Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 661970

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Re: still around... saw old T today wishingstar

Posted by annierose on June 27, 2006, at 22:43:40

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

I was thinking about you so I was happy to see that you posted.

I agree with the others. Just staying at your parents' home can bring up so much turmoil (at least for me) that living there is hard enough besides the long break from your "regular" T. It does sound as if your former T connected with you today. Sometimes time apart can bring each person a fresh perspective on the other. Personal example, I've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years with the same T. I went away last May and when I returned my T was laughing/smiling, "Whoosh, I forgot how much energy you bring into the room."

Sharing your secret with this T was brave and important. You need to let her know all of you and this is one of your coping mechanisms that I assume you would like to do less of. I hope you can find time for a second appointment if things get really bad.

How are the children? Are there some familiar faces?

 

Re: still around... saw old T today

Posted by happyflower on June 28, 2006, at 7:28:17

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

Thanks for checking in wishingstar. It sounds like your T (old or new, I am confused, lol) is really getting down to the nitty gritty. I kinda wish my T would push me more, in a way, but maybe not. LOL

Dinah trigger here, don't read this paragraph, okay
Just remember you have us to write to when you are feeling overwhelmed. I too also stuff everything down, but eventually it comes back up. My T always says stuffing emotions are like throwing up, it is worse coming up than it did going down.
Keep posting, we are here! ;-) Give those kiddies some love from us. :-)

 

Re: still around... saw old T today Dinah

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 13:49:10

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today wishingstar, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2006, at 21:23:54

I've been seeing my "regular" T (in my hometown, not where I am not) for about 8-10 months, although I did see her for about 6 months previously and took a break for awhile. I think deep down I know she isnt completely what I need, but I've been ignoring that and staying because it's comfortable and I know she cares... I just cant imagine starting over. I saw the
"new T" that I saw yesterday for about a year in 2001-2002, then moved away and quit. She really helped me through one of the most difficult times I've ever had. Since then, I saw her once or twice over the years to update her and say hello, but this is the first time since 2002 I've gone back for real therapy. But I can tell that she's still wonderful.

I guess I do feel sort of ashamed to be seeing this new T. I feel iike I'm somehow betraying the relationship I have with my T at home, even though I know that isnt true. I dont think I'd feel that way if I didnt like the new T better than T at home... but I think I will, and do.

I dont feel like I can live without therapy right now, but I sure hate living WITH it too.

 

Re: still around... saw old T today annierose

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 16:00:53

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today wishingstar, posted by annierose on June 27, 2006, at 22:43:40

You were thinking of me? Wow, thanks.. I'm glad to hear someone noticed I was gone. Thank you.

I did make a second appointment with my new T here. It's next Friday (a week and a half from now). I wish I could have gone twice a week, but once is really all I can manage right now, both because of time and money. Unfortuantely, things havent felt any better today. It really stirred me up... functioning is much harder these last few days.

The kids are great. I do have a few who were in the 3 year old room last year (I have the 4s) so I recognize them. I ran into a girl today who is 8 now who was in my class as a 4 year old. Very neat to see them growing up. I dont have my own children yet, so it's not something I've personally experienced. Sometimes hugs from the kids can help fix just about anything.. but some days, everything is just too heavy for it to help. But I'm glad to be with them every day anyway. I'm sure things would be harder if I was letting myself sit at home and feel bad (as I usually would do).

 

Re: still around... saw old T today happyflower

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 16:04:13

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today, posted by happyflower on June 28, 2006, at 7:28:17

haha sorry to be confusing.. its hard to make sense out of which is old and new when both are old really.

Throwing up is a good analogy (although the mental picture isnt too nice). That's exactly what happens to me too. It's like a jar, and I had the lid almost completely closed since I've come to my parents, but seeing the T yesterday opened it up all the way again. Now I have to fight and fight to get it closed again. This lid seems to weigh million pounds.

