Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 561254

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

circle of babble....'trauma' term

Posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

just reread my above post. i sound kind of out of it.
guess i'm feeling that way too.
...i'm scared of myself...i just want help. this day can't go fast enough, see pdoc tonight at 6:00.

what do you do when typical distractions don't work. i've tried treadmill, diving into work, journaling, painting. mostly i can't concentrate on any of them. i don't want S. but i can't stop thinking about it.
i have so many emotions about what happened. mostly i'm scared. i wish you babblers could make a big circle and i could just hide in the middle for a while.

i Hate the word Trauma. they keep saying that. i don't feel like what i went through was trauma. i think of trauma as a witness to a murder, being violently r@ped, living in a war zone, growing up around violent alcoholics.
i feel i don't deserve the term survivor and i especially hate the word victim.

can anyone relate?
b2c.

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 30, 2005, at 13:49:15

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

Hi b2c, I haven't posted to you before but I can totally relate. It's hardest to find a distraction when you need it the most! I'm a very audio-oriented person so I try to lose myself in some really good music - and it's got to be over headphones, can't be a stereo. But sometimes it's impossible to shut off the brain... if I can I try to plug in a movie. Comedies work best... one of my favorites for de-stressing is "Bruce Almighty"... or ANYTHING Monty Python.

There's always the good ol' mindnumbing distraction of computer games, too... I particularly like this one (good if you're bored at work too): http://www.widro.com/throwpaper.html

On the 'trauma' issue...
Trauma:
1 a : an injury (as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent <surgical trauma> b : a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from mental or emotional stress or physical injury
2 : an agent, force, or mechanism that causes trauma

Let me underline, *resulting from mental or emotional stress*. I had a hard time accepting that I was 'traumatized' (I used to laugh when my T said it), but really, a lot can fall under that label. It's purposefully vague. Heck, you can be traumatized by bad traffic! ;) Sorry, I'm not trying to be flip. Just hoping to make you feel better (maybe?). If I'm out of line just tell me to shut up.

Hang in there.

~ grey

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term

Posted by muffled on September 30, 2005, at 14:30:58

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

> just reread my above post. i sound kind of out of it.
> guess i'm feeling that way too.
> ...i'm scared of myself...i just want help. this day can't go fast enough, see pdoc tonight at 6:00.

I scare myself sometimes too.
>
> what do you do when typical distractions don't work. i've tried treadmill, diving into work, journaling, painting. mostly i can't concentrate on any of them. i don't want S. but i can't stop thinking about it.

I still think on it sometimes, but I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I'd never do it on purpose. More like accidentally on purpose. I don't REALLY think I'd do it though. I don't REALLY wanto die. I just want a break.

> i have so many emotions about what happened. mostly i'm scared. i wish you babblers could make a big circle and i could just hide in the middle for a while.

I'll circle around for you.
>
> i Hate the word Trauma. they keep saying that. i don't feel like what i went through was trauma. i think of trauma as a witness to a murder, being violently r@ped, living in a war zone, growing up around violent alcoholics.
> i feel i don't deserve the term survivor and i especially hate the word victim.
>
> can anyone relate?
> b2c.

I don't get that word either. Trauma for one is just a blip in life for another. I don't remember any 'trauma' yet I have the signs. My H. had a very strange upbringing and he's like so together. Go figger?

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica

Posted by Shortelise on September 30, 2005, at 14:32:58

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

I walk. And walk.

ShortE

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica

Posted by cricket on September 30, 2005, at 16:52:59

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13


> i Hate the word Trauma. they keep saying that.

Yeah me too.

A couple of sessions ago I told my therapist that I thought trauma and recovery was a load of popular culture bullsh**.

I said, "Everytime you say that I feel like we're on daytime television. I feel like Oprah's about to walk in here."

Nothing against Oprah of course.

