how to be kind to me. Then (after quite a while) I learned how to be kind to my parts. To understand something of how they were afraid of / for me and about how... They were trying to protect me typically. Even the parts that I thought were horrid and were trying to destroy me. They were trying to protect me really. Trying to protect me from having unrealistic hopes in a t. Trying to protect me from having unrealistic hopes for my future etc.

DBT taught me to recognise that they were hurting and that I needed to be kind to them... And DBT taught them that they needed to recognise that I was hurting too and they needed to be kind to me.

Now I have... Improved communication... We don't always agree but we can communicate civily and we have a common goal of improved functioning of the body.

My life has improved so much.

It was a hard road. A very hard road indeed... But DBT skills helped me to do it. I don't know that I would be where I am today without them.

That is me of course. I understand different people are different... But I know I had similar problems with the DID 'specialists'. I found much more benefit to focusing on stabilisation as my first goal. And DBT... Is about stabilisation primarily.

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT Estella

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2006, at 23:21:10

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria, posted by Estella on August 3, 2006, at 0:15:46

Hi Estella,

Is DBT group therapy meetings? Is it like classes that you take at community centers, etc.

The hard thing with me is i don't have communication or control of parts. The T has to understand and help with that. It's kind of frustrating for everyone involved mostly. Right now we're having a hard time also.
Some parts are less functional than others. If any are triggered out we could get ionto troubleee. i have to be careful what i do. There isn't a certain part in charge of DBT so i don't know who would show up. i need a lot of help from a T to be able to go. i'll ask T tomorrow and see what he thinks. When there was a group therapy meeting for persons with DID he definately thought that i wasn't doing well enough to go.

i hope that T works with containment tomorrow- and that i get there on time. i'm supposed to go to work first. i hope that i feel better- i've been so sick this week with probable strep - my dr gave the antibiotics but i'm not better yet at all.

There was an upset at work- i don't remember ever getting upset like that before. Everything is so strange and scary. From one minute to the next i have no idea what will happen-it feels so out of control.

At least if i manage to go to work early it won't be as terribly hot - also i can leave early if my part at work remembers the T appt.
It feels impossible that it will work out. i always try to live an impossible schedule.

Thank you for the idea of DBT. i hope that something works out to help stabilize me. i hope it can work if you're not having communication with your parts. Usually everything depends upon that.

Take care,
kerria

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria

Posted by Estella on August 4, 2006, at 0:09:48

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT Estella, posted by kerria on August 3, 2006, at 23:21:10

DBT involves contracting for one year. Your therapist committs to work with you for one year, and you committ to working with your therapist for one year.

There are two components to DBT. Firstly, there is individual therapy (1X per week). Your therapist also tells you about what kind of phone contact etc is okay. The other component is skills training group. It is usually run as a group therapy, yeah. I have heard that it can be an individual thing instead, however. Usually... With a different therapist than your individual therapist, but sometimes the skills trainer is your individual therapist as well. Skills training is weekly as well.

The idea is that skills training is about learning skills in mindfulness (which has to do with distress tolerance and participating effectively and kind of about... fostering a peaceful optimistic and centred view to life). Mindfulness meditation skills are also sometimes taught to people with chronic pain conditions. Then there are skills on distress tolerance. On how to deal with / cope with distressing emotions. Then there is a section on emotion regulation. Those skills are around identifying factors that impact on your emotional state (sleep, menstration etc). Then there are skills on interpersonal effectiveness. That is around teaching you good ways to communicate your needs to others and strategies so that you are better able to get your needs met.

Your individual therapist tries to help you implement the skills in your daily life (which requires practice practice practice).

So it is about improving your functioning primarily. Once you feel more stable (typically one year though sometimes longer) then one is in a better place to be able to do some of the work around trauma and communication with alters and the like. Trouble is that without the skills... If a therapist pushes hard on those aspects then it can be too destabilising. You need to be good at implementing the skills in order to be able to cope with that other work.

