Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 566169

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Have you noticed how selfish depression is?

Posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

It makes everything about yourself. Me, me, me, me, me, me.

Maybe if we just got over ourselves, we'd be less depressed.

Comments?

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa

Posted by orchid on October 12, 2005, at 19:15:54

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

It is true that people who tend to obsess about themselves get depressed more. But it is something that most people who are prone to depression cannot help without help from others through psychotherapy or medication. Plus sometimes brains just get wired wrongly, and you need effort to get that right. Just like you wouldn't blame a handicapped person for needing more attention, I don't think you can blame a depressed person for needing more help or blame the person for being selfish.

Each of us are born in a different way, with different strengths and weakness. Some people can read better, some people can write better, some people can sing better. Similarly, some people worry more and get depressed more.

It is one of the natural traits.

But you are right in a way - if you focus on outer world, and not focus too much on yourself, I think you can overcome your depression to quite an extent!!. But that doesn't mean being depressed is selfish.

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is?

Posted by rainbowbrite on October 12, 2005, at 19:40:37

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

oh I agree! But there are some crazy selfish happy people too! In fact it seems that selfishness can make a person really happy. ...And so can helping others, But when you are burned after helping you then feel bad so being selfish helps prevent being burned. So I dont know anymore. hmm sorry got lost on a thought.

 

Yeah. Thats a tough one. (nm) » crazy teresa

Posted by muffled on October 12, 2005, at 22:18:50

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa

Posted by fairywings on October 12, 2005, at 23:32:17

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

I don't know, I think if you're depressed, you spend so much time trying to "claw" your way out of it, and feeling guilty about what you're doing to others that it's not really selfish, at least not like most ppl think of selfishness. On the other hand, feeling sorry for ourselves can be selfish, if there's no reason. I would guess most ppl who are depressed would really rather not feel that way, you know? I know when I was, I sure didn't want to be! But I was, so what could I do?

My last T was CBT, and he was convinced that if you just "put yourself out there", had a good diet, exercised, and gave something back through volunteering, you'd feel much better. I think those are great ideas, but a pretty simplistic view of depression. Oh well........

fw

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa

Posted by JenStar on October 13, 2005, at 0:07:55

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

I do notice that when I'm feeling really depressed, it's hard for me to focus on other people, their needs, and making them happy (which normally I love to do.) All I can do is churn around my anxious thoughts in my brain. I guess it's really true - you can't love others if you don't love yourself first...can't help others unless you help yourself first...

JenStar

 

Re: And not just depression... » crazy teresa

Posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 4:52:52

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

Other states too. Stress does that to me. And pain. Any extreme / intense emotional response. And I can become horribly self-absorbed for a time.

I think...

Everybody gets that. When they are in pain they become self-absorbed in the sense of being less able to help others. But some people... Are in those horrible states more often than others.

I think...

That yeah, thats not a nice thing to happen :-(
But it is understandable.
Its the way pretty much everybody responds to pain.

I also like to think...

That if you become aware of that...
Then you can even things out a little by supporting others (who are in one of those states themselves) when you are in a better place.
And that because some people are there more than others...
We are more sensitive to how horrible and lonely it can feel and thus more sensitive to reaching out to others when we are doing better and they are doing not so good.

Or at least...

It can be.

> It makes everything about yourself. Me, me, me, me, me, me.
>
> Maybe if we just got over ourselves, we'd be less depressed.
>
> Comments?

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa

Posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 4:54:14

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

> It makes everything about yourself. Me, me, me, me, me, me.
>
> Maybe if we just got over ourselves, we'd be less depressed.
>
> Comments?

Hmm… I tend to think it’s the other way around. If we were less depressed we could just get over ourselves.

Or maybe it works in both directions… as we become less depressed we’re able to focus on the things about ourselves that we need to work on, which eases the depression…

I dunno!

I do remember, though, that when I was really depressed I couldn’t really think of other people as people. Not even my family. And as I got better it became possible to see them as real people. So maybe my selfishness had something to do with an inability to experience that there were people other than myself. It seems very strange when I look back at it.

Tamar


 

Re: request for information

Posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:25:23

In reply to Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa, posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 4:54:14

on a related note...

i am interested in the idea that when we are in an intense emotional state or attention has focused in on that state and as a result we are less able to attend to / process other stimuli.

more specifically... i am looking to see whether there are any experimental findings on whether people with delusions have a comperable focusing of attention which would display as a difficulty in attending to / processing other stimuli.

I think I've found one but would be grateful for others...

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa

Posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 7:35:30

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25


Hi Crazy T, the definition of selfishness on dictionary.com is:
"stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others"
I know when I was depressed I didn't choose to have disregard for others or choose stinginess. It would be my guess that's the real difference between selfish self absorbtion and depressed self absorbtion. If I'm selfish just because I don't have regard for others, I think I'm out there having a good time with my time and money, w/o regard for others, or the real priorities in my life. If I'm depressed and I'm self absorbed it's because I"m sad and feeling hopeless, maybe suicidal - not having a good time.

fw

 

Only when I'm depressed!

Posted by caraher on October 13, 2005, at 11:08:53

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

Then I berate myself for being selfish and get even more depressed.

 

Re: Hey Caraher! » caraher

Posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 11:14:03

In reply to Only when I'm depressed!, posted by caraher on October 13, 2005, at 11:08:53

How ya doing? Don't think I've seen you in awhile! Maybe I'm just missing your posts? Good to "see" you again!

fw

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is?

