Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 660865

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Re: The best I understand it ... » fallsfall

Posted by annierose on June 24, 2006, at 16:18:04

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2006, at 13:04:28

>>>It would be easier if we could understand what the feelings are about - but they aren't logical<<<

The only way I can wrap my head around my intense feelings when my feel goes on vacation, I imagine how my children feel when I go away on a business trip. They cling to me, "please don't go" and they look forward to each phone call in the morning and prior to bedtime. My T will tell me that my apprehension prior to her vacation is completely understandable (which is coming up in 3 days ...). I'm glad it makes perfect sense to her, at least she's not freaked out by my attachment.

She'll explain, "Right now, this relationship is the center of your emotional life. You've come to count on my being here." And I think, but I'll miss you, how could you leave?

Laurie, at least you'll get to see him twice for two weeks in a row - right?

 

Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose

Posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2006, at 18:55:04

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... ? fallsfall, posted by annierose on June 24, 2006, at 16:18:04

Annierose, you know that you don't need reservations for Camp Comfort - there is always room there. How long is she going for?

And, Alldone, you can come to Camp Comfort, too, anytime you want to.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done

Posted by fairywings on June 24, 2006, at 19:33:26

In reply to Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-(, posted by All Done on June 24, 2006, at 3:43:36

((((laurie)))))

You're not a spoiled brat. Your T is so kind to you, and since everything he says is just "right", who wouldn't miss that? It was nice of your T to be thinking about you, even if he can't be with you. : (


(I'd like my T to wrap me up, put me under his coat and sneak me home with him.)
Hope your next appt. is good,
fw

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » annierose

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:13:38

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by annierose on June 24, 2006, at 6:47:49

> I just love it when our T's know just the perfect thing to say, well, except, "You know, I could see you on Sunday instead ....".
>
> I think going more often has really helped strengthen an already strong relationship.

I agree. I appreciate you guys helping me to make sure I add sessions. I'm still not sure twice a week every week would work with my schedule, but this has definitely helped my progress.


> BTW, how did he interpret the dream?

My T always makes me say what I think first and I'm terrible at deciphering dreams. Even my own. But when I told him I thought there might be some relation to my dad because of the cowboy hat, he jumped all over it. I think he thinks there are a lot of open(?) issues about my dad. I made the association from the way I looked in the dream to being ashamed of my looks IRL.

He did suggest that perhaps I find some of his techniques silly or unhelpful because of the singing thing. That didn't feel exactly right to me, though.


> >>We also talked about my comfort and me trying to make his office a more comfortable place for me than it already is.<<<
>
> Curious, do you remember any of his suggestions? I often tell my T that no matter where I sit, I think I'd just feel more comfortable in her closet or curled up behind her desk. We haven't talked about ways to be more comfortable, instead we focus on those young feelings. I think the former discussion seems important too.

Well, he's not the one making the suggestions. His suitemate recently moved out and so there have been a few changes in furniture, etc. I've been talking about it every session and telling him what I want. What would make it more "my" space. I've requested a desktop sand tray or something to play with, a soft leather couch with overstuffed arms, and softer wattage light bulbs in the new lamp. (I went ahead and purchased those and plan to give them to him on Wednesday as part of my third therapy anniversary gift to him. ;) ) We'll see how much of it I get.

He did say he's going to consider a couch instead of the chairs. He's asked me a couple of times if there are any posters here that lie down. That's when I talk about *you*! :)


> It's okay to have that lump in your throat. Makes perfect sense to me. I'd be lumpy too.

I wish I could just cry and get rid of it already.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » Dinah

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:21:37

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 7:39:00

> Well, if you are, I am too. :)
>
> I think if you're in the sort of therapy that is attempting to intensify the therapeutic relationship (and maybe even if you aren't), then disruptions to the fabric of therapy can prove more upsetting than can be logically explained.

Yep. See my post to annierose about all the changes in the d*mn furniture.


> But there's the whole point of exploring the therapeutic relationship as an aid to healing. It's the emotional self that's usually constrained that is being reached.

I guess that's why it seems almost every session is about what I feel about him and what is good or upsetting me about our relationship. It seems so odd. I sure hope it all makes sense to him.


