Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 568495

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 26. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Anybody else have very little feelings?

Posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 9:39:01

I read so much on here, and feel confused by all the feelings. I know I used to have them, and I should have them, but I just don't.

I don't know what I feel, and most of the time I don't feel much of anything anymore. I guess the 2 things I feel the most are anger and hurt, but I don't cry anymore, and feel very little else.

How do you find those feelings? I used to have them, I know I'm afraid of them, and embarrassed by them. How can you do therapy if you can't feel anything? I guess it makes me look pretty heartless and cold. Maybe that's why my T is pushing me away?

fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings?

Posted by happyflower on October 18, 2005, at 10:20:57

In reply to Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 9:39:01


((((((((Fairywings)))))) You are not heartless and cold! You are very caring person who I like a lot. You are being so hard on yourself, I wish I could convince you that I think you are a wonderful pal.
I think before therapy, all I mostly felt was anger and sadness. I think it overwhelmed all the other emotions that might have been there, but the anger was overbearing them. I felt numb. I think this is common for people who have been abused as a child. But I didn't realize this until after therapy though. But since I have worked through my abuse issues, the sadness lifted from my life. I feel now, and at first it was scarey for me. I think I still need to control the good feelings though because it can go overboard.
I think playing trumpet, has also helped me get in touch with my emotions. When I first started to play, I just cried because I was feeling once again. Playing the trumpet used to mean everything to me, it was my life. But I quit, and I quit doing everything that meant something to me. I just wrapped my life around my DH and kids. I don't regret that, but I lost myself along the way. Now I feel more like me.

I think you have other feelings, Jazzy, but I think the sadness is masking them right now. You are in a tough spot in therapy. It could be a turning point for you. Please hang in there, I just know you will find it so worth it in the end. Please trust me on this one, I think you have a good T, and you will feel much better after you see him. I am keeping my fingers crossed for good luck for you! :)

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? happyflower

Posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 10:27:01

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by happyflower on October 18, 2005, at 10:20:57

Thanks happy,

It's not really sadness that I feel, it's a lack of feeling other than anger and sometimes hurt. I used to feel things, I used to cry, but now I don't seem to have much about me, just blah. I was sad the other day when I found out one of the moms at school was in a car wreck and died. I felt so bad for the little girl, she's in 1st grade.

I'm glad you have your feelings back happy. I"m glad you're "happy"! ; )

Thanks for hoping good things for me.
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings?

Posted by happyflower on October 18, 2005, at 10:31:19

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by happyflower on October 18, 2005, at 10:20:57

You know I was thinking about something else too. It could be side effects from meds too. I remember several years ago, when my dad was dying from colon cancer, I had a stressful job, and I was just stressed out by the family obligations, and I had slightly high blood pressure. Well my Doc put me on an antidepressant. I was on it for about a year. Yes, it did help with the stress, but it also made me not feel anything happy either, it sort of numbed all my feelings. Just a thought. Once I stopped taking the medicine, I was fine again.

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? happyflower

Posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 10:37:08

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by happyflower on October 18, 2005, at 10:31:19

I'm only on one thing. I started it in the spring, and it doesn't have any numbing effects.
The lack of feelings started about 2 years ago after my parents died. I didn't have what I thought was a normal reaction to their deaths either. Maybe sometimes you just quit feeling so much as you get older, I don't know.

fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings

Posted by rainbowbrite on October 18, 2005, at 11:28:44

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? happyflower, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 10:37:08

After losing someone to death it can often lead to this sort of thing. No matter what the relationship. I think it is like a spectrum, you could go more towards one end or more towards the other. Im not sure how to explain it but its like you avoid feeling to prevent that deep loss or confusion again. Or just death itself can cause an emotional detachment.
i think we also go through phases, I have been in the same place as you and I think that I am getting back to feeling things much more intensely.
And also I think its a defense mechanism, the less you feel, the less you can be hurt. and the anger IMO, Im referring to my experience might have to do with frustration with not being completely happy with what is going on in life and maybe the hurt is a result of not understanding what is going on inside yourself. I dont think it is coldness, but more protecting yourself.
And not having a complete closure/or acceptance of death (not saying this pertains to you) can leave you feeling somewhat emotionally different.
hope that helped a bit.

