Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 659807

Shown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******

Posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 16:46:59

Oh God, she didn't come! She wasn't there! I sat in the office for an hour, with my stupid papers all folded in my purse. After like 15min waiting I heard the admin. staff outside the door saying "____ isn't here yet. That's odd" I started freaking out when i heard them say that the appointment two after mine had shown up already. I started tearing up and trying to hold it in so I wouldn't look crazy. 40min in a nurse came and explained that they couldn't reach her and didn't have her cell, but she was to be driving in from a conference. I felt my face cringe and I had to grab more kleenex, and she asked, "Were you here for anything urgent, or was it just a follow-up?" I said it wasn't medically urgent and she said I could wait a bit longer but she didn't think she'd show up because she wasn't usually late, and that she probably forgot. She forgot?!

I waited another 20 min and then she told me they were re-scheduling her whole patient load for the day. I started crying. I thought I'd pass-out. I started getting that bubble-vision, and the lights were looking weird, and I almost said, I might hurt myself. I thought I was going to be sick. The receptionist said her next available time is July 7th!!! That's a lifetime away! I whimpered Thanks and I probably sounded ridiculous cause my voice was all shaky and popping.

I didn't think I could get home. I just stood inside the bathroom bawling. I didn't even care others were there. When I went to leave, I couldn't walk properly and I just kept saying over and over in my head, "This is what you get you stupid, ugly idiot! You go to open your mouth and everything gets messed up!"

I knew I'd self harm if I left. I could tell. So I started walking to the counselling center on campus. I probably looked like a zombie with my red eyes and screwed up makeup. I went right up to the guy at the desk and said, "I need to have a walk-in appt please." And he asked "What is it for?" And I said I wanted to speak to someone about another Dr. I was seeing, and the regulations about Dr conduct. And he said "But we do personal counselling and skills learning. We don't do that" Then the tears started welling up again, and someone had come in behind me, and I said, "Please I only want to ask some questions." And he handed my a pamphlet and said, "This is what we do. You should call the professional organization" (or whatever he called it) I was on the verge of losing it so I said "okay" and turned around. Why wouldn't he help me when I was crying and upset!? Everyone hates me!

I walked out and right into a public bathroom and cut myself and cried for another long time. I came home and I took some stuff (I don't know if I'm allowed to say what) and I cut myself again, but smaller. This always happens. It's like a sign or something. I need to stop being a b****! What am I going to do?! Why didn't she come today!

I can't do this. It's not worth it. I fail at everything I try to do. After all that, after how hard this past week has been, all that I have is two soon-to-be scars, a headache, and a message from my T saying that he missed me today and that he can't wait to see me next session. I hate everything. I'm a loser and I don't care what happens to me. I have to leave the house so I don't cut again. I'll check in later. I'm sorry all your help was wasted on nothing.

EL

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER******* » ElaineM

Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2006, at 16:56:01

In reply to I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 16:46:59

No, it wasn't wasted on nothing. I'm so sorry that she wasn't there. I can certainly understand you being as upset as you are.

I think that under the circumstances that you should call and request an appointment tomorrow. This IS medically necessary - you have the cuts to prove that.

You did such a good job getting there and being ready to talk about this. You should be so proud of yourself. I can't imagine why the counselling center wouldn't let you talk to someone. Nobody hates you. I'm so sorry that everything turned out this way. But it ISN"T because what you were planning to do was wrong. You still need to talk to her about this.

Please call and insist on an appointment tomorrow. Since she blew off today, she should be willing to accomodate you. Please don't give up.

I'm glad that you are trying to do things so that you won't SI. It is so hard to do that. Try to spend time with people. Is there anyone IRL who knows what is going on?

(((ElaineM)))

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******

Posted by annierose on June 21, 2006, at 17:15:23

In reply to I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 16:46:59

You didn't fail. The system failed you!! You did everything right. You did not screw up - please try to be kind to yourself.

Falls is right. You need to call her right now and when you get the answering service, let them know this IS an emergency. You need to get an appointment as soon as possible and July 7th is too far off in the future. That is another lifetime away as far as you are concern.

I am so mad for you right now. Try to be with people this evening, and not the T. Do not call him. I'm glad you reached out to us. His type of support is not helpful.

Don't give up. We care about you.