> Therapeutic absences hurt don't they?

Yes, they do. Even a couple of weeks ago, when we were both there but not connecting. That felt pretty lousy.

(((Dinah))) I can only imagine what you're going through.


> I wish my therapist were more like yours. And Daisy's. And Annierose's. :)

I wish he was, too. But then again, if he was, he wouldn't be who he is and there is some reason you connected with him specifically. Hopefully, he'll show you that side again, soon.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » sunnydays

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:23:52

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-(, posted by sunnydays on June 24, 2006, at 11:01:26

> Oh, that's so hard. I hate it when I have to skip appointments - of course, I only go once a week, so it's half a month between appointments if I can't see him! But I would imagine it would be even harder if I was used to going more than once a week. ((All Done)) Try to do something to give yourself a little comfort.

I should thank my lucky stars. Even when I was just once a week, he would always try to get me in during the week he got back or before he left. I've very rarely gone more than 10 days between sessions.

Thanks for the hugs! You just gave me a little comfort. :)

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » Poet

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:35:38

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by Poet on June 24, 2006, at 11:16:25

> Hi Laurie,
>
> Take your son out for some ice cream, maybe that'll help the lump in your throat go down easier.

Oh my...the other day I brought him for ice cream before dinner :-o. They had gelato, too. It was soooo good! I think maybe we need to go back tomorrow.


> Until you can see your T again think about ways to make his office more comfortable for you. That'll help pass the time.
>
> Poet

When we were discussing my comfort level, I mentioned that one time, I contemplated coming in in my "pajamas". It's actually a fleece top and flannel pajama bottoms. (My son has pj day once a month and I had wondered why I can't ;) ). Anyway, I decided against doing this when I realized the pants are men's and they have a fly. After discussing this for a while, my T asked something like, "what were you afraid I would see?" I think he was trying to get at some deeper emotion or something, but I said, "my underwear! I mean *honestly*...would *you* come in with your fly open?" He said no, laughed and moved to the next question.

I'm still thinking about throwing pillows at him thanks to you. He needs to get some more. She took all of them.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( Â » fallsfall

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:43:29

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2006, at 13:04:28

> Missing them is so hard. It would be easier if we could understand what the feelings are about - but they aren't logical. So not only are they strong feelings, but they are confusing feelings too.

And the fact that I think he's the only one who can help me sort all of these feelings out, I want to be with him even more. :(


> Distraction, Distraction, Distraction.
>
> Take the Ice Cream King to the Zoo and think of me.

I'm not sure if we'll go to the zoo, yet, but I'll definitely think of you. :)

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( Â » llrrrpp

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:48:18

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( Â, posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 15:06:03

> They have good ice cream at the zoo. I went on Memorial Day and got a gigantic cone with cookies n' cream.

If it was Oreos, my son would love it!


> I'm sorry you're missing your T. It's such a natural feeling. And he might even be missing his clients & his work too? Is that possible? At any rate, you are his client, and he is devoted, and doing his job well. He wouldn't call you if he didn't want to. He could always invoke the "boundary" thing if he wanted to leave his work behind.

He's told me he'll miss seeing me after I, you know, the t word. :( He also said he'd miss me if I died, but that was a whole 'nother conversation.


> Falls is right- distraction is key:) and what better time of year to find distraction- can you take a day trip somewhere or do some summertime activities? Go to the pool? The park, the beach, the lake? Camping?
>
> Hope you're feeling a little better :) ?
> You deserve everything good- you're not a spoiled brat at all!
>
> -ll

Thanks for all the suggestions! We have a pool, so that would be easy. I'm sure my son will keep me busy. He managed that today, as well.

And *maybe* I'll agree that I'm not a spoiled brat, but I sure still feel like a brat.

