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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:00:12
If anybody can help or not that's fine, I'm just wanting to dial the number and hear the machine, I'm feeling really anxious I guess, that's the word I suppose, and I'm not going to pick up and dial. If someone actually answered I might have a heart attack. Or if, as happened lately, someone picked up and never made a sound. Not a sound. Just as if they were waiting for me to hang myself with my words. Which I do, I strangle myself with language, I use it badly, I abuse language .. to get what I need. Or I think I used to do that. I don't know. I don't know the me from who I was. Do you? Does anybody recognize their old version, who they were before a certain stage or point in life, and see their present self more clearly? Is that possible, or is it illusionary? Our brains are so malleable .. when you're prone to hallucinating you can see it, the truth of it, so clearly.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 13, 2006, at 13:23:29
In reply to Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:00:12
you owe yourself a fulfilling life, and the one you keep pursuing sounds like a dead end or worse.
Stop beating your head against a wall and find the gratifying things in life you can enjoy.all the best,
sleepygirl
Posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:25:41
In reply to Re: Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something » Susan47, posted by sleepygirl on January 13, 2006, at 13:23:29
> you owe yourself a fulfilling life, and the one you keep pursuing sounds like a dead end or worse.
> Stop beating your head against a wall and find the gratifying things in life you can enjoy.
>
> all the best,
> sleepygirlYes I agree I agree I wholeheartedly do agree with you, there's so much fabulous stuff waiting out there for me, for everybody, it's just .. I don't know. I don't know.
Posted by Anneke on January 13, 2006, at 13:26:31
In reply to Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:00:12
I've not been around much, but I wanted to make sure someone responded and this time of day the boards can be slow. I don't know all of your story, but can you try the advice given to self-injurers and wait for 15 minutes and then another 15 minutes? Or if that's too hard, break it down into smaller segments and distract yourself through it? Sorry not to be of more help....but I wish you the best.....
Posted by sleepygirl on January 13, 2006, at 13:53:06
In reply to Re: Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:25:41
It's exceedingly hard to change one's behavior, scary to let go, to trust that you will find fulfillment somewhere else, but it is necessary even though you might not be able to see it, there are opportunities that have not come into focus yet. It's not a failure to move on just a choice.
Posted by fallsfall on January 13, 2006, at 13:59:12
In reply to Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:00:12
I'm glad to see that you are posting rather than calling That's a great first step!!!!! Good for you.
I know it is hard. It is so hard to tolerate the anxiety.
This sounds like a good time for a little distraction. I would recommend something that takes you away from a phone. If you have a cell phone, leave it at home. Where can you go? I'm partial to swinging on the swings at a park - but it depends on the climate where you are! Something where your mind is engaged - like a movie, perhaps. You don't want it to be just you and your thoughts. Do you have a friend you can meet for coffee? The goal would be to talk about OTHER things. ANY other things.
I don't know enough about you to suggest the right thing. The goal is to get through the next period of time (15 minutes, hour, day). Then you can come back and post here and tell us what you did!
You are trying really hard. Be proud of yourself. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Posted by gee on January 13, 2006, at 14:23:00
In reply to Re: Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something » Susan47, posted by fallsfall on January 13, 2006, at 13:59:12
My heart goes out to you. Be strong, but also be kind to yourself. I agree, go out and do anything else rather than sitting at home. Try putting on music and cleaning.. it usually distracts me at least a little... espeically when I'm sorting through my clothes.
Good Luck
Posted by fallsfall on January 13, 2006, at 14:29:47
In reply to Re: Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:25:41
Set a goal - like not calling while his office is open - and give yourself a reward if you succeed (Ice cream is high on my list, I also use permission to play computer games frequently - try to choose something that doesn't cost anything, but that you will see as a reward. Watching a favorite TV show, maybe. Or something that you don't allow yourself to do on a regular basis). Then set another goal (not calling until you go to bed, for instance) - again with a small reward for yourself.
And post your goals and whether you made it or not - we'll help you through this.
Posted by JenStar on January 13, 2006, at 14:37:02
In reply to Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:00:12
Don't call.
You're addicted to this, but it sounds like it is making you sick.don't call. Nothing good will come of it.
You owe it to yourself, and to the younger you (who was not tarnished by this situation) to move on.
Don't call.
JenStar
Posted by fairywings on January 13, 2006, at 19:58:41
In reply to Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2006, at 13:00:12
I agree with the others Susan, sound like it's really difficult, but you have to try to distract yourself, and throw yourself into something meaningful. Calling might not be such a good idea. Didn't he threaten legal action b4? I'd hate to see that happen to you.
fw
Posted by fallsfall on January 14, 2006, at 8:29:14
In reply to Re: Anxious and Want to phone, can you say something » Susan47, posted by fairywings on January 13, 2006, at 19:58:41
How are you doing? Are you able to keep yourself from calling? Is there anything we can do to help you?
