Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 559858

Shown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?)

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

Okay. I have a session tomorrow and thereís something I really, REALLY donít want to talk about. Which means I NEED to talk about it (bleah). Which led me to ponder the reason I donít want to talk about it. Which in turn led me to an interesting realization. If yaíll donít mind being my guinea pigs Iíd like to bounce it off of the board. (big thing I like about PB, I can do this and no one Ė I hope Ė will think Iím strange) I am apologizing beforehand, this will be **LONG** as heck. Sorry.

In a nutshell. I have BPD. Occasionally I, well, have what can politely be termed fits and impolitely termed temper tantrums. Over trifles. In this case it was definitely a trifle (donít want to get into it, too embarrassing). Fueling the frustration was the fact that it was late afternoon and Iíd gotten up at 3:30 am, and only had 5 Ĺ hours of sleep the night before. So I ended up going ballistic over something insignificant and slamming things around and into walls, which scared my toddler son and infuriated my husband (scared him a little too), and ended up with me shaking and crying and wanting to seriously hurt myself. I had to beg my husband to hold me and to tell me to take my Risperdal (he did and I did).

He thinks we need to ďtalk about itĒ in our next joint session with my T. I donít see why we need to. I donít want to talk about it. I donít want to tell her about it. Which is very odd because I tell her many, many things. This struck me as a Big Red Flag so I thought about it for a while (Iím bored at work today and the network is very slow) and I came up with a bit of a ďeureka.Ē

Iíve always thought I had absolutely no transference with my T. Iíve had transference before Ė with male Ts (erotic, of course). But I figured that I have a perfectly proper, no-baggage-attached type of relationship with my current T. HoweverÖ it seems like thereís been a good bit of talk about transference lately so my mind has had the subject rolling around in the background. Iíve come to the conclusion that I *am* experiencing transference Ė maternal. I assumed with a maternal transference it would be obvious, like, literally wanting her to be my mother. Thatís not the case. But, Iím *reacting* to her like I would to my mother.

My mother is the type of person that has an inability to accept a reality other than her own. And she is the type to hold grudges. If I did anything she didnít like, she would hold it against me. For example, I was the most horrific teenager in the world, even though I made good grades, was highly involved in school activities and well-regarded by all of my teachers, and played multiple instruments, all because I liked boys and liked to talk on the phone. And had the audacity to need to be driven to competitions/ auditions. And oh yeah, wanted to wear the clothing the cool kids did. She wasnít overtly abusive, but there was a lot of emotional neglect going on. So Iíve been talking practically nonstop about her in sessions lately. Interestingly enough, I hardly mention my father even though he was somewhat physically abusive and cold to me. And thatís where my ďeurekaĒ comes into play. I talk about my relationship with my mother and the way she responded to me because my T then responds to my words in the manner I wish my mother would have responded to me when I was growing up. Does that make sense? My T is very sympathetic. She often says that she canít imagine a mother not being proud of a daughter like me. She expresses extreme empathy at situations where my mother *should* have been empathetic.

The downside of this is that I am starting to form a dynamic with her approaching that of the dynamic I have with my mother. Since I am getting positive reception from her, I donít want to tarnish her perceptions of me. I donít want to talk about the ďbadĒ things I do. Like Iím afraid it would constitute a slip-up and she would reject me. Therefore, I donít want to talk about what happened the other day. We have talked about painful, bad things before, and I always feel uncomfortable, like she should be upset with me. Then I change the subject as soon as I possibly can to something ďsafer.Ē

Does this make sense? Itís probably painfully obvious to everyone (uh, if you're still reading) and kinda sad that it took me this long to figure it out. <SIGH> But I thought Iíd run this by you all (since this board always seems to have so much thoughtful insight into these things!). Guess I definitely need to bring up not only what happened the other day, but the transference issue. Iím just not sure how or even where to begin...

~ grey

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?) Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by terrics on September 26, 2005, at 21:05:47

In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

Hi, It seems as though you do have transference as you say. If she is so kind why wouldn't you bring the screaming incident up? She is probably non-judgemental and to discuss it with her and your husband together might be helpful to your husband too. I am dxd borderline too. You do not sound very borderline...good grads, playing instruments, etc. I guess if we have tantrums then we are borderline. Hope things go well no matter what you decide. terrics

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?) Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 6:17:30

In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

Hi Grey,

I had a few temper-tantrums when I was very depressed and itís a horrible feeling, so I sympathise. I also wanted to hurt myself (it was either myself or someone elseÖ). And it was always over something insignificant. I also *really* didnít want to talk about it because I was so ashamed of it and I was so worried about what my therapist might think of me. But he was brilliant. He asked me a few hard questions that were painful to answer, but he also got me to think about why I reacted the way I did and that helped a lot. In my case I was always triggered by something and I completely lost the plot. Iíve learned to recognise those triggers now and Iím getting better at articulating my reactions in words, and Iíve talked about it a lot with my husband, so he has more idea of what my triggers are and why I react the way I do. We usually manage to avert a full tantrum nowadays. So I do think talking about it in therapy can be very helpful.