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******

Posted by sunnydays on June 21, 2006, at 18:06:16

In reply to I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 16:46:59

((((((((((ElaineM)))))))))) You were so brave today. You knew you needed help and you asked for it repeatedly. I'm soooo sorry that no one gave it to you. It is NOT a sign of anything, I promise. You are so not a failure. You are so courageous to even consider doing this. Please try to take care of yourself. (((ElaineM)))

 

(((((Elaine))))) » ElaineM

Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2006, at 19:12:58

In reply to I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 16:46:59

Elaine,

I am so sorry it didn’t go the way you needed it to go.

This is now an emergency situation. I hope you can get an emergency appointment.

Cutting yourself and taking stuff is NOT trivial, especially under these circumstances. You need urgent help. You need it as soon as you can get it. If necessary, please go to the hospital.

You are in danger. I imagine you find that hard to believe, but it is nevertheless true. You need real help from people in real life. I know it is hard to trust people. I know it is hard to disclose anything. But this really is an emergency. You can refuse to talk to anyone until you can access someone you can trust. If you say you are trying to escape an abusive situation, and if you insist on speaking to a woman, people will take you seriously without your having to tell the whole story. At least, I hope so. And there should be SOMEONE available to speak to you.

Can you at least call the Samaritans? They have people who are trained to help.

Please take care of yourself. We care very much about you and we’re devastated that you didn’t get the opportunity you needed to talk things through. Circumstance can be so cruel. But you are NOT a loser. You have been hurt by other people. THEY are responsible for their actions.

Is there any way you can find some comfort? I know it’s difficult. I’m sending you big safe hugs if you want them. (((((Elaine)))))

Please check in when you get the chance. I’ll be thinking of you.

Tamar

 

Re: I give up! » fallsfall

Posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 19:37:00

In reply to Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER******* » ElaineM, posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2006, at 16:56:01

Falls, I'm just so tired. It took so much just to get to that place mentally. I just feel like I couldn't do it again. It's just so weird because I've known her for like 5 years and she's never missed a meeting before. I only hope nothing is wrong with her.

I did ask the receptionist briefly about closer times and she said that it is hard to accomodate everyone because they are on summer hours. And my doctor is normally only at this location a couple days each week. She said I could always call the day of to see if someone has cancelled but she couldn't say how likely that will be. I might try in a few days, but I just can't do it right now. I don't much want to do anything.

No one else knows what's going on. That's why I had the urge to tell her in the first place, so I wouldn't feel so alone. There's not too many others in my life. And I'd never tell anyone else anyways. I'm already ashamed enough with my family knowing I see a T. I'll have to re-think this when I don't feel so hopeless and low.
El

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER******* » annierose

Posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 19:56:01

In reply to Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by annierose on June 21, 2006, at 17:15:23

Annierose: I wish I had someone with me when I was talking to the guy at the center. I'm pretty afraid of people even on my best days. If I wasn't sooo upset I'd never have even gone into that place. I just can't speak for myself properly when I'm like that.

I'm embarassed to say but my first instinct (after the bathroom thing) was to go straight to his office. Which doesn't make sense considering what I was trying to do today. I don't make sense. I'm sorry but I do miss him. It's dumb, I can't help it. I mean, I still don't want to do all that other stuff, but I'm used to him being there for me. With my next session on Friday, that will have been three days between meetings! That's one of the longest breaks I've had in a long time. And I can't stand being by myself when I'm so sad. I do care for him still. I don't like not caring for anybody. It makes me feel terrible.

I'm so sad and frustrated by today. I feel like I'm made of lead. And I'm really mad and disgusted for what I did to myself after. I just really want to forget today. I hate myself alot right now. Thank you for saying you care.
El

 

Thanks for the kind words (nm) » sunnydays

Posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 20:01:25

In reply to Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by sunnydays on June 21, 2006, at 18:06:16

 

I do regret today » Tamar

Posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 20:33:04

In reply to (((((Elaine))))) » ElaineM, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2006, at 19:12:58

Tamar:

I just wanted to say that I'm really ashamed of the SI today. That's not me anymore. Or a least it wasn't until today. I'd been really proud that it had been four months since the last time. (and I'm never usually proud of myself for anything) I'm safe though. I never do anything that would be risky. It's never in a dangerous place. (I'm sorry I feel very embarassed talking about this. I know it's hard to understand for people who don't have the same issue. And I don't know who identifies so I feel bad even mentioning it.) I guess it's back to the beginning with this too. It's not a new thing, so I know what I need to do. I didn't think it would happen after so long.

