Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 601779

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Trying to figure out my relationship with my T

Posted by madeline on January 22, 2006, at 10:21:51

This has been stumping me for quite some time and I still haven't been able to resolve it.

I've been in therapy with the same therapist for over 6 years. He is a wonderful doctor and has genuinely helped me a lot. We haven't always gotten along, but he has been very patient and I have been willing to trust him.

I know that I love him and I know that he loves me (but only in the therapeutic space) and we actually express how we feel for each other all the time.

I do wish for more of a relationship and he has expressed his desire for it too, but both of us know and are quite grateful for the boundaries that must exist between us in order for therapy to continue.

So, how do I contain, describe, deal with etc.. the relationship as it now is? He is in my thoughts a lot, and when I do meet a new man, it isn't as though how I feel about my T interferes, although they certainly overlap, but it's still causing me some stress and anxiety.

I guess the bottomline is that I am still dealing with a wish that will never be granted and it hurts.

Any ideas?

 

Re: Trying to figure out my relationship with my T madeline

Posted by annierose on January 22, 2006, at 12:23:13

In reply to Trying to figure out my relationship with my T, posted by madeline on January 22, 2006, at 10:21:51

How does your T express his desire for you? I'm wondering out loud if he is flirting, or wishing that it could be more than a professional relationship.

I'm glad you have been able to express your feelings and he has shown firm boundaries. They are in place to protect you. But it's healthy to explore as long as neither party acts out their wishes.

 

Re: Trying to figure out my relationship annierose

Posted by madeline on January 22, 2006, at 13:56:48

In reply to Re: Trying to figure out my relationship with my T madeline, posted by annierose on January 22, 2006, at 12:23:13

thank you for your response.

I don't think my therapist is flirting with me necessarily, but there is some of that that happens on both our parts.

He tells me that certain things I do are sexy, and one time he told me that that sex between us would be very good (this totally FREAKED me out - we had to talk and talk about this).

He also tells me that he cares very deeply for me.

However, keep in mind that I have some serious confidence and vulnerability issues and he might just be trying to address those.

I don't know. He has touched me (figuratively) in a way that no one else ever has and that feels good, but there is something about this relationship that is causing me a lot of stress.

 

Whoah! don't get burned :-( (nm) madeline

Posted by muffled on January 23, 2006, at 13:53:51

In reply to Re: Trying to figure out my relationship annierose, posted by madeline on January 22, 2006, at 13:56:48

 

Re: Trying to figure out my relationship with my T madeline

Posted by fairywings on January 23, 2006, at 15:47:55

In reply to Trying to figure out my relationship with my T, posted by madeline on January 22, 2006, at 10:21:51


It's good that you trust him and that he's helped you so much. I haven't felt that way about my T, so I can't help with the feelings, but it's good that you both have firm boundaries.

Maybe it's the intimacy and closeness of the relationship. Maybe if you meet another man who is as sensitive, concerned and knowledgeable it would take your mind off of your T.

I can't imagine he'd be just stroking your ego to make you feel better by telling you how he feels. If he just wanted to make you feel better about yourself, there are plenty of other ways to do it.

fw



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