I think youíre absolutely right about the transference. And it makes perfect sense that you would worry about how your therapist will respond to this. Iím glad youíve already experienced her as accepting, because I hope you will be able to believe that she wonít hold it against you. If anything, I imagine she will feel compassion for you because she will understand that this is very difficult for you, and I imagine she will be impressed at your courage in talking about it.

You say youíre sad that it took you a long time to figure it out, but I think these things conceal themselves. It does take time to figure them out. And youíre obviously making good progress because youíve been able to figure it out. So donít be too hard on yourself!

As for how to beginÖ maybe you could start by saying thereís something you want to talk about but youíre worried about how she might react. Or something like that. And maybe, if itís possible, it might be helpful for you to talk to her about it before your joint session with your husband. I imagine that saying it all in front of him could be quite difficult.

I hope it goes well.

Tamar

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ terrics

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 27, 2005, at 9:36:47

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?) Ľ greyskyeyes, posted by terrics on September 26, 2005, at 21:05:47

> You do not sound very borderline...good grads, playing instruments, etc. I guess if we have tantrums then we are borderline.

No, it's more complex than that. I'm high-functioning. But I fit all of the criteria for BPD and was dx'd that in 2 psychological analyses 10 years apart.

I agree however that the BPD diagnosis is tossed around way too readily. In many cases, if you are a woman and don't have a clear-cut dx (e.g., depression, anorexia), then many doctors will slap that label on you out of frustration. Unfortunately there is a definite stigma attached to it, I would say partly due to overdiagnosis and mostly due to misunderstanding.

I was "fired" by a pdoc for not responding to his treatments - he treated me as bipolar (which almost killed me when he pulled me off of the antidepressant... I am also MDD) and just kept upping my dosages when they didn't work. On my way out the door he snidely remarked that I obviously had some sort of a personality disorder and belonged in an in-patient program (thank you, Dr. Sensitive). Subsequent testing revealed that the BPD diagnosis still applied (originally dx'd in high school). I am fortunate to have (finally) found a pdoc who has worked with borderlines before and doesn't have any preconceived notions about how to treat them - vital since there is no one-size-fits-all treatment. In my case I'm kept relatively stable with an anti-depressant/ mood stabilizer/ anti-psychotic (as needed) combination and twice-a-week therapy.

Oh I am so long-winded. Sorry. I do appreciate your thoughts Terrics... thanks for the support.

~ grey

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 27, 2005, at 9:55:50

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?) Ľ greyskyeyes, posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 6:17:30

>>> I had a few temper-tantrums when I was very depressed and itís a horrible feeling, so I sympathise. I also wanted to hurt myself (it was either myself or someone elseÖ). And it was always over something insignificant. I also *really* didnít want to talk about it because I was so ashamed of it and I was so worried about what my therapist might think of me.

Yeah, that's *exactly* it. Wow, it's nice to feel understood. :) The feeling of wanting to hurt someone else is the hardest to deal with, I think. And yes, it does feel so shameful to have these impulses, and to "lose it" over something insignificant. It's bad enough to have my family witness it, I don't want my T to know... kinda funny, huh, I tell her everything else.

>>> In my case I was always triggered by something and I completely lost the plot. Iíve learned to recognise those triggers now

But it's so *hard*! <whines> It's easy enough to talk about it but another thing to be in the moment. The recognition is the hardest thing for me and I so need to work on it. How do you manage to remain calm?

>>> and Iím getting better at articulating my reactions in words, and Iíve talked about it a lot with my husband, so he has more idea of what my triggers are and why I react the way I do.

Sigh... my husband is a very understanding and loving man but he just doesn't seem to understand this. I feel as though he thinks I do it on purpose. I was "in remission" for the first 10 years of our relationship, so this is still relatively new to him. He is supportive but deep down, I think he still has a hard time understanding mental illness and seemingly irrational responses. But that's what joint sessions are for, right?