> Some parts are less functional than others.

Yeah. I know I vary a lot in how well I can function too. Sometimes I function just fine. Othertimes I don't function so well :-( One notion is that how well you can function can have a whole heap to do with what kind of mood you are in. You can kind of think of parts as different moods. You are more capable when you are in some moods, and less capable when you are in others. Skills that one part has don't generalise so well so that the other parts can access them. That is where DBT tries to get you practicing the skills... Practiciing the skills... So you are more likely to be able to use the skills when you really need them. So that other parts are able to use the skills when they really need them.

I'm sorry you are sick at the moment :-( When I'm sick I feel really very vulnerable and sad and stuff :-(

I think that you could indeed to DBT without working on communication between parts. In fact... Working on communication between parts requires skills on interpersonal communication. And often... You have to learn how to be kind to yourself before you can be kind to your parts. And your parts... They need to learn the same. So DBT could be a terrific thing for all of you and in a way... It doesn't matter which part goes along because the idea is for... All the parts to learn and practice the skills.

The skills are about helping you all feel better. Helping you all feel heard. Helping you all learn better ways of getting your needs met.

Communication... Things changed for me when I started using my interpersonal effectiveness skills with my parts. As parts got better at expressing themselves too. I had parts and I thought they hated me and wanted to kill me. Turns out... They were scared and they were trying to do what they thought was best.

Anyway... I hope you have a better session with your t tomorrow.

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT Estella

Posted by kerria on August 4, 2006, at 7:34:44

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT kerria, posted by Estella on August 4, 2006, at 0:09:48

Thank you, Estella. It sounds like DBT would be good - i'm not sure if i'm doing well enough to handle it now- practically speaking. Also my insurance has 40 therapy visits per year and thirty inpatient days. It's not enough- part of the reason why i can't get much better/ more able to function.

There's a disability hearing in a month or so- i really need to get disabilty and medicial benefits- it's not enough help - i can't even go to t once a week. i'm not able to work enough hours to afford therapy because i'm too unstable. It's a frustrating mess.

Then i can't get to therapy because of getting so late- losing time- what ever- getting lost- i'm usually 30 min late- so that leaves about 15 min a week for 40 weeks:( each year--- no wonder we're such a wreck.

kerria

 

Re: DID therapy and DBT

Posted by Estella on August 5, 2006, at 1:11:20

In reply to Re: DID therapy and DBT Estella, posted by kerria on August 4, 2006, at 7:34:44

> Thank you, Estella. It sounds like DBT would be good - i'm not sure if i'm doing well enough to handle it now- practically speaking.

?
The very point of it is that it is about helping you function better practically speaking. Instead of therapy that thinks that the way to get you functioning better practically speaking is to work on stuff that you don't have the practical skills to cope with yet...

> Also my insurance has 40 therapy visits per year and thirty inpatient days.

Ah. That can make things tricky :-( I know about trying to find decent therapy / assistance when there are practical limitations like that :-( I'm sorry. I don't know about DBT programs... About the cost that would be involved... It might still be worth having a look...

> There's a disability hearing in a month or so- i really need to get disabilty and medicial benefits- it's not enough help - i can't even go to t once a week. i'm not able to work enough hours to afford therapy because i'm too unstable. It's a frustrating mess.

Yes. I understand. I was on the sickness benefit for a number of years. That is another reason why DBT is about helping you function better... Sometimes peoples quality of life improves a whole heap once the person is well enough to work more and have better self esteem because one can do it and once one has a little more money and stuff too. I understand about the cycle of being not well enough to work very much and hence not being able to get the therapy that one needs in order to get well enough to be able to work more etc.

> Then i can't get to therapy because of getting so late- losing time- what ever- getting lost- i'm usually 30 min late...

Given your bad experiences in therapy (with people pushing too much when you don't have the resources to cope) I'm not surprised that you would have inner resistence / ambivalence about going. I'm sorry.


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