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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mswgradstudent on July 26, 2006, at 14:00:02
Can you change? Can I say, "Today, I'm going to be positive. I'm going to hold my head up high. I'm not going to carry the mistakes of my past with me and let them drag me down. Today is today and it's my day to live."
Or will that stuff still be there? Will it come back full force in a week and knock me down?
I feel like I can't carry this despair another day or I'm not going to make it...
Thanks
Posted by Daisym on July 26, 2006, at 15:12:09
In reply to Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by mswgradstudent on July 26, 2006, at 14:00:02
You have lots of company in your current place of despair. And you do have options.
You can stand very still for a few minutes (days, weeks) and not try to "move" under the weight of your pain. This might give you a chance to rest. But, often we have to move, whether we like it or not.
You can set it aside for awhile...really, you can. Today IS today and you can declare it a day of rest. No looking forward or backwards. Just existing, today.
You can ask for help. My very good friend once told me that the burdens I carry feel heavier because I've carried them so long alone. If I share these burdens, with friends, my therapist, my family, they won't feel so heavy. Yes, they are mine to sort out. And yes, it does feel like a huge thing to ask someone to do for you, or with you. But she looked at me and said, "wouldn't you help me carry a burden of mine, if I asked you to? And more importantly, didn't you just volunteer to do that because you see me struggling? Let me do the same for you."
It takes a different kind of courage to say, "I'm hurting THIS much." Our societal message is one that states, "grin and bear it." You don't always have to do that.
The other thing I've done a tremendous amount of thinking about this week is, "will it ever get better?" My therapist says it will. He maintains that I have to form a relationship with my past because it will never not be MY past. I can't magically assume someone else's life. But if I can find a way to accept what has happened, if I can find a way to lessen the hurt of it, things will get better. I will feel better. He is holding the hope right now. I just can't see it. But I trust him and want to believe him.
Find someone to help you hold some hope. We do a pretty good job of that here for each other, so I hope I've helped.
Posted by Declan on July 26, 2006, at 18:29:55
In reply to Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by mswgradstudent on July 26, 2006, at 14:00:02
What do you need to let go of?
Of your desire to change?
Of the standards you haven't lived up to?
What can you find to comfort yourself?
Don't ask me, I'm not good at it.
Posted by sleepygirl on July 26, 2006, at 20:16:19
In reply to Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by mswgradstudent on July 26, 2006, at 14:00:02
well yes, you can tell yourself those things
very much a cognitive exercise though - which is helpful
but
have you talked about how hard the past might have been?
Posted by raisinb on July 28, 2006, at 14:54:53
In reply to Re: Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by Daisym on July 26, 2006, at 15:12:09
Here's what I think...I spent years and years with desires, feelings, needs that seemed unacceptable. I kept trying to "reinvent myself," trying just about everything...relationships, new jobs...but I have been realizing lately that accepting myself just as I am, with everything that I feel, affirming that I have a right to all of it--that's the reinvention I needed. Kind of a paradox, I guess.
Hang in there :)
Posted by Declan on July 28, 2006, at 16:22:02
In reply to Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by mswgradstudent on July 26, 2006, at 14:00:02
It's not easy to practice acceptance when what you have to accept are mistakes, despair and conflict, but nonetheless.....
Posted by raisinb on July 28, 2006, at 16:39:24
In reply to Re: Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by Declan on July 28, 2006, at 16:22:02
Yeah, I know. It sounds so easy when you write it...took me years and years to get to this point (and this has been building for months).
Posted by happyflower on July 28, 2006, at 21:12:35
In reply to Re: Can you reinvent yourself?, posted by raisinb on July 28, 2006, at 16:39:24
I think you can reinvent yourself when you are ready to. I am in the process right now, or maybe it is a midlife crisis. LOL But yeah, I think we can get to a point where we are ready to leave the past behind and start fresh.
Lately in my life, I started to play the trumpet again, started attending college, I am exercising almost everyday, I am running for charities, etc. I almost feel like my life has started over, and I am like a teenager right now,(including the exploding mood swings) just exploring the world and deceiding what I want to do with my life.
So yeah, I think you can no matter what age you are. Good luck. ;-) I am hoping my 2nd half of my life will be much better than the horrible beginning.
This is the end of the thread.
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