Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 567926

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sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger.

Posted by Dinah on October 18, 2005, at 13:17:14

In reply to Re: I miss therapy :( » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on October 18, 2005, at 7:22:27

It looks like involuntary termination.

I think I'm going to tell him not to contact me anymore until our meeting, which I expect will last about five minutes as he tells me he won't be available to see me anymore.

Life s*cks.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be forever therapy.

I don't know what to do.

I swing back and forth so. One minute I'm looking up gun dealers, the next minute I'm thinking that I'd be ok without him. I've been ok these three weeks, right? But I haven't been ok.

I want to tell him I don't want to do the sixth even. But then I vear towards wanting to keep the appointment and make him pay for hurting me so. (No, Dr. Bob, I'm not threatening violence toward him. No need to call the police.)

I hate this. I hate him.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah

Posted by JenStar on October 18, 2005, at 14:11:41

In reply to sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger., posted by Dinah on October 18, 2005, at 13:17:14

hi Dinah,
I'm glad that even if you waver sometimes, you always make the "right" decision -- aka avoiding the gun dealers, and doing what it takes to keep yourself healthy and HERE.

I'm really glad about that, because even though I know Babble might not be the biggest or most important part of your life, YOU are very important here!

I think you're a wonderful, valuable person and I'm glad that you're here and that you're struggling through all this, even though it sucks.

You WILL be OK in time. It WILL get better. :)
JenStar

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger.

Posted by Annierose on October 18, 2005, at 14:25:15

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by JenStar on October 18, 2005, at 14:11:41

I wish I knew how to comfort you. But you have survived without him for more than 3 weeks. You really lost your regular on-going support on August 29th, so you are far stronger than you realize.

What changed today? Have you receive an e-mail today from him? Has T3 gotten back with you regarding a referral or rather, she can see you?

You are so valuable. Hold your son in your arms tonight (if he still lets you). Remember how much he needs his mommy, just like you need your mommy-therapist. Yes, he really feels that attached to YOU! And he thinks you're the perfect mommy for him!

 

I guess mood swings are comparatively normal

Posted by Dinah on October 18, 2005, at 17:25:07

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger., posted by Annierose on October 18, 2005, at 14:25:15

All that really happened was what he didn't say. He didn't give the reassurance I requested, as he normally has no trouble doing. In fact, he went to a fair amount of verbal gymnastics not to give it.

So I'm assuming that means he can't give it.

I'm trying to remember that you can get through the pain. That it's like any other relationship that ends painfully. It feels like you'll never get over it, but you will. And I've got my son, and my husband, etc. But that's easier to remember once the Risperdal kicks in.

 

Blessing in Disguise » Dinah

Posted by orchid on October 18, 2005, at 17:32:56

In reply to I guess mood swings are comparatively normal, posted by Dinah on October 18, 2005, at 17:25:07

Somehow I have a really strong feeling that what happened with your T will end up being a good thing.

I had been recently feeling, you had reached a plateau with him. And it was time to let go and move on.

Even though he was safe to hold on to, I think it wasn't helping you as much as it should have been.

New life and change is always hard to adjust to, and looks threatening in the beginning, but you might just be glad few months down the line for the way things turned out to be. You might emerge into a more happier and peaceful person.

Just hang in there.

 

Re: Blessing in Disguise

Posted by Pfinstegg on October 18, 2005, at 17:59:38

In reply to Blessing in Disguise » Dinah, posted by orchid on October 18, 2005, at 17:32:56

Oh, Dinah- this is awfully hard after ten years. Is he actually settling someplace far away from you? Has he decided to give up being a therapist altogether? Painful as it would be, I do think at least a few sessions to help terminate would be better than such an abrupt ending.

 

Re: I guess mood swings are comparatively normal » Dinah

Posted by gardenergirl on October 18, 2005, at 23:06:51

In reply to I guess mood swings are comparatively normal, posted by Dinah on October 18, 2005, at 17:25:07

I think mood swings are very normal in a time like that.

And I really do think you're going to be okay. You've got some good coping strategies. Reminding yourself of what you do have, and that pain passes (or at least waxes and wanes?) are very good ways to cope.

(((dinah)))

Please keep letting us know how we can help.

Oh, and I need to reply to your last email...I will. Promise.

gg

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah

Posted by cricket on October 19, 2005, at 7:36:58

In reply to sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger., posted by Dinah on October 18, 2005, at 13:17:14

(((((Dinah)))))

It is so hard. It's hard under normal circumstances when we feel rejected by our therapists and now to add it to everything else you are dealing with.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and take you back to before the storm.

