Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 590424

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****)

Posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

Maybe it’s the time of year… maybe it’s me. Maybe I was wrong to try to sort things out with my husband, because allowing myself to be vulnerable just gives him power to hurt me. I've been on Prozac nearly four weeks now, and I'm wishing I could see someone to talk about all this stuff.

I’ve been trying so hard to accept my limitations. I’m not superhuman; I’m diabetic and depressed and I can’t be macho and extremely active any more. I have no energy. My husband wants everything to carry on as normal. I told him I can’t, I just can’t. I have to start living life according to what’s realistic for me; pacing myself, making sure I have the energy for the things I decide to do.

He said (with his lip curled), “And I thought you were a fighter.”

And now I just want to give up and die.


 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by Rigby on December 19, 2005, at 16:38:42

In reply to I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

Hi Tamar,

I'm so sorry to hear you are in such pain. In terms of therapy, sorry, I don't know your story. Have you ended therapy--permanently or temporarily?

Your husband doesn't sound very supportive. Is this unusual for him or is this an issue?

It sounds to me like you are plenty the fighter but now's not the time to be playing that "role." Can you guys talk about this?

Rigby

> Maybe it’s the time of year… maybe it’s me. Maybe I was wrong to try to sort things out with my husband, because allowing myself to be vulnerable just gives him power to hurt me. I've been on Prozac nearly four weeks now, and I'm wishing I could see someone to talk about all this stuff.
>
> I’ve been trying so hard to accept my limitations. I’m not superhuman; I’m diabetic and depressed and I can’t be macho and extremely active any more. I have no energy. My husband wants everything to carry on as normal. I told him I can’t, I just can’t. I have to start living life according to what’s realistic for me; pacing myself, making sure I have the energy for the things I decide to do.
>
> He said (with his lip curled), “And I thought you were a fighter.”
>
> And now I just want to give up and die.
>
>
>

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****)

Posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 17:25:39

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by Rigby on December 19, 2005, at 16:38:42

Hi Rigby,

> I'm so sorry to hear you are in such pain. In terms of therapy, sorry, I don't know your story. Have you ended therapy--permanently or temporarily?

Yeah, I stopped about nine months ago, and I was fine at the time but now I’m depressed again and missing therapy horribly. My doc says I’m too unwell at the moment and has given me Prozac… but what I really want is therapy.

> Your husband doesn't sound very supportive. Is this unusual for him or is this an issue?

It’s unusual; at least, he usually intends to be supportive. But it doesn’t always feel that way. I think he meant: “You’re so strong, keep going; you can do it.” But right now I need to hear that it’s OK not to be superwoman and that fighting the sh*t isn’t the answer to everything.

> It sounds to me like you are plenty the fighter but now's not the time to be playing that "role."

Exactly.

> Can you guys talk about this?

I’d like to, but I’m too ashamed of being such a disappointment. So I’ve been cutting myself instead. But I think I’ll move on to alcohol now, and then sleep. All bad coping mechanisms in *moderation*: that’s my motto :-)

Tamar

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by fallsfall on December 19, 2005, at 17:36:39

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 17:25:39

Therapy helps people who are depressed. I don't get why you are "too depressed" for therapy. Is it your therapist who says you are too depressed? This makes no sense to me.

*I* say that you don't have to be superwoman. Decide what is important and let the rest go. Tell your husband that Falls says it is OK to do this.

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » fallsfall

Posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 18:35:35

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by fallsfall on December 19, 2005, at 17:36:39

> Therapy helps people who are depressed. I don't get why you are "too depressed" for therapy. Is it your therapist who says you are too depressed? This makes no sense to me.

It makes no sense to me either. It's not my therapist; it's my doctor who says I'm too depressed. (I need a referral from the doctor to see my therapist.) I can imagine that if people aren't functioning at all they might need meds before therapy, but I reckon I'm capable of thinking psychologically....