>>> Iím glad youíve already experienced her as accepting, because I hope you will be able to believe that she wonít hold it against you. If anything, I imagine she will feel compassion for you because she will understand that this is very difficult for you, and I imagine she will be impressed at your courage in talking about it.

Thank you, that actually makes me (almost) feel confident. There's a part of me that believes this, but there's still that (little girl) part of me that screams No, she won't understand, she'll reject us and then there will we be? And that my self-worth will lie on the floor in shreds.

>>> As for how to beginÖ maybe you could start by saying thereís something you want to talk about but youíre worried about how she might react.

Hmmm, good idea.

>>> it might be helpful for you to talk to her about it before your joint session with your husband. I imagine that saying it all in front of him could be quite difficult.

Yeah. I think I'm going to bring everything up today. Whoa this is going to be an interesting session. Ack. Cross your fingers for me.

Thank you for your support Tamar... you are very insightful. :)

~ grey

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?) Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by fairywings on September 27, 2005, at 12:36:12

In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

Hi grey,

I've had my little tantrums too, and I'm not very proud of them either. It's hard to admit to anyone, even a T that we go "ballistic". Is part of your fear telling her that you scared your toddler? I know my kids have steered clear of me when I'm in a snit, and I wouldn't want to admit it.

I can see where you wouldn't want your T to think less you you, but we all have our moments. We all have our weaknesses. If you didn't, you wouldn't need her. Let her help you with this one, even if you have to feel your way along, leaving out some details here and there, finding out which ones feel safe and adding them as you go. Admit up front you're embarrassed, she'll understand how bad you feel, she's been great so far, she won't reject you.

fw

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge

Posted by fairywings on September 27, 2005, at 12:48:07

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge, posted by greyskyeyes on September 27, 2005, at 9:55:50

> Sigh... my husband is a very understanding and loving man but he just doesn't seem to understand this. I feel as though he thinks I do it on purpose. I was "in remission" for the first 10 years of our relationship, so this is still relatively new to him. He is supportive but deep down, I think he still has a hard time understanding mental illness and seemingly irrational responses. But that's what joint sessions are for, right?

Hi Grey,

After I read this it occurred to me that the stress of my "illness" didn't overwhelm me until after the birth of our 4th child, then it was just too much for me, and I've been overwhelmed so, so much of the time since then. The point I'm trying to make is that being a mom can be so overwhelming, maybe that's part of the difficulty when you get stressed out. My husband is also very loving, kind, and patient, but sometimes I think he thinks he has just one more child on his hands - when I'm in tears, when I'm complaining about my past, when I'm pitching a fit. LOL (of course he can be a kid too, but...)

I think it's great that you have joint sessions, but my T told me not to ask my husband's opinions on what's going on with me when things are going wrong because he said that he just doesn't understand "these things". I still talk to him about things, just don't let him tell me there's something wrong with me.

fw


 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by terrics on September 27, 2005, at 22:52:12

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ terrics, posted by greyskyeyes on September 27, 2005, at 9:36:47

Hi Grey, Well it is nice to see another borderline who doesn't truely fit the 'pattern'.
I was dxd at 48.and cried for hrs. Oh well. I have been doing DBT for a year and a half. It doesn't make me feel better, but it does help me behave better. ( I guess I do fit the pattern because I meet 8 of the 9 criteria). Oh well there is nothing like denial. I am also bipolar and that is what I am medicated for. UGH to it all. terrics

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?)

Posted by Shortelise on September 28, 2005, at 0:37:35

In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

I can really sympathize with you.

My T has done a lot fo the "good parenting" I missed out on, and I have also been afraid to tell him the bad things. But I have. And he has been there, the same kind, understanding man as always.

Parents shouldn't stop lovong a child because that child does something bad. Just as we shouldn't reject a friend who makes a mistake or a lover, doctor, pet who makes a mistake. What the T can do is model good behaviour for us to learn from. So, you can expect her to be as kind and gentle and understanding as she usually is. Imagine that!! To be treated with kindness even when you've been bad! It's amazing. I kept waiting and waiting for the penny to drop, and although my T and I disagree on some things, it never has.

This was a very rich time for me in therapy when I got there. I am a BPD also, also high functioning, and therapy has helped so much. I don't have nearly as many snits as I used to, haven't had a meltdown in a long time.