But maybe some good can come out of all of this upheaval.

My therapist said to me yesterday, "Can't you believe that good can come from change?"

It's hard to believe it sometimes, but in your case Dinah I will. I'll hold onto the belief that things can get better for you.

 

I could never see it that way. » orchid

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:25:58

In reply to Blessing in Disguise » Dinah, posted by orchid on October 18, 2005, at 17:32:56

For me abandonments are never blessings, disguised or not.

 

I guess I don't know for sure » Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:34:20

In reply to Re: Blessing in Disguise, posted by Pfinstegg on October 18, 2005, at 17:59:38

My best evidence that he's planning to abandon me completely is his refusal to say he isn't, when normally he has no problem with that. He's totally avoiding that. He won't say he *is* but then again he probably wouldn't do that in email anyway. We have an agreement that he's to arrange for hospitalization for me if he ever terminates me, and he can't do that long distance.

I'm going to have my husband drop me off and pick me up from my appointment, so that he can bring me to the hospital if I find it necessary. And I'll be full of Risperdal with maybe a dash of Klonopin too.

I don't know what's going on with him. The last I heard his plans were to be in the city one day a week, commuting from the place he moved three hours away. And that I could drive to see him there as well. Then suddenly he had an opportunity to leave town for a month on work, and did. And since then I have no idea what his plans are. I'm not sure he does either.

But his chatty news involved stories of meeting with the consulting firm he travels for, and I have no idea what his wife thinks of travel, except that she apparently doesn't mind it as much as I do.

I don't think I want any termination sessions. In fact I'm sure I wouldn't. My fury would get in the way of any productive work being done. It would be nice if I could blame circumstances, and not him. But I'm not that nice. Once he announces the intent to abandon, he has effectively ceased to be my therapist, in my eyes. How can you even have termination sessions with someone who abandoned you?

I hope it doesn't come to that. Even if it's just that he agrees to see me whenever he's in town, it won't feel like such an abandonment.

 

Re: I guess mood swings are comparatively normal » gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:36:46

In reply to Re: I guess mood swings are comparatively normal » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on October 18, 2005, at 23:06:51

I'm kind of hoping it passes. Waxing and waning hurts, and you don't even know how to prepare for it. Eventually, I hope it passes.

Even if it turns out that he's just being a mess rather than trying not to tell me he's terminating me, I hope that I use this opportunity to learn never to rely on anyone again. I hope I can break the bonds of trust.

It's just that it would be easier to learn that slowly, and at my speed.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » cricket

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:44:00

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by cricket on October 19, 2005, at 7:36:58

I hope so. I don't see any way right now, but I hope so.

T3 has agreed to see me on a short term basis. She says we'll evaluate long term as we go along.

I like her, she seems intuitive and sensible, and she's a bit older than me, which I think is sort of important. That'll make finding therapists harder as I get older. :)

But there are drawbacks. I don't like the insistence on short term. I understand why. She doesn't know me. Neither of us knows T1's plans. She is understandably cautious and wants an out.

But it just seems like more uncertainty in an already uncertain life. Not that I very well might not decide I don't like her anyway. But still...

And I suspect she thinks I can do without therapy and wants to convince me of that.

Oh, and she travels a lot. :))

Still, I like her, and I'm not up to another search right now. It's too soon that I hear my therapist's plans.

 

Re: I could never see it that way. » Dinah

Posted by orchid on October 19, 2005, at 12:10:58

In reply to I could never see it that way. » orchid, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:25:58

Don't think of it as an abondonment.

Think of it more in terms of growing up and leaving home.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah

Posted by cricket on October 19, 2005, at 13:25:46

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » cricket, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:44:00

>
> Still, I like her, and I'm not up to another search right now. It's too soon that I hear my therapist's plans.

I sure hope he has some solid concrete plans to tell you. Is that definite? Or are you just hoping that?

 

Just hoping. Sigh. » cricket

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 14:21:52

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by cricket on October 19, 2005, at 13:25:46

I've always known he was the most disorganized man alive. It's just worse under these conditions.

