Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 602647

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I have a question... I'm a little annoyed

Posted by littlegirllost on January 25, 2006, at 12:27:27

Hello,

I'm a little annoyed and have a question.

Isn't there supposed to be some sort of continuity from session to session? And if so, whose responsibility is it?

After my last session, I was annoyed by the time I got to my car. There is always something I forget to bring up; it happened again. A few months ago, I was having this problem and I would write each week and bring it in and she would read it. But, we never really talked about any of it; so why bother? The last thing I wrote was longer and deeper than anything I've ever written. Stupid me for giving it to her on my way out, but still, not a word was said at our next appt either. So I've given up on writing. I don't remember everything every week and can't afford to go more often. Lately with all the turmoil at work and stuff, it feels like crisis management each week... no sense of continuity, which seemed fine, but every now and then it annoys me. Like now. It kinda seems like I've lost sight of why I'm going to therapy to begin with.

And another vent: I'm tired of spending my money and therapy time to talk about these work problems. I wish we had an EAP; isnt' that what they are for?

~lgl

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ littlegirllost

Posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:25:21

In reply to I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by littlegirllost on January 25, 2006, at 12:27:27

> Hello,
>
> I'm a little annoyed and have a question.
>
> Isn't there supposed to be some sort of continuity from session to session? And if so, whose responsibility is it?
>
> After my last session, I was annoyed by the time I got to my car. There is always something I forget to bring up; it happened again. A few months ago, I was having this problem and I would write each week and bring it in and she would read it. But, we never really talked about any of it; so why bother? The last thing I wrote was longer and deeper than anything I've ever written. Stupid me for giving it to her on my way out, but still, not a word was said at our next appt either. So I've given up on writing. I don't remember everything every week and can't afford to go more often. Lately with all the turmoil at work and stuff, it feels like crisis management each week... no sense of continuity, which seemed fine, but every now and then it annoys me.

It freaking annoys the bloody hell oughhta me. I have the exact same problem. I write and write and I dunno if she's even 'getting' what I write. We NEVER get thru barely any of my writings. And its not like she a clock watcher either. There just seems to be so much 'stuff' and confusion and it never get adressed.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
So you not alone LGL.
Mebbe someone has ideas. Dunno what they could possibly be. I can't affaord more sessions either.
Muffled

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ littlegirllost

Posted by All Done on January 25, 2006, at 17:10:53

In reply to I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by littlegirllost on January 25, 2006, at 12:27:27

Hi, lgl!

I understand what youíre feeling. I would venture to say your answer could be different given different types of therapy...Iím not sure. Iím in psychodynamic therapy and my T has always made it my responsibility to decide what we talk about (at least to start). Sometimes Iíve begged him to pick the topic. Last time I did that, he started talking about his recent Ebay sales and purchases..."okay smart aleck, I get the point." ;)

Anyway, Iíve been in therapy just over two and a half years. I think I was in crisis management mode for most of the first two years. It wasnít until fairly recently that we began working on deeper stuff. I suppose I needed to trust him. I needed to know that he could handle anything I said and do it in a way that wouldnít hurt me. I needed a deep attachment to him. Ironically, though, it seems to be that attachment that makes it easier for me to be hurt by him, but at least I know we can and will always talk about it. I donít let go of or forget about stuff between us until itís resolved. I wonít let him off the hook that easily. :)

It was kind of strange, I guess. I just got to the point where I decided I didnít want to talk about the day to day stuff anymore. I wanted more out of therapy. That said, the first two years were all part of the process and I wouldnít change anything.

I hope therapy starts to feel more worthwhile for you. If nothing else, I would suggest that you tell her what youíve told us here.

Good luck!

Laurie

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed

Posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 18:41:03

In reply to I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by littlegirllost on January 25, 2006, at 12:27:27

I think every ones therapy is different. Today my T said he likes that I lead the therapy sessions. I do most of the time have something specific I want to talk about. Sometimes my T does lead, but he has to start talking first, so he can get his point in without me talking about something else.
If you need to talk about something, can you just tell her that there is something on your mind? I know my T sometimes asks me at the beginning of the session. It is your therapy, your money, get out of it what you need. :)

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed

Posted by survivor1 on January 25, 2006, at 19:34:58

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 18:41:03

Hi, I'm sorry you are having a bad experience. I know with my therapist (who I'm losing because of insurance)if I start talking too much about every day stuff, she'll bring up something that is underlying or that I said I would work on last time I left her.She also did EMDR on me which seemed to help. I guess I was one of the lucky ones having a great therapist, it's like losing a very important part of my life. If you can't get your communications through, maybe you should get a new therapist that meshes with you better? Hope this helps.

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ muffled

Posted by littlegirllost on January 26, 2006, at 8:19:53

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ littlegirllost, posted by muffled on January 25, 2006, at 14:25:21

Thanks Muffled. It does help to at least know I'm not alone with this. Frustrating though!

lgl

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ All Done

Posted by littlegirllost on January 26, 2006, at 8:41:15

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ littlegirllost, posted by All Done on January 25, 2006, at 17:10:53

> It was kind of strange, I guess. I just got to the point where I decided I didnít want to talk about the day to day stuff anymore. I wanted more out of therapy. That said, the first two years were all part of the process and I wouldnít change anything.

