Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 559110

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Re: too much information! Ľ luvdove

Posted by Tamar on September 25, 2005, at 17:27:28

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by luvdove on September 25, 2005, at 0:24:53

Thanks, Luvdove,

The idea of driving past his house is scary enough; I canít imagine actually setting foot in the place!

It was nice that your therapist thanked you for telling her! She sounds great. Yeah, youíre right, I do still feel I want to feel close to him. Itís been six months since we finished therapy and I still miss him a lot at timesÖ

Iíll post if I actually do the drive!

Tamar

 

Re: too much information! Ľ crazy teresa

Posted by Tamar on September 25, 2005, at 17:36:31

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 10:56:34

> Only an address and phone #? I just knew you were going to say that a pic popped up on your screen and he was naked!!! I'm sooo disappointed! LOL!!!

Naked! A pic of my therapist naked! Ooooh, Iím getting all goosebumpyÖ

Now *Iím* disappointedÖ After all, if he was going to allow his home address and phone number to appear on the internet, he might as well have added a naked pic!

Your post made me laugh so hard!

> Do the drive-by. Just don't get out and write dirty words in the yard with Roundup... ;~}

Iíll try to restrain myself!

> Actually, I would think on some level they should expect us to be curious. That comes up in everyday conversations between people regularly. I'm very shocked that so many people seem to know my house when I explain where it is and I'm nobody!

I guess so. I suppose Iíve been trying to think about how Iíd feel in his situation. Iím a teacher and I donít think Iíd feel comfortable if my students found out where I live. But maybe itís a bit differentÖ

> Drive thru the DQ, get a chocolate shake and savor the drive!

Good plan! I really like the part about the chocolate shake!

Tamar


 

You crack me up! Savor my nakedness??? Ľ fairywings

Posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 19:32:01

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ crazy teresa, posted by fairywings on September 25, 2005, at 16:59:47

Savor my nakedness??? That could take WEEKS!!!!

While we're at it, let's just all meet in this T's yard, shake our nakedness and hump his trees!

That is quite a visual, is it not? ROFL!!!

 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 19:37:14

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ crazy teresa, posted by Tamar on September 25, 2005, at 17:36:31

But you'd be ok with your students knowing where you lived once they were all grown up, wouldn't you?

 

Re: too much information! Ľ luvdove

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 25, 2005, at 21:24:43

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by luvdove on September 25, 2005, at 0:24:53

>>I asked her if she though it a 'stalker' thing to do and she said of course not, I think it's natural to be curoius and/or want to feel close to our T's when we can't see them...

Thanks so much for posting that - you just saved me embarrassment from asking my therapist!! hehe :) Seriously! Sometimes I wonder if these people go into the MFT/PsyD., whatnot field to get that feeling from their clients to make them feel good, and I say that in all due respect, just my thoughts pondering....

 

Re: too much information! Ľ crazy teresa

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 25, 2005, at 21:25:48

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 10:56:34


>
> Drive thru the DQ, get a chocolate shake and savor the drive!
>
> crazy t

LMBO!!!
This thread is awesome!

 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 25, 2005, at 21:34:14

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ ButterflyHigh, posted by Tamar on September 25, 2005, at 17:23:40

> > What I really want to know is what heís reading at the moment, what kind of music he likes, what kind of social/political views he hasÖ Iím a sad b*tch.

Welp nice to meet you lol cuz you took the words right out of my mouth concerning the above re: what our t's are doing, today my t called me and music was playing in the background like she was obviously driving, and I was wondering what she was doing on this Sunday afternoon. lol The thing is, she discloses some about herself, gave me a website she is on,which explains her background a little, so there is no mystery really.
I almost lost my current t b/c of anger :( Long story, I did apologize and called her in utter despair a few weeks ago asking if I could come back in and she allowed me to, and last session said, "I was pleased to hear from you" something no other therapist would have ever said to me, as well as making me feel good, that's important. Why is it sometimes, "it's all about the client in therapy", sometimes makes me feel even more frustrated - ya know I would hope one would want to know a bit about the person who is helping them take control of their life lol. Call me picky, but I don't think so lol!
:)

Smoke break! lol So much on this board.

 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by Shortelise on September 25, 2005, at 23:07:53

In reply to too much information!, posted by Tamar on September 24, 2005, at 18:15:10

I hope you can tell him you gooled him and got his home address and phone number. He surely doesn't know it's there.