 

Re: don't worry I was RWS-reading while sleepy ;-) (nm) » llrrrpp

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:50:17

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( Â » llrrrpp, posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 15:12:07

 

Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:56:24

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » fallsfall, posted by annierose on June 24, 2006, at 16:18:04

> >>>It would be easier if we could understand what the feelings are about - but they aren't logical<<<
>
> The only way I can wrap my head around my intense feelings when my feel goes on vacation, I imagine how my children feel when I go away on a business trip. They cling to me, "please don't go" and they look forward to each phone call in the morning and prior to bedtime. My T will tell me that my apprehension prior to her vacation is completely understandable (which is coming up in 3 days ...). I'm glad it makes perfect sense to her, at least she's not freaked out by my attachment.

This is the worst for me! I feel like I'm growing up with my son. He has such terrible separation anxiety with me. There are days when he just clings to me and cries saying he wants to go to work with me "even if it is boring". And I believe him. I could say he could go to Disney and he would say he would go only if I am going to be there. He just wants to be with me. I told my T how much I feel my son's pain and how I just want to be with him.


> She'll explain, "Right now, this relationship is the center of your emotional life. You've come to count on my being here." And I think, but I'll miss you, how could you leave?
>
> Laurie, at least you'll get to see him twice for two weeks in a row - right?

Actually, I leave for vacation next Sunday and I won't see him for a week and a half. But then, I see him twice a week all but one week until sometime in August. That will be nice.

I'm sorry your T is going on vacation. Have you planned anything special to do during that time?

 

Re: Thanks, falls! (nm) » fallsfall

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:56:54

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose, posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2006, at 18:55:04

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » fairywings

Posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 1:11:50

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by fairywings on June 24, 2006, at 19:33:26

> ((((laurie)))))
>
> You're not a spoiled brat. Your T is so kind to you, and since everything he says is just "right", who wouldn't miss that? It was nice of your T to be thinking about you, even if he can't be with you. : (

It was nice of him to tell me he'd be thinking about me.


> (I'd like my T to wrap me up, put me under his coat and sneak me home with him.)
> Hope your next appt. is good,
> fw

Thanks, fw. I hope my next session is good, too. It's my three-year therapy anniversary.

 

Re: The best I understand it ... » All Done

Posted by annierose on June 25, 2006, at 7:36:56

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose, posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:56:24

I second that. I feel like I'm growing up with my children too. When I go about my day and stumble into thoughts about my therapist, it makes me feel like someone out there cares about me on such an intimate level. I feel warm and fuzzy about it. And understood.

I asked my daughter recently (she's 12) if she thought about me at school and how did that make her feel. She echoed my feelings about my T. Then I reflected back to my childhood. I can't know for sure since I can't remember, but even now, I don't feel warm and fuzzy when I think about my parents. I don't feel much of anything. I guess there's the problem.

Daisy is right. Attachment, attachment, attachment.

I hope you enjoy your vacation. Are you going as a family somewhere? My T's first summer vacation is 12 days (over July 4th week). That works out great for me since I'll be pretty distracted. My son and I are taking my daughter to summer camp, a 4 1/2 hour drive away. I decided to make a little vacation out of it since my husband is using his vacation days for August. It's in the northern part of my state and I have lots of friends with summer homes to visit.

I like your image of going to therapy in pj's. Back to the comfty, cozy feelings.

 

Re: The best I understand it ... Â » fallsfall

Posted by annierose on June 25, 2006, at 7:42:14

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose, posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2006, at 18:55:04

Thanks Falls for the reminder. I'll certainly check into camp comfort in August. That's when I leave for a 10 day vacation that backs up into my T's week vacation. Yesterday I realized my first appointment back is when I'm away on business for 3 days. Now my brain is trying to figure out a solution to that. I can't reschedule the business trip as it's a national show and I can either go or not, and I need to go. But maybe I'll leave early and let my manager stay and finish our work. The things we do to keep our appointments.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done

Posted by fairywings on June 25, 2006, at 8:22:02

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » fairywings, posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 1:11:50


> Thanks, fw. I hope my next session is good, too. It's my three-year therapy anniversary.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, I hope he remembers! Has he remembered the first 2? It's wednesday?
fw

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-(

Posted by Daisym on June 26, 2006, at 0:19:34

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by fairywings on June 25, 2006, at 8:22:02

No way, Alldone. Not spoiled. Spoiled would be me, having a fit because I have to go three or four days without seeing my therapist! Brattyness is all in the eye of the beholder and I doubt your therapist sees you that way.

