Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 557461

Shown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

getting a bit hacked off...

Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:32:44

oh yes indeed i am.
so i'm trying to get some psychotherapy from community mental health
and they keep saying that they don't have anyone willing to work with me
but there is this little thing called a 'right to treatment'
and they have refused to fund external treatment
so i keep making noises about wanting to be informed of my treatment options from within the service (there is this little thing about the client having the right to be informed of the available treatment options) etc etc and on and on it goes and round and round and f*cking round i go with them...

so i get this assessment where a dx is made and there is a treatment recomendation. they won't do the reccomended treatment (external funding declined). but in the assessment there is also a cautionary note that it is NOT helpful for me to be delegated out to see registrars who are only going to be able to offer me a couple months before they move on. that that only serves to reinforce my dissociation.

so what do they do? they delegate my case out to a registrar who is only going to be here for 2 months.

in the appoitment with him he keeps going on about spending a month to find out if someone from within the service will work with me...

i keep telling him that we have been there done that and there isn't anything. my old p-doc tried and couldn't find anyone.

he won't accept what i have to say and says it will take one month to contact my old p-doc because he is on leave.

so that night... i email my old p-doc to tell him to expect an email from this registrar.

i get a response the next day

(on leave my *ss)

and now... i've been told i have an appoitment to see a p-doc in a couple months, once he returns from leave

and i don't believe he is on leave
and i'm pretty pissed off...
and maybe i'll try and call him...
maybe i will
getting pretty pissed off.

my current t (uni councellor)...
things aren't going so well.
:-(

I AM SO F*CKING MAD

and now i feel a bit better...
hmm.
grr.

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off...

Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:41:38

In reply to getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:32:44

on leave till 17th of october.

and so it drags on...
and he'll probably pass me onto someone else
but wait! i'll have to wait a couple of months because the new guy will probably be on leave too!

and i know this is bad...
but i start thinking pretty evil thoughts about now
and they are lucky i don't have access to firearms or explosives
oh yes indeed they are

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off...

Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 23:03:51

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:41:38

uh.
what are you supposed to do about thoughts like that?
is there any harm enjoying the fantasy, or is that supposed to make it seem more of a realistic option?

typically... i don't talk about them
(okay so to be honest i've never talked about them)
but i guess... i think about them quite a lot

 

Re: *****trigger***** warning for above thread

Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 23:06:14

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 23:03:51

sorry peoples.

 

Re: *****trigger***** warning for above thread » alexandra_k

Posted by Damos on September 21, 2005, at 1:29:26

In reply to Re: *****trigger***** warning for above thread, posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 23:06:14

No need to apologise. Sorry I haven't really been here for you lately.

Happy to listen if you want to talk more.

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on September 21, 2005, at 5:55:36

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 23:03:51

You have every right to feel angry, Alexandra.

I've, over the years, had very detailed fantasies about my mother and brother. They're still hale and hearty. I imagine it could be dangerous if you have any possibility of acting on them. But since all I can easily kill are mosquitos and fleas, I never worried too much about that. It was just a way to release some tension for me.

How do you see the images? Do they stoke the flames or ease them?

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k

Posted by Tamar on September 21, 2005, at 9:18:31

In reply to getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:32:44

I'm not surprised you're hacked off. I would be incoherent with rage if I were in your position. I think you're showing admirable restraint!

It occurred to me that you could do with someone to help you fight. I’m not sure what the usual avenues might be in NZ. Are there any citizens’ advocacy groups in your area? Can you talk to your MP about it? You really shouldn’t have to struggle through all this on your own, and a well-written letter from someone like an MP might make a difference. Sometimes the system needs a bit of external pressure applied…

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k

Posted by crazy teresa on September 21, 2005, at 16:16:08

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:41:38

From the hassle they're giving you, they're very nearly asking to be blown up, aren't they? ;~}

I don't see anything wrong with these thoughts unless you see yourself making the first move towards acting any of them out. I find going on a rant a great stress reliever.

