Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 569163

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Re: He told me Dinah

Posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 16:46:23

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by Dinah on October 20, 2005, at 8:04:00

> I'm so sorry, Laurie. I know I'm feeling bad when my therapist's "Everything will be ok" said in his most convincing tone, doesn't soothe me. But it happens sometimes.

Today, I feel like I want more reassurances from him even though I know yesterday's didn't help. Feeling needy and missing him so much isn't helping *at all*.

> Is there anything I can do to help? That *is* a long time, but we're here if talking would help. (Although I know we aren't your therapist). I'm usually around in the evenings, if I can help at all.

Thanks, Dinah. I love that you guys are here to talk. It helps.

 

Re: He told me fairywings

Posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 16:54:08

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by fairywings on October 20, 2005, at 9:17:30

> I don't think it feels good either to have ppl tell me I'll be okay, or I can figure things out, esp. when I'm feeling so bad. It makes me feel dismissed. It sounds like even though he was worried and kept you after, that the reassurances just weren't enough. I'm sorry that it hurts so much. Does it help to do anything in particular when things go so bad? Writing out your feelings, taking a long walk, exercise, music, anything?

Yeah. He admitted that what he said wasn't very sensitive. He's pretty good letting me know when he recognizes that he's made a mistake. I guess the damage is kind of done by then, though. :(

When things get bad, I usually run to post here. Contact with you guys really helps even if my thoughts aren't very organized.

> You do have a long wait till next appt., why so long? I hope you find something that can quell the painful thoughts and anxiety.
> (((((hugs)))))
> fw

I usually see him once a week, but he had to cancel this Saturday's appointment. When that happens, we reschedule for Wednesday evening, but then I have to go a week and a half in between sessions. Usually, it's not a big deal, but I've never left feeling so bad.

Thanks for the hugs.

 

Re: He told me daisym

Posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:06:44

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by daisym on October 20, 2005, at 11:14:56

> I'm sorry they didn't work tonight Laurie. He was right though -- you aren't your mom and things will sort themselves out.

I'm so afraid of being like my mom. People don't like or respect her, I think. It's sad. She's lived a pretty hard life. I kind of understand why she's the way she is, but I'm terrified that my subconscious learned everything from her.

> Maybe you could make a list of things in two columns - the "I have control" column and the "I don't have control" -- and then try (OH SO HARD) to not obsess about the ones in the don't have control column. Then focus on the other column, even if it is only one thing, and put what ever amount of energy you can into those things. What will make a difference? For me, I have so many things in the "don't have control" column that I decided I could at least be organized and have control over finding stuff. It might be an illusion but that is OK with me.

Problem is, I've somehow managed to convince myself that I have control over most of the things I probably don't really have control over. I put a lot of responsibility on myself that doesn't belong there. And then I feel guilty when things don't have a good outcome.

> You sound tired. Maybe you need to be pampered a little. What things do you like that make you feel taken care of? Perhaps you and hubby could sneak away for a relaxed dinner and movie, or do something with a friend.

I'm exhausted, Daisy.

D and I are going to dinner and a show tomorrow and then we're going away for a weekend in a couple of weeks. We probably haven't been together without N (on a date) in over a year.

I'm going to be alone in my house on Saturday afternoon and evening, too. It's been a while since that's happened, as well.

Sometimes I wonder. I've got such a good life. What is wrong with me? I'm a spoiled brat.

> I know how easier it is to write all these things and yet it is so much harder to actually do any of them. I hope things get better soon.
>
> At least you know he cares, right?

I really do know that. Is it terrible to say that isn't enough right now?

 

Re: He told me fallsfall

Posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:17:08

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by fallsfall on October 20, 2005, at 11:19:23

> We'll take care of you. I know (so well) how it feels to just want to be taken care of.

Thank you, falls.

> Maybe you can play doctor with your son. You be the patient and he has to take care of you. He will try so hard to make you feel better - and it might actually work!

That would be cute :). Sometimes he takes on my role in a not so good way, though. The other day I was arguing with him about taking a nap and he said, "mom. I need you to listen to me. You're making me angry." Yeah...my three-year old man.

> Do you want to tell us what is upsetting you?

Everything. Stupid things. I'm obsessing about everything. I won't bore you with the details of my kitchen cabinets, my in-laws, daycare choices, my husband's sports addiction, pumpkin carving, the tile contractor, my mom not liking my hair (why do I care?), or my irritating neighbor.

> (((((Alldone)))))
>
> P.S. I always eat ice cream in situations like this. You did know that you can take mental health days from your diet, didn't you?

I've been taking a few too many of those, lately, but I'll give it a shot ;).

 

Re: He told me All Done

Posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:17:58

In reply to He told me, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 1:03:10

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better, but I think I'm getting worse.

