Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 663271

Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Has anyone heard from Karolina?

Posted by Jost on July 1, 2006, at 13:45:06

I'm wondering how Karolina is doing. She last posted on June 24 or so, and had been talking a lot about her T, so I wondered if she was/is doing okay.

Karolina, if you're there, how are you?

Jost

 

Re: hey everyone

Posted by Karolina on July 2, 2006, at 1:53:57

In reply to Has anyone heard from Karolina?, posted by Jost on July 1, 2006, at 13:45:06

Thanks for asking about me jost. I’m sorry I haven’t been on here lately, work has been crazy and I’ve still been arguing back and forth with my boyfriend a whole lot...just a lot on my mind. I am very relieved to say that my T did not try to refer me elsewhere, in fact he was very encouraging about my feelings and explained some long thing about how we are making real therapeutic progress, because I’m using the relationship to connect to my real relationships and stuff.

But there is one thing I am terribly confused over. I hesitate to write on here about it, maybe I’m being over-paranoid but I just have this sickening feeling he is reading all about this and then looking at me thinking I’m a total moron.
We talked about my feelings for him. he jokingly said that if he were to say to me that 'he wants me sexually and suggest we run away together', then we’d end up on a show like 20/20. he also still talks about how he thinks of me like a daughter. but I told him I do *not* think of him as a father at all, but I think I explained it kind of harshly, he almost acted hurt after that, like his whole mood changed and he acted kind of depressed, it kind of worried me but I didn't ask him about it. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings somehow.

But I don’t understand why he wants a 20 year old daughter when he already has his own 20 year old son…AND a 17 year old daughter. It also doesn’t make sense to me why he still gives me these ogling stares, asking me if I want to talk about my sexual fantasies and commenting on my ‘attractiveness', my body, and how ‘great’ I look. Or maybe all of his comments are within context of our conversations, but I really have no idea what to think.

I left the appointment feeling light-headed. I had just put so much pressure on myself, preparing myself for how to react if he was going to make a referral. And every time he compliments me it just gives me this total rush.
Since he gives all those stares, occasionally glances at my breasts and legs, the comments/compliments, the rare, yet intense hugs we've had, the things we talk about (sometimes very sexual) I don’t know if he is just using the ‘paternal feelings’ as a cover-up and doesn’t want me to know he feels sexual towards me or if he really does see me only in a daughterly way...or if it’s some odd combination of both. it’s very confusing to me. thanks you guys for checking on me, hope everyone is doing well and sorry I haven’t been around lately

-Karolina-

 

Re: hey everyone » Karolina

Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2006, at 9:45:32

In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by Karolina on July 2, 2006, at 1:53:57

Hi Karolina.

Have you ever talked to him about your perceptions of how he looks at you? He may have misunderstood your comment about not having paternal feelings about him, if he doesn't know the whole of what you mean.

I can understand why you might be afraid to, afraid that if he sees himself through your eyes, he might wish to terminate you. Can you think of some way to say it that is both clear and nonjudgemental?

 

Re: hey everyone

Posted by ElaineM on July 2, 2006, at 11:34:07

In reply to Re: hey everyone » Karolina, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2006, at 9:45:32

Karolina: I'm glad things didn't go as badly as you were fearing. It does sound as though you're getting conflicting messages. No wonder you're confused. At least he was able to take your note, and the talking that came from it, so well. From what you said, it sounds like he's supportive - Not that that makes the whole situation any clearer. Sorry I can't really say anything that useful. But I had been wondering how your meeting went, and hoping you were okay.

take care, EL :)

 

Re: hey everyone » Karolina

Posted by Jost on July 2, 2006, at 21:14:04

In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by Karolina on July 2, 2006, at 1:53:57

This is just the first step in a process, Karolina-- an important one, but it could take time. It's impressive that you opened up, and stayed around--

When you said that he was reading "all about this"-- did you mean reading Pbabble, or reading about the subject in books? Like researching what to do and say? Was there anything other than the 20/20 remark? --

That remark sounds gauche, maybe uncomfortable--but he might have been signalling, in a way, that you're safe with him-- that is, he won't act on his feelings inappropriately (whatever they are), so you can talk more..There was a better way to say it, though--

And saying that he sees you as a daughter could have been another way of restating-- that he cares about you, is fond of you--but again, in a safe way. But, as you were saying, there might be lots of different elements in how he sees you. Over time, I'm sure you'll find clarification, as you discuss it. Esp. since the compliments aren't reassuring--- even if you like them, in a way.

When you hadn't posted, I was a bit concerned-- glad you were just busy--and that your fears weren't realized.

Jost


 

Re: hey everyone

Posted by Karolina on July 5, 2006, at 22:50:30

In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by Karolina on July 2, 2006, at 1:53:57

Thanks Dinah, ElaineM, and Jost for your concern.
I’m really relieved about everything now and I don’t dread the next appointment so much, because I think we are going to try and continue talking more about it.

“When you said that he was reading "all about this"-- did you mean reading Pbabble, or reading about the subject in books? Like researching what to do and say? Was there anything other than the 20/20 remark? –“

I meant reading pbabble…I’m so scared he’s reading my posts and thinking I’m some obsessed freak or something…
and he did add with the 20/20 remark that if we were to run off together, that my father would also ‘probably kill him’ (I think meaning my dad would be mad if my T and I got involved sexually?) it was kind of a weird way for him to comment on things I think. It feels kind of sick or twisted, that there seems to be such an amount of sexual tension in the room but then he sits there and says he'd take me as a daughter...oh well.

-Karolina-


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