> *I* say that you don't have to be superwoman. Decide what is important and let the rest go. Tell your husband that Falls says it is OK to do this.

Ha ha! I will tell him. He'd better listen to you!

Thanks,
Tamar

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by littleone on December 19, 2005, at 19:49:59

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » fallsfall, posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 18:35:35

Why don't you see another dr to get your referral? Or even try your own dr again and make sure you make clear that even if you are too depressed to tackle deep and difficult topics, you still need some supportive help to get to that stage.

Please don't anyone slap me down or start a debate over this, but I personally really don't believe that meds alone will get you to that stage. Just from my own experience. But having that special T connection might.

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2005, at 20:19:36

In reply to I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

I've always rather thought that my marriage works best if I don't know too much of my husband's thoughts about me. :(

I can't understand why your marriage counselor referred you on. This seems like an ideal thing for a counselor to explain to the spouse of a depressed person. Tamar, you have little kids, you're depressed, you've got a job. I think you're doing great all things considered. And diabetes is another thing that your husband needs to have explained to him. That alone can make a person feel pretty crummy and listless.

((((Tamar))))

Is there any way you can talk to your GP again? It seems reasonable to need more than medications. Especially since it seems that there are situational stressors.

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****)

Posted by annierose on December 19, 2005, at 20:48:33

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2005, at 20:19:36

(((((((tamar)))))))))

I wish you would call your therapist and make an appointment asap. Your coping mechanisms may help you short term, but you know in your heart, it's not going to help you. I think you need to be more direct with your GP. Tell him/her, "When I felt this depressed about a year ago, I found therapy to be extrememly helpful. Could you please make a referral so I can see my T again?"

I don't see how he/she could say "No". But then again, I'm not a doctor.

Don't you hate it when our husbands think we really are superwoman? Afterall, we surely perform amazing juggling acts day in and day out, while taking care of children, the house, dinner, laundry, homework, Holiday shopping, wrapping, sending out cards, making dr. appointments ..... if only we had wives to help us, sigh.

I'd be over in a flash to help you. Now where is my magic wand? Not in my son's toy box smashed down to the bottom of the heap again!

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 21:48:06

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 17:25:39

So I’ve been cutting myself instead. But I think I’ll move on to alcohol now, and then sleep. All bad coping mechanisms in *moderation*: that’s my motto :-)

Tamar

***Ha, thats what I say too!!!
But I can't drink so I smoke pot instead sometimes.
Can you explain to your doc. that you're using bad coping mechs and show him and mebbe he'll refer you?
You could always tell him you gonna piss on the hood of his car if he don't refer you. And your husband will be proud of your chutzpa for pissing on someones car!
Perfect.
Ya, you just call me. I know what to do.
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Muffled.
Sorry things are hard.
Mebbe we should check out a biker bar?

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by Poet on December 19, 2005, at 22:45:07

In reply to I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

Hi Tamar,

I don't get being too depressed for therapy. Every doctor I've seen for ADs has asked if I am in therapy and how often I see my T.

When do you see your doctor next? When I switched from Paxil to Effexor XR last year, I saw ex pdoc every two weeks, then every month until he had (what he thought, not me) was the right dose. I'd like to hear your doc's reasons why you are too depressed to let you see a therapist. To me they go together.

I think you are a fighter and your husband can transform himself into a superhuman if he needs one so badly.

Safe cyber hugs.

Poet

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by fairywings on December 20, 2005, at 0:06:04

In reply to I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

Can you see a pdoc instead of a gp for the referral, or maybe even suggesting to your gp that you might see a pdoc for meds because you know you need a referral to a T would be enough for your gp to refer you! my doc says she doesn't want anyone else getting her piece of the pie - at least she's honest.

if you're depressed, and you think a T would help, that should be all that needs to be said. your gp is wrong not to refer you. i guess some think if you're too depressed you might not be able to be effective, but you would know that best.

sorry about your husband, try to stick to your guns and do what you think you can do. again, only you know how much is too much. his abilities might be higher , he might have more physical and emotional energy.