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? rainbowbrite

Posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 11:44:51

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings, posted by rainbowbrite on October 18, 2005, at 11:28:44

> After losing someone to death it can often lead to this sort of thing. No matter what the relationship. I think it is like a spectrum, you could go more towards one end or more towards the other. Im not sure how to explain it but its like you avoid feeling to prevent that deep loss or confusion again. Or just death itself can cause an emotional detachment.


Thanks rain,
That makes a lot of sense. I guess it might have to do with my dad dying, my son being born, and my mom dying all of that in 8 months, just left me w/o much feelling left.


> And also I think its a defense mechanism, the less you feel, the less you can be hurt.

I completely agree with you here. I've been hurt so much, I just don't want to feel anything anymore. the same reason I avoid ppl.

>and the anger IMO, Im referring to my experience might have to do with frustration with not being completely happy with what is going on in life and maybe the hurt is a result of not understanding what is going on inside yourself. I dont think it is coldness, but more protecting yourself.

I think you're right, the anger has to do with frustration, but for me, frustration over never dealing with all the hurt in the past, which is why I'm so upset about being told basically to forget it.

>
> hope that helped a bit.

Thanks rain, I appreciate your thoughts.
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings

Posted by Damos on October 18, 2005, at 17:26:49

In reply to Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 9:39:01

I used to be really good at pretending I didn't have any. To the point where I believed I really didn't. But I did. I just didn't know what to do with them; how to cope with them; how to express them and respond to them. I read soemthing yesterday that really struck home for me.

"Before everything, I used to do this thing when I was upset - I used to take all my feelings and push them down inside me. It was like they were garbage and I was compacting it to get more in. I felt I could keep pushing all my feelings down into my socks and I wouldn't have to worry about them."

It wasn't that I didn't feel. It was more I couldn't afford to. Everything I had went into maintaining the veneer of okayness and I couldn't afford even the tiniest crack. So in the end it was fear, pure and simple, fear of what would happen if I let this stuff out and experienced it. Don't know but maybe it's the same for you in a way. Maybe right now there's so much going on and built up that you just can't afford to let yourself feel it all. I think I've referred to it before as letting the genie out of the bottle. That fear of pulling out the cork cause you just don't know what's gonna happen.

There's another thing that happens with my D that is happening again right now. The need to shut down, cut off, push away everyone and everything - to not feel.

Sorry for the ramble, hope maybe it helped a little.

Thinking of you,
Damos

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos

Posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 19:25:22

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings, posted by Damos on October 18, 2005, at 17:26:49

> I used to be really good at pretending I didn't have any. To the point where I believed I really didn't. But I did.

Hi Damos, did you finally let all of your feelings out, and what came out? Was it sadness, depression, anger? How did it come out, and how did you deal with it? In what way did therapy help you find those feelings?

> It wasn't that I didn't feel. It was more I couldn't afford to. Everything I had went into maintaining the veneer of okayness and I couldn't afford even the tiniest crack. So in the end it was fear, pure and simple, fear of what would happen if I let this stuff out and experienced it.

Did you feel the fear when you did let it out, was it overwhelming? I guess I do have a bit of fear of either what might be lurking, or of allowing someone else to see what's lurking, or then again that there's nothing there at all.

>>Don't know but maybe it's the same for you in a way. Maybe right now there's so much going on and built up that you just can't afford to let yourself feel it all.

I really don't feel much of anything I don't think, other than anger and frustration - I have way too much of that. I'm afraid I don't have feelings anymore. I"m more afraid of that. I remember how I used to feel when my dad was after me, and the fear and terror I'd feel, and then the incredible hurt, and there was so much humiliation. And I remember my mom's rejection and that I wasn't allowed to feel happy, but thinking about that doesn't even makes me sad. I worry that in some ways I've just turned off inside. I'm also afraid to cry in front of anyone. I haven't really cried in so long, and I feel like I can't let that out, but I don't feel sad, so maybe I won't.