:-(

Thanks for being here for me.

 

Re: He told me All Done

Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2005, at 17:32:39

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:17:58

(((Laurie)))

 

(((((LaLa!)))) (nm) All Done

Posted by TofuEmmy on October 20, 2005, at 19:57:45

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:17:58

 

Re: (((((LaLa!))))

Posted by gardenergirl on October 20, 2005, at 23:22:10

In reply to (((((LaLa!)))) (nm) All Done, posted by TofuEmmy on October 20, 2005, at 19:57:45

Well now, I'm quite certain I made a post here, but I don't see it.

Sweetie, I'm sorry things are tough. Maybe we're due for a late night chat? Either IM or phone?

((((Alldone)))

Hug the boys, big and little. That's got to help some?

Take care,

gg

 

Re: Thanks for the hugs, Dinah and Emmy (nm)

Posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 23:48:53

In reply to (((((LaLa!)))) (nm) All Done, posted by TofuEmmy on October 20, 2005, at 19:57:45

 

Re: (((((LaLa!)))) gardenergirl

Posted by All Done on October 21, 2005, at 0:00:20

In reply to Re: (((((LaLa!)))), posted by gardenergirl on October 20, 2005, at 23:22:10

> Well now, I'm quite certain I made a post here, but I don't see it.
>
> Sweetie, I'm sorry things are tough. Maybe we're due for a late night chat? Either IM or phone?
>
> ((((Alldone)))
>
> Hug the boys, big and little. That's got to help some?
>
> Take care,
>
> gg

Thanks, gg.

The little boy doesn't seem to be liking me much at the moment. And while he tries, the big boy just doesn't get it sometimes.

Weren't you just recently posting about feeling like you wanted a hug from your T? Sigh. I think right now I could bury myself in my T if he let me. I suppose I better talk to him about that.

It would be nice to talk with you soon. I'm wondering how things are going for you, too.

 

Re: Kind of odd

Posted by All Done on October 21, 2005, at 0:04:59

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:17:58

When I got home from work this evening, I was checking the caller ID and I realized that my T called on Monday evening. He NEVER calls unless it's to cancel or reschedule. Did he not want me to come on Wednesday? Of course, if that was the case, he would have left a message. So why did he call and why didn't he mention it at my session?

Just another thing for me to worry about.

 

Re: He told me All Done

Posted by fairywings on October 21, 2005, at 7:58:39

In reply to Re: He told me Annierose, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 16:43:36


>
> My T talked to me a bit about this, too. But whenever he starts talking about the fact that I'm a mom, working out of the home, and trying to take care of my family and house all at the same time, I start to roll my eyes at him. I'm not exactly sure why, but it feels sort of like he's making excuses for me or something. Other women can handle these responsibilities without freaking out.

I hope you're not being too hard on yourself. Frankly, I'm one of those people who couldn't do both - work outside the home, and take care of everything that needs to be done at home. It's a huge responsibility and a lot of work. It's not easy. I admire those who can do both and do both well. I can't handle that much stress. A job outside the home, then grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, running errands, all the appts. for self and kids, all the activities, and school functions? Are there enough hours in the day? Let your T tell you how wonderful you are for doing all of this and that it's not easy to do. I don't know how many kids you have, but I know with our 4 just keeping up with where they need to be and running them where they need to be is tiring.

My hat is off to you and all the other mom's who do both.
fw

 

Re: (((((LaLa!))))

Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2005, at 8:15:14

In reply to Re: (((((LaLa!)))) gardenergirl, posted by All Done on October 21, 2005, at 0:00:20

> I think right now I could bury myself in my T if he let me.

I think of it that way too. I do a little rooting movement with my head sometimes, and I just want to burrow closer and closer till I'm safely inside.

> I suppose I better talk to him about that.

Don't let him ruin it though! It's such a lovely and relaxing image for me. My therapist tends to leave those images alone, but not all do.

 

Re: He told me

Posted by fairywings on October 21, 2005, at 8:18:35

In reply to Re: He told me daisym, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:06:44

Hi Laurie,

I'm sorry you left your appt feeling so bad. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to go a couple of times, (or several times) a week just to get to say everything that's on your mind, or just to be with someone who cares and isn't going to purposely make things more difficult. Someone who will listen and care.

I know what you mean about being afraid you'll be like your mom. I think I picked up the worst of my mom and my dad and it makes me feel like there's no way anyone would ever like me. It's overwhelming to thing at this point I have to unlearn all the bad things that run through my head, and unlearn any bad habits I have that I've learned from them.

It sounds like you have so much going on with everything you mentioned, I don't know how you've managed to deal with all of it, and then I"m sure there's huge responsibilities at work too. It does sound like you could use some pampering. Maybe when you have that alone time on Sat? I'm glad you're going out to dinner and then away in a couple of weeks, I hope you get some rest and fun time.