ShortE

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 9:38:02

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge, posted by fairywings on September 27, 2005, at 12:48:07

>>> After I read this it occurred to me that the stress of my "illness" didn't overwhelm me until after the birth of our 4th child, then it was just too much for me, and I've been overwhelmed so, so much of the time since then. The point I'm trying to make is that being a mom can be so overwhelming, maybe that's part of the difficulty when you get stressed out.

Oh you definitely got that right. Unfortunately, it only took 1 child for me to get this way! Unfortunately, my son often IS the trigger for me. I adore him beyond all possible words, but toddlers can be so irrational and frustrating! We've had to scrap our plans for more children because he has been so overwhelming for me.

How do you do it with 4??? Wow. I am so impressed! I would have run screaming into the woods by now. How old are they?

>>>My husband is also very loving, kind, and patient, but sometimes I think he thinks he has just one more child on his hands - when I'm in tears, when I'm complaining about my past, when I'm pitching a fit. LOL (of course he can be a kid too, but...)

Yes on both!! He does treat me like a child sometimes... but boy can HE act like one! :) Guess that's every relationship though!

>>> I think it's great that you have joint sessions, but my T told me not to ask my husband's opinions on what's going on with me when things are going wrong because he said that he just doesn't understand "these things". I still talk to him about things, just don't let him tell me there's something wrong with me.

That's a great point. It was hard even dragging him into therapy with me in the first place. He encourages me to go, he just has a hard time with it himself. I wonder if it's a male thing? :D Although don't you think it's important to emphasize the biological nature of what's going on? That way they're less accusational...

Last year I got him to see someone recommended by my T, and the 4 of us would also have joint sessions. I think he mostly discussed me in his private sessions! But the good thing was that, through the joint sessions his T got to know me very well (he's the one that did my assessment) so he was able to use the private sessions to explain to my husband much of what was going on. Show him the other side of the fence, so to speak.

I guess that's a major component of the problem... if you haven't experienced it then you don't fully understand. That we don't do what we do because we want to... that our reactions are the result of ingrained patterns developed a long time ago, or biological anomalies, or both.

~ grey

 

above for fw, sorry (nm)

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 9:45:39

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge, posted by fairywings on September 27, 2005, at 12:48:07

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ Shortelise

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 9:57:43

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by Shortelise on September 28, 2005, at 0:37:35

Meltdowns ARE a lot rarer these days, so I guess therapy is helping. It's just such a slow process.

I asked myself last night, what's the point of this? I tell her things, she responds and validates my feelings, doesn't reject me, it feels nice, woo hoo but where am I going to go from there? But you're right... modeling good behavior is just what we need. We learned our responses and coping mechanisms through exposure to improper behavior, so exposure to good behavior, to caring and kindness, enables us to unlearn the negative and then relearn responses that are positive. (does that make sense? I need more coffee) Again, it's a slow process... but so was it a slow process to learn the original behavior.

Thank you ShortE, you really seem to understand me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. :)

~ grey

 

Update

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 10:16:47

In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21

Well, I bit the bullet and did it. First I brought up the transference issue... which is huge for me because I'm generally very uncomfortable discussing my feelings towards a person with that person. She smiled and let me know that it was completely normal. Heck, we hardly discussed it beyond that - she didn't make a big deal out of it. Which was actually quite nice.

Then we discussed the meltdown (to borrow ShortE's term). After my description of the entire episode (while staring at her bookshelf the whole time... for some reason I always look at the book titled "Ordeal Therapy"! LOL), she immediately pointed out... gasp... the positives! I hadn't thought there were any. Things I didn't do that I would have done in the past. Going to my husband for help - usually I isolate myself. Not hurting myself. Calming down (for me) quickly. Her response completely blew me out of the water. I think she could sense it, because she asked how my parents would respond to negative situations. Well, they would emphasize the negative in ANY situation - for example, a report card with 6 A's and 1 B would result in inquiries as to why I didn't get an A, criticism of my study habits and threats to reduce phone time.

Then we discussed the why of the situation, the order of events, what was going on in my mind. And the entire time I did not feel judged, or disapproved of. It's so strange. I've been seeing her for 16 months and I know, intellectually, that she *won't* reject me, and yet in my heart I always feel it. Like on some level she'll disapprove but won't express it. I guess trust is still an issue for me. We discussed that too.