Posted by Angela2 on October 13, 2005, at 17:55:04

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

Yes I have noticed! I was actually going to post somwthing about that the other day. I actually wonder if it's depression or a personality trait. Who knows.

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » crazy teresa

Posted by Poet on October 13, 2005, at 18:00:59

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

Hi Crazy Theresa,

I just want people to leave me the alone when I am depressed. I don't think that's being selfish, quite the opposite.

I hate myself more when I am depressed and maybe that's why I don't feel selfish. I am not worth me, me, me moments. When I'm not depressed either.

Poet

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is?

Posted by daisym on October 13, 2005, at 19:34:38

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

I think it might be "self-centered" instead of selfish. It is hard to see other people's wants or needs when it is so dark and deep where you are. I tend to think of therapy as selfish -- the cost and the time and the amount of intraspection I do because of it. But I think it has also helped me to reach out beyond myself and share more of myself, good and bad, with other people.

I think depression is really misunderstood by people who haven't experienced it intensely. I'm still shocked by my inability to motivate myself into high gear and actually get something done. I think sometimes through sheer force of will I can pull out of it. I guess I don't have enough will-power.

I'll throw another question in here...Do you think suicide is selfish? I would have said yes a year ago -- my brother-in-law killed himself nearly 20 years ago now and my husband has never really dealt with it. I thought then he took the "easy" way out and I had no understanding of the pain he must have been in until now. I guess now I think of it again as "self-centered" but something that isn't done *to* other people, but without regard for them. Does that make sense?

 

(trigger above!) (nm)

Posted by daisym on October 13, 2005, at 19:36:41

In reply to Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by daisym on October 13, 2005, at 19:34:38

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » daisym

Posted by muffled on October 13, 2005, at 20:09:32

In reply to Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by daisym on October 13, 2005, at 19:34:38

> I think it might be "self-centered" instead of selfish. It is hard to see other people's wants or needs when it is so dark and deep where you are. I tend to think of therapy as selfish -- the cost and the time and the amount of intraspection I do because of it. But I think it has also helped me to reach out beyond myself and share more of myself, good and bad, with other people.

I think of therapy as selfish too. But then I remind myself that I did it for my kids too.
>
> I think depression is really misunderstood by people who haven't experienced it intensely. I'm still shocked by my inability to motivate myself into high gear and actually get something done. I think sometimes through sheer force of will I can pull out of it. I guess I don't have enough will-power.

Its not willpower, or lack of it. Its a sickness. I have been there. I don't remember too much, but I vaguely remember the complete and utter lack of ANYthing. Tired, unmotivated, I just didn't care. Its a scarey place. But its not forever. Please remember that. I have struggles and also joys. I could never have ever, ever imagined I would be where I am now. But here I am. I'm doing ok.
>
> I'll throw another question in here...Do you think suicide is selfish? I would have said yes a year ago -- my brother-in-law killed himself nearly 20 years ago now and my husband has never really dealt with it. I thought then he took the "easy" way out and I had no understanding of the pain he must have been in until now. I guess now I think of it again as "self-centered" but something that isn't done *to* other people, but without regard for them. Does that make sense?

No suicide is not done intentionally *to* others I wouldn't say. But the others don't see it that way.
Yes, it is without regard. Thats very clever distinction. And when your in the pit, its all you can see is black.
But I think you are an exceptionally caring person. I think this will carry you through this hell. I, at the last minute, thought of the mess for my loved ones. It was probably my ONLY rational thought at the time. Sometimes I think an angel saved me. But I paused, called crisis, allowed them to call cops, and I'm here today. And glad I am. Depression is hideous, but curable. Try to stay connected. Your depressed mind will try and trick you. You might not think right. Talk. Reach out. Don't let yourself isolate too far. I know its so hard. Mebbe you have others who will reach out to you cuz your too tired. Could you tell people to call you regularly? Hospitals not so bad. Good for a rest. No pressure. Good drugs! They feed you. You'll meet interesting people. It can give you a chance to get back on your feet a bit. But watch out for those p-docs! Mine was awful! Had a real special nurse though.
Muffled

 

About the hospital... » muffled

Posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 21:19:59

In reply to Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is? » daisym, posted by muffled on October 13, 2005, at 20:09:32

It's funny you should say that about the hospital. I've had moments when I think it would be a great place to be--like a vacation the insurance picks up! ;~}

 

Re: Have you noticed how selfish depression is?

Posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 21:29:51

In reply to Have you noticed how selfish depression is?, posted by crazy teresa on October 12, 2005, at 19:10:25

When one is REALLY in the depths of depression, the only thoughts are I'm so tired, I don't care, I can't do it, I should be better a better spouse/parent, if I felt better, I can't see any hope, I am worthless, I won't be missed, I should kill myself, I, I, I, I! The sole focus is one's personal hell.

I feel suicide is the ultimate selfish act. At the same time, it is the most sad.

 

Re: About the hospital... » crazy teresa

Posted by sleepygirl on October 13, 2005, at 22:58:17

In reply to About the hospital... » muffled, posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 21:19:59

I think that too sometimes, but then I know they're not really places you'd want to be at all unless you really had to.

 

True; it's just my fantasy escape from the grind. (nm) » sleepygirl

Posted by crazy teresa on October 14, 2005, at 16:03:56

In reply to Re: About the hospital... » crazy teresa, posted by sleepygirl on October 13, 2005, at 22:58:17

 

But its not the end of the world to go... (nm)

Posted by muffled on October 14, 2005, at 16:07:18

In reply to Re: About the hospital... » crazy teresa, posted by sleepygirl on October 13, 2005, at 22:58:17


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