I know that this isnt how you all feel, but I hate to post and whine so much because I feel like everything I'm dealing with is so trivial. No major crises aside from I'm not getting the attention (therapy) I want. I dont know that there's anything anyone can say. Thank you though. I will keep that in mind.

 

Re: still around... saw old T today

Posted by rubenstein on June 28, 2006, at 17:58:47

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

I am glad your old T was supportive. It is so hard to tell people about si'ing. That was so brave of you. I hope things continue to go okay and only get better
rachel

 

Re: still around... saw old T today wishingstar

Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2006, at 20:41:17

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today Dinah, posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 13:49:10

I know it probably doesn't feel this way. But I think you're sort of lucky. You have two at least good enough therapists, which probably makes you feel confident in your ability to find help when you need it.

I've always wanted to work with the little ones. :) But I recognize my limitations too much to ever try. It sounds wonderful.

 

Re: still around... saw old T today rubenstein

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 21:04:10

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today, posted by rubenstein on June 28, 2006, at 17:58:47

Yes, it really is hard to bring up SI with people who dont know. My T was actually surprised when I said I've gotten bad reactions in the past. Thanks for your well wishes.

 

Re: still around... saw old T today

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 21:12:19

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today wishingstar, posted by Dinah on June 28, 2006, at 20:41:17

That's a good point. I guess I am lucky, but youre right, I definitely havent been thinking about it in the way. But youre right.

I guess it just feels so pathetic to me that I'm holding myself together with whether or not I see my therapist. Just for the record, I know others of us here feel that way sometimes too, and I am defintiely not calling anyone else pathetic.. I only feel like it is for me. Of course, the wonderful double standard for myself.

If you really want to work with the little ones, go for it! There are many opportunities out there that wouldnt require you to be "in charge" so you wouldnt have to worry about your abilities so much. In my town, almost all of the preschool/daycares accept volunteers, and then your only real job is to play with the kids and very minimal crowd control (as I call it).. nothing you couldnt handle even without experience. The only reason I say all that is because it can be such a rewarding thing and really can brighten my day (for me anyway). Besides, the little ones love adults who play with them as long as theyre "nice" which we know you are! :) Hope I dont sound pushy. Dont mean to be.

 

Re: still around... saw old T today wishingstar

Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2006, at 21:15:29

In reply to Re: still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 21:12:19

Not at all pushy!

I don't have a lot of confidence in my kid abilities. I never had much to do with them before we had my son.

 

called regular T

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 21:15:49

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

I just called and left a message on my regular Ts answering machine (the one in my hometown who I'm not seeing right now). I asked her if it was okay if I call her when things are bad, because they are bad... and shes never said its okay to call her before. The only time I tried backfired. But right now I'm feeling pretty desperate. I'm not even really her client right now, so she might say no... but at least I asked, I guess. I just want to know how to deal without the support. I've seemingly based my life on it for the last few months, and now its been ripped away... now what? How am I supposed to deal with that? I know she wont have the answers.. but I dont know. I hope I get a good reaction to it.

 

wait.. will I get in trouble?

Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 21:17:38

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

Am I going to get in trouble for being in contact with 2 Ts at the same time? I got yelled at once by a T for something similar. Should I not tell the lady I'm currently seeing here in town that I called my regular T? I dont want her to be mad at me. I know having therapy from 2 people at the same time can jepordize the work you do (or so I've heard), but this is different, right? I sure hope so.

 

Re: wait.. will I get in trouble?

Posted by Jost on June 28, 2006, at 22:15:37

In reply to wait.. will I get in trouble?, posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2006, at 21:17:38

I was glad to see your name here, wishingstar. I've been looking for it and hoping you were coping with the separation from your T.

It's great that you've reconnected with your old (or new/old, but not regular/hometownthatyou'renotseeing/new) T. Could you be feeling torn about who is your T, and what loyalty or commitment you owe each of them, or each of them owes you and would demand of you?