(((hugs)))
fw

 

WHAP

Posted by Voce on December 20, 2005, at 1:33:41

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by fairywings on December 20, 2005, at 0:06:04

That's me smacking your husband upside the head.

Tamar, you ARE a fighter. You are fighting to keep your household running, your kids happy and yourself healthy. You are doing exactly the right thing, that is, taking care of yourself. You are not Wonder Woman.

Is hubby helping out extra?

And this nonesense about being too depressed for therapy???? Can you demand a referral from you GP? Often times a swift kick in the pants can do wonders in the medical community, especially when there is an HMO involved.

Voce, the conqueror of her HMO

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » littleone

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 7:16:01

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by littleone on December 19, 2005, at 19:49:59

> Why don't you see another dr to get your referral? Or even try your own dr again and make sure you make clear that even if you are too depressed to tackle deep and difficult topics, you still need some supportive help to get to that stage.

Yeah, I do think I need to try again. I find it very difficult to think clearly in that kind of situation – I usually forget half of what I wanted to say. I really don’t want to have a debate with the doctor about the theory because I’ll lose. So I need a different strategy.

> Please don't anyone slap me down or start a debate over this, but I personally really don't believe that meds alone will get you to that stage. Just from my own experience. But having that special T connection might.

I have no intention of slapping you down! I agree with you; meds alone won’t get me there. I don’t know about other people. But I find the relationship in therapy extremely helpful. It gives me a focus that meds just don’t give me.

Tamar

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 7:28:27

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2005, at 20:19:36

> I've always rather thought that my marriage works best if I don't know too much of my husband's thoughts about me. :(

Awww, Dinah!

> I can't understand why your marriage counselor referred you on. This seems like an ideal thing for a counselor to explain to the spouse of a depressed person. Tamar, you have little kids, you're depressed, you've got a job. I think you're doing great all things considered. And diabetes is another thing that your husband needs to have explained to him. That alone can make a person feel pretty crummy and listless.

Yeah, I think you’re right. I think he needs to hear it from someone else. It’s not that he doesn’t believe me, but I think he needs it to be reinforced.

>
> ((((Tamar))))
>
> Is there any way you can talk to your GP again? It seems reasonable to need more than medications. Especially since it seems that there are situational stressors.

I really think I need to try again. I’ve been trying to do imaginary therapy, which was working for me when I was much less depressed, but I think at this stage I need the real thing. My imaginary therapist is pretty good, and sometimes his ideas surprise me, but since he’s a figment of my imagination he’s only got my mind to work from! I think I need an actual relationship to work with now…

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » annierose

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 7:44:44

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by annierose on December 19, 2005, at 20:48:33

> (((((((tamar)))))))))
>
> I wish you would call your therapist and make an appointment asap. Your coping mechanisms may help you short term, but you know in your heart, it's not going to help you. I think you need to be more direct with your GP. Tell him/her, "When I felt this depressed about a year ago, I found therapy to be extrememly helpful. Could you please make a referral so I can see my T again?"

That’s a good point. I was actually more depressed than this when I first started seeing my therapist. I was having fantasies about drowning my children. But I never told my GP about that, so I was presenting myself as much more healthy than I really was.

> I don't see how he/she could say "No". But then again, I'm not a doctor.

I guess it’s a matter of how depression works. If the doctor believes it’s entirely a matter of brain chemistry, then I suppose I can understand the idea that a person can be too depressed to benefit from therapy until the brain chemistry is stabilized. But in my experience therapy was helpful, as you pointed out.

> Don't you hate it when our husbands think we really are superwoman? Afterall, we surely perform amazing juggling acts day in and day out, while taking care of children, the house, dinner, laundry, homework, Holiday shopping, wrapping, sending out cards, making dr. appointments ..... if only we had wives to help us, sigh.