I'm sorry if I implied that I was suicidal. I don't want to cause worry, it is just a coping thing for me. I just get desperate when I can't stop my sadness on my own. And I'm so lonely after all of this. I missed my doctor today, and that space is making me miss my T even more. I'm used to stuff like this happening, it just takes me longer each time to get back to "normal". Thanks for the hugs.
EL

- I don't really understand "trigger". Is it for when you are graphic, or even for only mentioning it?

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******

Posted by muffled on June 21, 2006, at 23:04:34

In reply to Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER******* » annierose, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 19:56:01

Hi I'm muffled.
Sorry things are hard.
You seem very well spoken and very determined to do what you need to do.
You have strenghth to push forward. I can read it in your posts.
Its so hard what you went thru.
But you coped. Perhaps not in the ultimate best way, but you did what you had to do. You made it thru the day.
I hope things get smoother for you.
Your doing all the right things.
Keep at it.
Muffled(I SI too :-( Not the best, but better than other coping mechanisms I have.)

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******

Posted by Karolina on June 21, 2006, at 23:44:22

In reply to I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 16:46:59

((((Elaine))))

Please don't be mad at yourself, think it's your fault and give up. You were doing the right things. I hope that you will be able to call the office back tomorrow and explain that this really is an emergency. I am so sorry to hear that you hurt yourself. Do you think your T will be aware of how you are feeling or be aware of your injuries when you see him next? It seems like it would only make sense to talk about your self-injuring when you see him so soon after it happened. But then it’s twisted, because indirectly *he* is kind of the cause of all your feelings of panic and despair right now. I think that really shows how unhealthy the relationship has become.

But I know you probably feel kind of trapped in it too, because you still care a lot for him. It’s definitely a hard situation and I really think that once you talk to your doctor about it you will feel a lot better. I’m sorry if what I have said sounds harsh. I just don’t think he is being fair to you at all. If what was happening during sessions was good and positive for you, I don’t think you would feel so upset and scared right now.

We care about you and I hope you feel better soon.

-Karolina-

 

Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******

Posted by B2chica on June 22, 2006, at 9:37:51

In reply to Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by Karolina on June 21, 2006, at 23:44:22

oh ((((((((((Elaine)))))))))))))
i SOOOOOOOO wish i could be with you right now in person. i'm angry frustrated and hurt for you. i can feel your pain in your post.
but please...know you ARE WORTH IT. you didn't waste anything.
and i do agree with fallsfall, i think you should call that office asap and request an appointment today.

You did EVERYTHING right. you made a decision, you prepared yourself, you were on time, you were more than patient. and even though it didn't hellp you were able to recognize that you weren't ready to go home and you went further to get help. This ALL shows your instincts are right on. i'm So sorry no one helped you. annierose is right on...the System Failed YOU!!

and about your SI. don't even worry about it here. i've been there so long i can't even count the terrible scars i have. it's not a great coping mechanism but right at that time it was the only one that worked. don't beat yourself up about it. just take care of your wounds, disinfect them, keep them clean and dress them. i understand the impulse, the anger, the hurt the confusion, and the frustration of action when things calm down. and you Should be proud that it had been four months, that IS a long time to not SI and you Should be proud! now lets try for another four, ok?

i know it seems like an impossible task. but now is the time to be as assertive as you possibly can for your own sake. call that doctors office and tell them that it is extremely important that you see her, tell them it has to do with your mental health and you are having concerns about safety. let them know this isn't just a hi i'm doing fine, when should i see you again type of appointment. if they ask further questions just let them know that what you are dealing with right now pertains to sensitive information and you feel uncomfortable talking with others besides your physician and that's part of why it's SO important you get in to see her ASAP!!!

and dearheart i understand that something like this is very likely to push you toward the one person in your eyes that does care about you (your T). but you are doing the right thing in NOT going there right now.


