Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 571296

Shown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.


Daisy and others w/college-aged kids

Posted by antigua on October 24, 2005, at 8:17:20

My new pdoc really was interested in my thoughts about going through the app process w/my oldest son and how that was affecting me, or was making me more depressed. I don't think it has but has it made a difference to others?

I do have a very close relationship w/my son and I'm enjoying this, particularly because he has worked hard so that he will have great choices. I know he will leave home; we had a trial w/that over this summer and I know that I will miss him, but I don't think this is all about him.

Maybe this belongs on parents board, but it's therapy related too.


Re: Daisy and others w/college-aged kids antigua

Posted by fallsfall on October 24, 2005, at 9:07:49

In reply to Daisy and others w/college-aged kids, posted by antigua on October 24, 2005, at 8:17:20

My oldest graduated from college last year, my youngest is a senior in high school, and one in the middle.

I am so proud of them. Of course I miss them, but they IM/call me and I IM/call them. This is what I worked so hard as a parent for - competent independent children (who call to ask me how to hardboil an egg).

I guess they stopped letting me hover and control their lives (who, me? Controlling?) before they actually left home. So, even with my youngest, I'm OK with her making her own decisions. I try to point things out to her now and then, and sometimes she asks for advice. But, she really is quite independent.

Some people are devistated when their kids leave for college. But not everyone.


Re: Daisy and others w/college-aged kids

Posted by daisym on October 24, 2005, at 14:23:06

In reply to Re: Daisy and others w/college-aged kids antigua, posted by fallsfall on October 24, 2005, at 9:07:49

My brother sent me an email last week asking how things were with only one left at home. I sent him a long, honest reply about how sad I feel and yet at the same time how proud I am of them. I started it with saying that this is probably not the reply he expected, nor the socially acceptable one. I'm NOT turning cartwheels because my children no longer need me. His response was that he had heard a psychologist talking about this on NPR and he was saying that most parents aren't prepared for the self-questioning that is triggered as a child leaves home. Who are we? What is left to accomplish? Did we reach our potential? He let me know that even though his children are still in grammer school, this discussion struck a cord with him. Maybe your pdoc read/heard this same report?

I know that redefining myself is a big part of my therapy. But I found that the sadness erupted upon their leaving, or just before, not when filling out forms. Not surprisingly, these activities made me realize that I was a little jealous about the opportunities that stretched ahead of them and all the choices they had.

These mixed feelings have opened up plenty of discussions in therapy, including who did I want to be when I grew up and who did I end up being?

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