Yeah, I need a wife! Or a secretary. But a wife would probably be more fun. The thing is, I used to be superwoman, until I got diabetic. I was very lucky because I didn’t need more than four or five hours’ sleep a night. But now I need nearly twice that, and I’ve lost my powers. Next thing to go will probably be the x-ray vision, and then where will I be?

> I'd be over in a flash to help you. Now where is my magic wand? Not in my son's toy box smashed down to the bottom of the heap again!

I’m sure it’ll still work fine when you straighten it out!

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » muffled

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 7:54:17

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by muffled on December 19, 2005, at 21:48:06

> So I’ve been cutting myself instead. But I think I’ll move on to alcohol now, and then sleep. All bad coping mechanisms in *moderation*: that’s my motto :-)
>
> Tamar
>
> ***Ha, thats what I say too!!!
> But I can't drink so I smoke pot instead sometimes.

It’s odd… I teach in a university and yet I have no idea where to get pot. I’m sure I’d be fired if I tried to buy it from my students…

> Can you explain to your doc. that you're using bad coping mechs and show him and mebbe he'll refer you?

It might be worth a try…

> You could always tell him you gonna piss on the hood of his car if he don't refer you. And your husband will be proud of your chutzpa for pissing on someones car!
> Perfect.

I almost pissed myself laughing! Yeah, that oughta do it. And as you say, it will achieve two goals at once: I’d get my referral and my husband would appreciate me. Now, do you think I should make an effort to identify which particular car belongs to my GP, or should I just piss on every car in the car park?

> Ya, you just call me. I know what to do.
> HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Muffled.
> Sorry things are hard.
> Mebbe we should check out a biker bar?

Yeah, good plan! I’ll go put on my leather jeans…

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Poet

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 8:01:50

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by Poet on December 19, 2005, at 22:45:07

Hi Poet,

> I don't get being too depressed for therapy. Every doctor I've seen for ADs has asked if I am in therapy and how often I see my T.

I know. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either. I assume my GP has a very medicalized understanding of depression.

> When do you see your doctor next? When I switched from Paxil to Effexor XR last year, I saw ex pdoc every two weeks, then every month until he had (what he thought, not me) was the right dose. I'd like to hear your doc's reasons why you are too depressed to let you see a therapist. To me they go together.

I’m supposed to see her in three weeks, but I think I’ll go sooner than that. I think she believes I won’t be able to put the mental effort into thinking psychologically yet, or perhaps that the pain that sometimes comes with therapy will be too much for me to endure when I’m this depressed, or that I won’t have the energy to make changes. But I seem to be able to think psychologically at the moment; I’d rather be dealing with the pain than just experiencing it impotently, and I think that imagining change could give me a sense of hope I’m lacking at the moment.

> I think you are a fighter and your husband can transform himself into a superhuman if he needs one so badly.

Ha! I’ll ask him to do that. I suppose he’ll start going to work with his underwear over his trousers…

Tamar

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » fairywings

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 8:12:04

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by fairywings on December 20, 2005, at 0:06:04

> Can you see a pdoc instead of a gp for the referral, or maybe even suggesting to your gp that you might see a pdoc for meds because you know you need a referral to a T would be enough for your gp to refer you! my doc says she doesn't want anyone else getting her piece of the pie - at least she's honest.

Now there’s an interesting idea… Might be worth exploring…

> if you're depressed, and you think a T would help, that should be all that needs to be said. your gp is wrong not to refer you. i guess some think if you're too depressed you might not be able to be effective, but you would know that best.

Maybe I just need to tell her that I’m certain I’m well enough for it. She’s actually pretty good; she was the person who spotted my diabetes and if she hadn’t picked up on it my unborn baby might have been badly damaged by my disease. Fortunately we were able to take immediate action and the baby was fine. So I trust her quite a bit! Maybe I just need to try again.

> sorry about your husband, try to stick to your guns and do what you think you can do. again, only you know how much is too much. his abilities might be higher , he might have more physical and emotional energy.