(and the "trigger" warning is used when we talk about sensitive issues such as suicide- thoughts, attemts, SI, any type of abuse, or anything else that may 'set off' someone else with painful memories or such. hopefully that helps)

Please Please take care and call that DOCTOR!
we are 100% here for you!
((((((((((((((((((((elaine))))))))))))))))))))))))
b2c

 

the day after

Posted by ElaineM on June 22, 2006, at 16:35:07

In reply to Re: I give up! ******S.I. TRIGGER*******, posted by B2chica on June 22, 2006, at 9:37:51

Muffled, Karolina, B2C: Thank you. You help.

I am very depressed. So sad, that even the anxiety is gone. That's when I know to be afraid. I can't bare being so low cause it makes minutes feel like hours. I just want to scream, How can a day be so long?! And I can't do stuff. There are other threads here that I want to answer, I go to type and can't. The words don't come, and sentences are hard to make properly. My hands move slower, delayed reaction. And even that makes me sadder cause being on here makes me feel part of something bigger than myself. Silly. I'm usually afraid of connections, they leave you too open to being hurt. And I'd like to be able to give as much support as I've taken.

B2: I'm too afraid to say to someone that I'm mentally unsafe. Yesterday I was on auto-pilot. Unstable. I couldn't do it again. Never planned. I've been forced into residential treatment before when I was too small. Twice more I signed myself over. I've done a competency assessment when I was at my lowest, and I've never been more afraid than having my autonomy taken away. Though I'm not sick that way right now, I'm not a strong enough person to go through that ever again.

I'm just going to go to my session tomorrow. A week gap is too long. Karolina: I won't mention the SI. cause he doesn't like hearing about it. He never talks about it, or asks to see them, and usually changes the subject. (My old T used to ask to see them so she could monitor the healing. I used to hate it so much but I kinda miss it. Or her.) Plus, mentioning it makes me feel guilty, like I'm advertising it, or am proud of it, or something. Muff and B2, I appreciate you sharing your SI tendencies with me.

Thank you for all your strength. I miss thinking that the problem with my T and I was only me and my nerves. I don't like that I don't see him as all good anymore. It's lonely and frightening.
((((Everyone))))

EL

 

Re: the day after » ElaineM

Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2006, at 17:16:49

In reply to the day after, posted by ElaineM on June 22, 2006, at 16:35:07

I would encourage you to try to get an earlier appointment with your GP. I know it is hard to get all prepared to do something like that, but I think that it will be worth the effort.

I know that you want everything to be OK with your therapist, but I think that you know in your heart that it isn't OK. I'm sorry. Therapists shouldn't do this to us.

The fact that you don't want to tell your therapist about your SI is another danger sign...

Please take care of yourself.

 

Re: I do regret today (TRIGGER) » ElaineM

Posted by Tamar on June 22, 2006, at 18:43:56

In reply to I do regret today » Tamar, posted by ElaineM on June 21, 2006, at 20:33:04

Hi Elaine,

Thanks for your reply.

> I just wanted to say that I'm really ashamed of the SI today. That's not me anymore. Or a least it wasn't until today. I'd been really proud that it had been four months since the last time. (and I'm never usually proud of myself for anything)

I think it’s great that you were able to go four months without cutting. But I’m sorry you’re ashamed of cutting yourself this time. It’s not an ideal coping mechanism, but I honestly don’t think it’s shameful. I cut too. Sometimes it feels necessary to me; I can’t do anything else. But please don’t be hard on yourself: you were in an extreme situation, with very complex and powerful emotions.

> I'm safe though. I never do anything that would be risky. It's never in a dangerous place. (I'm sorry I feel very embarassed talking about this. I know it's hard to understand for people who don't have the same issue. And I don't know who identifies so I feel bad even mentioning it.)

I’m sorry that you feel embarrassed. I think that’s common when you don’t know many others who cut. I know that I feel less embarrassed about it after talking about it here, because there are a lot of people here who understand. I hope you will get to feel that way too.

> I guess it's back to the beginning with this too. It's not a new thing, so I know what I need to do. I didn't think it would happen after so long.

Oh no! I don’t think it’s back to the beginning! You were able to go four months without cutting. Now you have made it through four months and only cut once, and that was under extreme circumstances. I think it would make sense to accept that it happened, remind yourself that you’re not perfect and you’re allowed to make mistakes, and (most importantly) decide that today is a new day and today you won’t be cutting. I honestly don’t think you need to start counting again. You have obviously made good progress in the last four months: take credit for it!