I have a good like too, and feel like a spoiled brat, and wonder why in the heck I can't handle any stress and why I need therapy, and if I"m being self indulgent, but you know what? I don't think we're really any different than most women, we feel guilty about wanting things to be better and wanting to feel better, and what's wrong with that? It feels not so great sometimes, but if we can work on things and make them better then I guess we should.

I hope you get to feeling better.
(((hugs)))
fw

 

Re: He told me All Done

Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2005, at 8:18:55

In reply to Re: He told me fallsfall, posted by All Done on October 20, 2005, at 17:17:08

> The other day I was arguing with him about taking a nap and he said, "mom. I need you to listen to me. You're making me angry." Yeah...my three-year old man.

That reflects so well on you! When they say something very precocious they're probably echoing back the style of words they hear. I think that's a wonderful and respectful way you speak to your son, and a wonderful and respectful way he's learning to speak to you.

Mine was always wonderfully polite, but he would never admit that I was making him angry. I'm pretty sure I know what that means he's reflecting. :(

You have a lot to be proud of, Laurie.

 

Re: Kind of odd All Done

Posted by Poet on October 22, 2005, at 16:42:54

In reply to Re: Kind of odd, posted by All Done on October 21, 2005, at 0:04:59

Hi Laurie,

Maybe your T realized he'd called the wrong patient/client and so he hung up without leaving a message? He probably doesn't know you have caller ID.

If he needed to reschedule Wednesday, he would have left a message.

Sorry you have to wait so long between sessions.
Eat some ice cream. Find a halloween costume for your little three year old man. Find a halloween costume for little you, too.

Poet

 

Re: He told me fairywings

Posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:06:01

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by fairywings on October 21, 2005, at 7:58:39

> I hope you're not being too hard on yourself. Frankly, I'm one of those people who couldn't do both - work outside the home, and take care of everything that needs to be done at home. It's a huge responsibility and a lot of work. It's not easy. I admire those who can do both and do both well. I can't handle that much stress. A job outside the home, then grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, running errands, all the appts. for self and kids, all the activities, and school functions? Are there enough hours in the day? Let your T tell you how wonderful you are for doing all of this and that it's not easy to do. I don't know how many kids you have, but I know with our 4 just keeping up with where they need to be and running them where they need to be is tiring.
>
> My hat is off to you and all the other mom's who do both.
> fw

Thank you, fw. I have one three-year old son. I can't even imagine having two, much less four!

I really appreciate what you've said here. Honest, though, with four kids, I can't imagine you ever get a break. I've always said that at least I generally get a break to eat lunch. Most of my stay-at-home mom friends can't say that very often.

You're very sweet, fw. Thanks for your kind words and I'll try to ease up on myself.

Laurie

 

Re: ruining it Dinah

Posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:09:23

In reply to Re: (((((LaLa!)))), posted by Dinah on October 21, 2005, at 8:15:14

> > I think right now I could bury myself in my T if he let me.
>
> I think of it that way too. I do a little rooting movement with my head sometimes, and I just want to burrow closer and closer till I'm safely inside.

Exactly, Dinah! You've felt it.

> > I suppose I better talk to him about that.
>
> Don't let him ruin it though! It's such a lovely and relaxing image for me. My therapist tends to leave those images alone, but not all do.

What do you mean? Usually, when I talk about any feeling that even remotely resembles or might be a physical feeling, my T wants me to describe it in more detail. Is that what you're talking about?

 

Re: He told me fairywings

Posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:20:21

In reply to Re: He told me, posted by fairywings on October 21, 2005, at 8:18:35

> Hi Laurie,
>
> I'm sorry you left your appt feeling so bad. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to go a couple of times, (or several times) a week just to get to say everything that's on your mind, or just to be with someone who cares and isn't going to purposely make things more difficult. Someone who will listen and care.

I really wish I could go more than once a week. I'm thinking about at least calling him and scheduling an additional session before next Saturday, though, because I'm still feeling pretty nervous and uptight.

> I know what you mean about being afraid you'll be like your mom. I think I picked up the worst of my mom and my dad and it makes me feel like there's no way anyone would ever like me. It's overwhelming to thing at this point I have to unlearn all the bad things that run through my head, and unlearn any bad habits I have that I've learned from them.

Sometimes I try to think of the best things about my mom and dad because I figure if I got the worst of them, I must have picked up some of the good stuff. I can do it with my dad. I have a harder time with my mom.

> It sounds like you have so much going on with everything you mentioned, I don't know how you've managed to deal with all of it, and then I"m sure there's huge responsibilities at work too. It does sound like you could use some pampering. Maybe when you have that alone time on Sat? I'm glad you're going out to dinner and then away in a couple of weeks, I hope you get some rest and fun time.