As Tamar said, a letter could help get some action. Worded firmly could also release tension. I love to write hate mail when I'm being jerked around! LOL! It usually solves the problem.

crazy t

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k

Posted by JenStar on September 21, 2005, at 17:12:16

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 23:03:51

hi Alex,
first of all, I'm sorry you're going through such an administrative and *ss-filled mess. Why systems and people suck so much sometimes, I surely don't know, but I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

About "evil" thoughts -- I have them too, and I think most people do. We all have fantasies (I'm pretty sure!) about hurting someone who's hurt us, especially if that person is an ignorant moron with a brain full of ripe dung, a person who is less worthy of love than a fungus that grows on the toes of a homeless person, a pathetic sack of sh*t who gets off on their own petty power trips.

Yes, I've met those types, and I have to say that I certainly have fantasies where these people meet up with a large speedy bus, or suddenly have a ball point pen become embedded in their throat. I have fantasies where I'm the one who's in the power seat, and I have the ability to deny them what THEY want.

But thinking it doesn't mean that you really WANT it to happen, or that you would DO it if you could. I think the thoughts only confirm the fact that you feel completely powerless, buffeted by an uncaring system and uncaring individuals. I think it means that you feel angry and desperate to change your circumstances, and that you're confused about how to do it "legally" or "nicely".

I would say...enjoy the fantasies for what they're worth. Crush those heads, vaporize those cars, vandalize those tires...or whatever it is that is going on.

And THEN...start working on other more legally and socially acceptable ways to solve the issues. :)

I hope you're OK. You always offer such good advice here. I hope I can offer at least a tiny smidgen of advice back at you. :)

JenStar

 

I'm including you in my fantasies from now on!!! (nm) » JenStar

Posted by crazy teresa on September 21, 2005, at 18:04:39

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k, posted by JenStar on September 21, 2005, at 17:12:16

 

I just hope I'm not the one getting mutilated! (nm) » crazy teresa

Posted by JenStar on September 21, 2005, at 18:36:36

In reply to I'm including you in my fantasies from now on!!! (nm) » JenStar, posted by crazy teresa on September 21, 2005, at 18:04:39

 

Re: *****trigger***** warning for above thread » Damos

Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 18:42:55

In reply to Re: *****trigger***** warning for above thread » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on September 21, 2005, at 1:29:26

> Sorry I haven't really been here for you lately.

You have been Damos.
I just needed you to back off with respect to our last conversation.
But I'm not trying to ignore you...

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 18:45:35

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on September 21, 2005, at 5:55:36

Thanks Dinah. Yeah, I remember detailed fantasies about my mother. I don't really think of her anymore... But other people... I really don't think I'd ever do anything. And I really don't think I'd put myself into the position where doing anything was a viable option either.

> How do you see the images? Do they stoke the flames or ease them?

I'm not sure. I guess... Thats what I was worried about. I guess I tend to think the latter, but I worry sometimes about the former...

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » Tamar

Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 18:50:59

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k, posted by Tamar on September 21, 2005, at 9:18:31

Hey. Yeah... Incoherent with rage... They say that the best predictor of future violence is past violence. I don't have a history of violence. I do, however, have just a little teeny tiny history of getting really really upset and kind of flying at people. But I'm so upset that its a pretty much disorganised. I don't think I've ever actually hurt anyone. It is just when they won't shut up with attacking me verbally.

:-(

> It occurred to me that you could do with someone to help you fight. I’m not sure what the usual avenues might be in NZ. Are there any citizens’ advocacy groups in your area?

There are advocates...
I used to do a little bit of volountary work at one of the agencies...
All they can really do is come with me to the meetings.
But... I'm not so sure how helpful that would be...

>Can you talk to your MP about it?

LOL!! (We have just had an election and things are a bit messed up there over the next couple of weeks). The trouble with that is publicity. I don't want people knowing about my dx.

Thanks for your suggestions though.

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » crazy teresa

Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 18:53:02

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k, posted by crazy teresa on September 21, 2005, at 16:16:08

> From the hassle they're giving you, they're very nearly asking to be blown up, aren't they? ;~}

It is oh so tempting to look at it that way...
Oh so tempting ;-)

> I find going on a rant a great stress reliever.

Yeah. Me too.
:-)

> I love to write hate mail when I'm being jerked around! LOL! It usually solves the problem.