> I'm sorry if I implied that I was suicidal. I don't want to cause worry, it is just a coping thing for me. I just get desperate when I can't stop my sadness on my own. And I'm so lonely after all of this. I missed my doctor today, and that space is making me miss my T even more. I'm used to stuff like this happening, it just takes me longer each time to get back to "normal". Thanks for the hugs.

Sorry; I didn’t mean to alarm you, or to imply that I was overly alarmed. I think I was trying to say that your experience was not trivial. The danger I worry about isn’t so much the physical danger of self-harm, but the psychological danger of being alone and hurt in a situation where the one person you trust is behaving irresponsibly and abusively towards you. I’m using strong and emotive words, but that’s because I don’t want to minimise your experience.

I really do think this is an emergency. It’s not a bleeding-to-death kind of emergency; it’s a keeping-sane kind of emergency. The potential consequences of your therapist’s misbehaviour are just as serious as if you were in danger of physical injury from him. Again, I’m sorry if I’m alarming you, but I really do think it’s that serious.

(((((Elaine)))))

I know it’s your choice, but if you were looking for advice I’d say it’s not a good idea to see your therapist when you’re feeling this distressed and confused. If his intentions are honourable, then he will wait for you. If his intentions are not honourable, he will see your distress as an opportunity to take advantage of you further. If you can possibly get to see your doctor, or even someone at any organisation that can help women in crisis, I think you will be more likely to find the help you need. But it is, of course, entirely your choice.

I’ll be thinking of you. And whatever your decision I won’t judge you.

Tamar


 

Re: I do regret today (TRIGGER)

Posted by llrrrpp on June 22, 2006, at 19:56:51

In reply to Re: I do regret today (TRIGGER) » ElaineM, posted by Tamar on June 22, 2006, at 18:43:56

Hi Elaine,
I agree with Tamar- it's probably not a good idea to see your therapist right now. You are very conflicted and you need to maintain your strength so that you can keep yourself safe. You don't have to explain anything. Just say that you have food poisoning or the flu, or something. Call in sick.

I think you need to see your GP right away. Call as soon as you can, and offer to sit in her waiting room to see if there are any cancellations. You will be safe if you sit in her waiting room. It's a safe place. Anytime that you are in a crisis such that you're considering hospitalization-- I think that's an emergency. Doctors can help in emergencies. That's what they are trained to do.

Finally, I also wanted to echo Tamar, that you have done VERY well not to cut yourself in 4 months. Even over the past week with all of the incredible stress and building anxiety. You managed for many days and many hours. You slipped- but you did not slip on your neighborhood ice skating rink- you slipped when you were climbing Mt. Everest. You were in extreme distress, and you didn't have coping mechanisms to deal with it. But you kept us in touch, and you reached out for help, and you are doing really really well. I'm so sorry you're hurting, Elaine. I hope that you are able to tell your GP soon, because you are carrying a toxic secret, and you were poisoned against your will.

Best wishes and ((((hugs))))
your friend,
-ll

 

Re: the day after Â

Posted by muffled on June 22, 2006, at 23:49:47

In reply to Re: the day after » ElaineM, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2006, at 17:16:49

Hey,
I dunno how your Dr, is but mine will see me short notice is she knows I in trouble. Or mebbe just show up at her office when you know shes there,. She's bound to fit you in somewhere. Its part of her job. PLUS SHE SCREWED UP, she owes you one.
I too think you should stay away from your T, he sounds like a player, and they smooth, real smooth, they know what buttons to push. You can't fight him, just please I ask you to stay away. Please.
I wish I could kick your GP's *ss for screwing things up.
Please take special care.
Its gonna be ok.
Its just real hard right now.
But it will get easier.
Take care,
Muffled

 

Re: the day after

Posted by pegasus on June 23, 2006, at 9:13:06

In reply to the day after, posted by ElaineM on June 22, 2006, at 16:35:07

Elaine,

I've been following your situation, and I just wanted to say how dismayed I was about what happened to you when you went to your doctor's appointment. It was one of the hardest things I've read on babble. I'm really glad that you shared with us what happened, because when you went to the appointment, I was checking back all the time to find out what happened. I think you showed a lot of courage, and I was proud of you for getting to a place where you were planning to talk to your doctor, despite all of your anxiety and second guessing, and all of it. I know how it is to be so so so attached to your therapist, and it's a BIG deal to talk about any aspect of it to anyone outside of the relationship. Much less what you were going through. When I read your post after the appointment, I wanted to be able to jump through the screen to be with you, and call your doctor for you, and help you get throught the next couple of days.

