Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 671425

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I work with a bunch of F-ing morons

Posted by pegasus on July 28, 2006, at 12:24:25

Some of you may have followed my recent work trauma, where I returned from vacation to having my job given to a less experienced person and I was reassigned to be her assistant. Then the CEO stepped in and figuratively slapped my boss around until he changed that plan into something that was at least sane.

Well. Today my boss (who I'm beginning to think is the worst leader on the planet) discovered a decision that I made in the process of completing a (very successful) project recently. And he totally freaked out, and told everyone we had to redo it, which makes us miss our internal deadline and drags people back to this project from the new projects that they're working on, etc. And it's a completely trivial issue. Everyone on my team is just laughing at what a buffoon he is, in between trying to convince him that he's wrong and everything is ok as it is. I've told them that I'm divorcing myself from this issue. I've expressed my opinion about what should happen to my boss, and now it's his call. And I'm sure he's going to do the wrong thing, because he has no sense of people skills and this weird black and white way of viewing work projects: it's right or it's wrong. If it's wrong we have to fix it, no matter what that does to empoloyees, customers, his own reputation, etc. It's insane.

So, to tie this back into the psych board . . . I was talking to my T about this yesterday, and she pointed out that I was really standing up for myself lately at work, and handling situations gracefully, and generally being very functional. It was so odd to have a session where we talked about me being strong and healthy and functional instead of the opposite. Maybe working with a bunch of f-ing idiots is good for my mental health? Doesn't feel good, but it does activate my anger, which is usually pretty hard to find. I tend to turn things on myself instead . . . but, hey, I'm not going to own this lunacy.

peg

 

Whoohoo! Sounds *very* healthy! (nm) » pegasus

Posted by Racer on July 28, 2006, at 17:44:25

In reply to I work with a bunch of F-ing morons, posted by pegasus on July 28, 2006, at 12:24:25

 

Re: I work with a bunch of F-ing morons » pegasus

Posted by daisym on July 28, 2006, at 18:05:38

In reply to I work with a bunch of F-ing morons, posted by pegasus on July 28, 2006, at 12:24:25

Your recent posts make me wonder what on earth is going on with your boss...

Anger can be pretty powerful when channeled in the right direction and at the right event. It is hard for me too, but those sessions where we talk about how I have stood up for myself usually begin with me getting angry at something. Scary, but important, isn't it?

I'm glad you can leave this one in his corner. Good for you.

 

Re: I work with a bunch of F-ing morons

Posted by crazy teresa on July 29, 2006, at 8:02:25

In reply to I work with a bunch of F-ing morons, posted by pegasus on July 28, 2006, at 12:24:25

> but, hey, I'm not going to own this lunacy.

That's one of the smartest things I've read on this site! ;~}

 

Re: I work with a bunch of F-ing morons » pegasus

Posted by llrrrpp on July 29, 2006, at 11:54:47

In reply to I work with a bunch of F-ing morons, posted by pegasus on July 28, 2006, at 12:24:25

Peg,
you're doing really well.

Nice to hear that you're not just the marionette being controlled by a capricious, random, inconsiderate puppetmaster.

Sometimes I wonder what 'success' means when bosses like that are role models. (sigh)

-ll

 

Thanks! I'm feeling smart and sane

Posted by pegasus on July 30, 2006, at 9:17:55

In reply to I work with a bunch of F-ing morons, posted by pegasus on July 28, 2006, at 12:24:25

Thanks so much everyone for your feedback. It's great to hear that kind of validation, especially when my boss apparently thinks I'm making bad decisions. It's so hard to see myself that way through his eyes.

Today I sat down and just wrote out all of my objections to his decision, so I can feel like I've got it out of my system and organized in my head. If I have any opportunity to say what I think, then I'll be ready. And if not, well, at least I've confirmed to myself that my original decision was correct, and I can just see this as my boss making another big mistake.

Last night I listened to a great tape by Jack Kornfield about equanimity, that was so helpful. He was talking about how life is constantly full of changes and big surprises. We are always experiencing gain and loss, pain and pleasure, praise and blame, fame and disrepute. We think that if we just do things right we can have the one side without the other. Praise without blame, gain without loss. But life isn't that way. These are the eight worldly winds and they all visit us periodically. We can see them as blowing in and out of our lives.

I'm having a wind of loss and blame. But it will blow out again.

peg

 

Re: Thanks! I'm feeling smart and sane

Posted by wacky on July 31, 2006, at 11:55:01

In reply to Thanks! I'm feeling smart and sane, posted by pegasus on July 30, 2006, at 9:17:55

That's a wonderful and profound analogy. I admire your ability to work with an idiot. I would have a terrible time in that situation - and thank heaven I don't have a boss. I've always had difficulties taking orders from someone I perceived as either incompetent or giving orders for the sake of the power. Congratulations on your tolerance!

Have you thought about writing a memo about the entire scenario, include your objections, and cc the CEO? Of course that's the kind of stuff I'd do and get in trouble.

GOOD LUCK!

 

Emotional rollercoaster » wacky

Posted by pegasus on August 1, 2006, at 10:07:42

In reply to Re: Thanks! I'm feeling smart and sane, posted by wacky on July 31, 2006, at 11:55:01

Thanks wacky. Yeah, I actually sat down with the CEO and hashed it all out. Which resulted in a new way of organizing the dept which is at least better than what was handed to me after vacation. But I miss my old job, and the ownership I had over my projects. It's all split up now among different people. I know I can't do it all as the company grows. But I was doing a lot of it really well. And now I don't get final say over anything.