> There's another thing that happens with my D that is happening again right now. The need to shut down, cut off, push away everyone and everything - to not feel.

Yes, that's more what it feels like, and the other day, when I felt like my T was defending my father, I was so hurt I just wanted to shut everything down, and push everyone away.
>
Thanks Damos, thanks for caring,
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings

Posted by rainbowbrite on October 18, 2005, at 21:07:44

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? rainbowbrite, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 11:44:51

>
> Thanks rain,
> That makes a lot of sense. I guess it might have to do with my dad dying, my son being born, and my mom dying all of that in 8 months, just left me w/o much feelling left.

Thats alot! Im sure it has a part. ((FW))


> >and the anger IMO, Im referring to my experience might have to do with frustration with not being completely happy with what is going on in life and maybe the hurt is a result of not understanding what is going on inside yourself. I dont think it is coldness, but more protecting yourself.
>
> I think you're right, the anger has to do with frustration, but for me, frustration over never dealing with all the hurt in the past, which is why I'm so upset about being told basically to forget it.
>

Yeah thats kinda what I was thinking, with not understanding whats going on inside because the pain and cr*p may not have been processed yet. You jsut cant be told to forget things like that, its not fair and hard to do successfully.

Take care

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? rainbowbrite

Posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 21:55:46

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings, posted by rainbowbrite on October 18, 2005, at 21:07:44


>
> Yeah thats kinda what I was thinking, with not understanding whats going on inside because the pain and cr*p may not have been processed yet. You jsut cant be told to forget things like that, its not fair and hard to do successfully.
>
I"m going to ask him this week if he meant for me just to forget it. I dont think that's fair either.
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings

Posted by Tamar on October 19, 2005, at 18:48:17

In reply to Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 9:39:01

> I read so much on here, and feel confused by all the feelings. I know I used to have them, and I should have them, but I just don't.

I felt that way when I was very depressed. And when I think of some of the things you've been going through recently, well, it sounds as if you've had a lot to deal with, on top of the underlying issues. Sometimes blocking out feelings is easier than feeling them. But eventually, once you get used to dealing with stuff, the feelings should come back. Well, that was my experience anyway...

Tamar

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? Tamar

Posted by fairywings on October 19, 2005, at 20:40:25

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings, posted by Tamar on October 19, 2005, at 18:48:17

Thanks Tamar,

I hope feelings come back and that I can handle them. I'd like to feel things other than anger. I"m so sick of being angry.

fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*

Posted by Damos on October 20, 2005, at 21:59:21

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 19:25:22

Dear Fairywings,

In all honesty I just don't know how to answer you. I really worry about just blurting out my stuff any old way because what's been okay for me could be completely wrong and even risky for someone dealing with different stuff.

It's important to me that you know that I am Dysthymic and there's no abuse or anything like that in my childhood, so in a sense things for me are pretty straight forward and uncomplicated. It's also important that you know that I've never done the therapy thing - not yet anyway. That doesn't mean that I don't see it as being necessary. I just don't see me as being in a place to do it - yet. What I have done is work with some alternate therapists (energetic healers), because I just didn't feel right, like storing all this stuff was creating actual blockages in me and my personal energy was kind of low and all over the place. And for whatever reason I just found that I could also just talk to these people.

Okay having said all that, I'll try and answer your questions as best I can.