It shows a lot of courage to tell the T you're seeing now about your SI.

The seeing-both issue might be similar. It is hard to know how much to trust that you can handle a T's reaction-- esp., in this case, it's hard to know what it will be--different Ts have different beliefs about many of these things.

On one hand, I wouldn't you to jeopardize a relationship that's helping you, but it's also not good to feel as if you're hiding something. If your Ts could accept your needing someone in each town, if you're gone for so long, that would be the best--then you could feel more in the right place with each.

There might be an issue in there, that would be good to work on--even if you don't reveal with you're hiding-- maybe?

Jost

 

Re: wait.. will I get in trouble? Jost

Posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 12:28:30

In reply to Re: wait.. will I get in trouble?, posted by Jost on June 28, 2006, at 22:15:37

Hi jost.. thanks for saying you were thinking of me. I appreciate it. Sorry about all the confusion with the old/new/whatever.. I'm confusing myself too now.

I do feel really torn, you're right. I dont know who I can rely on, who really cares, if it's fair to divide my loyalty like this.. I dont know. I feel like I'm somehow betraying my regular T.

Regular T at home actually knows that I'm seeing the other woman here in town, and even though it feels a little weird, I'm not worried about hiding that. She didnt seem to mind (or didnt act like she did anyway). I'm really worried about the T here finding out that I called my regular T. I'm afraid she'll be mad. But I personally think its okay, I just need to hold on to that connection a little bit. It's not like I'm seeing 2 therapists at once... I hope she sees it that way too.

I think the reason I really felt the need to call my regular T was because I know her so much better. I did see the other woman for a long time in the past, but its been so long, I'm not that comfortable with her yet. Things havent been very good, and I just need to hear from someone who really knows me as I am today and who I really trust. The T here is very good, but not all that comforting yet because its so new. Hopefully she'll understand that.

 

Re: wait.. will I get in trouble?

Posted by Jost on June 29, 2006, at 19:23:28

In reply to Re: wait.. will I get in trouble? Jost, posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 12:28:30

As long as you feel comfortable with it, wishingstar, and know it's okay to call your regular T. I had kind of thought your regular T knew about the old T-- and truly I can't imagine the old T would object.

Calling your regular T isn't betraying or going outside your current therapy, in my opinion. You do need that support now, and have every right to get what you need to keep you strong.

As long as you're okay with it, and not second-guessing it or feeling bad.

I'm sorry it's hard at your parents' house. I so understand where you're coming from on that. Keep in touch,

Jost

 

hahaha... she didnt call

Posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 20:40:27

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

As I mentioned above, I called my regular T and left her a message telling her things were bad and was it okay for me to ask to talk to her? I left my work number and home number for her.

She didnt call.

Some of you might remember last time, a few months ago... the first time I ever called asking for help. I was in a pretty big crisis. She didnt call back when she said she would, and never apologized for it. I tried very hard to let her know how hurt I was and I thought she got it, but I guess not.

I cant believe she didnt call. I'm not as hurt as I thought I'd be though. I mean, it does hurt, but mostly, I just feel like throwing my hands up and saying forget it. I'm done. How can I trust her when TWICE, she doesnt call back when I really needed her? I do have pretty big issues with abandonment, and she knows that. She knows how I reacted last time she did this (I cried for 2 days straight, barely ate, etc). Why would she do this again? She omly works part time, so I KNOW it's not an issue of time. It's an issue of caring and motivation, I think. Well forget it, I'm not letting myself be vulnerable with her.. why would I? (Learning to let go and be vulnerable is one of my biggest issues in therapy and life).

I just cant believe this. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

She'll probably (maybe?) call tomorrow, and what will I say then? I dont want to talk anymore. I guess I just need to tell her that. But it's hard because I know this is an overreaction.. but that doesnt make it any less real, right? I wrote her a letter (she;d previously said I could do that while I was gone) to mail today, but I dont think I'm going to now. Like I said, just not worth it.