ShortE

 

Or maybe he does... (nm)

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 26, 2005, at 0:32:06

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by Shortelise on September 25, 2005, at 23:07:53

 

Re: You crack me up! Savor my nakedness??? Ľ crazy teresa

Posted by fairywings on September 26, 2005, at 2:42:13

In reply to You crack me up! Savor my nakedness??? Ľ fairywings, posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 19:32:01

OMG, they'd freaking lock us up! The poor T'd be scared for life, agoraphobic, and no longer able to practice! LOL

On 2nd thought, better not do that drive by! ; )
fw

 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by fairywings on September 26, 2005, at 2:53:36

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ ButterflyHigh, posted by Tamar on September 25, 2005, at 17:23:40

Hi Tamar,

I think it's perfectly normal to want to "get to know" your T as a person, "what makes them tick", and that doesn't make you a sad bi*ch. Knowing what books they read, or what their political views are, or what kind of music he likes is great to help you understand their POV. What's the harm in asking?

My T told me last week it didn't have to all be about making progress, and that we could talk about anything, he's also told me I could ask about him. He has a lot of artwork in his office that's intriuged me, maybe I'll ask. I was going to share my artwork with him, but I won't share my music, he probably wouldn't like it - current rap, R&B, Teen Pop...my kids stuff, I love it.
fw

 

Re: You crack me up! Savor my nakedness??? Ľ crazy teresa

Posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:16:54

In reply to You crack me up! Savor my nakedness??? Ľ fairywings, posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 19:32:01

> Savor my nakedness??? That could take WEEKS!!!!
>
> While we're at it, let's just all meet in this T's yard, shake our nakedness and hump his trees!
>
> That is quite a visual, is it not? ROFL!!!

Iím loving this idea! Yeah, letís all meet at my ex-Tís house and dance around his garden naked. That should freak him out! Has anyone seen the movie "The Wicker Man"?

 

Re: too much information! Ľ ButterflyHigh

Posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:21:10

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 25, 2005, at 21:34:14

> > > What I really want to know is what heís reading at the moment, what kind of music he likes, what kind of social/political views he hasÖ Iím a sad b*tch.
>
> Welp nice to meet you lol cuz you took the words right out of my mouth concerning the above re: what our t's are doing, today my t called me and music was playing in the background like she was obviously driving, and I was wondering what she was doing on this Sunday afternoon. lol The thing is, she discloses some about herself, gave me a website she is on,which explains her background a little, so there is no mystery really.

It must be nice to have no mystery. I know next to nothing about my ex-T. But I know a bit more now!

> I almost lost my current t b/c of anger :( Long story, I did apologize and called her in utter despair a few weeks ago asking if I could come back in and she allowed me to, and last session said, "I was pleased to hear from you" something no other therapist would have ever said to me, as well as making me feel good, that's important. Why is it sometimes, "it's all about the client in therapy", sometimes makes me feel even more frustrated - ya know I would hope one would want to know a bit about the person who is helping them take control of their life lol. Call me picky, but I don't think so lol!
> :)

Itís great that she took you back. Itís not unusual for clients to get very angry at therapists, but I think some therapists deal with it better than others. Your T sounds like one of the good ones.

> Smoke break! lol So much on this board.

Yeah, Iím about to take a smoke break tooÖ Iíve decided to try to quit on 1st October so just a few more days of nicotine heavenÖ

 

Re: too much information! Ľ Shortelise

Posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:30:22

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by Shortelise on September 25, 2005, at 23:07:53

> I hope you can tell him you gooled him and got his home address and phone number. He surely doesn't know it's there.
>
> ShortE

Iím also sure he doesnít know itís there. I thought about telling him. I just donít know how I might go about it. I suppose I could write him a brief letter:

Dear ex-therapist,
I just wanted to let you know I found your home address and phone number on the internet when I googled your name. Yes, I know itís six months since we finished therapy; I should probably not be googling your name. But if youíre surprised at my continued curiosity, at least I hope youíll be heartened by my honesty. The site I found the information on was www.site.com.
Best wishes,
Tamar

HmmÖ I dunno. Maybe I could phone the secretary at his office and tell her anonymously. Or maybe I could assume that one of his current clients is also inclined to google his name, and will tell him so I don't have to...