Are they all out? Don't honestly know, but doubt it. I'm just really trying to be more honest with myself about them and experience them 'in the moment' so to speak; to stop sticking them in the 'too hard' basket, and to deal with the ones that come up that are related to past stuff as they appear, and be honest with other people about what I'm feeling. What came up? The biggest one by far was all the stuff related to a miscarriage that I'd just never let myself feel. Once I got through all the hurt there was guilt and shame by the bucket full. It came out in a couple of ways. First I wrote a letter to her on 'Write' around the anniversary of her loss, and then a little while later I was triggered off in a big way by another post. Tears, tears, and more tears, the sensation of not being able to breathe and that my heart was being torn in two. How did I deal with? I ran from my desk, down in the lift and out into the park across the road and stayed there crying my eyes out for a few hours. Afterward I was exhausted and embarrassed but felt better in so many ways and I actually felt physically lighter.

Yes I was very afraid of letting it out, guess that's why I kept it so tightly locked down for so long (17 years). Yep, it was totally overwhelming and out of control. I guess in a way being triggered into it was kinda lucky for me because I didn't get the chance to put all the defences in place and keep it buried. It was coming there and then and that's all there was to it. Fairywings, it seems to me that he invalidated the fact that you were invalidated by your parents, and that's gotta hurt big time. Sometimes anger and frustration come from the build up of pressure related to these feelings we can't let ourselves feel and/or that others have dismissed and invalidated, from feeling like we are neither seen nor heard. Sometimes I think we switch them off because we need to keep functioning in the world, and the things we're feeling are just too much to deal with.

Hope that helps,

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos

Posted by fairywings on October 21, 2005, at 8:50:33

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*, posted by Damos on October 20, 2005, at 21:59:21

>
> In all honesty I just don't know how to answer you. I really worry about just blurting out my stuff any old way because what's been okay for me could be completely wrong and even risky for someone dealing with different stuff.

Hi Damos, well you don't have to worry about blurting with me! ; ) I can usually look at someone else's experience and separate. For me it helps so much to hear what other ppl are going through and see how they deal with it. So much doesn't occur to me, and so many times lightbulbs go on when I read here.

>>What I have done is work with some alternate therapists (energetic healers), because I just didn't feel right, like storing all this stuff was creating actual blockages in me and my personal energy was kind of low and all over the place. And for whatever reason I just found that I could also just talk to these people.

I find that really interesting Damos, what kind of therapies have you done? I've done trigger point massage, and been to an alt. doctor, but that's it. No bodyworks.


> be honest with other people about what I'm feeling.

Sometimes being honest is the hardest part, makes me really look at the things I know I'm doing wrong but keep doing for some reason, usually to avoid stress.

>>What came up? The biggest one by far was all the stuff related to a miscarriage that I'd just never let myself feel. Once I got through all the hurt there was guilt and shame by the bucket full. It came out in a couple of ways. First I wrote a letter to her on 'Write' around the anniversary of her loss, and then a little while later I was triggered off in a big way by another post. Tears, tears, and more tears, the sensation of not being able to breathe and that my heart was being torn in two. How did I deal with? I ran from my desk, down in the lift and out into the park across the road and stayed there crying my eyes out for a few hours. Afterward I was exhausted and embarrassed but felt better in so many ways and I actually felt physically lighter.


I'm so sorry you went through all of this (((((Damos)))))). It's so incredibly painful. I'm glad you felt lighter after you wrote and then were able to cry. Do you think your depression is tied up in the miscarriage?

>
> Fairywings, it seems to me that he invalidated the fact that you were invalidated by your parents, and that's gotta hurt big time.

What you said does help Damos, thank you. As far as being invalidated, I saw my T last night, and I misinterpreted his intentions. I'll post on it in a bit.
Thanks for your post.
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos

Posted by antigua on October 21, 2005, at 11:16:18

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*, posted by Damos on October 20, 2005, at 21:59:21

Ahh, I'm so envious of your ability to let the feelings out. I'm better at it now, but the really big things are still held down tight.

I'm a "blurter" and I'm forever worried/defensive/hurt/embarraseed by the reactions I get from others. I know logically that many things shouldn't just be blurted out, but sometimes I can't hold them in and the cost is high. I'm always so ashamed afterwards. I've also learned, though, that many people can't handle what I have to say, and it's very hard for me to distinguish what is my stuff and what is actually theirs (I always want to blame myself).

