Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 601962

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Confiding in the wrong people

Posted by jammerlich on January 22, 2006, at 23:24:07

Why do I do it over and over again? Probably because I seem to surround myself IRL with people who are very much like me. Meaning they couldn't even nurture a flea. Or maybe it's that they are fixers more than listeners. I don't know.

I tried talking with a friend (not a close one, as that feels safer to me) about all my feelings over ex-T calling and how I was so confused. Her answer, "You just need to find Jesus and let him heal you." Yeah, okay. Why didn't I think of that? I tried to explain to her that I'm "saved" according to her definition of the word, but the same things that work for her don't necessarily work for me.

But she couldn't accept that. If my faith isn't enough to make me all better, then I'm just not faithful enough. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just too needy - I want love, acceptance, and understanding from someone with skin on them. I want my T back. So sue me.

I also wanted to ask her why she was just telling me how depressed she is if Jesus is all she needs. But I didn't. And that was quite a feat. I'm actually rather proud of myself. I was even gracious when she suggested some books that might lead me in a direction I've never considered before.

Anyway, it's left me feeling shamed about my beliefs and even more alone. Didn't really think that was possible.

 

Re: Confiding in the wrong people » jammerlich

Posted by sleepygirl on January 22, 2006, at 23:54:33

In reply to Confiding in the wrong people, posted by jammerlich on January 22, 2006, at 23:24:07

Well I suppose it might be frightening to your friend to comtemplate that Jesus is perhaps NOT all that she needs.
Her reply was a bit too simplistic in my opinion, things are usually a bit more complicated than that, and there's hardly ever a "one fits all" answer to most things.
Relationships between humans are complicated and messy darn it, but we need them and nothing, NOTHING (did I say nothing?) can change that. Geez I hate that kind of trite, condascending type of answer. Tell her to go scratch.

sorry about my little rant, my own stuff maybe

 

Re: Confiding in the wrong people » jammerlich

Posted by fairywings on January 23, 2006, at 1:09:32

In reply to Confiding in the wrong people, posted by jammerlich on January 22, 2006, at 23:24:07


It's people like that who give their purpose a bad name. I know they mean well in their abundant faith, but they often hurt people, send unkind messages, or turn other ppl off, and what does that do for the big picture?

She obviously is in a particular mindset, a very simplistic mindset, where she's following blindly, and has no real opinions of her own. She's spouting things she's heard that sound good to her, but she has no real perspective. She can't put herself in another person's shoes, or feel their pain, so she probably shouldn't be offering advice.

You were right to note that she didn't see her own situation through the same lens, and you're right, you were the bigger person by being gracious, and not pointing that out to her. Keep that as your medal instead of punishing yourself over something you haven't worked through.

fw

 

Re: Confiding in the wrong people » jammerlich

Posted by Anneke on January 23, 2006, at 12:34:41

In reply to Confiding in the wrong people, posted by jammerlich on January 22, 2006, at 23:24:07

Jammerlich,

I'm quite religious (I guess that's what you'd call it....although that sounds really weird), but I believe that our relationship with God is a lot more complicated than saying..."Oh, I'll let Jesus (or whoever) heal me" and it ticks me off to hear someone say that to you. It's all along the same line of "well just think happy thoughts" or "oh just get over it"....all of them make you feel more shameful about having very real, human feelings about real human stuff.

And it sounds to me like it's said by someone who hasn't faced up to their own stuff....

It is hard to figure out who to share therapy stuff with, though, isn't it? And, unfortunately, the only way to find out who you can trust with it is to try them out. Sigh.

Keep posting here....someone is bound to understand....

Anneke

 

Re: Confiding in the wrong people » jammerlich

Posted by muffled on January 23, 2006, at 13:34:33

In reply to Confiding in the wrong people, posted by jammerlich on January 22, 2006, at 23:24:07

> I tried talking with a friend (not a close one, as that feels safer to me) about all my feelings over ex-T calling and how I was so confused. Her answer, "You just need to find Jesus and let him heal you." Yeah, okay. Why didn't I think of that? I tried to explain to her that I'm "saved" according to her definition of the word, but the same things that work for her don't necessarily work for me.
>
> But she couldn't accept that. If my faith isn't enough to make me all better, then I'm just not faithful enough. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just too needy - I want love, acceptance, and understanding from someone with skin on them. I want my T back. So sue me.
>
> I also wanted to ask her why she was just telling me how depressed she is if Jesus is all she needs. But I didn't. And that was quite a feat. I'm actually rather proud of myself. I was even gracious when she suggested some books that might lead me in a direction I've never considered before.
>
> Anyway, it's left me feeling shamed about my beliefs and even more alone. Didn't really think that was possible.

***Hi I am muffled. I think there's lotsa kindsa religious people. You goto go w'what YOU beleive and feel.
Its btwn. you and your GOd.
Man you so way more gracious than me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tryng to not get attached to my T , it sounds very painful for you. Sorry.
Take care,
I think you sound fine.
Muffled


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