>>>> Hi Laurie,
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I'm a few months past the 2 year mark, so hearing that you had a similar "start" is helpful. She is psychodynamic and does wait for me to start and I also have control over what we talk about. Actually when we walk in the room and sit down, I always have to be the first to say something! (She'll look at me with a warm smile, but not say anything.) LOL, sometimes I sit there for a second stupified thinking what my first line will be!

Usually her "approach" doesn't bother me. There has been so much going on in my day to day life as well as the recent major change at work, so I don't mind talking about that stuff, but I know there are underlying things that I can never seem to get to. Sometimes I feel like the day to day stuff consumes my time with her, or else I just forget. Dissociation is a problem.

> I hope therapy starts to feel more worthwhile for you. If nothing else, I would suggest that you tell her what youíve told us here.

>>>>Thanks! I actually emailed her when I got home last week and told her I was annoyed and why. I asked if there was supposed to be any continuity and whose responsibility is it. She said she was interested in hearing about my being annoyed and feels that since we are in this together, some of the annoyance belongs to her... something like that... and that we would talk about it next time.

So, we'll see; I go tonight and am not really in the mood.

lgl

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ happyflower

Posted by littlegirllost on January 26, 2006, at 8:44:37

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 18:41:03

Thanks Happy. I like to hear of others opinions and experiences. I just think that session to session (which is unfortunately just week to week) should flow more like a book, and it doesn't.

Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine. I remember when I was little, whenever I told a story, I had to tell the whole thing, start to finish... and if I forgot something, or someone interrupted me (which was frequent), I would start all over again.

lgl

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ survivor1

Posted by littlegirllost on January 26, 2006, at 9:19:46

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by survivor1 on January 25, 2006, at 19:34:58

> Hi, I'm sorry you are having a bad experience. I know with my therapist (who I'm losing because of insurance)if I start talking too much about every day stuff, she'll bring up something that is underlying or that I said I would work on last time I left her.She also did EMDR on me which seemed to help. I guess I was one of the lucky ones having a great therapist, it's like losing a very important part of my life. If you can't get your communications through, maybe you should get a new therapist that meshes with you better? Hope this helps.

>>>Hi Survivor,
I'm sure you were trying to be helpful, but I can't help but feel a little bit "stung" (ouch!). I don't think I'm having a "bad" experience, and happen to think my therapist is wonderful, and we "mesh" beautifully. I was simply asking about others' experiences with continuity; should it be there, and whose responsibility is it to see that there is. Like I said in my above posts, sometimes the lack thereof doesn't bother me. I've just been a little irritable lately.

lgl

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed

Posted by pegasus on January 26, 2006, at 10:11:37

In reply to I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by littlegirllost on January 25, 2006, at 12:27:27

I've had this experience, too. I think my ex-T also took the therapeutic approach of letting me always determine what we talked about. If something big came up the week before, I'd always expect him to mention it, but he rarely did, unless I had asked him the week before to make sure we talked about it in the next session. It worked ok, but at times it was problematic.

One of those times was when he'd give me suggestions about things I should do between therapy. I always interpreted it as "homework" and dutifully did whatever he suggested. I'd come in to the next session expecting to talk about it, but we never did. It always took the wind out of my sails. Made me think that he didn't remember what he'd suggested the week before, or that he didn't really care how it turned out. Like maybe his responsibility was just to throw things out there, and not to work through them with me. I think my reaction says a lot about my personal psychology, but also about how confusing the therapy process can be in general.

The other time it was a big issue was after he told me he was moving. We had maybe 8 sessions after that, and in between sessions I'd write him these long anguished emails. Then we'd never talk about them during my sessions. I felt so unheard, and helpless. I was trying *so hard* to communicate my experience and work on it all before he left. But I might as well not have bothered. When I'd refer to my emails, he'd say that my writing was "rich" or that we should talk about it, but we'd didn't work through any of it in sessions. It was so frustrating! I wasn't writing them to entertain him! I was trying to do some therapy. I think maybe he was sticking to his usual therapeutic stance even after the situation changed in a way (i.e., the new short time line) that made that stance an obstacle to therapy, and possibly he was also defending himself from understanding how deep my pain went.

Yikes, I guess I really wanted to write all that. It's been on my mind lately. Sorry if it's TMI about me me me.

peg

 

Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ pegasus

Posted by littlegirllost on January 26, 2006, at 11:08:17

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed, posted by pegasus on January 26, 2006, at 10:11:37

> Yikes, I guess I really wanted to write all that. It's been on my mind lately. Sorry if it's TMI about me me me.
>
> peg

Don't worry! In fact, as I was reading it, I found myself saying, "Yes, Exactly!" quite a few times. :)

lgl

 

Cool thread, helped me lots. THX guys (nm)

Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 13:55:17

In reply to Re: I have a question... I'm a little annoyed Ľ littlegirllost, posted by All Done on January 25, 2006, at 17:10:53


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