I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. I've been there too, and good for you for finally dealing with it.
best,
antigua

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* antigua

Posted by fairywings on October 22, 2005, at 9:08:27

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos, posted by antigua on October 21, 2005, at 11:16:18


> I'm a "blurter" and I'm forever worried/defensive/hurt/embarraseed by the reactions I get from others.

Hi Antigua,
I've gotten to the point where I avoid most social situations because of how it makes me feel to interact. I understand where you are completely.

> I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. I've been there too, and good for you for finally dealing with it.

Me too, I've had 4 miscarriages, I don't think that pain ever goes away, but it does get better over time.

fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings

Posted by Poet on October 22, 2005, at 12:22:12

In reply to Anybody else have very little feelings?, posted by fairywings on October 18, 2005, at 9:39:01

Hi Fairywings,

Anger is one of the few things I can feel. I don't think being angry in therapy makes someone look heartless and cold. It's a genuine feeling. It's real.

My T is trying to get me to not turn my sensory defensiveness into anger. I am supposed to explain to people that I need time alone and don't like to be touched. Personally I prefer that I stormed out of my water aerobics class when the instructor told us to all form a circle and hold hands. I suppose I could have not said I don't do this (bad word) (another bad word) outloud, but I did. I am supposed to let the instructor know that I don't like to touch people or be touched and that I would prefer to not participate in group activities. Fat chance. The angry kid in me likes to be heard, though she really has a potty mouth. Got to work on that one. Fat chance.

Anyway, feel that anger. Talk to your therapist about it. Why are you angry? Who are you angry at? Who are you really angry at? That's therapy. At least for me.

Poet

 

Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? Poet

Posted by fairywings on October 22, 2005, at 14:12:03

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very little feelings? fairywings, posted by Poet on October 22, 2005, at 12:22:12


> My T is trying to get me to not turn my sensory defensiveness into anger. I am supposed to explain to people that I need time alone and don't like to be touched. Personally I prefer that I stormed out of my water aerobics class when the instructor told us to all form a circle and hold hands. I suppose I could have not said I don't do this (bad word) (another bad word) outloud, but I did. I am supposed to let the instructor know that I don't like to touch people or be touched and that I would prefer to not participate in group activities. Fat chance. The angry kid in me likes to be heard, though she really has a potty mouth. Got to work on that one. Fat chance.

The adult in me has a potty mouth too often. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the words to tell the instructor how you felt. I'm amazed at your ability to do the water aerobics at all - good for you. I know how it is to not be able to tell ppl how you feel. I avoid situations now so I don't have to say how I feel. About the only situation I don't avoid is therapy.

>
> Anyway, feel that anger. Talk to your therapist about it. Why are you angry? Who are you angry at? Who are you really angry at? That's therapy. At least for me.

I feel the anger, it bogs me down, it's about all I feel, and I hate it, I feel so negative. I hate that I tend to be negative with my family too often, and that I get mad too much. I wish I didn't have so much anger.

Mt T knows I'm angry at my mom and dad for abusing me, and at the guys who raped me, but not that I'm mad at myself for withdrawing and now not doing much at all, I feel like a slug, can't get myself moving, but he doesn't know that. I guess at some point it will come up.

I'm really sorry that your mom won't apologize, and that she doesn't even see what her son did to you. How can parents be so blind to one child? (I hope I"m not that way to any of my kids.) I hope you can feel your anger, I wish you could express it to her.

fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* fairywings

Posted by Damos on October 23, 2005, at 18:09:29

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos, posted by fairywings on October 21, 2005, at 8:50:33

> I find that really interesting Damos, what kind of therapies have you done? I've done trigger point massage, and been to an alt. doctor, but that's it. No bodyworks.

