Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 663463

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Therapy anniversary

Posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 5:11:52

Wednesday was my three-year therapy anniversary. It was a pretty intense session. I ran the absolute gamut of emotions. My T was so gracious in accepting my gift. It was really nice. Somehow, though, the conversation ended up with me talking about how I was mad at him for missing a session last week. Anger is so difficult for me and I get pretty anxious about it. It went okay. He didn't get mad back or make me feel like I shouldn't be upset.

I was also talking about my attachment to him and missing him (the topics of the year). I told him, as always, that I don't know how much more I can handle. Later, he was talking about me missing my husband, who's out of town. He thought maybe my missing him (my T) and feeling lonely was more related to my husband being gone. The whole time he was talking, he was making these gestures with his hands that looked almost like he was pushing something or someone away. It started to hurt a little. Like he agreed that I was getting too close and needed to push or move me away from him and toward my husband instead. So, I told him what I was thinking. He was glad I did and thought about it for a little before he said he thought perhaps he was reacting to me saying I didn't feel like I could get any closer. He knows for me there is pain involved in getting closer and, while he feels it's important to look at that and talk about it, he doesn't want it to get unbearable.

Although, he did say and has said in the past that, while it hurts, he wonders if it's so important to get rid of the pain (like I always want to). He thinks it important to talk about and understand. He knows, though, that it seems awful to be kind of saying "just live with it". (I don't know if I explained this all that well.)

Anyway, the session was nice but intense. When I was leaving, I was thinking it would be the "perfect" time to ask for a hug. I felt like I wanted to, but I just couldn't. I closed the door and immediately got so mad at myself for not asking. I was upset all the way home. So...we talked about it yesterday. He said our main medium for communicating our thoughts, emotions, and feelings has been talking. By hugging, I'm thinking about introducing another medium of communicating into our relationship and it's important and I still need to talk about it and that's okay. He thinks there will be other "perfect" opportunities to ask for a hug. He's probably right. I feel better.

Well, I'm not exactly sure why I posted all of this. Especially since I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow (or this?) afternoon. I feel like I've been so awful. Posting and running. Because of my schedule and my emotions and lack of motivation, I haven't been able to reply to all of you that have been kind enough to offer advice and support. I also haven't posted on so many threads I would have liked to. I know there aren't posting rules or anything, but I wanted to say I'm sorry.

And with that, I'll see you all next week.

Take care, everyone.



Re: Therapy anniversary All Done

Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:21:39

In reply to Therapy anniversary, posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 5:11:52

Hi sweetie.

First let me say, have a great vacation! I wish I were joining you.

And it sure sounds like you are doing good and important work in your sessions. Good for you. I know it's hard. I'm glad your T accepted your gift graciously (I still need to try to figure out when my 3 year anniversary was). And I'm glad you are telling him how you are reacting to him and what you are thinking in the moment. Sounds like he likes that, too.

Yeah Lala!!!

Take care and safe travel. Say hi for me if you run into anyone I might know. :)



Re: Therapy anniversary

Posted by daisym on July 2, 2006, at 15:26:11

In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary All Done, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2006, at 5:21:39

Three Years is huge. You should get a purple heart at the very least.

Your honesty in sessions is so amazing. And your pain almost palpable. I wish I could offer words of advice to help it ease up but all I can say is that there is an ebb and a flow and your internal protectors will help with this.

The depth of the work you are doing does call out all these little kid, anxiety ridden needs for support and closeness. It makes sense that you would need your therapist more when your husband is gone. But more importantly, your therapist is holding all this really important work for you, all those inner thoughts, wants, needs and past hurts. Of course you want to be with him a lot. You are open and raw and you get some relief from the stress of holding it when you are with him. Who doesn't want relief? I doubt he is pushing you away, but I agree that he is unlikely to want to cause you pain, even if it is "good for you." My therapist used to tell me that it will ease off on its own. I'm still waiting.

I like thinking of hugs as another form of communication. It takes some of the charge out. And I'm absolutely sure you will have lots of other "perfect" opportunities.

I hope you can relax into your vacation. I think I'm looking forward to it as much as you are!
Love and hugs,

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