Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 668953

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He wore a bowtie

Posted by fallsfall on July 21, 2006, at 10:42:15

Yesterday he accused me of assessing his clothes as I walked into his office. He was right. I was. The color combination looked unusual for him, yet I thought that maybe he had also worn it recently. Like it was a new tie and he was wearing it a lot. When he asked me about it I just told him that I like Bowties. He knows this, we have talked about it before. He pressed a little and all I would say is that I like bowties, but I know he doesn't wear them as much in the summer.

Today was our last session before his 2 week vacation. We've been talking about dependency stuff, and it has been a bit hard. I was pretty depressed yesterday, and then last night I decided that I had to fight that tendency. That I didn't need to SHOW him that I need him. He knows that already. And he is OK with it.

So I went in today and he was wearing a bowtie. He said something about it as soon as he sat down (that I must think him a Skinnerian rat - which I so didn't get as he said it). I talked about a dream I had last night (which had a role that was clearly him). And then I said "It was sweet of you to wear a bowtie".

So he launches into this long thing about how he just chooses his clothes and not to think that he did it for me. I told him I usually don't say anything about bowties because I figure that he'll wear them less if I do. He acknowledged that I was probably right. I guess when he was getting dressed this morning he thought to himself "Falls will like it if I wear this bowtie" after he chose it, but decided to wear it anyway. So he is trying hard to tell me that he didn't wear it for me. I told him that I don't know if he did or not, but neither does he. He let it go at that. It feels like a hug.

He is going sailing on the ocean, as he usually does. He'll wait for Beryl to go by, and set out a day or two after he planned. He offered (and I accepted) a probable phone session next Monday. He'll do it as long as he has cell phone access from wherever he is, but he expects that he will. I hate to interrupt his vacation, but it seems like it will be in halves, and he will be between halves at the beginning of August. And I didn't ask. He just offered. Not that he doesn't think I could make the two weeks, but it isn't a big inconvenience for him, and he thinks that it will help me (and I agree).

So I'm feeling a little special and well cared for. And like I'm not a burden. A good way to go into a vacation.

(So why am I still sad??)


Re: He wore a bowtie

Posted by Tabitha on July 21, 2006, at 10:53:29

In reply to He wore a bowtie, posted by fallsfall on July 21, 2006, at 10:42:15

Geez, he sure seemed awfully worried that you'd think he wore a bowtie for you. My T would probably just smile mysteriously if I asked if she wore something because I like it. Have to admit that never occurred to me, that she would do that, even though I've complimented some of her clothes before.

But no wonder you're a little sad, he's on vacation after all. And I'd be sad that he felt he had to argue against the idea that he wore the tie for you.

I like bowties, too.



Re: He wore a bowtie fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:07:50

In reply to He wore a bowtie, posted by fallsfall on July 21, 2006, at 10:42:15

I'd be sad if I weren't going to see my therapist for two weeks.

And if he made a point of telling me something I already knew. :)

But I'm glad he made you feel cared for. I definitely can see why you would. It was nice of him to offer to call. He's obviously a therapist who understands that it's hard for you.


Re: He wore a bowtie fallsfall

Posted by annierose on July 21, 2006, at 16:17:56

In reply to He wore a bowtie, posted by fallsfall on July 21, 2006, at 10:42:15

Your sad because you are going to miss him. And as I'm learning, it's okay to feel sad and miss someone that means a great deal to you. Just hold him in your heart until his return. He will be back. I'm glad he wore a bowtie. It's funny how, shall I say, defensive? he seemed about his choice of clothes. It's like your compliment made his self-conscious of his choices. I understand that (I'm thinking as I'm typing as you can tell).

Is your phone session this Monday or the next? It does give you something to look forward to.

I had a dream about my T last night too -- I'll post below. Funny how our minds try to work on these seperations while we sleep.

I'll be here next week. We can always go swinging and eat cow.


Re: He wore a bowtie Dinah

Posted by llrrrpp on July 21, 2006, at 16:32:43

In reply to Re: He wore a bowtie fallsfall, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:07:50

Aww Falls,
bowties are cute! my favorite high school teacher wore one occasionally. It was very nice :)

My T wears sporty clothes. He looks like a model for Patagonia. Last session he wore a pink t-shirt. Actually it was this color exactly inbetween lavender and pink. flattering. unexpected, but flattering. It made him seem more human somehow, since a pink t-shirt is a personal statement, and only persons (humans) can make choices like that. He's not gay, by the way, which reminds me of something my 7 year old nephew said once. "Secure men wear pink"

It's completely natural to feel sad when someone close to us goes away for a while. It could be our parent, our spouse, our child; the loss is a sign that you have bonded with your T. The sadness is natural; whether you become depressed or not is a different matter. I lately have been thinking about depression as a *choice* that I can make. So now you have a choice. Will Falls choose to turn sadness into depression? Or will Falls see sadness for what it is? A temporary parting between two people who are close.

What is it that you miss when your T is gone? Is it the chance to speak with someone who listens without judging you? Is it the advice that he gives you? Is it the insight that he has, helping you interpret your thoughts and emotions? Is it the routine? Is it the feeling that you are making progress in the struggle to live well? Is it something about his sense of humor, or his kindness?

Well, hang in there, and feel sad, by all means. It's only natural. Just don't allow it to "take over" and mutate into the ugly beast of depression. Think of all that money you're saving, and the extra hours that are now free in your schedule. Can you do something fun too? A day trip, or weekend somewhere nice? See a concert or a play? Or make some headway on a major project so that you will have good news to tell your T when you speak with him next?

Or perhaps the best thing is to keep to your usual schedule, and maybe call your friends & family when you start to feel that you may need a boost?

Sending you some coloring books, and a couple of pints of your favorite ice cream (((((Falls)))))



Re: He wore a bowtie

Posted by fallsfall on July 23, 2006, at 19:53:07

In reply to Re: He wore a bowtie ? Dinah, posted by llrrrpp on July 21, 2006, at 16:32:43

Thanks, guys, for hearing me. I'm doing a bit better. When I think about him it feels warm - like a hug, and that seems to help me to wait.

I've been trying to stay in touch with people, so I won't be so lonely.

Just found out that my oldest has accepted a job 2000 miles away. She'll leave before my therapist gets back. And I may get to help drive her out there, particularly if she breaks up with her boyfriend before she goes. I'm surprisingly OK with my therapist being gone during all of this. I feel like I know what to do for my daughter. My therapist and I have talked a lot about this boyfriend, and how I can best help my daughter with her relationship. I guess that it also helps that it really is HER decision, and not mine to make.

I'm eating lots of ice cream, and had COW for breakfast.


Re: He wore a bowtie fallsfall

Posted by llrrrpp on July 23, 2006, at 20:04:14

In reply to Re: He wore a bowtie, posted by fallsfall on July 23, 2006, at 19:53:07

I'm REALLY hoping that COW is cream of wheat and not a bovine.

Sounds like you're doing well. It must be really tough to watch your daughter go through this difficult transition and not interfere. Support, but not interfere- quite the challenge. I think you're up for it though. You sound strong. I hope you get the chance for a 2000 mile road trip. It will be nice to do some mother-daughter bonding :)

I think it's wonderful that thinking of your T gives you a warm fuzzy feeling. That's awesome!

Enjoy the ice cream. I haven't been to the store since I got back from my trip. Rest assured that I ate ice cream an average of 1.3 times a day over the last month. yum

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