I've tried all kinds of stuff mostly under the banner of kinesiology and had all kinds of experiences. I find Reiki really good for me too. Here's the link for the energetic healer I see and it'll give you some idea of the stuff I do. I just depends on how I'm feeling and what I think I need as to what we do. What's good is if we're taling about something she'll always ask if I want to work on it specifically. I've done the EFT too and that seemed to help. Something else I found really good were Australian Bush Flower Essences. As soon as I took the first few drops I knew I had the right combination. I've also found that Tai Chi and Qigong exercises are good for me too.

http://www.healingenergy.com.au

I think the biggest thing with Alison is that she is really intuitive. Like I'll have been chewing something over for days (like whether I should start Tai Chi) and walk in and she'll say things like "you know I think Tai Chi would be really good for you" even though we've never even spoken about it. The same thing happened with the flower essences and some other things.

After some of the heavy sessions I've felt terrible for a couple of days and then better once the release of stuff has happened.

I'm still not good at it at all, and still find that I have no idea how to accept, express and respond to lots of stuff but at least I'm trying now.

> I'm so sorry you went through all of this (((((Damos)))))). It's so incredibly painful. I'm glad you felt lighter after you wrote and then were able to cry. Do you think your depression is tied up in the miscarriage?

Thanks FW, my heart goes out to you and Antigua. Knowing how much hurt there was for me I can only begin to imagine how much hurt there is any woman who suffers a miscarriage. (((((Fairwings, Antigua, everyone who's been through it)))))

Once I finally admitted there was a problem I was able to look back and could clearly see that my depression became a real problem in my early teens. Was probably there long before that but that was when I could sense things weren't quite right. This miscarriage and the aftermath led to my only really serious attempt at suicide. What's worse is that I still only just beginning to understand the ramifications it's had/still has on the rest of my life.

I think the day I decided to get help I decided to stop pretending for others benefit. To Antigua's point I've also found being upfront about my stuff has been really helpful too. It's helped me sort out who's who too. There are some who make being the way you are okay and really help in all kinds of ways.

My anger is mostly from other stuff like, "Can't you see how much that hurts me." etc and the frustration with myself for messing stuff up over and over.

Warmest wishes,
Damos

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*

Posted by Damos on October 23, 2005, at 18:18:38

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos, posted by antigua on October 21, 2005, at 11:16:18

Hi Antigua,

Still not good at it but at least I'm aware it's an problem and I'm trying. Personally I think that until you make the conscious decision to let stuff out and then a place is created where it is safe to do so then it's hard, really hard.

Sometimes I think it's the internal pressure that builds up and this thought process that says "They're gonna think such and such anyway so I mught as well get in first." that can lead to the blurting. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to sit with the discomfort and to work through all the assumptions and judgements you're making internally before reacting.

Oh yeah, shame and blame, shame and blame I'm really good at that. More often than not the only things I'm sure of are that I should be ashamed of myself and that it's all my fault.

Sorry you've had the same experience.
Warmest wishes

(((((Antigua)))))

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*

Posted by Tamar on October 23, 2005, at 18:40:26

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* fairywings, posted by Damos on October 23, 2005, at 18:09:29


> Thanks FW, my heart goes out to you and Antigua. Knowing how much hurt there was for me I can only begin to imagine how much hurt there is any woman who suffers a miscarriage. (((((Fairwings, Antigua, everyone who's been through it)))))

I just wanted to add my condolences to Fairywings and Antigua and Damos and others who have had this devastating experience. It hasn't happened to me, but it happened to two close friends and I've seen from closeby how painful it can be, even many years afterwards and even if people have children afterwards.

I think it's terribly unfair that people don't understand how painful it is and how long term the effects are. And there's almost nowhere that people can talk about it.

And also, Damos, I know that people don't understand how hard it can be for a man to lose a child in that way. It's such a physical experience for women that people seem to forget how hard it is for men. And it's perhaps even harder for men to find places to talk about it.