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica

Posted by JenStar on September 30, 2005, at 19:45:52

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

B2, I don't know how to help, but I truly hope you'll be OK. I'm sorry I don't have anything more to offer, but for what's it worth, I'll stand in the babble circle with the others! :)

JenStar

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term

Posted by kerria on October 1, 2005, at 8:53:05

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

Hi B2chica,

i can totally relate to hating the terms- who wants to be a victim or have that in their past anyways. The first appt i had with my T i remember looking at the door and thinking why the heck would i see a T with 'trauma specialist' on the door. Accepting that whole idea is a really difficult thing, especially when there is so much that doesn't agree with being a victim or having a past like that. i remember how hard and unreal it was and still is sometimes. Even though there were flashbacks i didn't think that i belonged there. It was a scary place.

Even though it's difficult, try not to lose the distractions or give up anything that helps you cope. Life can still go on as ususal- you're ok.

Take care,
kerria

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica

Posted by Poet on October 1, 2005, at 12:29:37

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

Hi B2Chica,

Even though it could be argued that there are many levels of trauma, victimization and what entails being a survivor. I don't think of myself as any of these things.

How did things go with pdoc?

My distractions are bad ones- I binge drink or eat. Try long walks listening to music. A book on tape.

I think we need a circle of babble to hide in. I know I've needed to hide many times.

Poet

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica

Posted by Tamar on October 1, 2005, at 18:41:52

In reply to circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by B2chica on September 30, 2005, at 11:49:13

> ...i'm scared of myself...i just want help. this day can't go fast enough, see pdoc tonight at 6:00.

I hope your appointment with the p-doc went well.

> what do you do when typical distractions don't work. i've tried treadmill, diving into work, journaling, painting. mostly i can't concentrate on any of them. i don't want S. but i can't stop thinking about it.

When I’m finding it hard to distract myself it’s usually because my anxiety is worse than my depression. I find anxiety the hardest thing to deal with. I used to sleep a lot to deal with anxiety. More recently I’ve been trying to find comfort with my husband. Sometimes being held calms me down. It’s all about the physical warmth and contact. I don’t know if it would work for everyone; would it be worth trying?

> i have so many emotions about what happened. mostly i'm scared. i wish you babblers could make a big circle and i could just hide in the middle for a while.

I wish I could protect you and help you feel less scared. (((((B2C)))))

> i Hate the word Trauma. they keep saying that. i don't feel like what i went through was trauma. i think of trauma as a witness to a murder, being violently r@ped, living in a war zone, growing up around violent alcoholics.

It’s strange… I used to feel the same way. I felt I couldn’t call what happened to me ‘trauma’ because it wasn’t violent enough. No broken bones, no blood; what was I complaining about? I was just weak and foolish for minding so much about where a couple of guys put their hands and their penises. And I hated myself for being so weak. But… now I think, maybe I’m not weak. Maybe it feels so awful because it actually was awful.

I’ve read a lot of things about people who have gone through terrible experiences without feeling traumatised… and those people usually had good support at the time. But people who don't get good support at the time inevitably find things very difficult.

> i feel i don't deserve the term survivor and i especially hate the word victim.

There are no good words for this. It’s so hard to describe what these experiences do to our identities.

I’ve been thinking for a while about the way people talk about rape. They say things like ‘she was raped’ or ‘she was a rape victim’ or ‘her rapist fled the crime scene’ or stuff like that… and it means the focus is all on the woman; all the verbs centre around her as if she were the only character in the story, and the men fade into the background. I’ve stopped saying things like ‘I was raped.’ I prefer to say ‘A couple of men raped me.’ It puts the focus back onto them. *They* did it; I didn’t do it. It’s a small distinction in language, but it was the way I found of describing my experience in a way that makes sense to me. I think that’s a struggle that many people go through after experiencing something so very troubling.

I hope you’re feeling better soon.

Tamar

 

words I hate

Posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:08:39

In reply to Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica, posted by Tamar on October 1, 2005, at 18:41:52

survivor is at the top of my list, joined by victim and weirdly enough - rape. I have a hard time thinking of what happened to me as rape. I can cope with 'I was abused' or even 'traumatized' -- but...

And I hate 'beaten' -- don't ask me why. I describe it as being hit, hurt, slapped or even kicked (she winces) but I just can't tolerate it when my therapist says 'he beat you' -- I wonder why that is?

