Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 570082

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Re: Had a horrible day at work today

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:20:17

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:19:33

I also feel disturbed and worried.

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:48:01

In reply to Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

What about my distressing posts makes people not want to respond to them? Do I share too much info or something? So yall get to read my problems and then not respond? wtf?

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:49:58

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:48:01

I need to take a break from the computer. I'm going crazy.

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by crazy teresa on October 21, 2005, at 21:07:22

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:49:58

Hey, I just found your post. I'm sorry you had a bad day. Hold up your head and kill them with kindness tomorrow. Then they can wonder what it is that you know that they don't know... feeling like you're the one with the upper hand once in a while is a good thing. ;~}

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 21:15:29

In reply to Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

Hey Angela,

Your boss shouldn’t have told your other boss… It should be confidential. And your other boss shouldn’t be telling all kinds of other people. Is there any way you can find out know knows what, so that you won’t feel too paranoid?

But in fact people might be watching for signs of distress from you if you’ve been off work a bit recently. And perhaps they might be watching for signs of distress so that they can support you. Most people are decent and won’t be looking for opportunities to make your life difficult. Do you get along with your colleagues?

The man who came to the desk with the smirk… There are always a few people like him. I like to imagine them being dragged away in handcuffs by police and charged with extreme rudeness (I like to imagine other things too, but I can’t post them here).

To be honest, I’ve found that making your voice as syrupy as possible and agreeing with everything they say is usually the best course of action. Try to feel incredibly superior at the same time. Often people like that are trying to wind you up, and if you can rise above it you win (you don’t win much, unfortunately; but you do get a sense of moral superiority).

I’m sorry things are tough at the moment. Are you working this weekend, or do you get weekends off?

Tamar

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 21:17:54

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:48:01

> What about my distressing posts makes people not want to respond to them? Do I share too much info or something? So yall get to read my problems and then not respond? wtf?

Ah. I just saw this.

In my case (and I don't know about other people) I was replying to some earlier posts but hadn't refreshed the main board. So I'd probably been replying to others for a while before I saw your post was here. Sorry if you felt ignored. As soon as I saw it I replied!

Tamar

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by ClearSkies on October 21, 2005, at 21:28:03

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:48:01

Angela, I have been out of town for a few days and haven't been checking thoroughly for posts. I can completely relate to your day at work, to calling your T for help and feeling so anxious about the situation.

if you're able to work through your worries and gain better communication with your coworkers and supervisor, it would make you feel better in general. I used to have great difficulties with my direct supervisor who would micro-manage me, seemed to make veiled threats about trusting people I worked with, and generally freaked me out!! Eventually I learned several things: 1. she wasn't a very bright person and expressed herself poorly, 2. she had been disciplined for talking too much about her personal life at work, and 3. she had been criticised for being a poor manager. Eventually I managed to extricate myself from her own concerns and see that she was projecting her worries and experiences all over mine! it created a more sympathetic relationship between us.
At the same time, my depression and anxiety worsened in spite of the work situation improving. this led to my eventual decision to leave in order to concentrate on my recovery, without feeling like I was dragging the entire workplace along with me.

I'm sorry your day was so bad.
((((Angela2))))

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by JenStar on October 21, 2005, at 21:32:06

In reply to Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

I'm sorry you had a bad day! I know that coworkers can be difficult sometimes.

Here's what works for me: If someone approaches me with some kind of attitude (smirk and "I know you don't like to do this blah blah blah) I take a deep breath and stay very, very calm.

Then I ask them to sit down and talk for a minute. I don't like to talk when they're towering over me (if I'm sitting and they're standing) or if I'm standing and they're sitting. The body dynamics are off-kilter that way, and it usually leads to one person feeling more defensive.

I say something like, "Thanks for asking, but I'm definitely OK doing this. Tell me what I can do to help make this project successful. This is as important to me as it is to you, and I want to do a good job on it" or something along those lines.

I'll also confront people in a positive way. I might say something like, "Can you tell me a bit more about what you meant when you said XYZ? I apologize if I've given that impression to you, because I always try to put 100% into all of my projects. Can you give me an example of what I did to give you that impression?"

Then wait pleasantly, making eye contact, until he responds. You might be surprised to find that it was all a misunderstanding. Or at least you'll find out what he IS thinking so you can set him straight.

In my book, though, it's VERY important not to get defensive at all, even though you'll probably feel defensive and scared and nervous inside. Just act calm and in control and pleasant, but firm.

Those things REALLY work for me - I've used them before with success. :)

Good luck to you. I hope tomorrow is better!
JenStar

 

I'm sorry

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:02:13

In reply to Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

I haven't read anyone's posts yet. I just got back from the bookstore. I needed to get out. I just want to say that I'm sorry about my rude impatient posts. It was innappropriate of me, and I am not mad at anyone for not responding. I think I was expecting too much from this place that only a real therapist can give me. Once again, I'm sorry. I'll try not to let it happen again.
-Angela2

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:15:54

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by crazy teresa on October 21, 2005, at 21:07:22

Thanks crazy t. I like your idea of "killing them with kindness." hehehe *evil grin* hehehe.