(((((Everyone who has been through this)))))

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos

Posted by fairywings on October 24, 2005, at 18:16:18

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* fairywings, posted by Damos on October 23, 2005, at 18:09:29

>
> http://www.healingenergy.com.au

Thanks for the link, Alison sounds really wonderful. I'm glad you found her. I tried Rescue Remedy - Bach flower essences at one point for anxiety. I like the idea of alt. therapies.

>
> I think the biggest thing with Alison is that she is really intuitive. Like I'll have been chewing something over for days (like whether I should start Tai Chi) and walk in and she'll say things like "you know I think Tai Chi would be really good for you" even though we've never even spoken about it. The same thing happened with the flower essences and some other things.

That's pretty incredible to have someone so tuned into you, and you know you're not just any other person to her, you matter because she's thinking about you and about what will work for you.
>
> After some of the heavy sessions I've felt terrible for a couple of days and then better once the release of stuff has happened.

I felt that way with trigger point therapy, but it's for muscles, not emotional release. Now I'm back where I was before the therapy, in pain.
> my heart goes out to you and Antigua. Knowing how much hurt there was for me I can only begin to imagine how much hurt there is any woman who suffers a miscarriage. (((((Fairwings, Antigua, everyone who's been through it)))))

Thanks (((Damos))), you're so thoughtful. It's hard to understand the feelings, they are so different from other pain. Certainly hard to explain isn't it?
>
> Once I finally admitted there was a problem I was able to look back and could clearly see that my depression became a real problem in my early teens.

I'm so sorry. It can be such a wonderful time, but it can be the pits of dispair too, can't it? You said the early teens, did it get better, and now it's painful to remember?

I had traumatic teen years too. I see my daughter having such a wonderful time and I just pray that she gets through it unscathed. Then comes my younger daughter who's having a stormier time, and I pray that she has good years and times ahead. My older son is somewhat of a melancholy kid, and I worry about him. Don't want any of the kids to have the bad times.

>Was probably there long before that but that was when I could sense things weren't quite right.

So unfair that young kids should be unhappy. It shouldn't be that way. And those are the years we figure out who we are in relation to the world, so it affects us until we can work for years to undo the damage.

>This miscarriage and the aftermath led to my only really serious attempt at suicide. What's worse is that I still only just beginning to understand the ramifications it's had/still has on the rest of my life.

(((Damos))) This is so sad, I'm so sorry.
>
> I think the day I decided to get help I decided to stop pretending for others benefit. To Antigua's point I've also found being upfront about my stuff has been really helpful too. It's helped me sort out who's who too. There are some who make being the way you are okay and really help in all kinds of ways.

I'm glad you're able to get help, and glad that you were able to be honest about your feelings and what you're going through, and find out who's behind you. It's not easy.
>
> My anger is mostly from other stuff like, "Can't you see how much that hurts me." etc and the frustration with myself for messing stuff up over and over.
>
I completely understand about messing up over and over. I'm glad you're you. I'm glad we have babble.
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Tamar

Posted by fairywings on October 24, 2005, at 18:22:52

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*, posted by Tamar on October 23, 2005, at 18:40:26

Thanks Tamar, you know my husband was pretty good about our miscarriages, but our kids were devestated. My oldest daughter was the only one home with me when I miscarried the first time, and I was hysterical. Boy, I feel bad that she experienced that. Then, the later miscarriges, all three of the older kids were so hurt by it. Makes me sad for them. Even all these years later my 8 yos mentions it with great sadness. I know we really have to pay attn. to what's going on with them because it sticks so painfully to their little hearts, even if the memories fade.

Thanks for your kind thoughts,
fw

 

Re: Anybody else have very *trigger* Damos

Posted by fairywings on October 24, 2005, at 18:29:09

In reply to Re: Anybody else have very *trigger*, posted by Damos on October 23, 2005, at 18:18:38


> Oh yeah, shame and blame, shame and blame I'm really good at that. More often than not the only things I'm sure of are that I should be ashamed of myself and that it's all my fault.
>
(((Damos))) I know that can't be true because you are just too kind and wonderful to be ashamed and be at fault. I'm sorry it feels that way.

fw


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