 

More like drop-kicked from home. :( (nm) » orchid

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 14:22:30

In reply to Re: I could never see it that way. » Dinah, posted by orchid on October 19, 2005, at 12:10:58

 

Re: I guess I don't know for sure

Posted by Pfinstegg on October 19, 2005, at 14:48:37

In reply to I guess I don't know for sure » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:34:20

Gosh, Dinah, this sounds so complicated. The one thing you can count on is seeing him (at his old office?) one time a week? And, IF he is not away on business, one additional time three hours a way? It sounds as though he is not able to think of his patients in as professional a way as he usually would now. Has he lost his house, which I know is not too far from yours? I'm feeling that immediate financial issues may be crucial to him.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 19, 2005, at 16:47:28

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » cricket, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:44:00

I am happy to read that T3 will at least see you short term. You know how these short term relationships often end up .... 10 years later :-)

When I started back with my current T (21 months ago), I really thought I was just going back to finally say "good-bye". I had quit mid-session, and I was curious to see her again. I never imagined myself back, full tilt, and experiencing all this stuff with her ... AGAIN! AT least, I now have the strength to actually address our relationship and how it affects me.

I hope she gets to know you. And I hope you feel comfortable with her, comfortable enough to talk about your main T. Your relationship with him is very important to you, therefore important to discuss. When do you see her next?

My girlfriend is heading towards New Orleans to help her sister sort out her house, clean, organize and have a good cry.

 

Re: I guess I don't know for sure » Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 17:42:23

In reply to Re: I guess I don't know for sure, posted by Pfinstegg on October 19, 2005, at 14:48:37

No, if I could count on that, I'd be pretty happy. I'm distressed because I can't count on that. There are so many variables. :(

Before he left, he said he'd just be gone this one month, then things would go back to what I described. But now he won't say that.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Annierose

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 17:47:34

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 19, 2005, at 16:47:28

It's wonderful how families have come together to help their New Orleans relatives. My mother's nephew was coming down, with his company's blessing, to help her out when my aunt died and my mother left. And her sister is insisting on coming back down with her despite the lousy living conditions at my mother's waterlogged hoarding house. I hope your friend's sister is able to restore her home.

When outlining some short term goals, I openly admitted that if my therapist ends up completely terminating me, then that would probably be the focus of therapy, what I needed most help with.

Sigh.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on October 19, 2005, at 18:09:16

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Annierose, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 17:47:34

Oh Dinah, I hope so much he doesn’t end up terminating you. From what you said, it sounds to me as if his plans are *still* not fixed, and I hope that will keep things a bit more open to negotiation, though of course at the same time it means further uncertainty.

I also hope he can learn to manage contact with you a bit better. In a way, the boundaries can be redrawn with a little discussion, but it seems more of a worry that he doesn’t communicate with you in a way that you find therapeutic.

I know it’s awful to be so uncertain about the future. I hope T3 manages to help you stay on an even keel until T1 gets his act together. I know I’m a bad b*tch… but is there any way you can use your new-found influence over T1 for your own ends? (Hmm, that’s probably too much…)

Tamar

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on October 19, 2005, at 20:22:49

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » cricket, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:44:00

I'm glad that T3 will work with you. And as things progress you'll know more about what you want, and she'll be able to assess whether the situation that you thought would prevent therapy with her will be a problem.

I like that you feel reasonably comfortable with her. Just take it a little at a time. There is nothing wrong with spending months talking about a previous therapist. I did it!

I'm glad that you have some support that you can count on (how much does she travel???) during all of this upheaval.

And I'm incredibly proud of you for calling her and reaching out to a new therapist.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Tamar

Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2005, at 8:46:41

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by Tamar on October 19, 2005, at 18:09:16

:-)

Well, he said rather testily that he has no plans to terminate me, so if I'm correct about his unwillingness to comment on certain things, you're probably right. He just has no idea what he's going to do.

I talked to T3 specifically about my fears of losing T1, and that's one of the things we're going to focus on. Although I think we approach it in different ways, if I'm understanding correctly. She seems to think it's really important for me to have confidence in myself such that I don't feel so dependent. Or something like that.

I'm not sure my dependence is based on lack of confidence. I think it's probably based on rare (for me) unconditional attachment.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2005, at 8:50:32

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on October 19, 2005, at 20:22:49

It would appear that she travels about as much as T1 used to travel, but less than he's travelling now. Of course, it's not such a problem with her as I have no intention of becoming dependent on her.

I do have some reservations, but she appears sensible and straightforward, not overly or underly solicitous, and not scary. She also doesn't appear to disapprove of me, although she hasn't seen me in person yet so it's still possible. That's good enough for a start.

 

Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 20, 2005, at 10:02:03

In reply to Re: sigh. Today it doesn't look so funny. Trigger. » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on October 20, 2005, at 8:50:32

So when do you have your first official session with T3? Try to keep an open mind. She won't be "him".

Are you doing better today?


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