I wonder if you can use how you feel when your son misses you to inform yourself about how your therapist might feel. My guess is that you don't say to yourself, "Don't miss me! I don't like it when you miss me." Instead, you think, "poor dear. I wish you weren't so anxious about me coming back again." And you do everything you can to reassure your son that you will, indeed, be back. Your therapist want to provide that reassurance too, especially when he has to miss sessions with you. I'm glad you get to see him on Wed.

Summertime makes therapy so much harder. I was thinking about that the other day. It feels like schedules get less predictable.

I'm sorry I'm late to this thread. I hope you had a good weekend. :)

 

Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose

Posted by littleone on June 28, 2006, at 21:19:18

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » All Done, posted by annierose on June 25, 2006, at 7:36:56

> I second that. I feel like I'm growing up with my children too. When I go about my day and stumble into thoughts about my therapist, it makes me feel like someone out there cares about me on such an intimate level. I feel warm and fuzzy about it. And understood.
>
> I asked my daughter recently (she's 12) if she thought about me at school and how did that make her feel. She echoed my feelings about my T. Then I reflected back to my childhood. I can't know for sure since I can't remember, but even now, I don't feel warm and fuzzy when I think about my parents. I don't feel much of anything. I guess there's the problem.
>
> Daisy is right. Attachment, attachment, attachment.

Wow, this was like a real lightbulb moment for me. I just had no idea at all that kids feel like that about their parents. No idea at all. I've always just felt nothing for mine (unless something bad's happening, then I feel bad). I think it's sad that I never had that connection to my folks.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done

Posted by littleone on June 28, 2006, at 21:22:15

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » annierose, posted by All Done on June 25, 2006, at 0:13:38

Hi All Done, how did you go with this?:

> Well, he's not the one making the suggestions. His suitemate recently moved out and so there have been a few changes in furniture, etc. I've been talking about it every session and telling him what I want. What would make it more "my" space. I've requested a desktop sand tray or something to play with, a soft leather couch with overstuffed arms, and softer wattage light bulbs in the new lamp. (I went ahead and purchased those and plan to give them to him on Wednesday as part of my third therapy anniversary gift to him. ;) ) We'll see how much of it I get.

 

Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose

Posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 3:37:34

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » All Done, posted by annierose on June 25, 2006, at 7:36:56

> I second that. I feel like I'm growing up with my children too. When I go about my day and stumble into thoughts about my therapist, it makes me feel like someone out there cares about me on such an intimate level. I feel warm and fuzzy about it. And understood.
>
> I asked my daughter recently (she's 12) if she thought about me at school and how did that make her feel. She echoed my feelings about my T. Then I reflected back to my childhood. I can't know for sure since I can't remember, but even now, I don't feel warm and fuzzy when I think about my parents. I don't feel much of anything. I guess there's the problem.

I'm the same way when I think about my parents. Especially, my mom. And sometimes I wonder if my feelings toward my alcoholic, mostly absent dad are a bit skewed because he's gone, I miss him, and I feel guilty having any negative feelings toward him.

When I think about how my son feels when I leave him, it just kills me. On all levels. I feel terrible for him - I feel his pain and it's so real for me. But I also feel terrible for leaving him. I don't think there's any way my T feels as torn when I leave. I know he cares, I just can't imagine he can be *that* emotionally invested in any client.


> Daisy is right. Attachment, attachment, attachment.

Ouch, ouch, ouch.


> I hope you enjoy your vacation. Are you going as a family somewhere? My T's first summer vacation is 12 days (over July 4th week). That works out great for me since I'll be pretty distracted. My son and I are taking my daughter to summer camp, a 4 1/2 hour drive away. I decided to make a little vacation out of it since my husband is using his vacation days for August. It's in the northern part of my state and I have lots of friends with summer homes to visit.

We're going to Californa for the first week, coming home for a few days, and then going to Orlando for a long weekend. :)

I hope you're having a great weekend!


> I like your image of going to therapy in pj's. Back to the comfty, cozy feelings.