 

above for crazy T (nm)

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:16:23

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:15:54

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Tamar

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:25:39

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by Tamar on October 21, 2005, at 21:15:29

Thanks Tamar. I think the combination of having a bad day and then that jerk guy coming in produced major angst within me. I was thinking about talking to my boss about worrying about who knows what about me. But I don't want to regret what I say AGAIN. But overall I think it's a good idea. All I know is that something needs to be done becuase I am stressing majorly at work and I nver used to.

It's funny with that guy. He reminds me of all the *ssholes I've encountered in the past. It's like they all have the same personality traits or something.

(((((thanks tamar))))))

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » JenStar

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:29:29

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by JenStar on October 21, 2005, at 21:32:06

Jenstar,
asking for clarification is something my T suggested I do also. I think it may help me in some situations. (((((thank you Jen))))))

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » ClearSkies

Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:33:58

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by ClearSkies on October 21, 2005, at 21:28:03

Clearskies,
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I'm all for better communication between coworkers, bosses, etc. They are all rpetty nice people, I am just very private and when I talk to someone about someting I want it to stay private btwn me and them and I just can't guarantee that will be the case. I think I'm gonna talk to my T and see what she suggests. She usually has good suggestions for this sort of thing. Thanks again.
-Ang2

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by gardenergirl on October 21, 2005, at 23:52:58

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 20:48:01

> What about my distressing posts makes people not want to respond to them? Do I share too much info or something? So yall get to read my problems and then not respond?

I'm sorry today was rotten for you. Those kinds of days at work are so unwelcome and so draining.

In my case, I'm just not posting a lot, lately. I'm not sure why. I am still reading, although not as much as I would like. I just don't feel particularly supportive or chatty. It's not you. And I feel kind of bad about it.

I don't know about others. I'm sorry you felt ignored or overlooked. I've felt that way before, and it hurts. :(

((((angela2))))

gg

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by gardenergirl on October 21, 2005, at 23:54:40

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 23:15:54

> Thanks crazy t. I like your idea of "killing them with kindness." hehehe *evil grin* hehehe.

My sister is particularly good at that one. But then it's hard to tell, because she's also just naturally kind.

It's a good strategy a lot of the time.

gg

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today

Posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 11:03:03

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by gardenergirl on October 21, 2005, at 23:52:58

Thanks gg. I've been there too a lot of times. I'm particularly bad at responding to posts on the psychology forum. I'm just no good at giving advice for that kind of thing. But once again, I'm sorry for being rude and impatient. I should have waited longer for a reply.

 

above for GG (nm)

Posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 11:03:28

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 11:03:03

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by fairywings on October 22, 2005, at 14:41:47

In reply to Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

I'm sorry you're feelling so anxious Angela. I hope your T was able to help you feel better.
I agree, your boss shouldn't ever tell the things you tell in confidence. I think i'd avoid telling them anything that would make you feel they have your secrets anymore. Maybe you'll get to feeling enough better to confront the loose lips.
As far as the smirky man, i hate when ppl are like that, it's so manipulative. can you avoid him, at least until you're feeling better.

The only thing that ever made me feel totally confident at a job was when i was really good at what I did, but didn't need the job so it didn't matter to me what other ppl thought. when that wasn't the case, i often felt very much at the mercy of other ppl, and that feels s*cky.

I hope you can get to feeling less anxious. do you know what causes you to feel that way?
fw

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by rainbowbrite on October 22, 2005, at 16:49:06

In reply to Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

Hey Im sorry about work :-(

i like Crazy T's suggestion of killing them with kindness and smiles!

and difficult people....sigh. they are hard to deal with.

>I know you don't like doing this but...

if someone like that comes in again you could say something like, you're right, but for you..anything :-) and give a big smile.
Although its hard to come up with things on the spot.

I hope things are better on Monday

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today

Posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 21:24:24

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by rainbowbrite on October 22, 2005, at 16:49:06

Thanks Rainbowbrite! You always know what to say to make me smile/feel better.

 

above for rain (nm)

Posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 21:24:44

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 21:24:24

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » fairywings

Posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 21:32:34

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2, posted by fairywings on October 22, 2005, at 14:41:47

Thanks fairywings. Your response was sweet. I didn't actually talk to my T and I'm not having another appt. for another 2 weeks. Wish me luck! The smirky guy who came in was just a customer, not someone I work with. Thank god. So I don't have to see him all the time.
What causes me to feel anxious? Just the idea that everyone is judging me because of what I told my boss. I regret telling her anything. I think I'd better tell them I don't want it spread around. It's the assertive thing to do, I think. Also, things have changed around and I work doing diff. things now and my mind doesn't like change.

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by fairywings on October 23, 2005, at 17:45:38

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today » fairywings, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 21:32:34

> The smirky guy who came in was just a customer, not someone I work with. Thank god. So I don't have to see him all the time.

Oh, that's good. I hate to work with ppl like that.

> What causes me to feel anxious? Just the idea that everyone is judging me because of what I told my boss. I regret telling her anything. I think I'd better tell them I don't want it spread around. It's the assertive thing to do, I think. Also, things have changed around and I work doing diff. things now and my mind doesn't like change.

I fully understand this feeling. Yeah, i agree, i think i'd avoid telling them anything in the future if you can't trust them. I hope it gets better.
fw
>
>

 

Re: Had a horrible day at work today » Angela2

Posted by rainbowbrite on October 23, 2005, at 17:50:13

In reply to Re: Had a horrible day at work today, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 21:24:24

aww thanks Angela im glad ;-)


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