Tamar


 

Re: too much information! Ľ fairywings

Posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:54:32

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by fairywings on September 26, 2005, at 2:53:36

> Hi Tamar,
>
> I think it's perfectly normal to want to "get to know" your T as a person, "what makes them tick", and that doesn't make you a sad bi*ch. Knowing what books they read, or what their political views are, or what kind of music he likes is great to help you understand their POV. What's the harm in asking?

Yeah, I guess itís normal. But some of them are more forthcoming about that sort of thing than others.

> My T told me last week it didn't have to all be about making progress, and that we could talk about anything, he's also told me I could ask about him. He has a lot of artwork in his office that's intriuged me, maybe I'll ask. I was going to share my artwork with him, but I won't share my music, he probably wouldn't like it - current rap, R&B, Teen Pop...my kids stuff, I love it.

I think itís great that youíre allowed to ask about him. And that youíre planning to share your artwork with him. And who knows, maybe he likes rap and R&B tooÖ lots of people do! (I donít know much about it but I like it when I hear it.)

Tamar

 

Re: too much information! Ľ crazy teresa

Posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 9:01:49

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by crazy teresa on September 25, 2005, at 19:37:14

> But you'd be ok with your students knowing where you lived once they were all grown up, wouldn't you?

Well, actually they are all grown up. I teach adults, and many of them are older than me. And generally theyíre great, but every now and then I have a student who seems a little too interested in me. One student found out my phone number and called me at home. This was after heíd made a pass at me and Iíd turned him downÖ Now that was a definite case of transference!

So I can understand that therapists might not want their private contact details on the internet!

 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by fairywings on September 26, 2005, at 10:46:49

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Shortelise, posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:30:22

Print it out, send it anonymously! I'd never sign it, besides if he's not checking the internet for his name, then shame on him! ; )
fw

 

Re: too much information!

Posted by fairywings on September 26, 2005, at 11:03:29

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:54:32

Hi Tamar,
So, yours didn't share anything personal? My p-doc didn't either until recently, don't know why he did recently, just teeny bits. He's nice, I admire him.

I was reading a page where it talked about transference, and how if you can work beyond erotic transference with your T, which is what they say is hoped for, then you get to a place where the T becomes like your parent, or a teacher, and you can have the corrective learning experience that you're supposed to have. That makes sense to me.
http://www.psychoanalysis.net/IPPsa/Arlow/I-4
it has to do with psychoanalysis, but it was interesting.

>
> I think itís great that youíre allowed to ask about him.

He said I can ask, I don't know what I'll ask, or if I'd ever ask anything personal. My artwork is part of me, not to share it would be like not sharing that I have a dog I guess. I started listening to my kids music to keep in touch, and found that I like it. Sometimes the lyrics can be really troubling though. And I had to tear out the pages that came with a CD I just got, so the 8 yr old wouldn't see, too violent, heck to violent for me!
fw


 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by orchid on September 26, 2005, at 20:51:15

In reply to too much information!, posted by Tamar on September 24, 2005, at 18:15:10

Don't drive past his house. Not so much for the ethics, but for the sense of helplessness it will induce in you. Plus maybe it will make you embarrased of yourself. Also, it might prevent you from moving on.

If you wish, maybe google him from time to time, and if you find some new information, you can be happy with that, but driving past his house is little too intimate. If you do it once, you will be very tempted to do it again and again whenever you miss him. And that will increase your dependancy on him, and reduce your own sense of self control.

 

Re: too much information! Ľ orchid

Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 4:52:36

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar, posted by orchid on September 26, 2005, at 20:51:15

Hi Orchid! How are you? Itís nice to see you posting.

> Don't drive past his house. Not so much for the ethics, but for the sense of helplessness it will induce in you. Plus maybe it will make you embarrased of yourself. Also, it might prevent you from moving on.

Youíre probably right.

> If you wish, maybe google him from time to time, and if you find some new information, you can be happy with that, but driving past his house is little too intimate. If you do it once, you will be very tempted to do it again and again whenever you miss him. And that will increase your dependancy on him, and reduce your own sense of self control.

Itís funnyÖ I realised last night that Iíve driven past his house several times (without knowing it was where he lived). Iíve never intended to be on that road; thereís a wrong turning I make consistently when Iím over that way, and every time I make the wrong turn Iím annoyed at myself. But now I think itís funny that Iíve been driving past his house without realising it! Iím sure if I set out to drive past his house Iíd forget to make the wrong turn and Iíd end up going the correct way for once.

