Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 661163

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Let's just imagine that your T......

Posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2006, at 23:20:12

told you he would be gone for a while since he was attending his daughter's wedding...
that's a wonderful thing isn't it?

so why might it make you sad?

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T......

Posted by ElaineM on June 25, 2006, at 0:08:33

In reply to Let's just imagine that your T......, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2006, at 23:20:12

If I had to brainstorm this for a hypothetical person it might be: I'm sad because...

-I'd be missing my own appointments (worried about how I'd cope)
-I'm not having a wedding of my own (feelings about marriage)(or depending on age parallels, if this woman is getting married, why have I not reached the same age-expectations? What does that say about me?)
-It'd be like evidence that someone else is important to my T
-It might trigger me to mourn the absence of warm, and fuzzy images from my own present/past (ie. the image of a "perfect father" giving away his "happy, beautiful daughter")
-It could highlight for me that I'M not his daughter (or his wife)or that I don't have a child of my own
-It could even just stimulate my own longing for happiness /celebration

And there's probably a bunch of others. It makes sense that such good news could cause a different reaction.

Did this happen to you? (you don't have to say)

Elaine

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl

Posted by bent on June 25, 2006, at 8:39:16

In reply to Let's just imagine that your T......, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2006, at 23:20:12

I think I'd flip out. I dont handle hearing about my T's life and she doesnt talk very much about it. Especially her daughters. I can think of lots of reasons I'd be sad. Mostly I wonder about my T as a mother. I compare her to mine and wish my mom could be more like the fantasy-mom I see my T being. Its also a reminder that we dont get to know our T's in any other context beyond a therapeutic relationship. That they do have a life outside their offices and it doesnt include us. Perhaps your reasons are totally different though. I know if my T was away for her daughter's wedding, I'd be in tears. This is what I think it would hit for me but I am sure there are so many reasons.

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T......

Posted by sleepygirl on June 25, 2006, at 10:33:28

In reply to Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl, posted by bent on June 25, 2006, at 8:39:16

I'm not really sure why this bothered me so much, but I evidently had a lot of feelings about it. I think it was a real reminder of what I don't have. I wish also that things could proceed more "normally" for me - the rituals of life you know, the places, the people and the parts they play-the things you take for granted maybe (if you are someone else). I'm not sure I can really say that anything has proceeded "normally" for me. It feels like a struggle all the time.

I wish I had mattered to someone..I know I did and I do in some ways, but I'm not special to anyone. So my T is a guy I talk to, but why should he care? It's none of my business after all.

I still don't understand why this bothers me, not really.
thanks for the responses.

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl

Posted by sunnydays on June 25, 2006, at 10:45:08

In reply to Re: Let's just imagine that your T......, posted by sleepygirl on June 25, 2006, at 10:33:28

I think everyone else has the right idea about wanting those special events to happen to you. It seems from your post that you might be trying to hide from yourself that you're attached. You know, "just a guy that I talk to" isn't exactly accurate. He's "just a guy that you talk to about the things that are most important to you and private and things you don't share with other people." So it would make sense that you're attached, and that you feel sad that he's going to be gone and that you know he'll be thinking about his daughter and not you. But I don't think AT ALL that that means that you don't matter to him. I think that you can't be in therapy with someone and not matter to them. You're a human being with problems that he is trying to help you with, and even if nothing else (and I suspect there's plenty of other reasons you matter to him), you matter to him because of that.
(((sleepygirl)))

sunnydays

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sunnydays

Posted by sleepygirl on June 25, 2006, at 17:47:44

In reply to Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl, posted by sunnydays on June 25, 2006, at 10:45:08

yeah....I guess I'm trying to make it not matter so much because it can be easier that way, he has been back and it felt weird to talk to him because of things bothering me, so then I had to get all upset and feel stupid and pathetic, but a big part of me feels kind of distant from it all- so it's strange..hard to describe

thanks :-)
sg


 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl

Posted by Deneb on June 25, 2006, at 20:31:28

In reply to Let's just imagine that your T......, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2006, at 23:20:12

I might become sad if deep down I'm jealous that my T has a happy life and I don't.

Seeing happy things in other people's lives might remind us of all the unhappy things we have to deal with in our own lives.

That's just me, don't know why you would feel sad.

Deneb*

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl

Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2006, at 10:28:19

In reply to Let's just imagine that your T......, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2006, at 23:20:12

I'm frankly jealous of my therapist's daughter, not his wife.

This despite the fact that I know he makes a better therapist/mom than real life dad.

I was even more jealous of his infant niece.

I'd have no trouble figuring out why I was upset.

 

Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... Dinah

Posted by sleepygirl on June 26, 2006, at 12:26:24

In reply to Re: Let's just imagine that your T...... sleepygirl, posted by Dinah on June 26, 2006, at 10:28:19

I know I feel that way too, it's just unacceptable to some part of me so I'm denying the obvious in favor of something else...

the feeling was too uncomfortable I guess
I'm trying to reconcile it
thanks,
sg


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