Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 602142

Shown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Called my T and asked for appt

Posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 16:30:20

It's the first time I have called this T while I am in crisis. Why am I so sure that I'm making a big deal out of a bump in the road? I can't concentrate, can't write (I keep leaving out verbs!!), I can't remember what people say to me, I can't remember why I'm driving sometimes, where I am going.
Crying every day. Not drinking, this is a good thing. But now I am preoccupied with my weight. Gaining all the time, can't eat enough, can't get full. I go to yoga classes and have to close my eyes so I don't see my rolls of flubber. Do bad hair hair bother anyone else as much as they do me?? Kind of spinning my wheels here, not really coherent running words all over the place.
Can't calm down, can't slow down the thoughts. I read words "wrong" all the time now,my brain is substituting letters that make the wrong words. Uh how can I describe this, it feels like someone else is driving my bus.
And i sobbed on the message I left for my T. How can she help me straighten out my brain? I will try anything. Going to see the pdoc tomorrow but I have to live with this messed up head in the meantime.

It has never been this bad. What do I do with myself...

 

Re: Called my T and asked for appt » ClearSkies

Posted by fallsfall on January 23, 2006, at 17:02:57

In reply to Called my T and asked for appt, posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 16:30:20

You did exactly the right thing. You called your therapist and you have an appointment with your pdoc tomorrow.

Just try to choose things to do between now and then that will be safe for you. Be very conservative. They will be able to help you.

Take care of yourself in the meantime.

 

Re: Called my T and asked for appt

Posted by gee on January 23, 2006, at 18:05:20

In reply to Re: Called my T and asked for appt » ClearSkies, posted by fallsfall on January 23, 2006, at 17:02:57

I understand where you're coming from with the not remembering. If it helps, I keep leaving words out when I'm writing, and when I'm talking.

You did the right thing by calling your t. I hope your t can help you

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((cs))))))))))))))))))) (nm)

Posted by muffled on January 23, 2006, at 19:00:53

In reply to Called my T and asked for appt, posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 16:30:20

 

Re: Called my T and asked for appt » ClearSkies

Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2006, at 19:40:14

In reply to Called my T and asked for appt, posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 16:30:20

I'm sorry, CS. I'm glad you called your therapist. I hope she'll be able to help some.

I know what you're talking about. I try to blame it on the meds.

 

Re: Called my T and asked for appt » Dinah

Posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 20:14:34

In reply to Re: Called my T and asked for appt » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2006, at 19:40:14

Can this be explained by the therapy and all the questions that I'm raising for myself lately? Doubting, doubting, doubting. What others say to me is of gross overimportance. Seeing that and knowing it doesn't make it easier, it just hurts more. When I look for the inner voice, the stillness and peace of mind, it's not there. I'm either awake and fretting and losing my way; or I am unconscious.

T did not call back tonight :-(
...but I hope she'll call me in the morning.
ClearSkies

 

Re: Called my T and asked for appt » fallsfall

Posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 22:16:46

In reply to Re: Called my T and asked for appt » ClearSkies, posted by fallsfall on January 23, 2006, at 17:02:57


> Just try to choose things to do between now and then that will be safe for you. Be very conservative. They will be able to help you.
>
> Take care of yourself in the meantime.

I ironed a bunch of stuff from my closet that had been waiting for a pressing. It was soothing, mindless work, until I started to sweat, then it was all over.
Now i am waiting for the Ambien to kick in and I'll call it a night.

Thanks for helping, Falls.
CS

 

going this evening

Posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 12:48:48

In reply to Re: Called my T and asked for appt » fallsfall, posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 22:16:46

and of course i feel better somewhat today. if i feel better does that mean i don't need to see her? so confused. i used to have good days, bad days, i could take one or the other knowing it was transitory, feelings circle around again.
but being confused, getting words mixed up, this is different and scary. don't even have anxiety, but a big hollowness instead. i want to sit and read a book but the words zip past my eyes and don't register on my brain. i can't even watch tv, bunch of stuff i am not interested in.

i feel silly about calling my t when i felt so badly and now i'm like, ok. but not ok. embarassed, who was that person yesterday? i guess this is disassociation, nothing too extreme, but not being able to even recall yesterday's emotions. i don't want to make a big deal out of this.

actually rereading these words make me see that this is depression. listlessness, apathy, crying, rage, confusion. again i wonder can therapy DO this to me, to myself? does it matter if this is biological or not, can therapy get me through this? give me stability, take away the swooping up and down of the moods that go from blue-white heat to bleakest blackness.

you know how you think of incredible ideas and things to do and you don't write them down so they evaporate? try to remember them and it is like trying to catch a rainbow, not there, never was there, just light refracting. that was my morning, now i am glum glum glum what a great word. you can see the upsidedown smiley face in the letters. glum.

 

Re: going this evening » ClearSkies

Posted by fallsfall on January 24, 2006, at 14:23:45

In reply to going this evening, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 12:48:48

>can therapy get me through this?

Yes, it can. I'm glad you are going to see her tonight.

(((Clearskies)))

 

thank you falls. (nm)

Posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 14:36:06

In reply to Re: going this evening » ClearSkies, posted by fallsfall on January 24, 2006, at 14:23:45

 

Re: going this evening

Posted by annierose on January 24, 2006, at 15:37:02

In reply to going this evening, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 12:48:48

Clearskies -

I'm so glad you are going tonight. Your T can help you.