Why did I put myself in this situation?

 

Re: hahaha... she didnt call

Posted by Jost on June 29, 2006, at 21:23:02

In reply to hahaha... she didnt call, posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 20:40:27

So sorry, wishingstar. That's just not right. She should have called, even more so because you were needing it more--

My T checks messages in the evening and calls back, as soon as he can, esp. if it's an emergency. Not just for me--I mean for any patient.

Maybe expectations are different here in NYC, because there are so many analysts, and people take a certain intensity and responsiveness for granted--at least T's do. (Other doctors dont--but that's a whole other thing.)

If you can't talk on the phone, write and tell her how you feel! See if she can understand and take a different approach.

Maybe you could set up a time for a phone call?

Try not to feel too bad. I know it feels awful, but you deserved to hear from her-- and shouldn't be abandoned. It's not you, it's her. She really needs to recognize and respond to your sense of her letting you down.

Jost

 

Re: hahaha... she didnt call wishingstar

Posted by TherapyGirl on June 30, 2006, at 11:31:03

In reply to hahaha... she didnt call, posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 20:40:27

Been there, done that, WishingStar. I'm so, so sorry she hasn't called you back yet. I hope she'll call today and apologize for not getting back to you sooner.

(((((((WishingStar)))))))

 

Re: hahaha... she didnt call wishingstar

Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2006, at 11:36:41

In reply to hahaha... she didnt call, posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 20:40:27

I'm sorry. :( I've been there myself and it stinks.

And I generally blame myself for expecting something different. I hope you can see that your expectations weren't unreasonable, and that there's no reason to blame yourself.

 

well, she called.

Posted by wishingstar on June 30, 2006, at 12:29:50

In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38

She called my cell phone around 9 this morning. I work from 8-4 and she knows I dont answer my cell then (except for 1-3, which is naptime in the preschool), so she called knowing she wouldnt get me... I guess I shouldnt be picky, but it still upsets me. I want to say "dont even call if you know I cant talk. dont bother."

She left a message and basically said that she guessed we could talk for 10-15 min sometime if I wanted, or do a phone session if I wanted to pay her etc etc, and to call her back later today and let her know when was a good time for us to talk.

I dont know, maybe she misunderstood, but if she did, I dont understand how. I said things were going badly and asked if I could talk to her. I left every phone number I have (work, cell, home) and asked her to call. How is that not clear? A "help, things are bad" call is not the same as "can you please call me so we can set up a time to talk?" I needed her THEN. And with tomorrow being Saturday... sure T, I'll just wait until Monday and try not to go completely insane. In the mean time, we'll just keep talking about why I should trust you and make myself vulnerable with you. Sounds like a GREAT plan.

She said that shed be in and out of the office all day and probably wouldnt answer but she'd get my message and call me back later. I think I'm going to call her back in an hour or so and just say nevermind, I dont feel like talking anymore, and just leave it at that. I also want to tell her that I'll be seeing the other T once or maybe twice a week. I know it's not productive and probably wont even work, but I want her to feel replaced. I want her to feel like shes missed something, because she has.

Maybe I'm just irrational about this. I really appreciate everyones responses though.. it helps to know I'm not totally crazy (maybe just a little.. haha). I hate this.

 

and she called again.

Posted by wishingstar on June 30, 2006, at 15:54:10

In reply to well, she called., posted by wishingstar on June 30, 2006, at 12:29:50

gee, sorry to keep changing the story..

she actually called me back again today during naptime (in the preschool). it's the only time of the work day i can answer the phone. I hadnt left her another message yet, so I was surprised she called. She asked how I was and I told her how bad I'm feeling, and I could tell she didnt know what to say. Just a lot of "uh-huh"s... more than usual. A few silences where neither of us knew what to say. She said she hopes I'm okay. That was about it.