Posted by rubenstein on January 14, 2006, at 10:18:10
In reply to Susan?, posted by fallsfall on January 14, 2006, at 8:29:14
I hope you are doing okay, it is sometimes so hard to be strong. I feel your pain. Take care
Rachel
Posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2006, at 10:52:41
In reply to hope you are ok, posted by rubenstein on January 14, 2006, at 10:18:10
You're all wonderful for helping me, and I love you for it. Yes, I did a little bit of everyone's advice, and it pulled me through for the most part, although honestly I didn't read Any Babble this weekend at all, and that was a nice break too, not to feel bound to come here, to try to make it better, to help someone else feeling similar anguish, and pain .. it was nice to breathe and hang out with my eleven year-old, beautiful daughter who I'm teaching fabulous things about life, to ... I mean honestly, there's just nothing this rewarding (plus starting my own biz, which I LOVE working from home, it's the Best, and as long as I get out a lot and talk to a lot of people on the phone I'm FABULOUS and great, almost manically happy, but then it's up and down, up and down.) I still feel anxious about this ex-T and his opinion of me and all the thousands of things I've said in open vulnerable insanity, you know, allowing that obsession to take me, it was a Love Obsession, wasn't it? I think that's what it was, and thank God I fought it off as much as I did, I mean, can you IMAGINE what a seriously delusionally sick person could do with an obsession? Yuck. I mean, it's like that movie with Glenn Close and M. Douglas, I could never look at either one of them the same way again even though they just played these characters, I developed a severe dislike for both of them as actors just because they were ABLE to play that sick stuff ... but they're actors, you know, and my mind really was telling me that this T was malicious and malignant and just Not Nice, and I had to protect myself from him but love him too, because the Love part I just couldn't help, it just snuck up on me and THAT is scary. Finding this person who suddenly seems to embody everything you're looking for. Sometimes I felt like his.. and I KNOW this is going to sound weird, but I felt like a doppelganger (I don't know how to enable the Languages feature for the "a" with the umlaut, who knows, everybody except me?..)
Anyway, THANK YOU for listening to me ramble on and on, rambling here and talking and having you guys help me, really seems to be kind of healing. M-WAH kiss to you-all ... :)
Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2006, at 14:31:52
In reply to To Every Single one of You, posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2006, at 10:52:41
One moment one minute second at a time has anybody seen the movie Open Water? Because I saw it last night and I'm popping it in again, hoping to retain attention. Went for a long long walk this morning, down to the beach, the sound of the water and the sand so very soothing, so rhythmic and comforting, I want to live there, I want to live on a beach, close to the sound, it's so soothing. Another soothing sound is the silence of the forest when you're deep into it. God it's so peaceful there, so incredibly peaceful. I'm sorry, I phoned again, I did it three calls last night saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry and trying to explain about the love and the hate and getting tangled up in the system of phoning and everything, then today I'm so NOT able to handle this ...
Help, help help
Posted by Alex Elliott on January 23, 2006, at 4:31:36
In reply to Help, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2006, at 14:31:52
Hi Susan,
It's very early on the 23rd + I'm thinking of you. I posted before about my letter-writing obsession w/ my T. I empathize with what you're going through. I lost my "sobriety" and wrote my T back in December. It was a setback and there was fall-out in my life. But now I'm OK. (I'm meaning to point out that, with some time, an obsessive episode can lose its power).
I'm thinking a lot of things but I don't know what the right thing to say is. Post again today, if you can. I'm worrying about how you're doing.
Best,
AE
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2006, at 23:00:41
In reply to Re: Help, posted by Alex Elliott on January 23, 2006, at 4:31:36
>
> It's very early on the 23rd + I'm thinking of you. I posted before about my letter-writing obsession w/ my T. I empathize with what you're going through. I lost my "sobriety" and wrote my T back in December. It was a setback and there was fall-out in my life. But now I'm OK. (I'm meaning to point out that, with some time, an obsessive episode can lose its power).Yes, I was getting "episodes" a lot.. many times a day. Unfortunately, the telephone became a weapon in my hands. A weapon against what, though? That's what I'm wondering. I can be really dumb.
>
> I'm thinking a lot of things but I don't know what the right thing to say is. Post again today, if you can. I'm worrying about how you're doing.
>
> Best,
> AE
You're really nice. You seem to understand, and I appreciate that, and it's nice you're sharing but you don't need to worry about the right thing to say. If it's something that's triggering or makes me angry or irrational, as long as you can handle it it's okay by me. I'm not asking for free therapy, but the point is, that if I have crazy thoughts then I can usually see them later, after I posted. Things come together much better when you can put them in writing, no matter how dumb they sound at the time. It all helps, Alex. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by Alex Elliott on January 31, 2006, at 8:30:59
In reply to Re: Help » Alex Elliott, posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2006, at 23:00:41
Susan,
Sorry about disappearing. Sometimes I need to be away for work.
How's it going?
-AE
Posted by Susan47 on January 31, 2006, at 19:16:00
In reply to Re: Help, posted by Alex Elliott on January 31, 2006, at 8:30:59
> Susan,
>
> Sorry about disappearing. Sometimes I need to be away for work.
>
> How's it going?
>
> -AE
>
Good.. I don't think we've met, have we? Have we posted to each other before this thread, and if so where, because I'm afraid I'm losing a lot of memory, actually. Today I had a blank spot at work, where a continuous thread of thought should have been. It was frightening, a 30-second or so block of recent memory just .. disappeared, and I ended up feeling really embarrassed and wondering just exactly how MUCH damage I'm doing to my brain. ***
Posted by Susan47 on January 31, 2006, at 19:23:16
In reply to Re: Help, posted by Alex Elliott on January 23, 2006, at 4:31:36
Can you link me to it? I vaguely remember something very recently about that .. ugh, I had one of those too.
This is the end of the thread.
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