Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 604240

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

This hurts too much (may be triggery)

Posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 16:57:08

And yet I do feel as though I'm bringing it upon myself. I was feeling kind of "normal" again (back to just blah rather than wanting to die) so I started doing more internet research, looked at the webpage again (it's like a car accident I can't take my eyes off of?, and yet it's also beautiful, but so so so upsetting), I keep thinking about her, and then all the turmoil comes right back.

It feels so bad. Why do I make myself feel this bad? I know, it's not really an answerable question. Or at least, not easily.

I think I want to be beaten black and blue so that people will believe how much this hurts. I feel scared no one will believe me. Or maybe I'm just convinced they must not believe me, because if they did, someone would have rescued me from this terrible fate by now.

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout

Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:05:28

In reply to This hurts too much (may be triggery), posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 16:57:08

This may be simplistic, but could you be renewing the pain to keep the relationship alive on some level?

My favorite dog died in 1987. I've kept her alive by holding tight to the pain. If I ever was in the position of possibly losing that last link, I'd gladly reignite the pain.

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) Dinah

Posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 17:17:48

In reply to Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:05:28

I don't think so, but there's something in that theory that I want to think about.

The relationship is still gone--I feel the huge void where it once was, so it's not the relationship I'm trying to keep alive. But something else?

Some idea of myself? This pain in my chest? I don't know.

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout

Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:25:59

In reply to Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) Dinah, posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 17:17:48

Maybe pain hurts less than the void?

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) Dinah

Posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 17:28:39

In reply to Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:25:59


The void doesn't hurt but maybe it's more terrifying?

 

oh wait

Posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 17:31:08

In reply to Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) Dinah, posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 17:28:39


i'm getting all mixed up

the void of missing her--i feel that now, and it does hurt

but the "void" of just being blah, of not feeling anything, that doesn't hurt per se but may be scary

so maybe i choose the void/pain of missing her over the void/nonpain of just feeling nothing

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout

Posted by fallsfall on January 29, 2006, at 22:04:27

In reply to This hurts too much (may be triggery), posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 16:57:08

I think I know how much it hurts. And I wish that I could rescue you, but I don't know how. I'm so glad you'll see your therapist tomorrow. I hope that she can help.

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) fallsfall

Posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 22:34:35

In reply to Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout, posted by fallsfall on January 29, 2006, at 22:04:27

thanks, falls. i called her and changed our session to a double. i hope she can help me too but i'm skeptical.

 

Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) fallsfall

Posted by fairywings on January 30, 2006, at 0:47:13

In reply to Re: This hurts too much (may be triggery) crushedout, posted by fallsfall on January 29, 2006, at 22:04:27

I don't know what to say that would help (((crushed))). I wish I had some words of wisdom. I"m thinking of you and hope you get through this soon.
fw

 

(((((((((((crushed))))))))))))) (nm)

Posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2006, at 13:59:33

In reply to This hurts too much (may be triggery), posted by crushedout on January 29, 2006, at 16:57:08

 

just got back from therapy

Posted by crushedout on January 30, 2006, at 16:17:21

In reply to (((((((((((crushed))))))))))))) (nm), posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2006, at 13:59:33


i think it helped a little but just as i feared my forcefield went up and i was mostly unable to feel. but we talked about that, and we talked about important stuff, that i wasn't emotionally present for, but at least i told her.

i guess that was the best i could do. i'll see her again on thursday.

 

Re: just got back from therapy crushedout

Posted by fallsfall on January 30, 2006, at 22:29:52

In reply to just got back from therapy, posted by crushedout on January 30, 2006, at 16:17:21

I'm glad you could see her today.

We have powerful defenses, don't we? But it sounds like you are trying very hard to be open enough to get the help you need.

I'm glad you see her 2/week.

(((Crushed)))


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