Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 656352

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

It's because I loved my T first.

Posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

So, about a month ago I met a wonderful man. We have been dating and it seems as though each day I love him more. My relationship with him has been so easy. No power struggle, no defenses, no lying or clinging, just an honest, open feeling. I have been honest, myself and free to love.

This would NOT have been possible 2 years ago. Dating used to kill me, I just couldn't handle it.

However, after some thought I realize that things have been so easy with him because I have been so open and loving with my therapist. I have shared EVERYTHING with my T. I have loved him with all of my heart and it has been okay. It has been absolutely okay. Sure there has been hurt because my T can't reciprocate, but it is okay.

In fact, I can still hold my love for my T WHILE I love someone else and it gives me more confidence to love others.

I know we all struggle with "transference" (god knows I have), but loving my T has certainly helped me to be open to love in general.

I guess I just wanted to offer people some hope that the pain they feel is worth it.

Maddie

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by annierose on June 13, 2006, at 7:06:02

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

Great news Maddy!!

I'm so happy to hear that you are falling in love. And yes, I agree with you. Therapy can help you open your heart.

Thank you for sharing. He is a lucky guy.

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. annierose

Posted by llrrrpp on June 13, 2006, at 7:35:39

In reply to Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline, posted by annierose on June 13, 2006, at 7:06:02

That's wonderful Maddie,
I'm so happy for you- that your heart is healing and is allowing you to love and share love with a man. Isn't it funny how love is not a finite quantity- but rather, the more we give away, the more we make? You know, we love other people more when we love ourselves first, so you must be loving yourself more too. Thanks for sharing your happy news.
:)

-ll

 

***** :-)*** :-) *** :-) So happy for you!!!! (nm) madeline

Posted by muffled on June 13, 2006, at 9:58:07

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by bent on June 13, 2006, at 11:07:44

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

that's really great that you can see how the hard and sometimes painful transference comes around and is helpful. I really like to believe in the end transference will help, its just hard getting through it. I am glad you shared your positive experience about it. I feel like all I do is gripe about it but there are positives!

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2006, at 11:47:30

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

That's wonderful! I'm so happy to see things working out as they should.

It's true that therapy opens us up and makes us so vulnerable. That's bound to affect other areas of our lives.

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by orchid on June 13, 2006, at 16:29:49

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

I can really understand that. I also feel therapy helped me open up more to my husband. But even though I didn't have so pleasant an experience with my T, still I feel it really helped (my doubts and guilts about it apart on the side, still it was worth it.)

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first.

Posted by happyflower on June 13, 2006, at 20:21:25

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

Good for you Madeline! Is this that younger dude? I am so jealous, I want to new man! LOL
You story was a feel good story, thanks for sharing. :-)

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by Daisym on June 14, 2006, at 0:18:45

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

I want your story to be mandatory reading for all new therapists who are afraid to let their clients love them. I'm finding it really is rare to have a therapist who handles it well. And I'm so pleased for you.

I hope you've shared this insight with your therapist. What does he say? Does he feel protective of you even as he feels happy for you?

thanks for sharing,
daisy.

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. - thanks!

Posted by madeline on June 14, 2006, at 6:26:51

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

Thanks to everyone for sharing in my happiness right now. No matter what happens with the relationship, I know that I can now love. I never thought a human was capable of such a wonderful feeling. No matter what happened to me as a child, loving another is not out of my reach. I simply can not believe it.

I say, and have always said, don't fight the transference USE IT! Love your T, let it wash over you, open yourself to all of the hurt, the trust, the love and the healing that comes up in therapy.

Now, I admit, I think I have the world's best T. He never flinched once at my admissions of love for him. When he could, he reciprocated to the best of his ability. But he never breached the therapeutic frame and that's where the healing occurred. I could love and be totally safe from exploitation, lying and explosiveness. He was just always there.

It's taken YEARS, and I'm still not finished, but we have come light years from where I was.

I think you all can too.

Maddie

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. happyflower

Posted by madeline on June 14, 2006, at 6:29:40

In reply to Re: It's because I loved my T first., posted by happyflower on June 13, 2006, at 20:21:25

Nope, it's not the younger guy. In fact, this one is about 12 years older. He's perfect for me. Just perfect.

I'm going to the dreaded gynecologist today and he told me to tell the doctor that if he hurt me, then he would have to deal with my man.

I actually started crying. Where did this guy come from? Heaven?

Maddie

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. Daisym

Posted by madeline on June 14, 2006, at 6:31:59

In reply to Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline, posted by Daisym on June 14, 2006, at 0:18:45

I have shared this with my T, in fact I used the same words as in the subject line of this post.

My T looked very pleased. But he is protective I can tell. I know this is all he has ever wanted for me - to have a healthy relationship with another human.

His job was to help me to become more human.

He has done it well.

Maddie

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2006, at 9:40:46

In reply to Re: It's because I loved my T first. Daisym, posted by madeline on June 14, 2006, at 6:31:59

Maddie, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to print that out for when I need it.

That was beautiful.

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by milly on June 15, 2006, at 13:11:13

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

Oh Maddy that is so lovely, I'm so happy for you and this guy must feel so fortunate to find a loving, honest girl.
Wishing you continued happiness
milly

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first. madeline

Posted by milly on June 15, 2006, at 13:13:29

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

Oh Maddy that is so lovely, I'm so happy for you and this guy must feel so fortunate to find a loving, honest girl.
Wishing you continued happiness
milly

 

Re: It's because I loved my T first.

Posted by Fall Girl on June 17, 2006, at 8:57:41

In reply to It's because I loved my T first., posted by madeline on June 13, 2006, at 6:15:47

Wow. Thank you for this post, Maddie. This really helped. FG


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