Yes, he definitely has the energy of a healthy person, the lucky bastard. I think he’s struggling to come to terms with the way I’ve changed. I feel as if I’m trying to support him emotionally to come to terms with it, when I want him to be supporting me! Whine whine. I guess it has to go both ways…

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by LauraBeane on December 20, 2005, at 8:22:58

In reply to I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

Hi Tamar,
Wow there are a lot of replies here. I don't have time right now to read them all! Obviously there are many people who care about you and who are very much beside you in spirit. Do not feel alone.

This may be waaay off base but could you call your old therapist just to run your present state of mind by him and see what in his professional opinion -- as your former doctor who knows your psychological self so well -- what course of action he might suggest?

I know there is an insurance issue constraining things. but sometimes medical professionals can make that work, say if one phones the other. I dunno. If this is outside the realm of possibility then what would happen if you called your GP and said "I need somebody to talk to." period. ???

the holidays are hard. So much required cheer. Your husband is fortunate that you don't practice your fighting skills now, on him. Yesterday my husband told me to stop being so selfish moping around all the time. I wanted to smack him right there and then. It's probably the most proactive thing I've wanted to do in weeks. :-)

Hang in there, it will get better. You will find someone to talk to, I know it. Take care.

 

OOOF! » Voce

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 9:07:05

In reply to WHAP, posted by Voce on December 20, 2005, at 1:33:41

That’s my husband reeling from the blow and staggering backwards across the room! Wow, Voce, you’re amazingly strong – the man is 300 pounds and incredibly tall. You’ve floored him! Cheering all around!

> Tamar, you ARE a fighter. You are fighting to keep your household running, your kids happy and yourself healthy. You are doing exactly the right thing, that is, taking care of yourself. You are not Wonder Woman.

Well, I used to be Wonder Woman, but I got too fat for the costume :-)

Yeah, I need to take care of myself. Life is just even more impossible when I'm pushing things too hard.

> Is hubby helping out extra?

I think he’s trying his best. And I feel rather bad about complaining about him. I know he’s trying to help.

> And this nonesense about being too depressed for therapy???? Can you demand a referral from you GP? Often times a swift kick in the pants can do wonders in the medical community, especially when there is an HMO involved.

> Voce, the conqueror of her HMO

Yeah – Voce the Conqueror! I will certainly try again with my GP. Maybe if I’m persistent enough she’ll agree.


 

Are those leather jeans.....pink?' » Tamar

Posted by muffled on December 20, 2005, at 9:08:45

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » muffled, posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 7:54:17

And I think just piss on your Gps car. You'll have to lay in wait to figger out which car is hers.
If you piss on em all they'll proly put you in hosp.! One is enough.
Besides, it just ain't that damn easy for us female types to piss on cars anyways!!!!!!!!!!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
I really hope you get your referral soon.
I dunno, it realy is striking me a s weird that your too sick for therapy, like weird. If you can make yourself better what the heck d'ya need therapy for. if you can make yourself better why are you sick in the first place.
I have a better idea. If she don't refer you.......................................................................................................................................................................................piss on her DESK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess I'm feeling a little feisty.
Guess I'd like to make you smile.
Take care Tamar,
Muffled

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****)

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 9:19:54

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by LauraBeane on December 20, 2005, at 8:22:58

> Hi Tamar,
> Wow there are a lot of replies here. I don't have time right now to read them all! Obviously there are many people who care about you and who are very much beside you in spirit. Do not feel alone.

Thanks. You’re right. I really don’t know what I’d do without Babble. A year ago, before I discovered Babble, I would have felt there was absolutely no one who understood.

> This may be waaay off base but could you call your old therapist just to run your present state of mind by him and see what in his professional opinion -- as your former doctor who knows your psychological self so well -- what course of action he might suggest?

I don’t know if he’d even speak to me without a referral. I think things are pretty strict.

