Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 600988

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Just crying my eyes out

Posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:40:52

I don't know, I thought I was okay with what my T says, was going to accept it, not challenge it, respect it. But it does hurt, I feel like I am losing someone I really care about. Please don't say I can return to him if I need therapy again, it isn't what I mean.
I think I will have to find another time to work out because I think it will hurt too much to see him yet I can't talk to him.
I am not even done with therapy, but I feel like I am grieving the relationship already. I feel like pulling away, I don't want to get even more attached than I am , It will just make it harder to leave.
I feel we truely like each other, and it just sucks that we can't keep our connection when therapy is done. I just don't know how I can end it. I have only felt this bond with 2 others in my life, and even when they died, I still feel them within me. But he isn't dead, yet I have to pretend that he is. I think I will change my name to wiltedflower. :(

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out

Posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:49:59

In reply to Just crying my eyes out, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:40:52

I think I need to work out this morning, I think I will go now, so I can be done and out of there before he comes in.

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower

Posted by fallsfall on January 20, 2006, at 6:48:49

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:49:59

I hope you can talk to him about this in your next session. When is your next session?

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » fallsfall

Posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 8:08:26

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower, posted by fallsfall on January 20, 2006, at 6:48:49

My next session is Feb 1. Well I went to the gym early and did the elipical for 3 miles, walked 3 miles and rode a bike for 6, so I did half a marathon this morning, lol. I didn't run into my T which is good because I had tears in my eyes the whole time. But I did run into my yoga instructor in the parking lot when I was leaving and she asked if I was okay (because I never miss my yoga class) but I said I was okay. I came home and looked into the mirror and I look like a mess.
I will be okay, I always survive. Anything good in my life always ends anyways so why should this be any different? I will fine with time. I am just very sad about it today. I never get what I want anyways.

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower

Posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 20, 2006, at 8:25:18

In reply to Just crying my eyes out, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:40:52

Whoa! You've been so upbeat in your last few posts. What happened? Why the sudden shift? Anything that you need to talk abt w/ us here at babble?

((HF))

Hope you feel better soon. Let us know if we can help.

Best,
EE

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » Emily Elizabeth

Posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 8:33:53

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower, posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 20, 2006, at 8:25:18

Thanks EE,
I guess it just sort of hit me this morning, it doesn't help either I am pms'ing either. I just am going to really miss talking to my T when therapy is done.

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower

Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2006, at 9:34:19

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out » fallsfall, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 8:08:26

I understand.

You know that he answered appropriately for a therapist, but there were also all sorts of dreams and hopes that answering appropriately as a therapist sort of crushed. As long as you didn't bring it up, you didn't need to hear the final answer and you can dream. And dreams are pretty nice. That's why I shell out a dollar a week for the lottery. I'm paying to dream, not to win the lottery.

But that's what therapy's for. As you talk it out with him, you can come to entertain new and achievable dreams. And you can learn ways to change the old patterns that might contribute to everything good in your life ending.

Although, honestly, everything good in everyone's life ends eventually. You just hope that eventually is a long way away. People move, people die, physical and cognitive abilities slip. And I'm not flexible enough to develop new dreams along the way, but I hope you can learn to be.

 

To do therapy or not do therapy, that is the ?

Posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 10:40:19

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2006, at 9:34:19

Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of concrete boundries,

or to take arms against a sea of ethics, and by opposing end them.

Inspired by Hamlet and my T

 

To cry, to weep- no more;

Posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 11:03:06

In reply to To do therapy or not do therapy, that is the ?, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 10:40:19

and by weep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand levels of built trust that the heart is heir to.
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished-
To cry, to weep-
to weep, perchance to dream, ay, there's the tranference,
for in the weepiness of sadness what dreams may be crushed when we have opened our hearts to heal.
Must give us pause- there's the respect that makes us feel pain in order to live better.
For therapy is a imaginary life that will end someday.

 

Re: To cry, to weep- no more; » happyflower

Posted by antigua on January 20, 2006, at 11:34:54

In reply to To cry, to weep- no more;, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 11:03:06

hopefully, by the time you ARE finished with therapy, you will have worked through this and it won't be so devastating. You've just taken a huge therapy step, please don't step back now. You are doing great, even though I know the tears hurts.
Sorry for butting in,
antigua

 

beautiful... (nm) » happyflower

Posted by B2chica on January 20, 2006, at 12:13:30

In reply to To cry, to weep- no more;, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 11:03:06

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out

Posted by joslynn on January 20, 2006, at 15:43:46

In reply to Just crying my eyes out, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:40:52

I went thru something similar with a male T-type person. It's a grieving process. It really is like a death, especially when you feel the mutual physical and mental attraction in the room. (Let's face it, a woman knows.) But maybe it is like a little bubble or butterfly that is precious in that one hour, but cannot last in the air of reality.