The strangest thing of all is that Iím not feeling any longing for him at all this week. Yeah, I was a mess last week, but this week itís better. I suppose it will be back thoughÖ

How are you doing, Orchid? Are things going well for you?

Tamar


 

Re: too much information! Ľ Tamar

Posted by orchid on September 27, 2005, at 12:26:03

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ orchid, posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 4:52:36

Hi Tamar,

It is funny how you have been driving around his house all this time. !!. Then maybe you can continue your same old pattern of taking the wrong turn :-)

I have been doing fine. I am back here for a few weeks and then will move back next month. I have a good job and so far everything seems to be going smoothly. I have been feeling much happier and all this mental health issues seems so far removed when I am there. I guess because of being closer to family etc.

 

Driving by...

Posted by Pfinstegg on September 27, 2005, at 17:33:37

In reply to Re: too much information! Ľ orchid, posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 4:52:36

Last fall, a bit less than two years into therapy, I got such an urge to drive by my therapist's house. I told him, and he was fine with it. I did it ( nice house!)- it led to a lot of longings to be part of his family, and fantasies about how I would do that, which we were able to talk about extensively. I just don't need to do that anymore, but I'm very glad he was accepting of it, and used it as material to talk about in therapy. I think this laid-back attitude comes from being an analyst for 33 years!

 

Re: Driving by... Ľ Pfinstegg

Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 18:10:39

In reply to Driving by..., posted by Pfinstegg on September 27, 2005, at 17:33:37

> Last fall, a bit less than two years into therapy, I got such an urge to drive by my therapist's house. I told him, and he was fine with it. I did it ( nice house!)- it led to a lot of longings to be part of his family, and fantasies about how I would do that, which we were able to talk about extensively. I just don't need to do that anymore, but I'm very glad he was accepting of it, and used it as material to talk about in therapy. I think this laid-back attitude comes from being an analyst for 33 years!

Cool therapist! The way you told it, it sounds like you talked about it with him before driving past his house. Is that right? Did you really do that? And itís great that you were able to talk about all those fantasies with him.

I used to have fantasies about being part of my ex-therapistís family, but that was nearly a year ago. Now I feel I want to be able to imagine where he is. My one remaining fear is that he might get a job somewhere else and move away, and of course Iíd never know about it. For some reason knowing where he lives alleviates that fear. Itís not terribly logical but it works for me!

 

Re: Driving by...Tamar

Posted by Pfinstegg on September 27, 2005, at 18:27:28

In reply to Re: Driving by... Ľ Pfinstegg, posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 18:10:39

It's so nice to talk to you directly, as I love your posts, and think they show such insight and thoughtfulness. I did talk about it with him before (free association- no choice not to!).

I'm still with him, but once I terminate, which I think you have, I think I'd be very fearful of his moving or dying without my knowing it. Mine says he doesn't actually terminate- just stop intensive work, and then allow people to "check in" when they feel the need. Would yours do something like that?

 

Re: Driving by...Tamar Ľ Pfinstegg

Posted by Tamar on October 1, 2005, at 17:35:18

In reply to Re: Driving by...Tamar, posted by Pfinstegg on September 27, 2005, at 18:27:28

Hi Pfinstegg,

Sorry Iím late replying; Iíve been extra busy at work.

> It's so nice to talk to you directly, as I love your posts, and think they show such insight and thoughtfulness. I did talk about it with him before (free association- no choice not to!).

Itís really nice to talk to you too! I love your posts too. You know so much and youíre so perceptive.

> I'm still with him, but once I terminate, which I think you have, I think I'd be very fearful of his moving or dying without my knowing it. Mine says he doesn't actually terminate- just stop intensive work, and then allow people to "check in" when they feel the need. Would yours do something like that?

Ah, what a good idea. I love the idea of not terminating; terminating just seems so final. Did I understand correctly that youíre in analysis or something like it? Maybe it makes sense not to terminate in analysis. I do know I can go back and see my former therapist if I need to, but he mainly does short term work and going back would lead to another termination, probably in just a few weeks. I donít know if I have the resources to lose him again. However, several people at Babble have suggested that I might go back to him, so Iím considering itÖ itís just hard to face the possibility of a further loss when Iím still not quite through this oneÖ



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