Yeah. I have had mixed results with that...
I think that might be why...
People don't like to give me their email address
:-(

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » JenStar

Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 18:56:29

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k, posted by JenStar on September 21, 2005, at 17:12:16

Hey.
Glad to know I'm not the only one.
Yeah... It is hard.

> I think the thoughts only confirm the fact that you feel completely powerless, buffeted by an uncaring system and uncaring individuals. I think it means that you feel angry and desperate to change your circumstances, and that you're confused about how to do it "legally" or "nicely".

Yeah. That sounds right.
Thanks.

> I would say...enjoy the fantasies for what they're worth. Crush those heads, vaporize those cars, vandalize those tires...or whatever it is that is going on.

> I hope you're OK.

Yeah. I'm sure I will be fine

>You always offer such good advice here. I hope I can offer at least a tiny smidgen of advice back at you. :)

Not always...
And if you post as much as I do then you are bound to say the odd sensible thing ;-)
Thank you.
What you said helped a lot.

:-)

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » alexandra_k

Posted by cricket on September 21, 2005, at 20:46:25

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 18:45:35

Alex, I'm glad you're venting about this. It is infuriating.

Actually, I did try to kill my stepfather. Don't remember how old I was - 9 maybe. He was drunk. I tried to set him on fire. It didn't work. He didn't die. Not even badly burned.

It haunts me to this day though.

Now I never have images of hurting anyone or anything.

Except myself of course.

I hope things begin to look up for you.

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » cricket

Posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 21:18:33

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » alexandra_k, posted by cricket on September 21, 2005, at 20:46:25

> Alex, I'm glad you're venting about this. It is infuriating.

Yeah, it is rather infuriating.
But it helped to vent.
I was getting worried about those thoughts.
Feel so much better that nobody freaked out and that other people get them too :-)

> Actually, I did try to kill my stepfather. Don't remember how old I was - 9 maybe. He was drunk. I tried to set him on fire. It didn't work. He didn't die. Not even badly burned.

Yeah. I have some kind of vague memory about standing over my mother with a knife. I don't think I did anything though... (Well, she is still around)... But freaky... Yeah.

> Now I never have images of hurting anyone or anything.
> Except myself of course.
> I hope things begin to look up for you.

((((Cricket)))) You too sweetie :-)

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » alexandra_k

Posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2005, at 0:03:00

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » cricket, posted by alexandra_k on September 21, 2005, at 21:18:33

Hi alexandra,

Two things that may have already been said above...

First, fantasies can be useful in that they sure do tell you how you're feeling about someone. And there is a difference between fantasy and behavior. It's okay to think about that stuff as long as you don't act on it in a harmful way.

And two: Want me to unleash the screaming banshee on the agency? :(

I wish you had real choices of T's and pdocs so you can get the good care you deserve.

gg

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » gardenergirl

Posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2005, at 2:04:38

In reply to Re: getting a bit hacked off... trigger? » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2005, at 0:03:00

Hello :-)

> First, fantasies can be useful in that they sure do tell you how you're feeling about someone.

Ah. I never thought of that.

> And there is a difference between fantasy and behavior. It's okay to think about that stuff as long as you don't act on it in a harmful way.

Yeah. I really don't think I would. I just worry a bit about whether ruminating on them makes it more likely for someone to act on them.

> And two: Want me to unleash the screaming banshee on the agency? :(

Heh heh.
I think I remember something about the screaming banshee.
Actually...
I think I have one of my own :-(

Thank you.

 

No sweetie, we'll be a team! LOL!!! (nm) » JenStar

Posted by crazy teresa on September 23, 2005, at 21:30:18

In reply to I just hope I'm not the one getting mutilated! (nm) » crazy teresa, posted by JenStar on September 21, 2005, at 18:36:36

 

Re: getting a bit hacked off... » alexandra_k

Posted by terrics on September 25, 2005, at 9:04:50

In reply to getting a bit hacked off..., posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2005, at 20:32:44

I can't believe your predicament. How could someone not want to work with you If the don't even know you? That makes no sense. It does not seem to be very fair. Try to make the best of the next 2 monts and hopefully you will get what you meed. terrics


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