You know, I'm finding myself really emotionally unstable lately. Yesterday I was angry and crabby all day, and acting like a know it all. Last Friday I was in a really optimistic happy mood. Today I'm depressed and not wanting to deal with any of it. I don't want to talk to any of the people in my department. Whenever my boss gives me any input, I get mad at him. I cringe whenever I see him, and I dread going to work. Whenever the new woman in our dept says anything to me, I resist her, even when I know she's just trying to contribute to the department and wear the new leadership role she has. But whatever she has leadership over used to be mine to lead, so just her presence in meetings pisses me off.

I'm used to being a pretty independent worker, and now I have to collaborate on *everything*. I hate it.

I'm trying to figure out how to hang in there. I'm in an M.A. program in counseling psychology, and I really was hoping I could last in this job until I've finished that. Otherwise I can't afford to stay in school. I have to go slow, though, because I want to be there for my daughter too, and between work and school and her, it's a lot. I feel trapped, and hopeless.

I hope I don't have to give up my dream of a career change. I really love my classes, and I know I'd love a counseling career. I want to work with kids, and I've loved all of the experiences I've had with that in school. Love it love it love it.

But now my plan is looking unworkable. I'm feeling pretty down

peg

 

Re: Emotional rollercoaster » pegasus

Posted by llrrrpp on August 1, 2006, at 11:06:40

In reply to Emotional rollercoaster » wacky, posted by pegasus on August 1, 2006, at 10:07:42

Hi Peg,
It sounds to me like you may be hanging on the illusion of control. You like to have control over your projects and do a good job. This is fine, but it's also important to know when to trust others and when to allow others to take the lead on some project.

Since you are not planning to be in this job forever, this sounds like a great opportunity to give this some practice. Allow other people to work for you. Allow them to do things their own way. There are often many correct solutions to complex problems, and many paths to finding them. You have a lot of freedom to give up control, and I hope you can enjoy that freedom.

As far as mood swings go- can you try yoga or meditation? or DBT stuff? Something to get your mind to a more neutral state. A less reactive state, at which point you can begin to evaluate the actions of your boss and coworkers with a little more distance.

best of luck to you-
-ll

 

Re: Emotional rollercoaster » pegasus

Posted by Daisym on August 1, 2006, at 11:12:17

In reply to Emotional rollercoaster » wacky, posted by pegasus on August 1, 2006, at 10:07:42

You know Peg,

I think you might be underestimating the blow your work-ego took and how huge an event you went through. Essentially you had the carpet pulled from underneath you and you fell -- hard. You should expect to be conflicted for awhile.

Give yourself come time to find your equilibrium again. I strongly encourage you to wait at least a month before making any decisions that will cause a ripple effect like dropping out of school. It will most likely get better and not be so irritating on a daily basis.

Or perhaps you can find something that will allow you to pursue your dreams. At least you can look at this and tell yourself "it is my job - not my life's work." And the negotiating you did already speaks to how great a counselor you will make.

And here is something I'm trying to learn. It is OK to be angry about situations that don't go the way I want them to -- and to even feel some outrage and indignation. I DON'T have to accept everything with a smile, and with grace and make it better for everyone else. (Have you noticed people breathing a sigh of relief when you don't appear "still" mad?)

And keep venting here. I hope we help, at least a little.

 

Re: Emotional rollercoaster » llrrrpp

Posted by pegasus on August 2, 2006, at 10:43:17

In reply to Re: Emotional rollercoaster » pegasus, posted by llrrrpp on August 1, 2006, at 11:06:40

Yes, thanks. That is good advice. I need to let go of my attachment to being in charge. That *is* a lot of what I have loved about my job. It's hard to let it go. But, you and Daisy are right that if my long term focus was on my real life's work - counseling kids - I might have better luck regaining my equilibrium.

Sigh. It's just hard.

I am trying to fit in meditation and some yoga. My schedule (and daughter) doesn't allow much, but I've been meditating for around 10 minutes every morning when I first get to work. I was actually taking a mom and daughter yoga class, but with 1 to 3 year olds, there wasn't a lot of actual yoga that got done. :) But it was fun.

The day I had it out with the CEO, I did yoga in the morning instead of going into work. It's the best decision I've made in a long time.

peg

 

Re: Emotional rollercoaster » Daisym

Posted by pegasus on August 2, 2006, at 10:57:23

In reply to Re: Emotional rollercoaster » pegasus, posted by Daisym on August 1, 2006, at 11:12:17

Thanks Daisy,

You're right. It's not a time to make decisions. And I should try to avoid mentally going into that hypothetical future that might not even happen. And you're right that I need time to heal from this. It was a pretty big blow, and a pretty hard fall. But I *do* expect to recover.

Oh, it's so hard to be ok with being upset! Like you said, everyone wants me to be finished being mad. But I'm just not. I'm angry, and frustrated, and humiliated, and insecure, and confused, and feeling hopeless. I'm half out the door on this job, but half wanting to make it work. My halves are sabotaging each other.

But today is a little better than yesterday, and hopefully tomorrow will be better, and so on.

Thanks so much for your understanding and support. It's helping.

peg


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