B2 - I'm with you about that circle. Maybe we could get a great big parachute and all grab the edges and go under together. I hope you are feeling better soon. Sometimes I feel like you are writing for me, which is scary.

 

Re: words I hate

Posted by antigua on October 2, 2005, at 7:04:36

In reply to words I hate, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:08:39

I don't like the words trauma, victim or survivor either. They just really send me off. I think it makes people pity me and that really makes me mad.

But the word I hate most is "wounded". A male T kept referring to me as that and that hurt the most. Not even sure why. Quit seeing him for that very reason. It's as if I would never get better (or at least he never indicated I could; I was irrevokably wounded in his eyes).
antigua

 

Re: words I hate » antigua

Posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 15:25:39

In reply to Re: words I hate, posted by antigua on October 2, 2005, at 7:04:36

hmmm...I like the word wounded more than traumatized. I feel like wounds heal and trauma is a frozen event that can't be undone.

Isn't it interesting how we all react to certain words?

 

Re: words I hate

Posted by 10derHeart on October 2, 2005, at 20:30:19

In reply to Re: words I hate » antigua, posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 15:25:39

Yeah...I was thinking that, too. It's quite different how we can react, depending on so many factors.

Like with me, I had zero childhood abuse or trauma (sorry for the word). Also no *obviously* traumatic events as an adult...yet again...some events (like terrible relationships) that happened starting at age 19 when my mom died, IMO, have deeply changed and hurt me, and led to the depression and other problems I have today. At least that's my theory, and my T. seems to go along with it. But at times, I feel I'm just weak, pathetic and wasting his and everyone's time.... you guys know that drill...

Anyway, my T. often uses "wounded" and likes to mention, "finding that [those] broken piece[s]" and honestly, I like it. It's comforting because I feel so very understood and validated, and like, well, like I have every right to be sitting there when he says it. He definitely gives off the 'vibe,' too, without having to come out and say it, that these wounds can be healed.

 

Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » Tamar

Posted by B2chica on October 3, 2005, at 9:48:42

In reply to Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term » B2chica, posted by Tamar on October 1, 2005, at 18:41:52

Tamar, you have such very good words for me.
that's exactly how i feel about trauma, no broken bones, no blood. just guys and their.....parts...
i do like what you do with the term rape, it does change the perspective. i can actually write that word now, maybe soon i can even say it outloud.

 

thank you all

Posted by B2chica on October 3, 2005, at 9:58:33

In reply to Re: circle of babble....'trauma' term, posted by kerria on October 1, 2005, at 8:53:05

you've helped me once more not feel so terribly alone.
niether my pdoc or T dropped me. i do feel releaved about that. good news is i had total breakdown on friday night. i would say i was crying but it was more like screaming with tears into my pillow for about an hour when my husband came home. i just couldn't stop no matter what, he called my T. my t was glad to hear me crying cuz i never really did much in session and he was concerned. i could barely talk and he had a hard time understanding me but i just couldnt stop crying, he said not to worry, and that it was 'music to my ears'. that it was very cathartic and i needed this, and to just keep letting it out.
i did.
he also suggested i take a xanax to help calm me down.
over an hour and half of scream/wailing and i was exhausted. that was the first time i've heard of anyone sweating from crying. but i think this was a major breakthrough for me.

anyway. i do feel better and when t was on phone he said that he will have total (!) control over my dbt therapy.
i prayed SO hard for that and i KNOW you babblers and good vibes helped make it happen.

you are so wonderful.
thank you from the bottom of my heart.
b2c.

 

Re: words I hate **trigger maybe**

Posted by antigua on October 3, 2005, at 12:20:37

In reply to Re: words I hate, posted by 10derHeart on October 2, 2005, at 20:30:19

o.k., you guys gave me another way to look at the word "wounded". (And I am such a word person, I like preciseness). I guess wounded to me is that little girl inside who is just way past being helped. I truly believe she has to be killed off because she can't be healed. I know the real word is she needs to be "integrated," but I just want her to be gone.
antigua

 

Re: words I hate **trigger maybe** » antigua

Posted by B2chica on October 3, 2005, at 12:42:40

In reply to Re: words I hate **trigger maybe**, posted by antigua on October 3, 2005, at 12:20:37

i can't believe you said those words, it's like out of my mouth...not too long ago i made progress in therapy by figuring out that when i want to kill myself, that i actually want to kill of the little girl, the sick, stupid, ugly,dumb one.

i want mine to be gone too.
b2c.