I know glum too. You will get through this.

Annierose

 

Re: going this evening » ClearSkies

Posted by muffled on January 24, 2006, at 15:39:53

In reply to going this evening, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 12:48:48

I'm glad you going this eve CS. You need to get your meds sorted out a bit I think. Once you are more stable then its a little easier to try and figger out what goes on. Just don't get too annoyed at yourself or anything. Its ok. This can be delt with and will pass. There's nothing wrong with going on meds temporarily while you get back on your feet.
Its hard, its confusing, its scarey, to feel so discombobulated, but you'll be ok.
Really your posts sound not too bad at all.
I'm going away acoupla days so I'll have to hear bout your appt. later. Well, not leaving till tomorrow, I think, so mebbe I can know.
Therapy has got me all messed up, I'm crazier than when I started! But its a process, and I goto go thru it if I want to really live and be happy and not just keep repeating old bad patterns of life.
Take care CS, you real nice.
Muffled

 

I hope so... » ClearSkies

Posted by Racer on January 24, 2006, at 16:20:19

In reply to going this evening, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 12:48:48

> again i wonder can therapy DO this to me, to myself? does it matter if this is biological or not, can therapy get me through this?

I sure as shooting hope is can, on both counts, because I'm pretty sure that my current misery is at least partially therapy induced. And on the assumption that is the case, it sure better be part of the solution.

For what it's worth, I called my T yesterday, too, and asked her to call me. Usually, if I call her, it's to leave a message for her. I'll even specify on the message, "I don't need you to call back." This was one of the only times I've ever asked that she call back. And she did, but I ended up feeling worse -- by the time she called back, I'd sucked back again, and felt worse-but-less-able-to-express-it. And I think I'm still there -- in the "I know that I'm upset about [x], but saying anything about it will make it so much worse it's not even worth the effort of putting it into words" place. I'm afraid of saying anything, and of course -- I "know" that I'm not supposed to feel this way.

So, all of that is to say that I think I might be able to empathize pretty well with you right now. And even if that's so far off the mark from you that you don't know why I bothered to type it -- I'm still sympathetic.

 

Ahhhh. Therapeutic relief

Posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 21:40:28

In reply to I hope so... » ClearSkies, posted by Racer on January 24, 2006, at 16:20:19

Someone to help me stop the crazy monkeys jumping around in my head. Punctuation has returned with the assurance that the darkest of my latest night has probably passed.
A medication adjustment by the pdoc. Great huge gulping sobs by me upon leaving her office, so relieved <ashamed> <embarassed> <happy> I was to hear that I'd had one of those "seldom reported" reactions to too much Campral in my system.

And then therapy. Feeling those <bracketed> feelings that scream "loser loser you loser you"; like *I* would know what a seldom reported reaction from a relatively new medication would be like to experience. I mean, the doctor pulled out the PDR in front of me and everything (she isn't the Great And Wonderful Oz like I thought?? Or actually she is). And knowing, really knowing, that I am not a loser, that that word does not describe who I am but what I tell myself I am. Not even WHO but WHAT. So something big happened there tonight and the evening went from me not really remembering why I made the appointment, to being really satisfied with what we accomplished. Even if it's only for tonight or a while longer, it helped me.

On the other side of the wringer it is not so bad.

 

Re: Ahhhh. Therapeutic relief

Posted by Damos on January 24, 2006, at 22:59:10

In reply to Ahhhh. Therapeutic relief, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 21:40:28

Oh CS I'm so happy for you. Was just working my way down the thread when I noticed your 'new' post. Can't tell you how glad I was to read it, and how relieved I was for you Thank you so much for what you share with us and the beautiful way in which you do it, and of course for the tremendous support you give to so many. That word is so NOT who or what you are. Not even close. Got my fingers crossed that the med change does the trick.

Lots of love and warm safe hugs,
(((((CS)))))

 

I have a different explanation » ClearSkies

Posted by Racer on January 24, 2006, at 23:24:07

In reply to Ahhhh. Therapeutic relief, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 21:40:28

I think it's because you talked to me...

I'm glad you're feeling better, and that you had that psychic chiropracty done.

 

Nice when they can help, huh? (nm) » ClearSkies

Posted by fallsfall on January 25, 2006, at 7:48:54

In reply to Ahhhh. Therapeutic relief, posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 21:40:28

 

Re: going this evening

Posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:03:16

In reply to Re: going this evening » ClearSkies, posted by fallsfall on January 24, 2006, at 14:23:45

Hi! :) How long have you been taking Ambien? Because it really messed me up, a lot like you have posted about. It didn't wear off in 8 hours, mine lasted about 16 hours. But I was awake for 8 of those hours, It did not feel good at all.

 

Re: going this evening » happyflower

Posted by ClearSkies on January 25, 2006, at 21:18:00

In reply to Re: going this evening, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:03:16

I have been taking Ambien for a year or so. Cannot sleep without it now :-( though it still works fine.
The weird and racing thoughts might be due to the long term use of Campral for alcohol cravings. My pdoc reduced the dosage by a third and today I feel much brighter all round and not as utterly stupid as I've been. We did talk about switching to maybe Sonata for sleep, but we are only going to do one change at a time.

Oh, and my therapist thought this was a good idea.
CS


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