For me, when I had it painfully ripped from me, it hurt, but then, my heart was open, and no sooner than a month later, a shy guy I had always liked asked me out on a date.

Did he someone know on some level that now my heart was open, since I was no longer comparing men to the transference? Or was it a coincidence?

I believe you are already married, or perhaps that is someone else? So the sitch isn't quite the same.

But for me, when I let go of it (kicking and screaming first) I was suddenly given the gift of someone available, emotionally and circumstantially.

But first, you have to grieve. And some people need to not see the person to do that, others don't.

For me now, life without transference, without that high from the sessions and then the aching afterwards, is sweet relief. I am glad it is all gone. I know some people learn a lot from it, but for me, I am glad I said goodbye to it. Because then I was open to new things.

"Sometimes you have to feel a goodbye," as Holden Caulfield said. (Oh dear, should I be quoting Catcher in the Rye on a mental health boards?)

Take care of yourself during this time.

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out happyflower

Posted by milly on January 20, 2006, at 16:09:35

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out, posted by joslynn on January 20, 2006, at 15:43:46

I feel so much for you, my heart aches for you.
I feel very connected to my T and I think he feels the same, not brave enough to ask so that I can carry on with dreams like Dinah says. My therapy is due to end mid March and it feels like preparing forthe death of a 'loved-one'

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » joslynn

Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2006, at 17:38:47

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out, posted by joslynn on January 20, 2006, at 15:43:46

There's a lot of wisdom in what you say.

My kneejerk thought is to try to work through it. But you may be right. That may not always be the right choice.

 

to take arms against a sea of ethics » happyflower

Posted by Tamar on January 20, 2006, at 19:20:49

In reply to Just crying my eyes out, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:40:52

(((((Happyflower)))))

It's not that he doesn't love you...
It's that he can't demonstrate his love in the ways we usually expect it.
Instead of demonstrating his love by saying it, he has to demonstrate it by helping you to find love within yourself.

It hurts, because we want to hear that we're loved. We want the physical touch of love.

I think therapists have a special and unique way of loving: they don’t tell us and they don’t hold us. But they still love us…. And when we can believe we’re loved even without the telling and the holding – well, I guess that’s when their love begins to heal us.

And don’t forget that we all love you lots.
Big hugs,
Tamar

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » happyflower

Posted by daisym on January 20, 2006, at 19:37:54

In reply to Just crying my eyes out, posted by happyflower on January 20, 2006, at 4:40:52

I know this hurt so well and I can't begin to count the times I've said "I can never have what I want." What hurts the most for me about these feelings is that they shine a huge spot light on what is missing in my relationship with my husband. I wish I knew I could feel like this before I got married.

And separation is hard. To carry someone's essence with you, even when they aren't around is a huge gift. You have been able to do this in the past. There is no reason to think you can't do it in the future. Especially since the therapist that we all know and love in the consulting room is part real and part who they need to be for us. So we are allowed and expected to carry this individually crafted essence with us for strength and comfort. That might not be exactly what we (secretly) wanted but it might be more than we really expected too.

All that said, I worry constantly about being so invested in a relationship that will end. My therapist never lies to me by saying it won't but he tells me that I'll be ready for it when it happens. And he usually adds that I'll likely be more ready than he will.

I know it hurts. But it does get better. And then worse again. And then better...

 

wow, Tamar, that blew me away - beautiful, perfect (nm)

Posted by 10derHeart on January 20, 2006, at 22:02:51

In reply to to take arms against a sea of ethics » happyflower, posted by Tamar on January 20, 2006, at 19:20:49

 

Re: To cry, to weep- no more; » antigua

Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 8:52:44

In reply to Re: To cry, to weep- no more; » happyflower, posted by antigua on January 20, 2006, at 11:34:54

Thanks for the support antigua, yes the tears hurt, but I am feeling a little bit better. Thanks for you support! It was a big step for me, but I am kinda regreting doing it right now.

 

Re: Just crying my eyes out » joslynn

Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 8:58:49

In reply to Re: Just crying my eyes out, posted by joslynn on January 20, 2006, at 15:43:46

Thanks joslynn for your insite. It sounds like you have been through it just like me. And yes, I do know there are mutual feelings. But my T says you can't help your feelings. So I guess he can really like me and be attracted to me, but he knows that he can't have me, maybe it hurts for him too? Maybe this hurt isn't just what I am feeling.
He did say he thinks he would enjoy talking to me socially , but he can't and he did say it sucks for him too.
I am married, but not happily. I am choosing to stay in my unhappy marriage for a few more years for my kids and for me to get my feet on the ground. Life just sucks sometimes.

 

Re: to take arms against a sea of ethics » Tamar

Posted by JenStar on January 22, 2006, at 10:11:46

In reply to to take arms against a sea of ethics » happyflower, posted by Tamar on January 20, 2006, at 19:20:49

that was lovely, Tamar! :)
JenStar


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