I think it's totally understandable that you would be depressed now. I know that feeling of living in slow motion. Like you're under water, or more like molasses. It's not uncommon to have a bout of depression after a big anxious thing like you've been through.

And . . . I agree with everyone here that if you can find a way to talk to someone (your doctor, another therapist) about what's going on with your therapist, that seems like a good thing. It seems like you really need someone (besides babble) to talk to about this. I agree that some of the things you've described make me concerned for you. A good therapist is supposed to always consider the client's best interests first in therapy, and it sounds like your therapist has lost his way with that.

many hugs

peg

 

Re: the day after » ElaineM

Posted by B2chica on June 23, 2006, at 9:46:00

In reply to the day after, posted by ElaineM on June 22, 2006, at 16:35:07

hey Elaine.
don't even worry about not responding to posts if you are not up to it, we certainly understand. and you are going through some really rough stuff right now.

and if you are not comfortable talking to someone about what is going on with you emotionally then maybe just keep some friends close by...distraction is good. and just talking about being forced into residential treatment makes my skin crawl. it's been a nightmare of mine since i was literally a little girl. it scares the beegesses out of me. but remember, going to the hospital will not force you into treatment. usually these days, they keep you for an average of 2-3 days and better or not they put you to the streets after that. so it's good that you wont be there forever, but maybe enough to keep you safe for a few days. please don't be afraid to use this as a resource if things get too hairy.

and i know it seems like an impossible task but i just can't stress this enough, you REALLY should call your GP again and try to get in. i think one of the others mentioend sitting in her office till she can fit you in...i would do this. afterall she did mess up your appointment and they NEED to know this is not a routine appt. You NEED to see the doc.

and you've been going pretty well with following your insticts about your T so far, keep it up. if you don't feel comfortable talking with your T about your SI then by all means don't. I really don't feel comfortable about you even talking to your T period. i think also that you should call and cancel. cold, out of town guest, bird flu, hemmoragic fever, i don't care what the excuse is. but i really don't think that going to see him is even going to make things easier on you, even though two weeks IS a long time. how is seeing him really going to help?
maybe instead of seeing him, you can finger through the yellow pages and pick out a new T to try out. that way you are going to see someone, you aren't committing to anything and who knows maybe you'll hit it off?

please, no matter what you decide, know we are here for you. and no matter what! you can ALWAYS talk to us.
post when you can.
take care of yourself ElaineM

b2c

 

Re: I do regret today (TRIGGER) » Tamar

Posted by ElaineM on June 23, 2006, at 18:34:35

In reply to Re: I do regret today (TRIGGER) » ElaineM, posted by Tamar on June 22, 2006, at 18:43:56

Tamar: Thank you for saying that it's not a failure in terms of the SI. And I'm trying to not think of if as back to the beginning. It's just upsetting that after so long I can go back so quickly. It's new for me to know of others who do the same. In treatment, we were never allowed to admit to doing it. A rule. It's something I've always felt ashamed of cause nobody gets it. Even less than ED's.

Thanks for sharing that I'm not alone in doing this.

Elaine

 

All

Posted by ElaineM on June 23, 2006, at 18:45:47

In reply to Re: the day after » ElaineM, posted by B2chica on June 23, 2006, at 9:46:00

I can't tell you all how much it means to me that you'd take the time to reassure me, when we don't even know each other. I almost don't even understand. If feel like any courage I have is coming from all of you.

Muffled, I read your message before I went this morning and it made me feel stronger. And Peg, your message was so touching. I can't believe you all have so much caring to give. B2C, llrrrpp, Falls: I'm trying to not make your advice go to waste. I really think I would just give up trying to change anything if you all were not helping me through. I tend to stagnate in life. You'll never know how much I value you all. Especially with the SI stuff too.
Elaine

 

Re: All » ElaineM

Posted by muffled on June 24, 2006, at 10:30:38

In reply to All, posted by ElaineM on June 23, 2006, at 18:45:47

Sorry its hard.
Please take care.
Let us know how it goes.
Muffled


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