I've found that lately, even when I'm talking about very uncomfortable things and feelings, I'm still comfy in my T's office. So comfy I don't want to leave and can't stand not being there. :(

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » fairywings

Posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 3:40:27

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by fairywings on June 25, 2006, at 8:22:02

> > Thanks, fw. I hope my next session is good, too. It's my three-year therapy anniversary.
>
> Ahhhhhhhhhh, I hope he remembers! Has he remembered the first 2? It's wednesday?
> fw

He doesn't remember anniversaries, birthdays, etc. That's my job, apparently. ;)

And yes, it was Wednesday.

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » Daisym

Posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 3:44:10

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-(, posted by Daisym on June 26, 2006, at 0:19:34

> No way, Alldone. Not spoiled. Spoiled would be me, having a fit because I have to go three or four days without seeing my therapist! Brattyness is all in the eye of the beholder and I doubt your therapist sees you that way.

I know he doesn't.


> I wonder if you can use how you feel when your son misses you to inform yourself about how your therapist might feel. My guess is that you don't say to yourself, "Don't miss me! I don't like it when you miss me." Instead, you think, "poor dear. I wish you weren't so anxious about me coming back again." And you do everything you can to reassure your son that you will, indeed, be back. Your therapist want to provide that reassurance too, especially when he has to miss sessions with you. I'm glad you get to see him on Wed.

Like I posted to annierose, I just can't imagine my T feels anywhere near the intensity that I feel about leaving my son. I'm sure he understands, I've talked to him about both sides of it enough. But...


> Summertime makes therapy so much harder. I was thinking about that the other day. It feels like schedules get less predictable.
>
> I'm sorry I'm late to this thread. I hope you had a good weekend. :)

Please don't worry about being "late". It takes me a week to respond. :(

 

Re: ((((((littleone)))))) (nm) » littleone

Posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 3:45:04

In reply to Re: The best I understand it ... » annierose, posted by littleone on June 28, 2006, at 21:19:18

 

Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » littleone

Posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 3:57:02

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » All Done, posted by littleone on June 28, 2006, at 21:22:15

> Hi All Done, how did you go with this?:
>
> > Well, he's not the one making the suggestions. His suitemate recently moved out and so there have been a few changes in furniture, etc. I've been talking about it every session and telling him what I want. What would make it more "my" space. I've requested a desktop sand tray or something to play with, a soft leather couch with overstuffed arms, and softer wattage light bulbs in the new lamp. (I went ahead and purchased those and plan to give them to him on Wednesday as part of my third therapy anniversary gift to him. ;) ) We'll see how much of it I get.

Well...the light bulbs were a disaster. They didn't seem to work in his lamp. They are supposed to be three-way bulbs, but there was only one wattage that worked. It was a long and complicated process, but he tried them, almost burned his hand, and had to put the old ones back in. That's okay, though, we laughed about it and the "real" gift I gave him worked much better.

I gave him a book "Why a Daughter Needs a Dad", which is full of little one line reasons like, a daughter needs a dad "to give her a safe place to return to" (or something like that). I picked the ones I felt were important in my relationship with him because there were a lot that "fit". Then, I wrote my feelings on those pages. Basically, telling him how he provided those things or filled those needs of mine. He read some while I was there and then told me he was going to read the rest later. Today, the book was out and he told me he read it and reiterated how touching he thinks it is.

Thanks for asking. Sorry it took me so long to reply, but even when things go well, sometimes it's hard to talk about.

 

Re: Anniversary » All Done

Posted by littleone on July 2, 2006, at 21:18:07

In reply to Re: Wow. I feel like such a spoiled brat. :-( » littleone, posted by All Done on July 2, 2006, at 3:57:02

Sorry to hear about the lightbulbs. I'm glad you could laugh about it. Are you still looking at other ways to make his office safer?

Re your book, it all sounds so sweet. Both what you did and how he reacted. It's nice.

> Sorry it took me so long to reply, but even when things go well, sometimes it's hard to talk about.

That's okay. I'm usually pretty slow to respond too. Things make me antsy and it's hard to go back to them. And yes, even things that are going well can do that to us.


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