So... all in all, a powerful session. Amazingly, I did not turn into a waterworks. Thank you all for your thoughts/ insight/ support. Whew. Mountains out of molehills, anyone? :)

~ grey

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by fairywings on September 28, 2005, at 10:31:26

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge, posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 9:38:02

Our kids range in age from 2 - 15! ; ) Our 2 year old is extremely hyper, he goes non-stop, I mean NON-STOP from 6:30 AM until 10:00 or 10:30 PM. If you put him to bed before he's ready he vomits because he's just too wound up. We try to wind him down, but you have to see it to believe it. He screeches a lot too, and I get bad migraines, sometimes lasting 2, 4, 6 days. So my patience gets very thin.

If we'd had him first, I can't imagine we'd have had 4. You'll know if and when you can handle more. If you only have 1, then that's okay too, you'll be a great mom to him, and love him with all your heart. I'm so proud of you and your husband for putting so much into the counseling and trying so hard to work through all of this. That's so incredible.

My hubby doesn't treat me like a child, but sometimes I think he must think I act like one. He's so patient, he'd never say anything to me. My husband didn't want to go to therapy either, he'd go for me, but not for him. He'd go for the family, but again, not for him. But I don't think he needs it, he's pretty together. Of course who couldn't use a little insight?!

It's great if his T can explain what's going on with you so that your husband can understand it. My husband has offered to go, but I don't want him to. So far I don't think there's anything he needs to understand that I haven't explained that he hasn't accepted. I have ADD, our kids have ADD, I also have anxiety and severe migraines. He seems to understand pretty well, and he's good about it. Besides, "that's MINE!!!!! Mine! Do you hear me Mine! Get offa my therapy!" stomp, stomp, stomp! thumb in mouth, pout! LOL When he asked if he could go, I said, "No you can't go to MY therapy!" He said, "Okay, all I did was ask!" LOL Poor guy was just trying to help! ; )

fw

 

Re: Update Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by fairywings on September 28, 2005, at 10:34:58

In reply to Update, posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 10:16:47

Awesome! Good for you for being so brave and great that she was so accepting!
fw

 

Re: Update Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:40:57

In reply to Update, posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 10:16:47

Congratulations! terrics

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ fairywings

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 11:44:19

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ greyskyeyes, posted by fairywings on September 28, 2005, at 10:31:26

Wow. Toddlers have enough energy as it is, I can understand why you would get migraines. My sister is ADHD and autistic so I've seen it in action before. You get dizzy watching them!

My son has really been a joy. He was such a good baby, I was AFRAID to have more because with my luck they would be the polar opposite! Then all my issues kicked in and made the thought of having more an ill-advised idea anyways. But it's OK, I'm actually quite at peace with the thought. Couldn't afford more anyways! ;)

Frankly, I can't imagine how I would have been affected had he not been such a good baby. My T slipped once and said most mothers would leap at the chance to have a child like him... she immediately felt bad and apologized profusely - I think she was speaking as a mother and not as a T! :) Now, he's an extremely sensitive little boy but probably 'normal' as far as behavior goes.

That's sweet that your husband would go to therapy for you. Many men wouldn't even do that. As for being patient and not saying anything... wow that sounds like a dream. He's a keeper. :) My husband seems to lose patience as time goes by. :(

My husband's T actually isn't practicing anymore... shame because he was **really** good. He had to stop for personal reasons. Oh, and he was *hot* so it was nice to have therapy eye candy! :D I am terrible.

I guess I am a bit territorial about my T too! We were originally going to have my husband periodically come to my sessions, but the one week we did that I thought I was going to climb up the wall having only one session to myself! They're both mine! Nyah! So we added an extra session every other week.

~ grey

 

Re: Update Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by Shortelise on September 28, 2005, at 12:02:45

In reply to Update, posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 10:16:47

Told ya so!

:-)

ShortE

PS it wasn't a molehill, it really was a mountain, and a hard one. And you faced it. Brava!

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by fairywings on September 28, 2005, at 16:38:54

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ fairywings, posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 11:44:19


>
> Frankly, I can't imagine how I would have been affected had he not been such a good baby. My T slipped once and said most mothers would leap at the chance to have a child like him... she immediately felt bad and apologized profusely - I think she was speaking as a mother and not as a T! :) Now, he's an extremely sensitive little boy but probably 'normal' as far as behavior goes.

My EX-T actually had the balls to say to me once, "I have a patient who has just the opposite problem as you, she LOVES being a mom!"
That really hurt! I'll never forget it. I don't know if he realized what he was saying, or if it was an intentional jab, but I wanted to twist his w**nie! ; )

>
>
Oh, and he was *hot* so it was nice to have therapy eye candy! :D I am terrible.

Hey, what's wrong with that? Better than having to look at .... well, not eye candy! ; ) Did it every make you wonder what they were like at home, as a couple?