My husband and I had a great time last night. It helped some...well, until I got up today.

> I have a good like too, and feel like a spoiled brat, and wonder why in the heck I can't handle any stress and why I need therapy, and if I"m being self indulgent, but you know what? I don't think we're really any different than most women, we feel guilty about wanting things to be better and wanting to feel better, and what's wrong with that? It feels not so great sometimes, but if we can work on things and make them better then I guess we should.

My son has really started asking about my therapy (where am I going, is [my T] a doctor, etc.) I've followed the advice of some wonderful babblers and I tell him that I'm going to talk to [my T] about some things that will help me be a better mommy to him and wife to his daddy. I should remember that when I'm feeling self-indulgent about therapy.

I've actually told my T on a few occassions that I feel spoiled. He always says something like, "spoiled? I don't know what that means" d kind of brushes it off. I think it might be a hot button or something for him. Shouldn't he be asking me what *my* definition of spoiled is? (Sorry for the tangent.)

> I hope you get to feeling better.
> (((hugs)))
> fw

Thanks, fw.

 

Re: He told me Dinah

Posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:28:36

In reply to Re: He told me All Done, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2005, at 8:18:55

> > The other day I was arguing with him about taking a nap and he said, "mom. I need you to listen to me. You're making me angry." Yeah...my three-year old man.
>
> That reflects so well on you! When they say something very precocious they're probably echoing back the style of words they hear. I think that's a wonderful and respectful way you speak to your son, and a wonderful and respectful way he's learning to speak to you.
>
> Mine was always wonderfully polite, but he would never admit that I was making him angry. I'm pretty sure I know what that means he's reflecting. :(
>
> You have a lot to be proud of, Laurie.

Thank you, Dinah. :)

A bit after I told the story to my T, he said I had a talent for being a mom. It was nice hearing it from him especially since he works with children. I managed to take it at face value and just felt good for a little while. Your post did that for me, too. :)

 

Re: Kind of odd Poet

Posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:43:16

In reply to Re: Kind of odd All Done, posted by Poet on October 22, 2005, at 16:42:54

> Hi Laurie,
>
> Maybe your T realized he'd called the wrong patient/client and so he hung up without leaving a message? He probably doesn't know you have caller ID.

Well, I've managed to still be wondering about it. I figure I'll just ask him next session. Then, I'll tell him he should just leave a message no matter what or else I'm going to assume he called just to chat and I'll call him back and ask him how his day is going. ;)

> If he needed to reschedule Wednesday, he would have left a message.

You're right.

> Sorry you have to wait so long between sessions.

Thanks, Poet.

> Eat some ice cream. Find a halloween costume for your little three year old man. Find a halloween costume for little you, too.
>
> Poet

I'm going to have to charge you and falls for my Weight Watchers membership. ;)

 

Re: He told me All Done

Posted by gardenergirl on October 22, 2005, at 23:20:08

In reply to Re: He told me Dinah, posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:28:36

>
> A bit after I told the story to my T, he said I had a talent for being a mom. It was nice hearing it from him especially since he works with children. I managed to take it at face value and just felt good for a little while. Your post did that for me, too. :)

Yea you!

gg

 

Re: Kind of odd All Done

Posted by fallsfall on October 23, 2005, at 9:47:30

In reply to Re: Kind of odd Poet, posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:43:16

Where do I send the check?

 

Re: Kind of odd fallsfall

Posted by All Done on October 23, 2005, at 11:59:30

In reply to Re: Kind of odd All Done, posted by fallsfall on October 23, 2005, at 9:47:30

> Where do I send the check?

All Done
c/o Beefcake

Send the money to him. He's so good with finances, he should have no trouble with this one at all. ;)

 

Re: He told me All Done

Posted by fairywings on October 23, 2005, at 18:19:24

In reply to Re: He told me fairywings, posted by All Done on October 22, 2005, at 22:20:21


>
> I really wish I could go more than once a week. I'm thinking about at least calling him and scheduling an additional session before next Saturday, though, because I'm still feeling pretty nervous and uptight.

I hope you can get in to see him soon, feeling that way isn't good. I'm with you on wanting to go more, there are always just so many things to work out.

> My son has really started asking about my therapy (where am I going, is [my T] a doctor, etc.) I've followed the advice of some wonderful babblers and I tell him that I'm going to talk to [my T] about some things that will help me be a better mommy to him and wife to his daddy. I should remember that when I'm feeling self-indulgent about therapy.

Ooo, that's very good Laurie, I'll have to remember that, so I can tell my kids if they ask, but for me too when I'm feeling like I shouldn't be spending the $ on me.

fw


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