> I know there is an insurance issue constraining things. but sometimes medical professionals can make that work, say if one phones the other. I dunno. If this is outside the realm of possibility then what would happen if you called your GP and said "I need somebody to talk to." period. ???

I think I’ll have to do just that. I suppose I’m afraid of what it will feel like if she simply refuses. Can I take it without bawling? Can I persist and try to win her round?

> the holidays are hard. So much required cheer. Your husband is fortunate that you don't practice your fighting skills now, on him. Yesterday my husband told me to stop being so selfish moping around all the time. I wanted to smack him right there and then. It's probably the most proactive thing I've wanted to do in weeks. :-)

It’s obviously Crappy Partners Week. Did you tell him you wanted to smack him?

> Hang in there, it will get better. You will find someone to talk to, I know it. Take care.

You too. I hope your husband gets more sympathetic too!

 

above for Laura (nm) » LauraBeane

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 9:20:52

In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by LauraBeane on December 20, 2005, at 8:22:58

 

boring black; maybe I'll get pink on ebay » muffled

Posted by Tamar on December 20, 2005, at 9:30:31

In reply to Are those leather jeans.....pink?' » Tamar, posted by muffled on December 20, 2005, at 9:08:45

> And I think just piss on your Gps car. You'll have to lay in wait to figger out which car is hers.
> If you piss on em all they'll proly put you in hosp.! One is enough.

That’s a good point. To piss on one car may be regarded as an accident; to piss on several looks like criminal damage…

> Besides, it just ain't that damn easy for us female types to piss on cars anyways!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we can get help:
http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html

> Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
> I really hope you get your referral soon.
> I dunno, it realy is striking me a s weird that your too sick for therapy, like weird. If you can make yourself better what the heck d'ya need therapy for. if you can make yourself better why are you sick in the first place.

I guess she’d say it’s all in the meds until I’m a bit less depressed.

> I have a better idea. If she don't refer you.......................................................................................................................................................................................piss on her DESK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I definitely think she’d put me in the hospital if I tried that! But it might be worth it…

> Guess I'm feeling a little feisty.
> Guess I'd like to make you smile.

You certainly did! My tummy is sore from laughing!

> Take care Tamar,
You too!

Tamar

 

Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar

Posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 15:43:04

In reply to I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****), posted by Tamar on December 19, 2005, at 16:31:18

In the interests of Occupational Health and Safety I feel it is my duty to warn you about the inherent risks of a 'slip and fall' accident occurring should you undertake "bonnet christening" activity. I do have to agree with Muffled on this that one would be enough - the whole lot might come across as overly territorial ;-)

Seriously though, having lived with someone with a chronic illness for a long time now I understand how important it is to have those rail at the world days. Those angry, frustrated I give up days. Those I'm pissy and grizzly and live with it days. Those I'm too d*mn tired to try anymore and I'm just want to curl up in a ball and cry days. Those don't even look at me unless you want your head bitten off days. Those it just aint fair days. It's allowing yourself permission to have those days and being allowed to have them that allows you to be strong and keep fighting the rest of the time. Being allowed to grieve what the disease has taken away is important to and maybe this is feeding the depression a little. Having a 'safe' place to be able to talk about all that is going physically and emotionally makes a world of difference too.

I can appreciate hubby's struggles too, because there is a sense (probably not spoken or even truly admitted to himself) of loss. Loss of things you (being the two of you) used to do, how you used to be, who you used to be. Change can be real hard especially if you've always relied on and needed the other person to be a certain way. Knowing when and what to say is hard as, especially if you've never been good at the communication stuff anyway.

I know no-one in S's family 'get' her MS especially her sister who has been a Director of Nursing and specialised in gerontology. It's like it's all too close or they think she's putting it on or something.

But hard as it is, nothing excuses him for behaving badly, being unsupportive or insensitive. He has to fight for you and the relationship too. The hardest lesson is that normal is however you are right now.

Please don't give up.

Lots a love and big safe hugs,
Damos


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

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