>
> So we added an extra session every other week.
>

I'm with ya on that one, no sharing sessions, but there's NO way I'd share my T either! ; ) He's MINE! Mine ya here me?! MINE! I don't want anyone else "tainting" my stuff with their stuff! LOL
fw

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ fairywings

Posted by greyskyeyes on September 29, 2005, at 9:19:51

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ greyskyeyes, posted by fairywings on September 28, 2005, at 16:38:54

>>> My EX-T actually had the balls to say to me once, "I have a patient who has just the opposite problem as you, she LOVES being a mom!" That really hurt! I'll never forget it. I don't know if he realized what he was saying, or if it was an intentional jab, but I wanted to twist his w**nie! ; )

OMG!! That is so insensitive. Aren't they supposed to learn *not* to say those kinds of things in T school? What did you do? I would have walked out! (possibly with a w**nie twist on the way out the door, LOL)

> Oh, and he was *hot* so it was nice to have therapy eye candy! :D I am terrible.
>>> Hey, what's wrong with that? Better than having to look at .... well, not eye candy! ; ) Did it every make you wonder what they were like at home, as a couple?

All the time! I imagined that he must be the perfect husband/ father. Which of course can't be true, but you know how fantasies go... :) His son is only a few months older than ours, so we were able to compare kid notes. It was nice to relate to him on a parent-to-parent level occasionally (he was so jealous of the fact that our son started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks... as of 1 year his son STILL wasn't! nyah nyah)

>>> I'm with ya on that one, no sharing sessions, but there's NO way I'd share my T either! ; ) He's MINE! Mine ya here me?! MINE! I don't want anyone else "tainting" my stuff with their stuff! LOL

Mmmm, I can understand that. I was hesitant at first - partly b/c I'm afraid she might unintentionally have a bias. Also b/c she's very soft-spoken and always lets me set the pace, whereas my husband can get very excited and emotional - sometimes he needs to be reined in! His former T was great with that... my T tends to let him run rampant but luckily she's starting to get the hang of 'handling' him. ;)

I actually like sharing, b/c she knows me and knows what's going on behind the issues that come up. So I don't feel paranoid that she thinks I'm psychotic or something. And I can tell *my* version in private. :D

~ grey

 

Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge

Posted by fairywings on September 29, 2005, at 21:20:01

In reply to Re: Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigge Ľ fairywings, posted by greyskyeyes on September 29, 2005, at 9:19:51


> OMG!! That is so insensitive. Aren't they supposed to learn *not* to say those kinds of things in T school? What did you do? I would have walked out! (possibly with a w**nie twist on the way out the door, LOL)
>
I didn't DO anything, it didn't "hit" me till later, and then I thought, "hey, wait a minute!" He said other mean things to me too. Some of them worse than that. I think they were either manipulative, or he had negative countertransference or something, I don't know. I'd say he was nice about 90% of the time, harsh 5%, mean 5%. It was weird, but I liked him anyway, still do, he's just different. I work with one of his partners now, and I like the partner much better as a T.


> >
>
> All the time! I imagined that he must be the perfect husband/ father. Which of course can't be true, but you know how fantasies go... :)(he was so jealous of the fact that our son started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks... as of 1 year his son STILL wasn't! nyah nyah)

Yeah, fantasies.....ahhhh......; ) Your son slept through at 7 weeks?! NONE of ours slept through till 18 months! 2 of them until they were 2! I didn't get a full nights sleep for, I don't know, like 8 years!

>
> >>>
>
> Mmmm, I can understand that. I was hesitant at first - partly b/c I'm afraid she might unintentionally have a bias. whereas my husband can get very excited and emotional - sometimes he needs to be reined in! luckily she's starting to get the hang of 'handling' him. ;)
>

It's good that she can see HE gets emotional, so she can see that it's not all you! ; )


> So I don't feel paranoid that she thinks I'm psychotic or something. And I can tell *my* version in private. :D
>
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, makes you have more of a sense of security. My husband isn't at all emotional, he's calm, calm, calm, just like my T. He really could be a T, but then I'd be jealous, so forget that! ; ) LOL

fw

 

Re: Update Ľ greyskyeyes

Posted by Tamar on October 1, 2005, at 17:28:18

In reply to Update, posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 10:16:47

Iím glad the session went well. Discussing the positives of the Ďmeltdowní sounds really important; it must have been quite a relief! It feels great when therapists donít reject us, doesnít it?

Tamar



This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.