Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 568801

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We could not know

Posted by terrics on October 19, 2005, at 8:43:44

Sometimes we forget they are human. e.g. If there is someone very sick in their families we do not know it and wonder why they are so distracted in our sessions. Most will not tell us that something personal is going on. terrics

 

Re: We could not know terrics

Posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:50:05

In reply to We could not know, posted by terrics on October 19, 2005, at 8:43:44

Mine has told me, at least briefly, for years. Ever since he figured out that he couldn't hide it from me, and I invariably took it personally whatever it was.

I *think* that a brief explanation if the client seems clearly agitated is a good way to go.

But you're right. I at least have the tendency to take things personally that aren't personal at all.

 

Re: We could not know terrics

Posted by fairywings on October 20, 2005, at 8:51:14

In reply to We could not know, posted by terrics on October 19, 2005, at 8:43:44

> Sometimes we forget they are human. e.g. If there is someone very sick in their families we do not know it and wonder why they are so distracted in our sessions. Most will not tell us that something personal is going on. terrics

I think in a way it's helpful to know, and we could be more sensitive to them, but in another way, I'm not sure how it affects us. Last week my T told me some of his story, and it paralleled mine. I felt he didn't have any empathy for me in our appt., and then he told me his father is dying. I would like to be sensitive to my T, and I don't want to see him hurting, but doesn't that muddy the therapeutic relationship? Given the choice, I'd rather have a real relationship and be sensitive to what the other person is going through, but when we know such personal things how can we even think about our own problems. Now I don't know if I can continue to open up, or open up w/o feeling guilty about it.

fw

 

Re: We could not know Dinah

Posted by terrics on October 20, 2005, at 10:02:34

In reply to Re: We could not know terrics, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2005, at 10:50:05

Hi, I think you're right. We all tend to take things personally. My T. seemed very agitated the other day. She had been away and I do not think it was a vaction. She snapped at me and initially I did take it personally. Then I saw something I had never seen before (I watch her very carefully because her boundaries are so strong..I am always looking for some sign that she is really 'human'). She looked very old and tired and had such a sad look in her eyes. She did not seem to mind that I was looking into her eyes. It seemed as though she had no choice but to let her 'human'side show. I was surprised and I could feel empathy for her at that moment. Therefore what you say I think is true. We take it personally but sometimes we shouldn't. I also think therapists should not reveal their problems. It may be ok for them to say something like 'I am a little off today' so we are not injured. terrics

 

Re: We could not know

Posted by terrics on October 20, 2005, at 10:06:47

In reply to Re: We could not know terrics, posted by fairywings on October 20, 2005, at 8:51:14

Hi fw, I think your T. should have kept his problems to himself. Like I said to Dinah, I think a T. should mention that they are 'off' that day so some inattention on their part is not taken personally. t/c terrics

 

Re: We could not know terrics

Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2005, at 15:36:17

In reply to Re: We could not know Dinah, posted by terrics on October 20, 2005, at 10:02:34

It's funny because I keep my eyes closed during therapy, yet I am familiar with each of his expressions. :) I notice the teeniest inhalation, or change in posture, or change in mood in the room. And I think it's also because he has had good boundaries. It's easy to tune in closely when you aren't afraid they'll overwhelm you. And, as you say, it helps them seem more real.


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