Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 558844

Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Countertransference maintained How?

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 2:37:12

I started seeing a new therapist recently and she is truly a gem. My question is, how can I maintain my own countertransference? :(
It's not easy!

 

Re: Countertransference maintained How? ButterflyHigh

Posted by crushedout on September 24, 2005, at 10:15:37

In reply to Countertransference maintained How?, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 2:37:12


I think you mean transference. Countertransference is the name for what the T feels toward you.

What do you mean by "maintain" it? You want to keep it? Or you want to keep it under control?

I think the best thing to do is to talk about it openly with your T. If he or she is good, he or she will help you to put it in perspective.

This can be very difficult and embarrassing, but take it from someone who suffered terribly from transference for several years: it is CRUCIAL. If you don't, you will likely be wasting a lot of time and money and will pay for it for years to come in emotional debt. So I urge you to try to overcome your difficulty.

You can start by telling your T it's something embarrassing you have to talk about and then he or she should help to coax it out of you, and assure you that you can say ANYTHING you want in therapy (it's true! i know, it's hard for me to believe also).

 

Re: Countertransference maintained How? crushedout

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 11:21:18

In reply to Re: Countertransference maintained How? ButterflyHigh, posted by crushedout on September 24, 2005, at 10:15:37

no, actually I meant countertransference. My feelings towards therapist. (I know, even though the psychological definition is the opposite) dopes that help understand my question better? If not, let me know, not sure I can put it a better way - sorry.
What I meant by maintaining it, is how can I not become dependent upon this therapist due to the fact I wish she was my friend? She even, in sessions, says, "my friend..." to me, her lingo I guess. Bingo - I want to keep it under control both ways. Last session I talked openly about sex with a new guy I'm dating, and she didn't
really keep it in perspective so much per say. Her reaction after I said, "I need to think about what I'm doing", was "Yes you do" - then the subject was quickly changed. It really isn't that much of a difficulty, she has an email addy, and I've emailed her about two things so far. This therapist doesn't seem to coax anything out of me, well, I shouldn't say that, when I talk, she'll listen so well, then look at me intently to see what comes next out of my mouth. Not sure I can say 'anything' in therapy now. She can be flippant, but overall she seems helpful and knowledgeable. I felt I could say anything up until I told her about this issue, now I kinda feel awkward but I'm sure it will pass.


 

Re: Countertransference maintained How? ButterflyHigh

Posted by Tamar on September 24, 2005, at 19:21:29

In reply to Re: Countertransference maintained How? crushedout, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 11:21:18

> no, actually I meant countertransference. My feelings towards therapist. (I know, even though the psychological definition is the opposite) dopes that help understand my question better? If not, let me know, not sure I can put it a better way - sorry.

Sorry, Im still a bit unclear what you mean by countertransference. Is there a reason youre using it in a way that diverges from common psychological usage?

I have to admit, I wish theyd just call both things transference. I dont know why its necessary to make a distinction between the feelings felt by the therapist and the feelings felt by the client. But then, I dont have a PhD in psychology so Ill stop rambling now

> What I meant by maintaining it, is how can I not become dependent upon this therapist due to the fact I wish she was my friend? She even, in sessions, says, "my friend..." to me, her lingo I guess. Bingo - I want to keep it under control both ways.

I think its almost impossible to control the feelings we feel for our therapists. I tried very hard to control my feelings and it actually made things harder. I think its probably better to accept that you feel the way you feel maybe accept that you do want to be her friend and you do want to depend on her at least a little bit. And then think about why those feelings are significant to you. Theyre there for a reason (it seems to me).

> Last session I talked openly about sex with a new guy I'm dating, and she didn't really keep it in perspective so much per say. Her reaction after I said, "I need to think about what I'm doing", was "Yes you do" - then the subject was quickly changed. It really isn't that much of a difficulty, she has an email addy, and I've emailed her about two things so far. This therapist doesn't seem to coax anything out of me, well, I shouldn't say that, when I talk, she'll listen so well, then look at me intently to see what comes next out of my mouth. Not sure I can say 'anything' in therapy now. She can be flippant, but overall she seems helpful and knowledgeable. I felt I could say anything up until I told her about this issue, now I kinda feel awkward but I'm sure it will pass.

If I understood right, youve talked to her about feeling you want to be her friend, and about your worry about becoming dependent? How did she respond?

 

Re: Countertransference maintained How? Tamar

Posted by ButterflyHigh on September 26, 2005, at 0:34:45

In reply to Re: Countertransference maintained How? ButterflyHigh, posted by Tamar on September 24, 2005, at 19:21:29

I'm avoiding this :( I don't know why.....Bear with me. I feel like I need to figure this out by myself. I know the answer inside, yet on my 'bad' days, I lose it, and something in my heart really, really hurts. I wish I knew what it was so I could let it go and move on.

 

Re: Countertransference maintained How? ButterflyHigh

Posted by Tamar on September 26, 2005, at 8:05:09

In reply to Re: Countertransference maintained How? Tamar, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 26, 2005, at 0:34:45

> I'm avoiding this :( I don't know why.....Bear with me. I feel like I need to figure this out by myself. I know the answer inside, yet on my 'bad' days, I lose it, and something in my heart really, really hurts. I wish I knew what it was so I could let it go and move on.

I know what its like to want to avoid it! So of course I will bear with you.

Im sorry youre hurting. Some days are worse than others, I know.

Its hard to let go it can also be hard to understand what its all about. Just take your time. Well be here if you feel like talking about it later.

Tamar


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