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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 27, 2005, at 1:24:08
ok, when I first started seeing this therapist, she said to me, "I want you to call me whenever you need to, give yourself permission to feel needy and vulnerable, I went through 12 years of therapy..." So, one day, no, honestly, it was two, I called her, and she said she counted 14 times. I was a mess, I was in a bad environment, and I was desperate - obviously lol I had never taken advantage of this before - ever.
So I let her have it, I posted on this once somewhere. I made amends, she accepted me back and was "pleased to hear from me". The interval between my decision to give her another try, a good friend said, "So, she changed the rules on you in the middle of the game - so to speak, that's not right - she is sick - find another therapist."
So I don't listen to what others said about her, I was in a sober living home and one night after seeing her, I told her I took extra medication that night to help me sleep, just like a doctor would tell me to do, if I called my doc. She ended up calling the paramedics b/c "I was slurring my words" - she wouldn't stop calling me that night. The house manager, the house mother, and my friend here were all saying "get rid of her". Well, for some reaon my gut was saying, take a break. Not sure how I ended up realizing I needed to think for myself. It seems like I made the right decision and am continuing seeing her - sometimes twice a week.
So, in conclusion, did she actually "change the rules in the middle of the game"? and if so, why do you think tht is? There's more, but this is the jist. I told her I felt she had some countertransference going on, she said nothing, but when I told her I think she needs to own her feelings, she acknowledged that and said, "I feel I am owning my feelings".
So, quiet when one statement, defending herself with the second.
What gives on this? She's a doll, just something that happened a few months ago and wanted to see if I could get input.
Thank you.
please any comments welcomed.Thanks for reading if you did.
Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 6:57:42
In reply to Is this changing the rules?, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 27, 2005, at 1:24:08
Hmmm… I’m trying to see this from all possible angles.
Is it OK if I rephrase? It seems you feel she let you down. You’d been in therapy for 12 years and never called her, despite her assurance that you could call her whenever you needed to. And then one time when you were desperate you felt you needed her and you called her 14 times in two days. She said this was too much and you were angry so you left therapy.
Then you apologised and she was pleased to hear from you and you went back into therapy with her. One night you couldn’t sleep and took medication to help, but she called you and then called the paramedics because she thought you’d taken too much medication (or perhaps she thought you’d taken inappropriate medication). And then the same night she called you repeatedly, apparently because she was concerned about you. Your friends, and other people, thought her responses to you were inappropriate.
You felt she was experiencing countertransference; she neither confirmed nor denied your suspicions but she did say she believed she was owning her feelings.
Is that about right? I just wanted to be sure I understood correctly.
From your point of view, I can see why you would be angry. I can see that you might feel the rules and the boundaries are unclear. And I think it’s her job to make sure you know what the rules and the boundaries are. There seems to have been a bit of a discrepancy between your expectations and hers, and I think it would be wise to clarify things with her. Are you allowed to contact her outside of therapy? Can you call her only during the working day, or can you call her evenings and weekends? She needs to be clear about what the rules are so that you can respect those rules.
From her point of view, I can imagine that receiving 14 phone calls in two days might have been a bit overwhelming, especially when you’d never called her before in 12 years. Perhaps that wasn’t what she was expecting when she told you that you could call her whenever you need to. If that’s the case, perhaps she needs to be clear about when you can call, or how often.
How long is it since you went back to therapy with her? It sounds as if your break from therapy is still an important issue for you, and probably one that you might discuss with her.
It sounds to me as if she has a genuine concern for you. I don’t know about whether she’s experiencing countertransference but if you’ve raised the possibility I’m sure she will think about it (even if she doesn’t discuss it with you or acknowledge it to you). If she is indeed experiencing countertransference, I imagine she will seek consultation with a colleague if she’s a good therapist.
But there’s also a possibility that you are experiencing a transference reaction, independent of any countertransference on her part. I wonder if that’s something worth exploring in therapy. I think situations that lead to feelings of anger can be quite useful (if difficult to handle) in therapy, because so often there can be transference reactions involved. And even if your anger is justified to some extent, it can be a useful means of moving forward, though it does take quite a bit of bravery to face it.
I hope that’s a little helpful. Let me know if I’ve misunderstood anything and I’ll have another think about it.
Tamar
Posted by Shortelise on September 27, 2005, at 11:54:26
In reply to Is this changing the rules?, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 27, 2005, at 1:24:08
Just to add to what Tamar has written, T's worry about their clients. For a client to die is dreadful for a T - we are "in their care". If you called her, and you sounded as though you might have taken too much medication, and if she thought you might have taken enough to really hurt you, of course she would call over and over again until she was completely assured that you were ok. If she had done any differently, I would question her competence.
((butterfly))
Posted by fairywings on September 27, 2005, at 13:29:41
In reply to Is this changing the rules?, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 27, 2005, at 1:24:08
I don't know if she changed the rules, went overboard maybe with the non-stop phone calls to you and the house mother and house manager. I think a lot of T's would have left it at calling the paramedics and maybe a follow up call to you to see how you were doing the next day. Maybe she was concerned because you were in a sober living house and your words were slurred.
If, on the other hand, she's admitted to some countertransference, then you have to decide how comfortable you are with that. Do you feel dependent on her? Is it a healthy relationship?
fw
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