 

holy Sh*t, me too, exactly (nm)

Posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 12:57:01

In reply to Re: words I hate **trigger maybe** » antigua, posted by B2chica on October 3, 2005, at 12:42:40

 

Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger*

Posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:00:11

In reply to holy Sh*t, me too, exactly (nm), posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 12:57:01

The big (tough one) wants the little one to die so bad. I wrote that in my journal just awhile back. I don't think I need to integrate fortunately. I just think I need to let go,

 

But...

Posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:30:52

In reply to Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger*, posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:00:11

> The big (tough one) wants the little one to die so bad. I wrote that in my journal just awhile back. I don't think I need to integrate fortunately. I just think I need to let go,

I'm thinking that maybe the little one is not all bad. That maybe the tough one is a bully. I don't think either of them is all good or alll bad.

 

anyhow....

Posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:38:27

In reply to But..., posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:30:52

> > The big (tough one) wants the little one to die so bad. I wrote that in my journal just awhile back. I don't think I need to integrate fortunately. I just think I need to let go,
>
> I'm thinking that maybe the little one is not all bad. That maybe the tough one is a bully. I don't think either of them is all good or alll bad.

But its the strangest thing. Almost as soon as I dicovered them(my inner children)they went away? I don't know where they went? Or why? But my head is quiet now. Too quiet. I guess its good they are gone, cuz I think they were so in conflict. I was kinda used to the noise. The tension. Now I feel a little lost.

 

So where did they go? (nm)

Posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:41:30

In reply to anyhow...., posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:38:27

 

Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger* » muffled

Posted by antigua on October 4, 2005, at 8:25:39

In reply to Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger*, posted by muffled on October 3, 2005, at 13:00:11

That's interesting. I never thought about letting go of her. I've always thought she needed to be saved because she does have some good parts (she retains all the "feelings" and actually has control of the body--she's 6 or 7)and if she's gone, I'm left with the hard 10 year old who wants what is her due, no matter how she gets it or who she hurts.
The real little girl (#3)is the one hiding behind a chair, wide-eyed and innocent before all this happened, maybe just two or three years olds. My T says she is the one who has to grow up, to be brought to adulthood understanding what happened but able to live with it. She's my "self," according to my T.
antigua

 

Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger*

Posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 9:14:16

In reply to Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger* » muffled, posted by antigua on October 4, 2005, at 8:25:39

my little girl is about 9 and i hate her, she's needy, lonely, hurt, vulnerable (hate that word) and scared all the time.
i want to shake her and slap her and say 'just GET OVER IT', or to shut up. the other me says i/she deserved everything i/she got cuz that little girl was so stupid to let it happen, to not stop it. like i'm to blame for a screwed up childhood.

i used to think i needed her to realize she wasn't to blame (T's words) never thought of letting her go either. but i'd need to worry about the angry 15 year old that has so much pent up anger/rage. i think i need the little one to balance out the older one. maybe if i can deal with the older one first...??
b2c.

 

Young one being your self » antigua

Posted by littleone on October 4, 2005, at 15:51:15

In reply to Re: holy Sh*t, me too, exactly*trigger* » muffled, posted by antigua on October 4, 2005, at 8:25:39

> The real little girl (#3)is the one hiding behind a chair, wide-eyed and innocent before all this happened, maybe just two or three years olds. My T says she is the one who has to grow up, to be brought to adulthood understanding what happened but able to live with it. She's my "self," according to my T.

Hi antigua,

I had assumed that all the parts combined made up my self. I have trouble thinking that just one of them is my true self.

Could you please explain a bit further why you and your T thought that way. And why you thought it was the youngest part that is your self. Thanks.


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