Really, the conversation itself didnt help. I dont know what I was hoping for, but I didnt really get it. However, I am glad she called back... at least she was thinking of me, right? I'm still mad she waited until today, but at least she called. I did tell her all the things new T does differently that I like (I didnt say it meanly) and she just made some comment about how different people have different styles and we get different things from everyone, etc etc.

Oh well. I still sort of want to throw my hands up and say forget it. Thanks for listening though everyone.

 

Re: and she called again.

Posted by sunnydays on June 30, 2006, at 17:44:07

In reply to and she called again., posted by wishingstar on June 30, 2006, at 15:54:10

Well, I'm glad you got to talk to her. I think she does care about you, if she called you back before you had left her a message - maybe she just doesn't know how to express it very well, or just has really tight boundaries she feels uncomfortable stretching. I'm also glad you told her about the other T. You were worried you'd get in trouble, right? It doesn't sound like you did.... :) But I hate that unconnected feeling. Sometimes it's harder on the phone, too, because people feel more uncomfortable not being able to see facial expressions. I hope you maybe get a little bit of comfort from the thought that she does care enough to genuinely want to know how you are doing, and to hear it from you. Maybe she was busy yesterday? Anyway, I'm glad you got to talk to her. (((wishingstar)))

 

Re: and she called again.--wishingstar

Posted by Jost on June 30, 2006, at 22:37:18

In reply to Re: and she called again., posted by sunnydays on June 30, 2006, at 17:44:07

So sorry it didn't help that much, wishingstar.

Phone calls are hard for Ts too, I think. I bet she really wished she knew how to help, but just didn't find a way.

But at least she called-- and before you called her back. And calling during the rest time shows that she remembered when you could answer (as well as remembering when you couldn't)-- so she was thinking and trying to be there.

It's painful to be separated now-- when your connection isn't strong enough to feel it over the time and space-- and it's a hard time.

Keep posting here, whenever you feel up to it. Remember, you're doing a great thing in working at your school, and you can reestablish things for a while with your old T, and even make kinds of progress that you won't realize for a while.

Jost

 

Re: and she called again. wishingstar

Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2006, at 22:44:39

In reply to and she called again., posted by wishingstar on June 30, 2006, at 15:54:10

I'm glad she called back, but sorry it didn't go better.

My therapist has always been bad on the phone. I always thought it was that he didn't want to encourage nonbillable contact. But even after he realized that not only would I pay him, but I'd actually insist on it, he's still rotten.

Some therapists depend heavily on their presence I think. Maybe she's one of them.

I'm sorry you don't have more support when things are so stirred up. I try to have my therapist wind down emotional sessions about ten minutes before we leave. Having him help me calm down helps a lot. Do you think your new/old therapist could help you do that? Or moderate the amount of arousal in a session?

 

Re: and she called again. Dinah

Posted by Jost on July 1, 2006, at 13:16:55

In reply to Re: and she called again. wishingstar, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2006, at 22:44:39

>
>
> My therapist has always been bad on the phone. I always thought it was that he didn't want to encourage nonbillable contact. But even after he realized that not only would I pay him, but I'd actually insist on it, he's still rotten.
>
> Some therapists depend heavily on their presence I think. Maybe she's one of them.
>
> I'm sorry you don't have more support when things are so stirred up. I try to have my therapist wind down emotional sessions about ten minutes before we leave. Having him help me calm down helps a lot. Do you think your new/old therapist could help you do that? Or moderate the amount of arousal in a session?
>
>

That's interesting. My T does the same thing. He has a routine, more or less, which starts about ten or fifteen minutes before the end and involves a sort of five minute shift again. He moves his clock, among other things. He'll also say directly "we have to end in ten (or five minutes).

He's also awkward on the phone, if I"m upset beyond a certain point. I think he feels back and doesn't know what to say, and then (I'm imagining) feels as if he's let me down. He has said that being in the same place is too important in our relationship for the phone to be a good substitute, at times.

Jost


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